January 24, 2025

Hard times put me into hell and seeing how down I am today hurt me and put my world into chaos and a more grounded part of my personality. Everything lost in sight and including myself I lost it all. I never thought that I suffered like this because of my consequences in the past.

Kinakain ako ng galit na nararamdaman ko. I want to scream out loud and tell the world that I am tired of this shit. My life is in a mess today and I can't handle my anger. I want to end everything today and leave this hell.

My dream is lost and I'm tired of seeing myself like this. Ayoko. Pagod na ko. If God sees me today. Please help me And heal my heart, mind and soul today. Every part of my dream and goal. Everything I lost and I lost in battle without you. (God)

Every sacrifice that I put in my mind today broke me into pieces. I'm successful on my own and see how far that dream and goal that time lost me and myself today. I want to end everything, kasamang mawala sa lahat ng iyon: Ako, myself and my life today.

I'm a strong woman and seeing that I am only fighting through it. Pagod na ako. Pagod na pagod na ako. Ayoko na. Ayoko na ilaban 'to. I want to end everything with myself through it. Everything is lost in my life. My freedom, life, dream and goal, my belief and my own principle and discipline in life.

I don't even take a chance to see that beauty of success and now every piece of it running to my direction. Pangarap na kinalimutan at pinabayaan kong mawala sa harap ko that time. I let it go dahil noong panahon na malapit ko na 'to makuha saka ko sinubukan ng tadhana and ruined it piece by piece without knowing what direction I am today.

Ganoon pala talaga, minsan iyong kaunti na lang maabot muna saka naman mawawala sa 'yo at mapapalayo ng isang kisap-mata. Iyong inaasahan mong nandiyan na ay mawawala pa pala.

Hell no, this life is bullshit and I want to sleep now and wake up through that past to change my present moment. This is hell and I don't love it to feel. I want to change everything further. Far from this mess. Far from the weaknesses of others that always control me and put me into a shell.

I want my freedom back. I want my life to go in a direction that I was used to that day. I want my missing pieces back into place and I want to drift my life into a new beginning of achieving all of that again and all over that again. And while going back through it I will never let anyone stop me again. Never again let them ruin it again by letting me stop and doing something different from what I wanted to do.

I don't question what they want but I have my life too, my dream and principles in life and I don't want have my regret again after losing it all over again and today, I want to start from scratch and see the beauty of my freedom; my success and achievement without anyone help through it: only me fighting through what I want to be today. I want myself be back again and see the beauty of world again.

-Ghi Cabalza (Mxgchef)