TWENTY THREE. loneliness eats me alive

      Tatum knew loss her whole life.

Theresa Adler was a strong woman, but even the strongest of women have no success when it comes to child birth. Her body could not handle birth. She held her daughter close but only knew her for five minutes. Tatum had her eyes.

Then Silas Adler got sick. She was forced to watch him deteriorate before her eyes. A feeble thirteen year old girl, fourteen when his death arrived. Which left her alone and her life crumbled from there. Riley, her child, her crime. She spent too long locked away in solitude. Loneliness was a silent killer and it nearly drove her insane.

She knew loss her whole life. But this was a loss she couldn't bear to stand. Losing Jasper and Monty, Finn and Raven, her best friends since always. And Bellamy, who she let slip through her fingers, it was the worst pain of all. One that made it hard to breathe.

Octavia and Lincoln found her before the explosion killed all the grounders. Her back was terribly burned. She was bleeding, on the verge of death. Lincoln struggled to get both of them to safety but he did, and she was alive because of him.

Gashes decorated her arms and face. Blood, dirt, and grime coated her. Bruises littered her skin. Her black hair was sleek with blood and sweat. Her clothes were torn. Blood poured from her ears and stained the sides of her face and neck. Her lips and nose.

What remained the same was her eyes. Bright blue and striking. Seemingly matching the blue water ahead of her. She washed her hands in, washed her face, and she watched the blood seep into the water. Her back ached terribly. She wet her hands and ran them through her hair.

The longer she eyed the lake, the more she thought about what it'd be like to just slip away. Float into nothing. Her bottom lip trembled at the thought. "Tatum." She turned her head to the left. Octavia's back was rested against a log; the arrow in her leg still sticking out, stopping her from bleeding out. In pain, Tatum stood from the edge of the river. She sat beside her, their arms touching.

"Ai laik Okteivia gon the Skai Kru en ai gaf gouthru klin—"

"Klir, not klin." Lincoln corrected her. He cleaned his hands in the river. "Gouthru klir. Again. 'I'm Octavia and Tatum of the sky people and I seek safe passage'."  He recited.

"Why do we need to know this? You speak English." Tatum pointed out, annoyed that they had been repeating the phrase a hundred times.

"Only our warriors speak English. When we get to the sea, you need to sound like one of us."

"Then we have time." Said Octavia. She was flipping through Lincoln's book. She landed on a page with a drawing of what looked to be a statue. "Tell us about this one." She showed him the page.

"Statue in my village. Place we go to settle disputes." He gently told her, coming to crouch in front of her.

Tatum had to look away as she felt a large lump form in her throat.

Octavia put her finger under his chin and lifted it, their eyes locking. "Stop stalling and pull it out."

Without warning, Lincoln pulled the arrow out of her blood and blood instantly shot out. She gasped out loud and reached for Tatum's hand. "No warning? Nothing?" She slipped out in agony.

He pulled his dagger out of the small fire, the glowing tip bright orange. Octavia stared at it. "I take it back. No warning's better."

Tatum squeezed her hand. "I'm right here, Via. Just don't break my hand."

"I'll try not to."

Lincoln put his hand on her thigh and brought the dagger to her injury. Octavia groaned with her chest and squeezed her hand tightly, making her wince. "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry. Barely felt it." Tatum lied. She brushed the hair out of her face. "Good job. You did great."

Lincoln observed the arrow and licked it quickly. There was realization on his face immediately and he spit on the rocks. "Poison."

Tatum's eyes grew wide. "P-Poison?"

"Like when Tatum was poisoned?" Asked Octavia, her tone the same. She didn't get a response. "I'm guessing this means you don't have the antidote?"

"No, I gave it to Finn to save Raven."

"So we go back."

Lincoln shook his head. "It's too far."

"It's further to the sea." Tatum pointed out.

"Lincoln, we are not going back to your village. You know what they do to traitors." Octavia told him with a stern voice.

"Octavia—"

"Death by a thousand cuts. Every single member of your clan with take a turn stabbing you and then they'll feed you to the bugs."

Tatum's face twisted uncomfortably. "You guys really need to work on your communication."

Lincoln looked at her.

"Sorry."

But then, there was another look of realization on his face. "Here, take this." He said and handed the dagger to Octavia. He glanced at Tatum. "Tatum, I need you to come with me."

She furrowed her brows. "What?"

He leaned forward and cupped Octavia's face. "Hey, hey, i'll be right back." He told her.

"Where are you two going?"

"The antidote. It comes from the beetles that feed on the river moss. Tatum and I will go and find them." He explained. "You're gonna feed on the beetles. It'll work."

Looking scared, Octavia looked at her friend and gripped her hand harder, shaking her head. "Via, we'll be back I promise." Tatum promised her.

"Tatum—"

"You risked your life to save me and now i'm going to do the same." She softly said.

Octavia raised a brow. "That seems like a back and forth thing we have."

Tatum chuckled. "It appears so."

She followed Lincoln down the rocky path to where the beetles were. She tried ignoring the pain in her back but every time she moved, it was like needles scratching at her skin. Looking over her shoulder again, she saw Octavia shift uncomfortably on the rocks. She realized that she was all she had now.