Being in love is the most precious thing that you might have felt at a young age. It's so satisfying to hear that someone really loves you and willing to take a chance to be with you for the rest of your life. The unpredictable love that taught me how to be with other human beings. Free from pain and uncontrollable love. You taught me to be like this and that. Just go with the flow. Calm and relaxed. Take it easy. That no matter what I do, keep fighting with life.

It's so satisfying to know that after all the heartache I experienced in the past, you have someone who's willing to take my ring finger to be your beloved one. That there's someone like you who willingly becomes my father, brother, adviser, a friend and most of all my extraordinary one. I loved you. I really do. If you read it that day or today, I know you do. And you knew how I did love you those days with you.

After being hurt in a relationship in the past, you're the one who taught me to give it a try. To give chances with my heart. To give my mind a chance to be with another one...to be with someone out of our comfort zone. To let my inexperienced love mold to a new beginning. To experience more of it after everything happens to me. After the brokenness in my heart. You taught me everything and a lot of things; that today and tomorrow I still treasure with your memories.

You knew, I lost myself in love and I lost you like you want me to do. Like the way you want me to happen with us. I'm a wreck and blast with multiple stabs in my heart. I gave you a chance but you broke that chance because you think I don't deserve you...that I deserve more of you. You let me fall for you and taught me to enter your life even though you know I have my own issue in my head, in my sleeves with the scars and pain running through my veins.

I'm scared to trust, that's normal if you're broken and have fears of falling after trying again. I lost trust and I'm scared to be hurt again and all over again...after those deepest scars in my heart, mind and soul. Then, out of nowhere, I meet you. Just one long distance text and call of you put me into shelves of a new beginning that I never thought I'd be falling for big time...that time.

You're all to me, a brother, adviser, teacher and my friend of mine that I respect a lot. I loved you man, I really do. You're one of my inspirations to become who I am today. You set strong boundaries to teach me a lot of things and you know how to ease my emotions when I am down, when I'm low and when I don't want to give it to anyone.

You knew how to calm me down to the point you gave me another idea why I feel those emotions to someone or anybody when I talk about it. You provide me my shelter to cry on and to lean on. You gave me hope and you taught me to find my own dreams and goals in life. To find my own well being while being with you...while far away from you. No strings attached and far away from the closeness I want to have with you...that day, that moment and that decade.

Sa madaling sabi, sumbungan kita. You knew how to calm me down. How to make me cry yet makes me strong at the same time. The man who courted me and confessed his feelings during his mission. Yeah, you heard me right. A mission, superior, a law enforcer: a man in uniform; my police man. My shining armor, my leading man.

Damn, you! Imagine, you confess when your phone must be given to your superior? Damn! You always want me to catch me off guard. Looks like playing with my life yet, No, I feel you. I know if you're telling the truth and lying to me. I know why and how I felt the way things were in front of me.

Nasabihan pa akong manhid. Malay ko ba? Your my friend and a brother to mean. No meaning. Just family without any blood on it. I never thought that you would confess your feelings and want me to be your girlfriend for real...that time. Na okay pa tayo. Na wala pang nagbago sa nararamdaman natin. Na okay pa tayo. Happy and in love with each other.

Imagine. I'm caught off guard. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do back then. My heart keeps thumping hard to the point it feels like I'm sick of it. I'm sick of finding the love of life back then until I found you: you gave me another chance to breathe in and out the pain of yesterday. To heal but never forget.

How? I don't know, I just trust you though our love is complicated as hell and unconventional as always undefined. You drove me crazy to the point I became paranoid of thinking a lot of things and sabotaging my connection into a fight and flight mood. Then, we broke up and hurt each other over and over again. Up and down. Far away from what I've been looking for. Far away from what we thought we had. Far from the connection with dreams of.

I make the mistake of not trusting you, yeah, I hurt you that way and then you hurt me also: it's fair enough, right? So basically, we hurt each other to the same degree. A degree we choose to be in a silent mood and start separating our ways.

Fights taught both of us to be paranoid to each other until the trust and doubts filling our hearts, mind and soul broke us into pieces. And one thing, I'm proud of, I do love you fully to the point, I was hospitalized. I put a fight in-love to love and never regret anything because I know how regrets become an unknown journey of healing and forgiving.

If you know it, I know and please never regret it. Forgive yourself like the way I do. Give chances to yourself to love you and prove yourself that you deserve everything and any human being in this lifetime. You can cry hard today but never let tomorrow become the same thing all over again. Keep in mind that everything is going well and time will heal us both and might find a way to heal and start all over again after the shit that happens to us.

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