The ceiling is domed higher than any cathedral and made of the most beautiful glass. The walkways flow like tributaries to the main rivers of people, not a sharp angle to be seen. It smells like heaven in a hand-basket and the floor shines like the surface of a lake at sunrise. In the background there is music to soothe, gentle flowing notes to take the shopper's cares far away.

It was the biggest shopping mall. A moving platform ran along all the walkways in both directions just like in the airports. There was a shuttle service from the far ends of the car parks to the entrance and food outlets were scattered throughout instead of being on one courtyard. There were professional shopping guides smiling at every entrance, always ready for more business.

Hanya loved shopping. She loved the perfumed, air conditioned mall. She basked in the attention of the sales staff and pawed over different fabrics and textures. She would try on new sandals and dresses, get a free make-over and then head to the spa for a manicure. The garments she brought home would often never be worn or maybe worn once. She wasn't a shop-a-holic, but still she loves to shop.

Zain hated everything about shopping. He hated the crowds, the queues and the aching feet. He also took exception to overly attentive shopping assistants, the perky seasonal music playing in every store and all the special deals tempting him to spend even more. He even hated the free food samples, seeing them as ideal flu spreading agents. He hated shopping for himself even worse than for his wife, when he had bought an anniversary gift for Hareem.

"So where do we start from?" He asked in a bored tone adjusting Adeel in his arms. Seriously? We haven't even started shopping yet, and he is already bored!!

"Let's start with Adeel's" I said and went inside a shop. First and foremost, I bough a feeding bottle and steriliser for him. Then we bought some sleepsuits and body suits
a couple of pairs of socks, a pair or two of scratch mitts, caps, a blanket, cardis, jumpers and a warm pram suit. Adeel was Masha Allah very happy with his shopping. He kept on smiling and making noises whenever we picked up something interesting for him.

I have always preferred to walk around shops, relax, and concentrate on my shopping.

For myself I bought some apparels, cosmetics. I also bought gifts for mom and dad and Sanjh too. After that I even forced him to buy something for himself and reluctantly he had to agree. After we finished shopping, I decided to fill myself with some junk food.

"I'm hungry" I said

"Okay, let's go to a restaurant" he said.

"Why restaurant? Why not here?" I pouted.

"Here, most probably you can only have junk, but there you can have a full three course meal" he explained to me as if I'm a class one student.

"But we do normally eat three course meal at home also, so why not something new?" I said wiggling my eyebrows.

"Here, the food must not be good. If you so wanna eat junk, then there's an another restaurant who serves junk!!" He said and I mentally face palmed myself.

"And how can you say that the food will be good over there? What if I don't like it??" I shrugged.

"See, here, even the seats are not comfy, and we have Adeel with us, he'll not be comfortable" he said and I was gawking at him.

"I'm going to eat here only, if you wanna come then you're most welcome and if you don't, then you can wait for me in the car." I said and stomped passed by him.

The rich aroma of the dish wafted down and beckoned me. I could not resist the delightful sensations that whipped up inside the memory at the mere thought of delving my teeth deep and fast into the pulpy texture of the pizza. Cheese spread atop in copious amounts and the wide assortment of condiments sprinkled in the perfect amounts mingle to produce a taste unlike any other: salty,peppery,cheesy with a whiff of Italian cuisine and a tinge of Greek taste.

I quickly took a one large bite of the pizza, not caring if it looks very unladylike. I savoured the taste for a while before gulping it down and took a large sip of my coke. Well, I've ordered for myself a big pan pizza with an extra topping of cheese, a large coke with large fries...while he had only gotten frozen yoghurt for himself. I chuckled at his expression.

"You should try this" I said

"No thanks."

"You surely missing something very good."

"And I don't care"

"Try it for once. If you'll not like it, you don't have to eat. But at least try it, before judging it." I said.

He took a piece of pizza and carelessly put them in his mouth. But soon his expression changed and I can say that, he liked it. He licked his fleshy lips and grabbed a handful of oily fries and stuffed them into his mouth. He licked his fingers, smeared with cream and oil. He crunched another handful of fries. Then snatched a large piece of pizza from my hand earning a shout and glare from me.

"The food was really delicious." He said walking towards the car.

"Told ya" I said and he smiled.

I was tired as hell, weary with the burden of long-closed eyes; when I reached home. I could have easily pulled off being a walking zombie, dead on the inside but subconsciously awake. I feel as though energy is being constantly drained out of me, but ignoring all these things I had to attend Adeel first.

For some reason he was being cranky and isn't calming down at all which is obviously not at all helping in this tired state!! So I took Adeel with me to his room, so that he can look after him for sometime while I can prepare his feeder, and get him changed.

"Hey?" I said knocking on his door. I'm already feeling uncomfortable in this room.

"Hii" he said keeping his lappy at the side. "Need help?"

"Yeah. Don't know why he's crying!!! Can you please look after him for a while, need to prepare his feeder and get him changed." I said in a low voice.

"Yeah sure...but are you alright?" He asked.

"Just a bit tired." I said.

"Then why don't you sit with him and I'll do the needful things."

"No no...I'm fine. Please look after him."I said and gave him Adeel, who was still crying.

While walking down the steps, I was really worried for Adeel. I tried everything to make him stop crying but he's just not responding to anything. I guess he's having a stomach ache...I'll tell Zain to speak to his doctor.

I was warming up the milk, when my cell buzzed. I took out my cell from the pocket, it was Mama. Immediately I had a huge smile on my face.

"Assalamualaikum" I said cheerfully.

"Walekumasalam, Dear." She replied in her motherly tone.

"How are you and Dad?" I asked.

"Allahamdulilah we both are good. How are you all? How's Adeel?" She asked.

"We both are good but don't know what happened to Adeel today. He's continuously crying. I think he's having a stomach ache." I said

"Did you gave him feeder?"

"Yes Mama, I did. Infact now also I'm warming up the milk, so that he can drink and sleep."

"You know what Hani, I don't know why I feel that he needs mother love. He's missing Hareem. If he would be having stomach ache, then he wont be drinking milk this easily. He needs love Hani, he needs you just like Hareem." She explained.

"Mama I'm trying to be his mother, but you know that I can't be his mother, I can't be Hareem. I can't see him crying like this Mama, I just don't know what to do" I said slumping down on the floor.

"It's okay dear, don't worry. What you're doing is more than enough for both, Zain and Adeel. Just try to get more attached to Adeel...he'll be fine. Okay?" She said

"Yeah. I should get going Mama. He's hungry." I said and ended the call. With a deep breath I turned off the gas, and walked up to his room.

I was very close to his room but I couldn't hear the cries of Adeel. I was so happy that finally he stopped crying. I quietly opened the door but the sight that welcomed me was unexpected. I don't know why but my heart pushed me backwards and my back got hit from his door.

They were looking so happy. Their eyes were shining like a bright star and Masha Allah, Adeel was looking so fresh.

I tried to control myself, I just don't want to feel broken, so with a heavy step I went inside the room. I knew that he knew I was here but I didn't dare to look at him.

I took Adeel from his arms and slowly placed him on my lap. He started drinking his milk. He was quietly seeing everything and just when he decided to get up, again Adeel started crying.

"Just give me the picture" I said in a monotone.

He was shocked but I didn't have time for his reaction.

"I said give me Hareem's picture." When I saw that there was no response coming from his side, I snatched the picture from him and showed it to Adeel. Instantly he became quiet and started drinking his milk.

To say that I was angry would be a lie because I was hurt, I was upset. I never in my life had expected that a day like this would come. I knew I was not his mother but I was trying to be. This is new to me, I was not ready for it.

After seeing this, I knew that I failed, I failed in everything and just then my tears broke.

Now Adeel was peacefully sleeping, by hugging Hareem's picture. This hurted me not because Adeel was sleeping peacefully, but because I could never be a part of this picture. This was her life, I wasn't a part of this.

"Hanya please, I'm sorry. Look I didn't knew what to do, he was crying...I'm sorry. Just please stop crying." He said kneeling beside me.

"You know what, I was trying hard to keep everything going smoothly just like, it was before, but today I realized that everything is still the same. I failed to give him love, I failed to be a part of his life, I failed in everything." I started sobbing badly.

"Hanya why do you think that you failed? Why don't you think like this that what you are doing for us can no one do. I know that we weren't meant to be together"

"Right, we weren't meant to be together. We weren't" I repeated his words. Deep down in my heart, I had started accepting my new life, but he, he's still not able to move on.

"Hanya, please-"

"I'm tired, I want to sleep" I said getting up and taking Adeel with me.

"Hanya just listen to me once, you only think that you uninvitedly entered our lives but what you don't know is that without you we both have been lost. This house needs you, Adeel needs you" he said.

And what about you Zain? Do you also need me? I wanted to ask him this question...but didn't got the power to.

"Good night" I said and left his room.

My tiredness made me hang limp like wet laundry on a cold still day. I felt like every muscle was giving into gravity. What I want was sleep, a nice warm bed and a solid night of dreams and that's what I tried to did, but his smile and his eyes came flashing in front of my eyes.