اب تیرے ذکر پہ ہم بات بدل دیتے ہیں
کتنی رغبت تھی تیرے نام سے پہلے پہلے

Friday - 12:32pm

"So, Hami, how are things coming along?" Mehmal's voice rang in her ear through the phone and Hemayal let out a deep sigh.

The week was coming to an end with a glorious shower of October rain outside and loneliness of the weather creeped into her soul as she shut her eyes tiredly.

"I don't...I don't know." The brown-haired woman replied, gaze lost and distant.

"What do you mean?" Mehmal questioned and Hemayal could almost see the deep lines of frown splattered across her cousin's face.

No matter what happened - Mehmal Khakwani was a constant in her life and she was immensely glad.

"I...you know what happened, right?" Hemayal rhetorically asked, having told the other lady the matter just a night before herself.

"Yeah, about the Rukhsati?" Mehmal mumbled and Hemayal let out a troubled sigh.

"Yeah, ahout that." The tone was pained and confused and Mehmal sensed a lingering sadness in her cousin's voice.

Hemayal Khakwani didn't deserve half of what life threw at her, she thought with a deep regret.

"I thought you went to see him and cleared everything." Mehmal was confused; Hemayal troubled.

"I did but can you blame me for not trusting him? You know how manipulative he is." Hemayal rolled her eyes as she said, leaning back in her seat as she tore her gaze away from the dark sky outside and fixed it somehwere between the walls of her office.

"So, what now? Do you want to go and tell his family about everything?" Mehmal guessed and Hemayal almost let out a chuckle.

"No, God, no. That would be like the last thing I'll resort to." She said, truth twinkling her eyes.

The woman well knew that it was probably the only leverage she had on him but she knew she could never stoop to the level of involving his family in this matter - no matter how much it pained her ego.

The blow her dignity would recieve after telling his family would be much worse, that she was sure of.

"Then?" Mehmal's voice was soft.

"I'm thinking of speeding up the plan. These back and forth arguments are taking a toll on me." Hemayal confessed, probably for the first time, about the damage to her mental health and Mehmal's brain came to a screeching halt as all the alarms went off.

"You okay?" The cousin asked with caution and worry and Hemayal almost lost it.

"I'm not, Mehmal. You know I'm not. I'm exhausted, bone-achingly exhausted. I just want to hide somewhere where I don't have to deal with all of this shit." She replied, pain lacing the voice, exhaustion painted all over her words.

Constant interactions with the man whom she had loved for almost half of her lifetime was nothing but sheer agony - forcing herself to hate him under the situation life had thrown her in was an even greater tragedy.

All of her defences were up and by now, she was tired and pained and everything in between.

"You want to give up on the revenge?" After a moment of silence, Mehmal questioned and Hemayal couldn't tell if it was hope in her voice or caution.

"Should I?" She instead asked and heard Mehmal take a deep breath.

"That's your decision to make, Hami, but all I can say is put yourself first. You're fighting too many battles right now. You're fighting yourself against his love, torn between his love and hate. You're fighting him to avenge your losses. You're fighting your father to not get close to him. You're fighting to get over Dadu’s death," Mehmal took a deep breath while Hemayal held hers. "Hami, for heaven’s sake, have mercy on yourself.”

A heavy silence descended upon the line, one at loss of hope and filled with deep, deep agony and pain.

"I wish Dadu were here." Hemayal whispered after a while, a lone tear escaping the eye and staining the cheeks of a woman who had known sorrows like an old friend.

"Me too." Mehmal too whispered and Hemayal dropped her head on the table in front, every inch of her drained.

It were moments like these when grief found home in her as memories of her Dadu escaped to the surface - he was the only person whom she could call her own without a shadow of doubt in her heart or mind.

Her trust issues stemming from the unfortunate incidents of her childhood followed by her mother's death and father's ignorance had made it impossible for her to trust anyone - be it her sister-like-cousin who had always been there or her brother whose life had been spent protecting her.

Dadu was the only one she trusted, the only person towards whom she had no defences whatsoever, the only person she loved more than herself and now he was gone and there was nothing she could do to ease the pain.

"He would have solved every last one of my problems in a heartbeat. He always did." Hemayal whispered, tears now leaving the vicinity of her eyes with ease.

"I know, Hami. And I'm so sorry that I can't be him for you." Mehmal replied, deep sorrow sprawled in her voice.

"No body can be him for me, Mehmal." Hemayal raised her head from the table and wiped her tears as she replied, a sad smile stretching her lips.

"It's okay, relax. Peace will come, okay? Eventually, but it will come and I promise you it will be beautiful." Mehmal made a promise Hemayal had no belief in but she let the hope fill her for once - goddammit, she at least deserved an inch of happiness.

"Really?" She found herself saying.

"Really?" She heard her cousin and a tear-stained smile thawed a little of hopelessness frozen across the room.

"Give yourself a break, Hami. Go on a vacation or something, away from all of this, this world, it's problems, from him. It will do you good." Mehmal said but before Hemayal could think about the possible peace, it was interrupted once again.

"I'm getting a call, Mehmal, we'll talk later." She said and hung up on the call after final greetings, answering the call from an unknown number.

"Assalam-u-Alikum." Hemayal said, voice instantly turning from soft and warm to hard and defensive.

"Waalikum Assalam. Hemayal, child?" A soft and gentle female voice filled her ears and she was instantly reminded of her mother and the warmth she radiated.

Oh, God , when will you end this chaos?

"Yeah, that's me. Who are you?" Hemayal said, voice losing the edge and tension at the gentleness of the woman's voice.

"I'm Mahwash speaking, child. Ibrahim's mother."

And with that, every single nerve inside of her steeled.

|¤¤¤|

1:03 pm

"You bastard." Hemayal's voice was angry, deep shades of rage splattered all over her tone.

"Wassalam. Wassalam." Ibrahim's voice, on the contrary, was warm, just like his mother's and annoyance filled Hemayal.

"Keep your salams to yourself." She almost seethed and felt the mischief at the opposite side of the line coming to a thoughtful halt.

"Oh..kay. What happened? I'm really getting used to these unannounced visits and calls." He said, still trying to hold onto hope when it came to her.

"You gave my number to your mother?" Hemayal asked without foreplay, knew how much of a master he was of words and manipulation.

"I didn't." Ibrahim said without a beat.

"Ibrahim." Hemayal's voice held warning and obvious restraint.

"I really didn't, okay?" Ibrahim stated, voice all serious now and Hemayal wanted to accuse him of lying but she knew he wasn't - she could have tell if he was.

"Then who gave it to her? She had my old number, not this new one." She asked instead, genuinely wanting to know.

"How am I supposed to know that?" Ibrahim asked and Hemayal could picture him shrugging his shoulders as he sat behind his desk and another wave of irritation hit her.

Why was it that the feelings he always brought out in her were deep annoyance and irritation? She knew it had to do something with his stupid, stubbly face with a grin that always seemed to be there but why only him?

"Well, I don't know who did but she called me just now." Hemayal informed.

"What for?" He asked.

"She was inviting me for dinner." She said and physically heard his mind stop for a second.

"At home?" He asked, voice devoid of every last inch of humor.

"No, at some restaurant here. She said she was coming here for the weekend to stay with you, which reminds me that you told me a different story, said you were going to Abbottabad for the weekend." Hemayal finally uttered the real problem here and heard him sigh at the other end.

"Well, plans change." He said and Hemayal closed her eyes deeply, asking heavens for either patience or permission to murder.

"Ibrahim, I'm warning you. Don't play me." Hemayal said, voice ice and felt the thick tension escalating.

"I know experiences build opinions, Hemayal, but have a little goddamn faith in me." The deep pain in his voice robbed her of her breath and with that, her ability to form coherent words.

"I am going to Abbottabad for the weekend," he continued. "As for my mother's plans, I'm only just hearing them from you. I'll talk to her and deal with this so you won't have to, okay?"

The pain in his voice didn't dim, only just perfectly concealed but Hemayal could tell - she could always tell.

Unable to handle him any longer, she hung up on the call. Mischievous, annoying Ibrahim she could handle; it was his seriousness that usually shook the ground under her feet.

"Bastard." She mumbled, heart totally unconvinced of what the brain whispererd.

|¤¤¤|

Sunday - 8:23pm

"Assalam-u-Alikum, Aunty." Hemayal's voice was heavily stroked with gentleness and calm as her eyes landed on the aged woman just as she entered the restaurant.

"Waalikum Assalam, child. Waalikum Assalam." Ammu approached her with a broad smile curving her lips, the wrinkling eyes filled to the brim with warmth.

The two women shared a hug in the middle of the restaurant - a passionate one from the elderly; reserved from the young.

Pulling away from the embrace with a small smile, Hemayal shifted her eyes to the young woman standing beside her mother-in-law. The smile broadened at recognizing a familiar, old friend of hers.

"Hi, Safaa. Long time." Hemayal said and hugged the woman briefly.

"Yeah, very long." Safaa too smiled, her features warm and compassionate.

"Come, have a seat." Safaa gestured towards the table and Hemayal followed the two ladies to her seat.

"So, how's everyone at the house?" Ammu asked and Hemayal raised her head from the menu card and looked at her.

This was just the beginning, she knew. The night would be filled with questions and every inch of her wanted an escape but she knew she couldn't - no matter how much she wanted to, she just couldn't turn down the request of this woman.

"Everyone's fine." She said, bracing herself for the whirlwind night ahead of her.

"I heard about your grandfather's death. I'm so sorry, child. So sorry. He used to speak so highly of you." Ammu said and Hemayal gulped, plastering a small smile on her painted lips.

"Yeah." She mumbled, never knowing how to respond to the condolences.

"I wanted to come but I was in the hospital and when I got discharged and wanted to come meet you here, Abi asked me not to." Ammu kept saying, providing information she could do well without and her ears perked.

"He did?" She mumbled again, a heavy gulp of water easing the burning of her throat.

"Yes, he said it will open healed wounds." Safaa said after placing the order and Hemayal almost let out a small laugh.

"It wouldn't have mattered, the wounds never healed." She said, voice low and splattered with shards.

"I can understand, child. He was very close to you. But it's all fate. Everyone here is on a limited time." Ammu remarked, placing her gentle palm on her hand from across the table and Hemayal swallowed, nodding.

This woman reminded her of her own mother so much - her every stare, each sentence, immensity of warmth. Her reasons for avoiding her were partly this; her inability to say no to her was also this.

"But some people buy time for others, like your son did for you." Hemayal said after a moment, pulling her hand softly out of her hold, steeling her nerves back together.

"What?" A quizzical look crossed Ammu's face and Hemayal shook her head.

"Nothing. Let's eat." She said just as the waiter placed their food on the table, leaving a heavy, thoughtful silence behind.

"How's your job going?" Safaa asked, an attempt to break the silence and Hemayal fixed her smile.

"Good, fine. Yours?" She asked as a fork found its way to her mouth.

"Perfect." Safaa replied cheekily and Hemayal's smile widened.

Safaa was always the cheerful one, even back in medical college when they both studied together, and even after that when they attended numerous family functions together.

And damnit, she always envied her for it.

Happiness came so easy to her, like the hello of an old friend but for Hemayal, she had to fight for every inch of it. But like in every fight, no one ever promised victory.

"I really don't want to interfere in your lives, Abi strictly asked me not to, but have you thought about what Morad talked to your father about?" Ammu asked after another length of silence and Hemayal internally groaned.

God, this is what she dreaded before coming here.

"About what?" Hemayal decided to stall her, divert her attention from this particular topic but even then she knew there was no escaping.

"About Rukhsati." She said and Hemayal, despite being mentally ready to face the question, couldn't form a sentence.

"Umm...yeah. Baba talked to me about that." She said awkwardly, turning scarlet as she fixed her eyes on the appetizing food that suddenly lost all of its deliciousness.

"Then?" Ammu probed and Hemayal sighed, raising her head and looking directly at her.

"I gave my reply to your son, Aunty. You can ask him." Hemayal replied, voice hardening more out of reflex than intention.

"You said no, right?" Ammu asked slowly, gloom coming to settle in her voice and Hemayal felt a pang of guilt double her stomach.

"He'll tell you what I said." She said, voice slow and calm.

"Hemayal, child. We never interfered in your lives, let you two do whatever you wanted but don't you think it's time you two come together?" Ammu said and Hemayal moved her eyes between the two ladies who sat opposite her, both of them looking at her with hope and Hemayal felt her breath shortening in fear.

"He told you to say all of this?" She asked, dread filling her guts at the notion of Ibrahim setting his family up to convince her.

Oh, God, why hadn't she thought of that before? He obviously knew she couldn't downright reject his mother; he may have used her weakness to his benefit. That bastard.

"No, no, he didn't. He specifically asked her not to speak about this," Safaa interfered, apology and embarrassment written all over her face. "Ammu, please."

Have a little goddamn faith in me, his voice sounded so close to her and her heart shivered.

When it came to Ibrahim, she knew her trust issues only multiplied, regarding even his honesty as carefully spewn lies. But he was right, experience do form opinions and she had a heart to protect - lowering her walls would only hurt her.

"It's okay, Safaa," She said, not wanting to embarrass the old lady. "Aunty, I gave all of my answers to your son, with all the reasons. You can ask him."

"But I'm asking you, Hemayal. You are also my child. What went wrong between you two?" Ammu was persistent and it took every ounce of energy to not run from this haunted place.

"Why do you think anything went wrong?" She asked, lips pressed tightly.

"Before, you two were distant. We understood that, everyone understood that and we never said anything. But now, there's this animosity, this tension, like something has gone terribly wrong. Is it true?" Ammu was so close to the truth that a cold went up Hemayal's spine.

But she knew she couldn't risk it, not now when she was so close. Telling her would mean telling her family and that would lead to all hell breaking loose. Her revenge plan would go down the drain and that is something she would never compromise on.

"Aunty, whatever problem we have, we'll solve it. You're already a heart patient, you don't have to stress yourself about these matters." Hemayal urged softly, voice almost begging but Mahwash Yazdani was a mother - how could she not worry?

"I've spent my life stressing about that kid of mine, Hemayal. He was always a difficult child. Impulsive, emotional, rebellious but his heart is pure, child. You always knew that." Ammu said, voice breaking and Hemayal shook her head in defeat.

"I don't know, Aunty. I haven't seen it." She said, head hung low.

"I know he's done something wrong this time, I can feel it. We have talked about him before but this anger of yours towards him, it scares me. What did he do, Hemayal?" Ammu asked, dread and fear lacing her irises and Hemayal almost wanted to tell, rid her heart of the burden it had been carrying but she knew she couldn't.

"I really want to but that's not my place to tell. If he wants to, he can tell you guys himself." Hemayal whispered silently, heart breaking.

She never could.

Even when she threatened Ibrahim, she knew in her heart that she would never tell his family. The Yazdani household had always loved her like their own, despite the occasional animosity and bloody history between the two families.

It was their younger son she had a problem with, not the rest of the clan. The rest she loved; the rest she wouldn't break.

"Hemayal..." Ammu began but by that time, every inch of her heart was bleeding and taking anymore of the words would kill her.

"I think I should go now. I had a difficult day, I really want to rest." Hemayal said, voice hollow, dreading that Ammu would insist but she didn't and every part of her was glad.

"Okay," she said, sighing. "How are you going to go back?"

"I have a car. It's not a problem." Hemayal replied, gathering her belongings from the table, hurry written all over her actions.

"You'll go alone? It's not safe, child." Ammu said and Hemayal was instantly reminded of her son and another wave of pain hit her at the memory of him saying the same words.

"I'm used to it." She said.

"You shouldn't be. Come, we'll drop you." Ammu began to leave her seat but Hemayal was quick to negate.

"No, Aunty, really. It's not necessary. Some other time, perhaps." She said, a bit too quickly.

"Hemayal..." Safaa too mumbled and Hemayal fixed her desperate eyes on her - hoping that at least she would understand.

"It's okay, really." She said, trying to smile.

"Okay, but call me when you get home." Safaa said and Hemayal nodded quickly before walking towards the exit.

And in this exact moment, as she walked out of the restaurant with heavy steps, bleeding heart and crying soul, she totally and irrevocably fell apart.

But desperate times call for desperate measures and hers was going to cost her her dignity but who cared about damn dignity when every inch of your life was crumbling down right in front of your eyes?

Because her desperate measure was Ibrahim Yazdani - it always had been.

|¤¤¤|

The next chapter is going to be up soon and let me tell you one thing, it's going to be bomb!!

how was this one, though? i actually feel sorry for hami in this one. she's so utterly broken!

do vote and comment.

till next time,
salam!