ELEVEN.   god, get me out of here

      Tatum's violence wasn't unknown to anyone. Her anger was lethal. They used it against her like a weapon. But only because they didn't know what caused her to be so angry. Why she lashed out at people. It was a simple answer. Hurt people hurt people. But Tatum wanted to let go of her past. To free herself of the chains holding her down, making it hard to breathe. And she thought she was doing that. But Bellamy lied to her. He lied to all of them. And it made her angry.

She sloshed around in the river looking for the radio. She grumbled to herself out of anger, her face and ears turning red. "Can't believe I'm doing this. This is so stupid."

Bellamy stood at the shore and watched. Her anger made him feel nervous. "You're mad."  He spoke.

She looked at him with fire in her eyes. "Oh, I am beyond over mad. I don't even think mad is in my vocabulary right now. I am livid." She scowled.

"I'm sorry." 

Tatum trudged her way to the shore and stood in front of him, her feet still in the water. "Sorry for what,  exactly? Sorry that you've got us out here searching for this damn radio while my feet are getting wet, while you're standing there looking pretty and not helping?  Or are you sorry for hiding something like this and lying to all of us?" She said all at once with an angry breath.

Even when he felt guilty, he couldn't help but tease her. "You think i'm pretty?"

"Is that seriously all you got from that—"

"I'm sorry for all of it. But I had no choice."

"No choice?" She repeated in disbelief. "Bellamy, I don't care that you shot the man. I hate Jaha. I hate the Ark. I care more about the fact that you lied to all of us about it and instead pushed yourself to be a leader only to save your own ass." 

Bellamy remained quiet, not knowing what to say. Usually, with anyone else, he would be arguing to prove his point but with Tatum, he knew better. He didn't like when she was angry at him.

"I mean, do you even really care about any of us? About me?" She continued. The pain in her voice was clear.

"Of course I do," he replied instantly. "I care about you and Octavia more than anyone."

"Then why lie, Bell? Why did you keep this from us?  We would have helped you. You know that."

Did he, though? All he could do was shake his head. "I can't tell you, Tate. Not right now."

She stared at him, hurt and betrayed, but she didn't yell. She didn't argue. She didn't even scowl. She just slumped her shoulders. "Then I guess I don't you as well as I thought I did."

Before Bellamy said anything, there was a shout. "Hey! I found it!" It was one of the boys from camp.

Tatum exhaled. "Thank god." Everyone trudged their the water to where he stood. He handed the radio to Raven. "Is it fixable?"

She examined the radio. "Maybe, but it'll take half a day just to dry up the components to see what's broken."

"Like I said, it's too late." Bellamy stated and crossed his arms.

"Do you have any idea what you did? Do you even care?" Clarke scolded.

"You asked me to help. I helped."

"Three hundred people are going to die today because of you!"

"Hold on. We don't have to talk to the Ark, we just have to let them know we're down here, right?" Raven butted in when she realized.

"How are we going to do that with no radio?" Tatum questioned.

She smirked. "You'll see."

Tatum knew her way around tools. She grew up in Agro station, her father being one of the best farmers, which is why Raven assigned her to manufacture the wires inside the pod. Her hair was pulled out her fast and she shrugged off her jacket. Her hands were covered in rust.

"We need to launch those flares asap if we have any kind of hope of saving those people!" Raven announced. "Finn, get that control panel to camp," she instructed then turned to another boy. "You, put those firing circuits in one piece or they won't work."

Tatum peaked her head out from under the pod. "Maybe we should name you leader, Reyes." She smirked.

"You flatter me, Adler." She smirked back.

When they finished the flares, everyone rushed back to camp to set them off. The delinquents roared with cheers. It was dark when the flares were lit and sparks shot in the air, creating pink and purple illuminating light. Tatum grew a smile.

Bellamy came and stood beside her. "You think they can see it up there?"

"We can only hope." She responded while still smiling at the sky, and she brought her hands to her lips, staring in wonder.

"Can you wish on this kind of a shooting star?" They both looked at Clarke. She shook her head. "Forget it."

"I used to wish on stars all the time," admitted Tatum. She looked back at the brightly lit sky. "Not all of them came true."

Bellamy pursed his lips into a frown. He looked at the sky again, thinking. "I wouldn't even know what to wish for. What about you?"

Clarke's eyes direct to somewhere different. Finn stood with Raven, her wrapped in his arms, and a pit formed in her stomach. Yes, she would wish for him. But what would that do? Bring more pain. More heartache. Finn wasn't hers to love. She would suffer in her loving, and forced to keep quiet about it, because that's who she was. She suffered in the dark for others to be a light.

She turned to Tatum. "What about you, Tate?"

There was a list in her head of things she'd wish for. To meet her mother, for her father to be alive, to have her child and raise him in a safe and loving environment, to have never been caught in the fire that was Riley Evergreen, and to just go back to being that twelve years old girl who was playing Truth or Dare with her best friends.

Her childhood ended too early. Tatum longed to have it back. "There's so much. I don't know where I'd start. But maybe. . . happiness and peace."

Bellamy stared at the side of her face. She avoided his eyes. He couldn't look away from her.

Tatum laid flat on the medical bed with her shirt risen. Abby's cold hands moved along her bare stomach. She'd been feeling sick for days now. And now her stomach was hurting. "Tatum, when was the last time you got your period?" Abby asked.

"Uh—" Tatum's cheeks flushed red. "M-Maybe a few weeks ago. I think."

Abby continued to feel her stomach. "And, uh, have you and your boyfriend been sexual active?"

The redness on her cheeks deepened. She was sixteen years old. It was an awkward conversation to have. "Y-Yes." She squeaked out. She squeezed her hands into fists.

"Did you guys use protection the last time?"

"Of course we did—" she began to say. She was sure of it. But there had to be a reason she was sick. And she hadn't gotten her period in a few days. "I mean, I thought we did. We had to. . ." Her voice wasn't very convincing.

Abby formed a frown. "Tatum, can I get you to take a urine sample?"

She took the plastic cup and went to the bathroom. She stared at her reflection in the mirror. There was a scared sixteen year old girl staring back at her, a girl too young for the possibility of being pregnant. "Please, please, not now. Please."

But when Abby told her the truth, her whole world came crumbling down. Her breathing quickened. "Oh my god." She muttered.

Abby touched her back. "Lay down honey—"

"I can't be pregnant, Abby. I can't." She started to cry.

"You have options, Tatum. It's your decision."

"Please don't tell anyone." Tatum quickly grabbed her hand and held it tightly, her wide blue eyes filled with terror. "Please."

"I won't tell a soul." Abby promised her.

She kept her promise. Nobody knew Tatum was pregnant until she wasn't anymore. She kept the secret hidden deep within her, afraid of what people would say if they found out the truth. But she was still stuck with him. Tatum thought she'd never be able to escape the shackles that Riley caged her in. But even then, where would she go? Her mom was dead. Her dad was dead. She had nobody else.

Her cheeks were always wet with God, get me out of her. But her mouth was dry with Where the hell will I go?

The flaps of her tent opened and Bellamy walked in. Tatum quickly sat up. "Bellamy." She said his name, his presence startling her.

"Tatum, have you seen Octavia?" He spoke quickly, the torch in his hand illuminating his face.

While blinking, she shook her head. "N-No, why?"

"She's gone and I can't find her. I've looked everywhere."

"Gone? What do you mean gone?"

"I-I don't know. I just went to her tent and she's not there." He said with a scared stutter.

Tatum nodded. "Okay. Okay, we'll find her. I'll meet you outside."

He muttered a thanks and exited her tent. She took a breath. She was still mad at him. She could barely look at him without feeling the searing anger from earlier. But it was because she was hurt. But this wasn't about her and him. It was about Octavia.

After putting her boots back on, Tatum ducked out of her tent. Bellamy stood there waiting for her. "Come with me." He ordered before she could get a word out.

Tatum rolled her eyes and followed him to the drop ship. He pulled out a bag and dumped it on the metal table. Her eyes widened at the various guns, knives, and swords. "Jesus."

"Pick your poison."

Her hand grazed against one of the guns. "Wish I had actually poison." She muttered.

"Not sure if I trust you with that." He said in a slight joking manor.

"You shouldn't. You'd probably end up finding it in your water."

Bellamy looked her way. "Are you still upset with me?" He asked with disbelief.

"Upset? No. Irritated? Oh yeah." She stated with a blank expression.

He sighed. "Tate, I'm sorry."

She looked at him. "Then tell me why you lied. Tell me why you shot Jaha." She commanded.

Bellamy shook his head with a tight jaw. "I can't."

"Why not?"

"I just can't."

"God, you're just as stubborn as I am." She hissed through her teeth and grabbed another gun to examine it.

"I don't think anyone can be that stubborn"

Tatum looked at him again, his teasing smirk making her more angry. "Oh, you got jokes now?" 

"Are they funny?"

She picked up one of the swords. "About as funny as this sword that's gonna be through your intestines."

Bellamy looked between her and the sword. "Maybe I should hide those." He grabbed the handle and took it from her.

Tatum rolled her eyes and put one of the knives in her belt loop.

With sad eyes, he grabbed her shoulder and turned her to face him. "Please. I don't like when you're mad at me." He almost begged.

She faked gasped. "Careful Bellamy, you almost sound desperate." She spoke sarcastically. She earned a narrow eyed look. "Relax, I'm kidding. But can you blame me? You lied to me. I can't trust you if you're not going to tell me the truth."

She finished getting the weapons and walked past him to leave the drop ship. Bellamy released a frustrated sigh and followed her. When they got to the middle of the camp ground, he dropped the bag of weapons on the ground. "Hey, everybody, gather around and grab a weapon." He called out and people started to crowd around them. "My sister's been out there alone for twelve hours. Arm up, we're not coming back without her."

Clarke came over and started picking a weapon. She turned around to see Jasper joining them. "Jasper,  you don't have to do this."

Tatum stopped what she was doing. "She's right, Jaz.  You haven't left camp since we brought you back.  Nobody's making you go."

Jasper only shook his head. "Guys, I need to do this."  He declared. Though he would admit that he was still scared to go into the woods after being attacked by the grounders.

"We need all the people we can get." Bellamy stated and sent him a nod of approval.

Tatum shot him a glare. "Don't force him."

Jasper sat his hand on her shoulder. "Tatum, it's okay. I'm fine. I promise." He reassured.

Her looked at him with her eyebrow raised. He raised his too, turning his head at the same time. Tatum was still unconvinced but they didn't have time to argue about it. "Okay."

"We need a tracker." Said Bellamy.

"Finn, get your ass out here!" She shouted in the direction of Finn's tent. They waited for a response or movement, but there was none. She rolled her eyes. "People on Mars can hear me so I know you can!"

"Alright, alright, I'm coming!" Finn shouted from inside the tent.

When he came out of the tent with Raven, his hair freshly cut, Clarke's face downcasted.

"What's that?" Tatum looked over and saw one of the delinquents pointing to the sky. When she looked up, she saw hundreds of bodies falling down to Earth and she felt like she could throw up. Her hand pressed against her chest.

"They didn't work. They didn't see the flares." Said Raven when she realized they weren't stars.

Bellamy frowned. "A meteor shower tells you that?"

"It's not a meteor shower. It's a funeral." Said Tatum with a shaky voice.

"Hundreds of bodies being returned to Earth from the Ark. This is what it looks like from the other side."  Clarke added to her explanation.

"This is all because of you!" Raven shouted at Bellamy, tears in her eyes.

"I helped you find the radio."

"Yeah, after you jacked it from my pod and trashed it!"

"He knows. Now he has to live with it." Clarke glared at him.

"All I know is that my sister is out there and I'm finding her." Bellamy declared. He turned to Finn. "You coming or what?"

"Yeah."

He looked forward at Tatum, her standing beside Jasper. "Tatum?"

She only glared at him and grabbed Jasper's arm, dragging him with her to the woods. He sighed. "This is going to be a long night." He whispered to himself. "What are we waiting for? Move out!"

Jasper glanced at his best friend. They took off walking together through the dark forest, the other criminals spread out all over. "So, why are we mad at Bellamy?" He voiced.

Tatum sighed. "I'm mad at Bellamy, Jasper. You don't have to be mad."

"Please, remember the pact we when we were the? If anyone makes me, you, or Monty mad, then we're all mad at them."

She laughed at the memory. "Yes, yes. I remember." She kept her eyes glued for any sight of Octavia but it was too dark at the moment to see anything clearly. "I'm mad cause. . ." She paused. She really didn't walk to talk about it because if she did, she'd get more mad. "He lied to all of us about something. And he won't tell me why."

Jasper hummed. "Are you mad he lied to us or to you?"

Her heart clenched inside her chest. Tatum had grown a lot since they landed on Earth. She was a scared girl locked inside the sky box, awaiting her death, while her hate for the Ark increased more and more as the days went on. She was angry. Rageful. She didn't care about anyone else besides her close friends.

But now she found herself putting everybody before her. She went from hating Bellamy to spilling her life's story to him because she thought she could trust him. She thought he wanted to do the right thing. But he lied to her. Her experience with men wasn't good. She wanted to believe he was different than Riley.

Jasper frowned when she remained quiet. "Look, I don't know Bellamy very well, but, he's not Riley." She quickly looked his way. "Riley was a jerk. None of us liked him. You deserved better. And yeah, maybe Bellamy's a dick, but, I see the way he looks at you. How different he is with you than everyone else. If he lied to you, there has to be a good reason behind it. I don't think he'd want to ruin whatever you guys have over a lie."

Tatum blinked her eyes. "I just don't want to get hurt again." She whispered.

Jasper touched her back with one of his hands. "Believe me, I won't let him."

She smiled shakily. "When did you become so wise?"

"Hmm, I think that spear struck something in me."

Tatum gasped and he laughed when she started whacking him on the arm. "Jasper, don't say that—!"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry! I was kidding!" He laughed and blocked her hits. "I love you."

"I love you too, you jerk." She said and hit him one more time. Then they started laughing. "I really, really love you."