JANUARY 12, 2025

Life puts so much pressure and it's tiring through it. I try so hard to let go and be part of a place where silence and peace matter. I was there and then yet out of nowhere there's someone or something ruined it and left my mind in chaos.

I don't even know how to conceal my emotion since this is a lot. To the point I can't sleep and think well. All I want is to hide and let my struggle out of my life. And I don't even know why...why I need to suffer like this because I don't expect life to push me to this core.

I don't expect that life put me in hell and ruined my belief about life in a calm way. Wala pa lang gano'n ang mayroon lang trial and error and that's it...called, enough with this shit. Even I, we are strong and have a strength to push through along the way but still every piece of it creates a perspective that is not acceptable in the options.

No matter how hard I try to hide my brokenness, the monster keeps walking along with the journey whether I like it or not. It's not my opinion that matters but how things control along the uncontrollable matters.

I don't even understand why I need to have this or to feel this way but I realized that at the end of the journey, every little thing matters and I don't have control over that situation. I can't see how to pass the event hunting me in front of me. I don't have the guts to stop it because everything falls into that ayaw ko man o hindi.

I can't smell it too if it has already started or not, because I'm too paralyzed knowing it. And most of the time I can't control the things that are fated and destined to be in my place.

I can't stop it because that's how life shows us that it's their control and we, I created in this realm to follow and choose what makes us clear and accepted. We can't live just to ignore the difference between what's right and wrong, not because we need to but that's how reality ends and plays.

It might complicate us in everything but that's how things unfold unconditionally in front of me and you. That's a factual of life, tanggapin man natin or hindi still andiyan pa rin para kumatok sa ating mga pintuan. To play us and break us into pieces.

I hate the fact that I need to distance myself from anything or everything. Not because I'm entitled through it but for the sake of peace and harmony. For the sake of seeking truth along lies through it. And for the sake of achieving silence along the way in order for me to see how life's play at its core and how to find the silence along the darkness.

It might tire us but what should I do about it? And I, do we need to blame others through it or just let the game play at its best? Because, that's how the game plays. Every rule and regulation creates chaos and misunderstanding, but who am I to change it for the sake of peace and harmony? None, but I need to.

Every individual sacrifices for another sacrifice. Life might not unfold not until we sacrifice that thing we want in order to survive in another disciple of life. In order to breathe freely without the toxicity of anyone or something else.

They might not understand you and I from doing something different from everybody but that's how introspection and time alone help and heal us to think, feel and acknowledge every little piece of it.

It's hard and not easy to play dumb yet that's what we need in this chaotic world in order to survive. I need space for it and faith to do the right thing at the wrong time. It's a matter of choosing the best with its consequences.

I acknowledge that life isn't perfect but as a human being I need to live and be part of society whether I like it or not, yet upon doing the companionship others limit us through it and want us to follow everything and only depend on them. Toxic right?

I hide myself for a while because I need space to analyze the internal part of me; to enlighten my mind and acknowledge the knowledge that I have along the way. It's my way of finding space and place to understand the exterior part of the world.

I want my inner self to control myself alone without depending on society, because that taught us to be like this and that. And if we don't follow it then everything falls into war and imbalances...that's how things unfold in reality. It makes our world chaotic and full of surprises.

I need to follow this and that to survive. I must take what others want and be kind through it. Respect them by not doing things against their will and be built with rules and regulations through it.

And start separating feelings, emotions, understanding, identity, and especially you to reality....that's why we learn to hide our emotions and keep in low without the version we had.

It's not easy to have an introspection of life but what is worse is. You forgot that you're human too and you need your identity to fix every piece of brokenness and failure that you have. You need to understand that life is not what you think during your younger times.

People kills yourself by killing your personal space and let you live in chaotic mind of following the crowd. The one who puts two sides of the story into one side of it, because if you choose any side of it; you're against them and you become their mortal enemies and not part of society.

How sad it is, yah? So as a human being, what choices do you have? Are you ready to distance yourself for a while to breathe and out the negativity of the world? Or you let destruction into a new version of you to be in a place of wanting to end the suffering and be part of heaven silence?

It's your choice to choose too. It's a matter of controlling things in a balanced way without judgement, because that's reality kicks in. That's how our uniqueness plays along the way. We cannot control things but finding the truth and lesson through it makes a difference.

-Ghi Cabalza (Mxgchef)