He had not realised the extent of his shidi's changes until after the Immortal Alliance conference...when he almost died simply living.

Luo Binghe, Shen Qingqiu's most prized disciple. Luo Binghe, who single-handedly won the Immortal Alliance conference by facing all those dangerous beasts out of his level, whose contributions to the rescue of all those disciples was uncountable. Luo Binghe, who died, fell into the endless abyss, leaving a bruised and broken shizun.

A part of Yue Qingyuan mourned the loss of that talented youth, bursting with potential, gone just like that. But another, darker part of him hated the kid for doing this to Xiao Jiu.

Xiao Jiu had never cared for that one before! Why did he look like his soul left him after he vanished? The boy may have been talented, but there are many more good seedlings out there. He could be replaced!

He was glad though, that he never spoke his thoughts out loud, unlike Liu Qingge who told Xiao Jiu to find another disciple and stop moping. Needless to say, it made Xiao Jiu very angry, revealing that viciousness for a second there, a viciousness long forgotten as it was covered by softness. Yue Qingyuan had come forth then, to scold Liu Qingge for being so tactless.

Xiao Jiu smiled at him, making him feel better.

He couldn't help thinking if Xiao Jiu had ever mourned his absence? Perhaps when he was with the Qiu's, had he thought of him? Yue Qingyuan, then just Yue Qi, had thought of him, when he had been locked in the Lingxi Caves.

♤■♤■♤■♤■♤■♤

Lingxi Caves

"You'll stay there until you stabilised yourself, disciple Yue," His shizun, the previous sect master, said.

"NO NO SHIZUN PLEASE! LET THIS DISCIPLE OUT! PLEASE PLEASE SHIZUN I.. PLEASE.. HE'S, HE'S WAITING! WAITING FOR ME! PLEASE!"

"I had told you then, to not rush! But you just had to rush, to be impatient! And even arrogantly picking up the most powerful ancient sword! How hungry are you for power, child?"

"NO NO! SHIZUN! I NEED- NEED TO SAVE HIM! HE-HE, HE'S WAITING FOR ME! PLEASE! LET ME OUT!"

"It is too late... Xuan Su has been bound to your life force, whenever you unsheath the sword, it will feed on your lifespan like a parasite.. You will only come out after you have tamed that parasite. You brought it upon yourself boy, what a talented child, a waste now..."

"PLEASE... SHIZUN... LET ME... let me...let me out.. NEED... to save...HIM...I...."

But he had already left, not listening to him as he begged, pleaded, even going so far as to ask his shizun to help his Xiao Jiu. But no one, not a single person heard his plea, or cared for it.

Yue Qi, young and bright, 15 years old, a prodigy never known before, was just like that, sealed in the Lingxi caves, as if all that he had done, all his hardwork to earn a name for his sect, didn't matter anymore..

"A waste now..."

Yue Qi screamed, unsheathing his sword, uncaring of the consequences as he used it to pound at the shimmering barrier. His screams echoed back at him, mournful, angry, inhumane..

The sword did not obey the command of the master it was bound to, merrily sucking away at his life force. So no matter how much Qi he channeled into the barrier to break it, Xuan Su did not glow brilliantly like it had then, when he was first bound to it, shining tauntingly to show he could never witness that glow for himself, always keeping the sword sheathed. He couldn't make it break the barrier.

He threw the sword away, still unsheathed, and used his fists against the barrier. Blood spilled, dripping on the ground. He snarled, sweated, screamed, cried, begged. Nothing happened.

Desperately, he tried to send a talisman to Mu Cheng, his healer friend, a message to save him, his Xiao Jiu, but the talisman also stopped at the barrier and disintegrated, as if his shizun thought he'll try to get help to sneak out.

Yue Qi sobbed, Yue Qi begged, Yue Qi screamed.

Yue Qi qi deviated....

Nobody knew. Nobody knew as he, sealed in the dark, pitch black cave, banged his head against the walls, screamed and wailed like a malicious ghost, scratched at the damp walls till his nails broke, till his skin peeled and his bones became visible.

Perhaps if someone else had seen the 15 years old boy's madness, they would have felt chills run down their back, they would, perhaps, have even been thankful that the monster was sealed.

In the few moments of clarity, as he lay drowning in his own pool of blood, he thought, "so cold...". The cave was so cold. So dark, there was no light at all, he couldn't even make a talisman now that his qi was exhausted.

Yue Qi hated the dark, the cold, and Xiao Jiu knew. He always hugged him tighter when Yue Qi woke up shivering, scared of the darkness of the alley. He would softly whisper then, "Qi ge, don't worry, Xiao Jiu is here, I'll protect Qi ge from the shadow monsters the brothel ladies talk about, haha.."

There was no Xiao Jiu here...Was he dead, did the Qiu's kill him? He will kill them, rip them apart!

He shivered in the dark, curled up like a small child (he felt small, insignificant, useless, a waste..) as he clenched his eyes shut to forget the dark.

He sobbed as he heard distantly, his own mind cruelly replaying the past..

"Xiao Jiu wait for me! I'll come for you! Hold on, please!"

"Qi ge, Xiao Jiu will wait! Don't you dare be impulsive, you fool!"

Qi ge was impulsive, Qi ge was a fool...Forgive me....Xiao Jiu...

~~~~~~~

When he finally came out of the caves a year later, 50 years of his lifespan were already gone, just like that.

But he did not care. Bloodied and bruised, he sneaked in the dark of the night, no longer that childish Yue Qi who was scared of the dark.

He did not go to a medic, but he did take his personal medicine bag from his room before he dragged his broken body to the Qiu household, in a city miles away, hoping he would not need to use it on Xiao Jiu, even though he knew it was wishful thinking.

He reached there, weeks later, to be greeted by the burning remains of that once towering mansion, the source of his nightmares, now reduced to embers.

"Only the maiden of the house and other female servants survived..."

Xiao Jiu... is...dead? No, please!

"No other survivors, right? All the men died, what a mystery!"

The men....Xiao Jiu...

Oh how he wished to kill those monsters, but he couldn't even do that, because they were already dead...

He couldn't even avenge Xiao Jiu...

When he returned to the sect, everything that made him Yue Qi had already died. (Xiao Jiu made him Yue Qi, only him). His Shizun was pleased by his progress, how he had conquered the Xuan Su sword in just a year, unknowing of his star disciple's little adventure. He seemed even more pleased that he just focused on cultivation and didn't ask for Xiao Jiu anymore, like he always did. His shizun didn't even know how much his lifespan had shortened, or perhaps he did, but didn't care.

He was thus, bestowed the name Yue Qingyuan, successor to the sect master of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect.

Qingyuan... clear origin... hehe, as if he couldn't be any more clear about his origins as a slave, as a waste, as a liar, a cowardly brother, a lone wolf with martial siblings, but no him. The one person he had done this all for, for whom he had become a cultivator for...

Yue Qi died, and then got replaced by a fake called Yue Qingyuan. Yue Qingyuan, with his polite, diplomatic, painful, fake smile, prodigious talent and unparalleled strength, "AT WHAT COST? FOR WHAT CAUSE? USELESS! USELESS!" kind, helpful to all, protecting the common people, useless to the one that mattered, let down the one that was his all...

He did not let Mu Cheng call him Yue Qi anymore, flinching at the name. Mu Cheng too, did not comment and addressed him as Yue Qingyuan.

He only became Yue Qi again after he saw his Xiao Jiu.

But Xiao Jiu called him "Disciple Yue" "Head disciple Yue Qingyuan"...

◇■◇■◇■◇■◇■◇

Shen Qingqiu seemed to be better after that trip he had with Shang Qinghua. Not the best, but better.

Yue Qingyuan did not understand how those two had become so close, so suddenly. He remembered once, long ago, where he had asked Xiao Jiu to not glare at Shang Qinghua like that, to be gentler to him. Shang Qinghua, after all, did look like he would keel over, with all his nervousness and astounding fear of Xiao Jiu. Had Xiao Jiu threatened him before? Beaten him up? ("I never did, you bastard!")

"I don't trust him, " Xiao Jiu had said then, making him more convinced that perhaps, he really had threatened their Shidi.

But now.... he didn't know what to feel anymore...

What was even more shocking was Shen Qingqiu's even better relationship with Liu Qingge. It was already shocking that Xiao Jiu actually saved him, but now, they were so much closer. They had become amiable to each other during the qi tranfer sessions, of course, but after that succubus mission, they seemed even closer, almost as if.. as if... Xiao Jiu had.. done... For why else would Liu Qingge be nice to Xiao Jiu if they hadn't.. in the succubus mission...

But, will Liu Qingge really? After all, Xiao Jiu may have forgotten, but Liu Qingge surely didn't forget their rivalry that spanned decades? Still, did he really touch his Xiao Jiu like that?

He, after a long time, challenged Liu Qingge for a fight again, happily beating him to the ground, like he had done many times during their disciple days whenever Liu Qingge challenged Xiao Jiu and beat him to the ground, challenging all over again the next day to humiliate Xiao Jiu, or whenever Liu Qingge let that stupid mouth loose, saying words without consequences as they alienated Xiao Jiu from his martial siblings (even if he was glad, just slightly, when he got more time to spend with his Xioa Jiu). Liu Qingge never knew, just like he didn't in the past, that Yue Qingyuan was just having petty revenge on him, sometimes for Xiao Jiu, sometimes for himself. Liu Qingge was only happy after the fight, even if he lost, and Yue Qingyuan hated, hated how utterly nonchalant he looked, when asked about the succubus mission, but still blushed, as is remembering something good.

In those disciple days, at least in hatred, Xiao Jiu held him in his eyes, looked at him, talked to him even if all that came out were curses..

"Qingyuan, hehe, how quick you were to forget your origins, hm? I must surely be reminding you of that dirt under your clean shoes, right? Please, Head Disciple Yue, don't bother with this lowly street rat, don't dirty your eyes looking at this ugly reminder of your past, LEAVE!" But this hatred too became something that he and Liu Qingge shared, although he still got more hatred, more attention...

But now, after Luo Binghe, Liu Qingge, Shang Qinghua, he was not the only one in his eyes anymore. Oh, Xioa Jiu was still polite, and amiable to him. But that was the problem. Xiao Jiu was now polite to all. He was not special anymore. Not even hated (He would take that hatred now, it was Xiao Jiu's anyway) .

Ha, how wished Xiao Jiu remembered, even if he was oh so obviously in pain with his memories before...

Perhaps, if Yue Qingyuan had thought deeper, he would have understood that Liu Qingge did not hate Shen Qingqiu simply because Shen Qingqiu was different now. That Liu Qingge, just like their other martial siblings, was not that type of stupid, immature person that would hold an amnesiac's past against him. Shen Qingqiu didn't remember, so why hurt him and treat him badly for things he didn't recollect doing much of, and even if he did, he had already changed. The past was just that, the past.

But Yue Qingyuan didn't think deeper, didn't even ask the brutish but always honest Liu Qingge for his change. ("You just assume.. like you always have... always will..hahahaHAHAHAHA..huh...")