چلو تم راز ہو اپنا تہے افشا نہیں کرتے

Tuesday - 2:33 pm

The lunch had never been a great deal for the people of Khakwani household, most of them usually settling for different kinds of salads ranging from Mexican to Russian, or maybe fruits. Unlike most of the homes in Pakistan, where food was a great affair, Khakwanis were breaking the stereotypes.

Among them, however, a soul resided who was all for breaking her family rules. Siding with the majority of her country, Mehmal Khakwani always preferred to have a feast after a tiring day in office, her appetite never being contented with exquisite salads or colourful fruits

Today, however, in stead of having lunch in her own home, Mehmal had dragged Hemayal to a nearby restaurant along with her. With Hemayal left sitting there, looking at Mehmal with wide eyes as she placed her order, Mehmal had little care as her eyes moved between the waiter and the menu card.

"And you, ma'am?" Waiter now turned towards Hemayal who maintained her silence for a moment before coughing slightly and answering.

"Russian salad and orange juice, please." She made her order known with a smile and saw through the corner of her eyes as Mehmal rolled her eyes.

"How long will it take?" Mehmal asked just as waiter turned around.

"Twenty minutes, ma'am." He answered and was dismissed by Mehmal with a slight nod.

"How will you burn all of these calories?" Hemayal seemed incredulous, like always, as she asked.

"There's a thing called jogging tracks, gym, treadmill. Ever heard of it?" Mehmal answered and this time, Hemayal rolled her eyes heavenward.

"Depending on the quantity of food that you've ordered, it'll take you weeks." Hemayal scoffed as she said.

"It won't get on your skinny body for sure. Besides, don't worry, I'll manage." Mehmal said and Hemayal squinted her eyes.

"If I didn't know you, I'd call it body shaming." Hemayal glared and Mehmal only rolled her eyes.

"Well, thank God that you know then." The mockery in her words spoke volumes.

"What can I say? Odds are in your favour, Katniss." Hemayal shrugged her shoulders, mentioning the book Mehmal didn't like one ounce after reading it a few years ago.

"Thankfully." Mehmal only laughed.

"How's work, by the way?" Hemayal asked after a while.

"It's fine. We're designing a new studio our company has made." Mehmal answered.

"Your work must be piling up back in Islamabad." Mehmal continued and Hemayal sighed heavily.

"Yeah, so many sessions are already on the line. And I have a conference to attend in Karachi in three weeks." Hemayal dropped her head to the table as she said, already tired at just the thought of all the work she had to go back to, the brown, armpit length tresses touching her face due to the movement of her head.

Hemayal Khakwani was a psychiatrist, working in a private hospital in Islamabad for almost a year now. Although medical is one of the mainstream professions in the world, there's no account for passions and Hemayal always wanted to be one.

The idea of the field of Psychiatry, however, stemmed from her own encounters with Psychiatrists when she was young and growing up, the world slowly peeling off the layers of mask it had so delicately covered itself with, its true colours now revealing.

"Who on earth suggested you to become a goddamn doctor?" Mehmal suddenly seemed pissed as she saw Hemayal who had her cheek pressed against the back of her hand on the table.

"The same one who suggested you to become a goddamn interior designer." Hemayal said with a lopsided grin on her face now, raising her head just as the waiter placed their order on the table and Mehmal was quick to dive in.

"You're so good with...oh, my God!" Hemayal saw the sudden change in Mehmal's expressions with wide, confused eyes of her own.

Eyes wide in bewilderment and disbelief, Mehmal's face had lost its colour in a matter of few seconds, her lips slightly parted as she gazed past Hemayal's shoulder with such stillness that worried Hemayal to the core.

Before Hemayal could turn around and see for herself what it was that had triggered such a response from her cousin, Mehmal's expressions changed again, this time masking that of startled joy and amused excitement.

Hemayal felt dizzy as her mind registered the continuous change in Mehmal's expressions and she shook her head, as if ridding herself of the thought, tearing her gaze away from Mehmal's now excited face and turned around in her seat to scan the place.

She didn't see anything.

The restaurant was filled with people of all kinds; families, couples, students, but she didn't see anyone of particular that could stop her dead in her tracks, or maybe even surprise her a little; no relative or an old friend seemed to gaze back at Hemayal as she looked.

Feeling confused, she looked back at Mehmal with narrowed eyes who looked at Hemayal with anticipation filled in her own. Slightly asking what with the shake of her head and confusion on her face, Hemayal once again turned around and roamed her eyes over the place yet again.

There was absolutely nothing.

"What the hell?" Hemayal now completely turned around, perplexed as she saw Mehmal's bright face.

"You didn't see?" Mehmal asked, an amused smile on her face.

"Oh, I see. I see perfectly normal but I can't see things that don't exist." Hemayal snapped and Mehmal laughed before shaking her head.

"Hami, Hami. How can you not see? How can you not see?" Mehmal was now laughing with disbelief and Hemayal once again turned around to scan the area.

This time, she did see.

The three people, occupying the table far away from them, laughing at something she couldn't hear but the wide smiles on their faces was something one couldn't miss. Two men and one woman, talking and grinning and laughing and Hemayal Khakwani felt her lungs burning for she had been holding her breath for too long.

With her pupils dilated and her heart racing frantically in the cavity of the breastbone, Hemayal's throat suddenly went dry as if someone was choking it. Paleness migrated on her face; memories, scenes, moments, words-all flashed before her eyes, as she stared with wide, astonished eyes at the scene that had unfolded only to unleash the demons of the past.

She wasn't surprised at this moment, no. Hemayal Khakwani was terrified beyond measure, bewildered to a point that she couldn't think straight.

However, despite the intensity of every thought that swirled through her, Hemayal's stilled eyes were fixed on one man alone, who was smiling as he talked with other people sitting beside him, only his right side visible from the angle at which he was seated but that was enough of a confirmation of a thought that had been responsible for a storm that had suddenly hit her.

Hemayal stared at him, looked at him with such clarity as she had never seen anyone before: the sharp, squared jaw of his covered with small, black hair; the corner of his eyes that wrinkled infinitesimally as he smiled; the planes of his aristocratic cheeks; the ridges of his biceps in the pale white coloured, button-up shirt he wore as he folded his arms; the long fingers that held the fork with elegance she had never seen before; the strong arms which housed the throbbing veins and small hair; and that smile, that gorgeous, disarming smile.

And in that moment, Hemayal Khakwani's heart forgot how to function.

"Ibrahim." A name slipped off of her tongue, her parched lips gasped open as her voice synchronised with her thoughts.

"You finally see." Mehmal smiled and Hemayal slowly turned around in her seat, the beats of the heart still uncontrollable.

Too startled to make a move, Hemayal stared past Mehmal's shoulders, her eyes, however, not fixed anywhere.

"Come on, Hami. Don't be silent." Mehmal urged and Hemayal shifted her gaze before it came to land on Mehmal.

"It's been so many years." She mumbled, a quiet sentence that carried volumes of heaviness hidden beneath the veiled layers of secrecy.

Before Mehmal could find a suitable reply to sympathize with her cousin, Hemayal's eyes suddenly widened again and she gasped loudly before abruptly turning around again, this time her gaze horrified.

"Holy smokes!" Hemayal's warm, chestnut eyes were wide again and she turned around to stare at Mehmal, her mind numb.

"What?" Mehmal stopped her hands from the food as she looked at Hemayal, worried.

"He's the one I got into the accident with. Two days ago." Hemayal revealed and the same bewildered expressions settled on Mehmal's face.

"Goodness, what are the chances of that?" Mehmal uttered in disbelief, too startled to focus on her food now.

"I know." Hemayal's brows creased as she dropped her head slightly, defeated.

"You didn't recognize him?" Mehmal asked after a moment, now sounding incredulous.

"No." Hemayal whispered, slightly ashamed for reasons she couldn't comprehend.

"What are the chances of that?" Mehmal said with sarcasm lacing her voice and Hemayal raised her head.

"In my defense, it was raining, he was wearing glasses, and he has grown a goddamn beard." Hemayal muttered forcefully, telling more to herself than to Mehmal, the latter now raising her arms in the air defensively.

"Of all the people in this world, it was him that you had to misunderstand?" Mehmal now chuckled as she resumed her food, and Hemayal rolled her eyes.

"Beard does change a man's appearance, don't argue with me on that." Hemayal said as she picked her fork from the table, now slightly composed.

"He doesn't have a beard. It's dark stubble." Mehmal pointed out and Hemayal shrugged.

"They're the same thing." She said, gazing back at forth between her food and the man who killed her appetite so effortlessly.

"Whatever, but still, him of all people?" Mehmal wasn't letting go of this topic any time soon and Hemayal only glared at her.

"I see you've recovered. Can we discuss this now without you gasping at every other sentence?" Mehmal opened her eyes as she asked and Hemayal's eyes narrowed.

"Why aren't you surprised, though?" Hemayal asked, eyeing Mehmal with doubt this time.

"Because I see Safaa all the time here. It's just Ibrahim and Mustafa whom I don't see much." Mehmal shrugged her shoulders and Hemayal nodded.

"Living in Abboattabad definitely has its perks." Hemayal commented.

"You're regretting?" Mehmal asked, surprised and Hemayal quickly straightened in her place.

"No, I just meant that it saves you from unnecessary shocks." She added, as she took a bite, a white lie.

"Are you lying?" Mehmal asked with squinted glare.

"Lying is one thing, and negating a thought is an entirely different thing." Hemayal said and smiled when Mehmal gave up with a groan.

"Don't use your mind games and philosophical words with me, Hemayal Khakwani." Mehmal warned and Hemayal laughed slightly.

"I want to go back, Mehmal. Can you please eat your food quickly?" Hemayal once again went back to square one, often turning her head around to look at the three of them before hurriedly looking back with a gasped frown on her face.

Had it been some other time, Mehmal would have responded with a flat no, but seeing the red lines of disturbance running in Hemayal's eyes, Mehmal managed a nod.

"Lets go. I'm full." Mehmal said, some of the food still left on her plate as she pushed it away.

"Ask the waiter to pack the rest, will you? It'll go to waste, otherwise." Hemayal said as she took out her wallet from the purse, fishing out a few thousand notes as she stood up.

"I'll pay." Hemayal said, waving off Mehmal's squinted glare with a forced smile of her own.

Hemayal placed cash on the table before gathering her phone and sunglasses from it afterwards. Looping the chain of her small purse slung across her shoulders and adjusting the hair tied in a ponytail, Hemayal walked out of the restaurant, all the while careful that her back was to the person who had thrown ripples in the stagnant waters of her life.

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5:12pm

Hemayal Khakwani loved collecting quotes.

Her collection of them was vast; her phone, room's walls, notebooks, diaries all flooded with them. And even greater than her collection of quotes was her memory which easily housed more than at least a thousand quotes, dialogues, prose and even poetry, with grace.

She had always held a firm belief that sometimes, these small inscribing of intelligent words were all she needed to pass a difficult time, deriving her energy and strength from those of others. These poetic words and phrases had always given her a sense of hope, always reinvigorated her courage in ways more than one.

Today, however, even they failed her.

Opened before her was her phone's memos, which were filled to the brim with different quotes. They touched with delicacy every topic of today's world and yet, Hemayal found herself falling in an even larger pit as her eyes moved from one to the next.

"Damn you, Ibrahim. Damn you." She couldn't control a lone tear that left her eye and fell all the way down to her chin.

Everything was fine, if not perfect, than definitely fine, and then out of nowhere, he walked in; that handsome man with his enchanting smile and charismatic personality, and as if Hemayal's whole life had been hit by a storm, a storm that goes by the name of Ibrahim Yazdani.

After a moment, overcome with helplessness and rage, she threw her phone on the wall in front of her with as much force as she could, which broke into pieces as it mercilessly hit the wall before crumbling down, much like its owner who had her head in the palm of her hands now.

"Hemayal!" Hadeed Lala's voice held bewilderment and Hemayal's eyes flew open before she hurriedly wiped her face, her back to the door frame where he stood.

"What's wrong?" Worry laced his tone as he hurriedly walked towards Hemayal, but by then, Hemayal had composed herself in an act worthy of an oscar.

"Nothing's wrong." She shrugged her shoulders as normally as she could, lifting her head to look at her brother with a confused smile.

"You've been crying?" Hadeed Lala gasped but Hemayal only squinted her eyes before forcing out a small, humourless chuckle.

"Why would I cry?" Hemayal asked effortlessly as she looked at her brother who was now sitting beside her on the bed.

"I don't know but your face is red, and your eyes..." Hadeed Lala pointed out and Hemayal shook her head in mid sentence, silencing Hadeed Lala for a moment.

"My face is always red, Lala. Especially in this unpredictable weather. And as for my eyes, I just woke up from a nap." Hemayal said with a shrug, maintaining eye contact with Lala.

Sometimes, it pained Hemayal at how easily she could lie to people, especially her own. Lying was never her thing, she wasn't cut from a cloth that allowed people to lie just to get out of difficult situations. However, she also didn't belong to the clan that publicized their problems and worries.

And she had been proven, time and again, that the two together were a bloody combination.

Hence, in order to keep her genuine feelings and emotions hidden beneath a thick layer of secrecy, Hemayal had learned the art of lying and all the tricks that came with it. Number one was maintaining eye contact when lying and that was exactly what she was doing.

"Why did you break your phone?" Hadeed Lala eyed the broken pieces of her phone as he asked.

"I didn't mean to. I had an email to check and the phone was too damn slow. I just lost my patience." Hemayal said with a frown and Hadeed Lala didn't seem to buy this one.

"You never lose your patience, Hami." He said with a frown of himself and Hemayal gulped.

"Come on, Lala. Just because I don't doesn't mean that I can't." She quickly recovered and Hadeed Lala eyed her for a moment before sagging his shoulders and Hemayal let out an inaudible sigh.

"You've locked yourself in your room since you came back from lunch. Mehmal says she doesn't know what's wrong. And when I get here, you are throwing your phone at the wall. What do I make out from that?" The tired voice said.

The poor man now seemed confused and Hemayal felt bad for a moment as she eyed the sadness in her brother's eyes. Slowly scooting closer to him before placing her head on his shoulder, Hemayal sighed as she held her brother's hands in her own.

"Lala, trust me, nothing's wrong. If it was, do you really think I'd be sitting in my room, sulking and not doing anything about it?" She whispered, her eyes fixed at the window to the side that showed a picturesque view of blue and orange sky outside.

"Why have you locked yourself in your room?" He asked, slowly.

"I was just sleeping. I didn't know you guys thought that I had locked myself in my room." Hemayal tried as hard as she could to get rid of the little seed of worry that rested in her brother's mind.

"All right. I believe you, Hami." The brother said with a sigh.

"But I expect you to not leave us hanging like that again. Consequences will be dire if you do such a thing again." His tone hardened at the end and Hemayal nodded slightly before raising her head from his shoulder and looking straight in his eyes.

"Baba's worried?" Hemayal asked, hopeful, but she got her answer before words could leave Hadeed Lala's mouth by the look that came on his face.

"Don't think negative, Hami. He's not home. He went outside with Jahangir Chacho to visit the land." Hadeed Lala said and Hemayal shook her head.

"I didn't ask anything." She politely replied, cursing herself for even thinking that her father will care.

"How did you get in my room, though? It was locked." Hemayal asked, changing the topic with ease.

"Keys, Hami. What century do you live in?" Hadeed Lala hit Hemayal's head slightly as he answered.

"Yeah, right. You didn't think of that before when you were worrying yourself to death downstairs?" Hemayal reiterated.

"I did, but Dadu said to let you be for some time. Talking of him, he expects you to go see him in his room. He's angry at you too." Hadeed Lala mentioned and Hemayal smiled before getting up from the bed.

"Okay." She said before walking out of the room.

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5:59pm

Hemayal's head was dipped low as she bit her lower lip, her fingers interlinked with the nail of her thumb tearing at the exposed skin. Embarrassments and apologies were printed on her face as she heard her Dadu's scold.

"Locking yourself like that and refusing to answer us when we knocked, what were you thinking, Hemayal?" Dadu asked, furious.

With her lower lip now turning red, she knew she was in trouble the moment Dadu uttered her full name. She was Hami, she had always been Hami, in sickness and in health, except when she was at the receiving end of her Dadu's anger. Then, she was Hemayal.

"I'm sorry. I had no idea you people were this worried." She said slowly as she finally raised her head a little, the thick curtain of brown falling back across her shoulders.

Dadu, sitting in his usual arm chair with his thin arms resting on the side rest, had a frown running along his face as he eyed his beloved granddaughter. With lips pressed tightly and wrinkled face masking anger, Masood Khakwani was in no mood of forgiving his granddaughter just yet.

"Where was your mind, Hemayal?" He demanded to know, sternly.

"Nowhere, Dadu. I was just sleeping." Hemayal said, looking straight in her Dadu's eyes but as soon as the words left Hemayal's lips, a bewildered sadness came to rest on his face.

"Now you'll lie to me?" He sounded tired as he asked and Hemayal gulped down the saliva.

This was not Hadeed Lala who could be fooled by her words and confidence, this was her Dadu: a man who had raised her till she had reached his shoulders; a man who had loved her until he had nothing to give to anyone else; and a man who had seen through her lies numerous times when the world had bought them with ease.

"Dadu, I'm sorry. I was just..I didn't want to talk to anyone." She admitted dejectedly, lowering her head with sadness filling her eyes.

"That's what I'm asking, Hami. Why? What happened during the lunch?" His soft tone was now back and Hemayal sighed before looking up to meet his eyes.

"What if I don't want to tell?" She asked in a low voice, weighing her options.

"I won't force you." He replied, softly and Hemayal closed her eyes for a fraction of second.

The last rays of sunlight were peering in through the open window, the skies outside a beautiful mixture of orange, blue and yellow. As the light added an antique look to the room, it fell on the face of a woman who had her eyes shut and in that moment, with her features shining under the sunlight, Hemayal Khakwani looked absolutely broken.

"I saw him in the restaurant." She replied, her eyes refusing to meet that of her grandfather's, her lower lip wobbling.

"Ibrahim?" The older man asked after a moment and Hemayal nodded slowly, her teeth clenched tightly.

Silence, heavy and hollow, fell upon them and when Hemayal was only met with that for a good, full minute, she was forced to raise her head. What completely threw her over the edge, however, was a soft smile that played over her grandfather's face as he regarded Hemayal with soft eyes.

"This is what has been keeping you in your room for 2 hours? A man?" His voice was softer than the lightest of feathers and Hemayal stared at him trembling lips.

"He's not just any man, Dadu. You don't understand." Hemayal shook her head in exasperation after a moment.

"Child, I do. What you don't understand is that this was a foolish way to react. You only see him for a mere few minutes and you lock yourself like that. What if tomorrow he comes to talk to you? What will you do, then?" He scolded her as if she was a child, with gentleness of a father.

"I'm sorry if I was foolish in the way I reacted but don't expect me to act all mature when it comes to this particular topic." Hemayal sounded angry as she remarked, crossing her arms across her chest in the most unladylike manner.

"I will expect you to act mature in every topic, be it Ibrahim or your father. Is this the way I raised you? When have I ever taught you to run away from your problems?" Masood Khakwani glared at his granddaughter who pouted while staring out of the window, too angry to meet his eyes.

"I wasn't running, okay? I needed a few moments for myself." Hemayal said forcefully, still glaring outside at the majestic view of nature spread before her eyes.

"Hami, I understand what you're going through but you have to deal with it." Dadu said after a while and Hemayal shifted her gaze back at him.

"Do you think it's easy? Do you think any of this is easy?" Hemayal wanted to shout but this man was her beloved Dadu, she couldn't raise her voice in front of him, so instead, she settled for a defeated tone.

"I know none of this is easy, but it's not supposed to be easy, Hami. When has life ever given you a notion that any of this will be easy?" The man tried to make her see but she was too far gone.

Dadu had a strange way of sympathizing. He didn't look for the silver lining in any bad situation, he looked at the cloud and insisted to accept it. He was a great champion of the truth, even if it tears you apart; he was an even greater protagonist of acceptance, even if thorns lie in it.

"I've seen more pain than my age, Dadu. This is not fair, this is not fair at all." She mumbled at the end, the stillness inside of her too heavy.

Hemayal didn't believe in making other people a party to her problems, but this person was her Dadu. She knew she could tell him anything without any fear of being judged or scrutinized. This person was her whole family.

"Hemayal, have faith, my child. There are happy times ahead and I want you to believe in that." He urged desperately but Hemayal only shook her head.

"There are no happy times for me, Dadu. None. My father hates me, my mother is gone, my childhood was ruined, Ibrahim comes back in my life out of nowhere. What happy times are you even talking about?" She had her lips pressed tightly, trying so hard not to break into tears.

"Just because today is bad doesn't mean that tomorrow has the same thing in store for us. Change is a constant, Hami." He said and Hemayal only smiled, painfully.

"Bad days are followed by worse days, Dadu. I can say it from experience." She whispered.

"I hope life proves you wrong, child." He smiled sadly, almost crying.

"I hope so too, but I don't see it happening." Hemayal said after a while, her gaze now again fixed outside the window at the skies which were slowly losing its colour, only to be filled with one alone-black.

"Hami, listen to me. Don't let anyone affect you like that. You're my strongest child. You have to keep yourself together." Dadu said and Hemayal smiled, her glossy, chestnut eyes staring at the sky outside.

"Do you really think I'm strong?" Hemayal asked, pain sprawled in her tone as she looked back at him.

"Yes, you are. What makes you think you are not?" He asked.

"I locked myself in my room after seeing him, I've been ranting about my life and its pains for the past few minutes, I've been a complete hypocrite when I lied to Hadeed Lala after teaching his son that lying is a bad habit. I don't think I'm anything you think of me as, Dadu." Hemayal's words were strong, yet her voice was more intense.

"You think very low of yourself, Hami." Dadu shook his head in sadness.

"I don't. I just don't try to think too highly of myself." She replied, running a hand the dark brown bangs that transitioned to a slightly lighter shade of the colour.

"But you're right. I shouldn't let him disturb my life like that." Hemayal mumbled, more to herself than to him and Dadu smiled, his eyes glassy.

"Hami, I've always taught you to keep your dignity, no matter what. No man should have the power to bring you down, not Ibrahim, not Shahriyar." Dadu reminded her and Hemayal managed a smile.

"It's difficult, Dadu. To see him after all these years and not be affected. It's almost impossible." Hemayal mumbled after a sigh.

"Hemayal, it has taken you 25 years to reach at a point where you are now: strong, independent and what not. Will you let a man snatch that away from you in mere 25 minutes?" Dadu softly advised her and Hemayal smiled, the corner of her eyes fusing as her eyes shortened infinitesimally.

"I won't, Dadu. I'll try my best." Hemayal uttered after a moment and saw Dadu flash her a smile.

"Can I ask you something?" Hemayal asked.

"Yes." Dadu granted her permission.

"You knew about him, right? That I've seen him?" Hemayal asked, sighing heavily as she composed herself.

For a person who didn't like tears, sympathies and extra attention, Hemayal had much too drama to last for days. Coughing slightly, she cleared her mind a little and looked at her grandfather with a smile, a genuine one this time.

"Mehmal has a big mouth." Dadu said and Hemayal threw her head back slightly as she laughed, the gold highlighted wavy hair dancing with the movement of her head.

"Hadeed Lala said she didn't crack." Hemayal asked with amused smile on her face.

"I'm not Hadeed. I'm her father's father." Dadu reminded and Hemayal didn't even try to control the rich laughter that escaped through her.

At the end of the day, her Dadu could always make her smile.

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After a very long time, enjoy! Do vote and comment!

Till next time,
Salam!