My phone ringing at three in the morning was not the way that I'd envisioned my day starting, but April did. I squinted at the screen, my fingers hesitating to swipe it and accept her call. Was I ready to begin my day with the drama that a 3 a.m. call brought? No. Absolutely not.

"Hello?"

"I think that I probably killed someone in a previous life," April stated, matter-of-factly. "That's the only explanation that I can come up with as to why in the hell my life is the hot pile of shit that it is."

I listened, not saying anything because it was obviously just a call to vent to someone, and I was bone tired and tended to give nightmarishly bad advice when my brain sleeps until noon, and that was on a good day.

"I mean, come on." She laughed, and it was a sound that made my ears burn at such an ungodly hour. "Jason freaking broke up with me. Jason!"

I nodded although she couldn't see me, thinking to myself that we were finally getting to the root of her wake-up call. We hadn't discussed their breakup in a while and it was about damn time that we did. Just maybe not right this instant.

"How did I manage to lose the affection of the single most perfect person on the planet?" I had a few theories, but I wisely kept them to myself. "I must've killed someone, and this is my karma. I freaking hate karma."

I nodded again, feeling completely inept to comment on the situation. I really just wanted to sleep. Honestly. Truly.

"Well?" April said a bit too harshly. "No wise words?"

"It's way too early to be having such a loaded conversation?" I offered.

"Don't be that person," she said with a hint of annoyance. "It's been well over fifteen minutes, so you should be fully up by now."

I sighed. "April, it is three in the freaking morning."

"And I am having an emotional crisis," she countered.

"Its three in the morning," I reiterated. It wasn't that I didn't want to deal with her early morning blues, but.... I didn't want to deal with her early morning blues.

"Have you spoken to him?"

My heart sank. So much for not dealing with it. "No. He ignores my calls and frankly I'm tired of fighting a losing battle."

She sighed. "I miss him so much."

"I know, I'm sorry. I miss him too."

"Yeah." She sniffled, and I sucked in a breath. Tears were not on the agenda. "I think I'll go back to sleep. Thanks for listening to my rant."

"Don't thank me just yet," I said, trying to make my voice sound lighter than I felt. "I'm blocking you for this."

She let out a watery laugh. "I love you, too."

Of course, I couldn't sleep after being up for so long. Whether I wanted to be or not, I was wide awake and not too pleased about it. I opened the Instagram app on my phone and before I knew what I was doing, I was 23 weeks deep into Aiden's profile, trying not to accidentally like anything.

I sighed dreamily and let myself, just this once, think about him without holding back. My heart rate seemed to slow down as I held my breath and when my body started to overheat from the lack of oxygen in my bloodstream, I let it out.

I feared what falling for him would do to me, not because I didn't trust that he'd fall for me too, but because it would make me vulnerable and he'd be one more person that could shatter me completely.

Losing my dad scarred me in a lot of ways, most of which I was yet to fully examine, but it screwed me up enough that I couldn't bear the thought of losing anyone else. I'd already lost two persons in the span of three months and although I knew that I was doing nothing short of overthinking the entire thing, I really didn't want to sign a contract with a future heartbreak.

A small part of me was rooting for all that could be, but an even bigger part knew that I was not emotionally available to be in a relationship of any sort and that saddened me.

I closed the app and opened my photos, scrolling through the shots of the last days that I'd spent with my father. It's funny how you never know that the last time you say, "I love you" to someone, would be the last time. My dad had always made it a point to remind me that I was the center of his world and that he loved me like no other and I'll carry that love with me until the day I die. I just wasn't ready to open that part of myself to anyone else.

If I'd kept a journal, I suppose I'd start every entry by saying "I wish I wasn't so sad," or "When will this spiral of unhappiness end?" I understood why I was sad and ultimately unhappy, but I think that the others sometimes forget that I'd just lost my father and was still grieving. Anyway, it was exhausting thinking sad thoughts, so I decided to give sleeping another chance.

Normal people started their day by having breakfast, so I thought I'd try normalcy for once and have a complete and balanced breakfast of more than just a glass of OJ.

Bailey was tugging at Carter's leg when I walked into the kitchen and I was shocked for a minute. I'd completely forgotten that at some point they'd have to return home. Damn.

"Cami!" She shouted, the gleeful look on her face enough to light up an entire tower. She ran to me and I opened my arms just in time to envelope her. It was an unexpected reaction and my heart pounded. "I missed you so much!"

"Ditto, kiddo," I said with a genuine smile. "Tell me all about Disneyland."

While she animatedly babbled away, Tori entered the room. She immediately hugged me and kissed my forehead. I didn't realize how much I'd missed her until right that second. "Now, baby, let's not share all your stories right now," she said, speaking to Bailey. "Save some for dinner."

"What about lunch?" the seven-year-old asked with a thoughtful expression.

"Lunch wouldn't be the same without it," I offered and at the mention of lunch, my stomach grumbled. I looked towards the stove where Caitlyn was happily humming away as she burnt whatever was in the frying pan and my appetite diminished.

"Ew, you burnt it!" Bailey accused, scrunching her nose.

"It's not burnt, it's slightly toasted," Caitlyn replied. She scooped what used to be sausage links onto a plate and handed it to Carter who in turn passed it to me.

Welp, there goes my hearty breakfast plan.

"I'd rather not," I said with a sheepish smile. "I'm not really big on breakfast, I'll just have some orange juice."

"I'll take it," Blaine offered, taking a seat at the island. "Smells delicious."

Everyone except the adults and Caitlyn laughed. It did not in fact smell delicious, it smelt like burnt sausage.

"Whatever," the head chef muttered. "This is the last time that I slave over a stove for you ungrateful little―"

"Watch it," Tori warned. "Keep it PG."

"Miscreants," she finished with a satisfied smirk.

I rolled my eyes and poured myself some juice. "No pool today?"

"It's 42 degrees," Carter answered, accepting another plate of sausage from his sister. I loved his loyalty. I had no such reservations and would not be force feeding myself. "You guys wanna go to the mall instead?"

My phone rang, saving me from choosing between spending the day in bed, wrapped in blankets and just generally being warm or traversing through the cold in the name of having fun. Such a tough choice that would've been.

Jason's name flashing on the screen made me do a double take. The irony of the situation wasn't even funny. What were the odds of April's 3 a.m. rant and his phone call happening on the same day? That was one hell of a coincidence.

I excused myself and accepted his call. "Hello?"

"Hey," the raspy voice on the other end greeted me. "It's me. Jason."

"I know."

"I just wanted to apologize for everything. I'm sorry that I haven't been there for you and I'm sorry that me being selfish has cost us our friendship."

I purposely didn't say anything. It wasn't like I was mad at him. He was already forgiven because I wasn't an innocent party when it came to the decimation of our friendship, but I still had to punish him somehow. So, silence it was.

"I don't really have an excuse. I just didn't think about it and the less thought that I gave you, the easier it became to distance myself." I heard what sounded like the rustling of paper before he sighed. "I didn't call so that you could tell me that you forgive me and that we can be friends again, I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry."

"I'm sorry too." And just like that everything was fixed.

Kidding!

"How've you been?"

"Eh, you know," I said although I knew that he did not in fact know.

"Yeah."

If awkwardness could be bottled up, I'd have had about a gallon of it by now. It felt strange talking to this boy whom at one point was my very best friend and now I didn't even know how to respond to yeah. How was it possible to miss someone while you were talking to them? Weird.

"I'm not ready to talk to April." His unsolicited confession was suddenly the most interesting part of the morning, even if it did sting a little that him needing someone to vent to, was the reason that he'd even called.

"No?"

"Nah." He chuckled nervously like he always did when he was about to admit something to me that he probably didn't even want to admit to himself. "I miss her, but I think that there are some things that just can't be fixed. We've said too much and done way too much damage for it to ever be okay between us again."

"How do you feel about that?"

"Sick to my stomach." Pause. "I love her, you know? And I don't want this to be the end... but it is."

"Maybe you should let her know." I probably could have tried to convince him that it probably wasn't even close to being over and there had to be something that could be done to mend their broken hearts, but that was up to April.

It was a copout, but I wanted to remain as impartial as possible and I had no place trying to play the role of a relationship expert when I knew that I didn't know squat about anything. Also, even if it was meant to be, it probably wasn't meant to be right now. Sometimes people needed to find themselves before getting lost in someone else and they both still had so much soul seeking to do.

"That's going to suck, huh?"

I laughed when he did. "Yeah. I'd hate to be you."

"Do you remember the day that I told you I loved her?"

I smiled to myself. "You were terrified that you'd lose your friendship eventually because high school relationships never seem to last." It made me sad to think that his fears were becoming his reality even though the relationship was over months ago. Their friendship could never survive this unscathed, because while he was ready to let it all go, she was not, and I dreaded the middle of the night heartbreak call.

"Do you hate me?"

"A little."

"Will she?"

"I don't know. Maybe."

Silence.

"I think I might hate her, too."

"Interesting."

Silence.

"I don't hate her. Not even close."

"I know."

He sighed. "Camille, I've fucked things up so badly, haven't I?"

"You both have." And it was the truth, April didn't exactly make it easy to maintain a relationship while she was off trying to forget the old her and in the process, forgot her friends too and consequently, he'd simply let her go.

"What would you do?"

"If I were April, or you?"

"Both, I guess."

"I don't know," I said with complete honesty. "I am the least qualified person to give you any advice."

"I don't believe that for a second."

"And I don't want to tell you what to do about the mess that you helped create. Talk to April and figure it out together." I adjusted the phone to my other ear and wondered why the hell I didn't have my earphones plugged in to assist with the sweat that no doubt coated the screen. "This is the reason why most relationships fail, instead of talking to the person whose opinion counts the most, you're asking me, a certified dumbass when it comes to affairs of the heart. I love you both, but I cannot advise you."

"What if she doesn't want to give it another shot?"

"Do you?"

He sighed heavily. "I don't know."

"Then be honest with her. Don't let her think that there's hope when you know that you're already done."

"But what if I'm not?"

"Then figure that part out first. Sounds fair?"

"Yeah, you're right." I felt his smile through the phone. "And to think that you suck at this."

I laughed. "I really do."

He chuckled. "Thanks for everything, Cam."

"You're welcome."

"Kind of don't want to hang up the phone," he admitted.

"I know," I said with the tiniest of smiles. "Goodbye, J."

I couldn't believe that it was only ten. I groaned and adjusted my body so that my head was resting on the arm of the chair. I was trying to enjoy my last three minutes of peace before someone disturbed me. Also, I was consumed by thoughts of April and Jason and their epic love story.

I was all for them working their shit out, but a tiny part of me didn't want them to. Not because I didn't think that they deserved to be together, but because I truly believed that they needed to work on themselves first, maybe try being friends again and going from there. I'd never say that to either of them though. There were things that they needed to figure out all on their own and in any case, I was no self-help guru.

"Yo, so just a heads up, Aiden and Nelly are on their way over."

I tilted my head back to look at Caitlyn as she passed by. "Why? Is this the only household that people can possibly hang out? What about going over to Logan's? Or Casey's?"

She rolled her eyes. "Just go shower, please."

So, shower I did. I put little thought into my outfit and after only three seconds of deliberation, settled on a pink sweatshirt and matching jogger pants. Less than half an hour later, I bounded down the stairs and almost ran into Nelly.

"Hey," she said, sounding almost relieved to see me. "How's it going?"

I shrugged. "It's going."

"Oh, cool." She shifted her weight from one foot to the other and stared at the ground for a few seconds before giving me a warm smile. "So, about yesterday..."

I didn't know if she intentionally let it linger in hopes that I'd tell her it was all okay, but I just stared wearily at her. Nelly struck me as the type of person that liked to play games and I was not up for it.

"I really am sorry," she continued with a tiny frown. "Your personal life is none of my business and I had no place trying to get involved in any aspect of it. So, yeah. Sorry."

A small smile tugged at my lips and I reluctantly gave in to the urge to soften my features. "You're fine." She really wasn't, but I didn't want to be angry anymore. I was so tired of being mad.

I could tell that she didn't believe me, but she went along with it anyway. "Today's my last day in town and I'm thinking of having a girls' day out. You in?"

I shook my head. "I don't think so. You should go have fun with your girlfriends. And since I don't really know you... yeah, no," I trailed off when I ran out of excuses.

She nodded and that was that. I didn't know whether to be offended by how unaffected she was at my refusal to hang out with her or to be relieved that I didn't have to leave my sanctuary.

I found Aiden in the kitchen, munching on a sandwich, and for a minute I just stood in the doorway, amazed at just how perfect he looked. The effect that he had on me was a calming sensation radiating all over my being whenever I saw him. He didn't even have to be looking at me for everything to be okay. He just needed to be there.

I worried that I was making the wrong choice and being too hasty in my decision to end something that hadn't even truly begun, but deep down in my heart I knew that I wasn't. I needed to be whole before I could give even a percent of myself to someone else and as it was at that moment, I was only just beginning to feel like myself again.

"You just gonna stand there, staring at me like a stalker?"

I laughed. "You wish I'd stalk you."

He offered me a sandwich and I shook my head. Food was the last thing on my mind. I was having a hard time coming up with a way to broach the subject of "us". I didn't want to come across as presumptuous by assuming he even wanted something other than a good friend.

"Uh oh." He wiped his mouth with a napkin and crossed the room. When he was close enough, he placed his hands on my shoulders, looking me in the eye. "What's on your mind? I can tell that something's bugging you."

I tried to shrug him off but the way he was staring at me so intensely changed my mind. "I just," I started and then let it fade out. I really didn't know how to say it.

"You just?"

"I don't know what's happening between us, I mean what this is... but I think that we should cool it. You know, just be friends?" I said it all in a rush, wanting to just be rid of the words.

"You want us to cool it?" He was smiling, an action that confused me. "I mean, if you're sure, then we can certainly water it down to something even more platonic than it already is."

I crossed my arms. "Okay, I get it. You're making fun of me, aren't you?"

"A little." He stepped away from me and took at seat at the counter, gesturing for me to join him. "What's this about?"

I sat and resting my head on the cool granite, let out a heavy sigh. "I don't want to lead you on."

"Lead me on?"

"My mind changes frequently and I'm an overthinker, and there are some days that I really, really like you and can't stop thinking about you and then there are those times that I can't even bring myself to conjure your face in my mind, because I'm riddled with the guilt of not knowing if I even want to go down that road. You're a wonderful person, Aiden and I care for you a whole lot, but I'm not in a place where I think I'll be able to be as emotionally invested in a relationship as you are."

His fingers lightly touched my cheek and I raised my head but couldn't make myself look at him. "Hey," he said softly, gently tilting my face to his. "It's okay. We can be whatever you want us to be, and if it's just friends, then that's what we'll be."

"Are you sure?" I felt tears well up in my eyes and hoped they wouldn't fall.

"Positive."