Isla was glad to be home. The second flight frightened her more than the first, but she didn't step on the first plane feeling like a sinner. She hadn't slept in a man's arms before leaving Boston. Was it a sin if she was only comforting him? He thought she was his dead wife. She allowed it in order to give him the gift of sleep. Unfortunately, in the light of day, it left things awkward between them.

How could he possibly like her if he dreamed about sleeping with his wife? Sometimes prayer wasn't enough. She prayed for the mother to be at peace, but it left Leo in pain. She could only be there for him, but felt a bruise inside when he didn't suggest Cody sit with Riley for takeoff. Isla had to brace herself and not show fear to Riley who calmly looked out the window the whole time.

Leo had looked over when the giant plane was airborne. "You're a pro now."

He didn't know her fear went beyond first time jitters. She feared gravity. Her common sense told her that planes were the exception, unless they weren't.

Back on solid ground in the house Isla thought of as home, she helped settle the children before retiring to her basement room. Everything could wait until the following day, unpacking, laundry, shopping. Leo's goal was to go to work and for the kids to go to school. Isla suspected school might be optional, but he would force himself. She didn't know what he had told his friends, Lilli and Zach, about his wife. His guilt over the divorce had only grown worse. Isla wanted to suggest that he go to speak with father.

If Leo had a nightmare, she didn't hear it. When her alarm went off, she wanted to turn over and ignore it. Groggily, she stepped into her shower and dressed in warm clothes. November in Boston was not like LA. The kitchen was empty as she started the coffee. She needed a cup and pulled the pot before it finished brewing.

"I need one too."

The masculine voice behind her caused tingles on the back of her neck and he stood across the room. She handed him the first cup she had poured for herself.

"How did you sleep?"

He nodded, but didn't meet her face. "Good. Thank you." He cleared his throat. "Riley wants to go to school. Cody will go if we tell him. Expect some irritability this afternoon.

"From me?"

He chuckled. "From all of us, but I meant the kids. Don't clean the entire house."

She lied. "I wasn't planning to."

"Laundry and food shopping, everything else can wait."

"Yes, boss." He looked at her with a puzzled expression, but she felt like they had gone back to the beginning. Instead of a train, she had stepped off the plane feeling unsure, but she wasn't alone. She had her friends too and looked forward to Mass even though they had stopped walking in the cold temperatures.

When she stepped into church, she breathed in the familiar scent of wax and incense, faint but there. The funeral church looked less like a church and the fragrance of flowers overwhelmed any wax. Just like the house around the corner and down the street, the church was her home. As she watched the Eucharistic sacrament, tears welled up. The emotion bubbled and she couldn't pinpoint the cause. So much had happened in the past week and none of it brought her closer to Leo.

At the end of Mass, Helen and Marcia accosted her.

"What happened?"

"How was your trip?"

She looked from one to the other. "Their mother passed away. She had been sick. It was a difficult trip for all of them."

"The poor things." Helen frowned.

Isla nodded. No matter what, her focus had to be the children.

"What about him? She was his ex and all." Marcia couldn't be more wrong in her assumptions.

"It didn't make it easy, but it isn't my business. I missed you both, but I have so much work to do." She rushed out without waiting for a response.

Work couldn't keep her mind occupied, and she finally conceded her plans to clean the house. Just as she had at the beginning, she took a nap before school let out. Patience suffered from fatigue and she needed to summon a lot of patience when Cody cried before they reached the car in the school lot. Riley came off the bus with an attitude. Isla knew they were confused, hurting and tired. Traveling all day exhausted her.

As they sat eating their snack, she said, "Riley, go get the book."

The book was the photo album of their mother. Every afternoon after their trip, Isla encouraged them to look at the family photos. Leo didn't mention the album. It used to hide in his room, but it sat on the bookshelf in the living room. After the first day, the picture of Autumn sleeping disappeared.

In the evening, Leo worked or watched sports, but never flipped through the pictures of his beautiful wife. Isla didn't stay upstairs, but retreated to the basement. Her intent was to give him space to mourn. Gone were the days of conversation and a kiss on the forehead. He hadn't touched her since his nightmare in LA. Maybe she should have woken him and returned to her own bed.

The awkwardness from her first weeks had returned, not because she feared Leo. Disappointment and confusion replaced the fear. Naively, she had hoped he would like her, like her. Embarrassed, she thought of her conversation with Father. At first she let him mourn, but nothing had changed.

One day, Riley came off the bus complaining. The air was frosty, and it smelled like snow again. Actually, it smelled like wood burning. She pointed to a house on the street perfectly trimmed with lights and another with a large tree in the window.

"We need a tree. Christmas is coming and we are the only people in the world without a tree."

Isla resisted the urge to argue against her claim. She would start with non-Christians like their Hindu neighbors. It was a complaint the girl had voiced to her own father. He kept replying soon, but it was clear he didn't feel the spirit of the season. Isla loved Advent, the season before Christmas. It started with 'Oh Come, Oh Come Emmanuel' always sung as the entrance hymn on the first Sunday.

The messages of waiting and patience took on new meaning. She meditated on the strength it took Leo to go on after the accident. When she met her friends, she told them they were doing okay. She shook her head, okay, except for his nightmares. Everything changed after her death. By the third Sunday of Advent with Christmas quickly approaching, she struggled to appreciate the message of joy. There had been no preparation for Christmas. Isla was afraid to ask if Leo had shopped. It seemed he only had time for evenings with his children and work.

Isla took the children to Mass on Sunday alone, one more change since LA. After Riley went to Lucy's without a glance at her father. Based on her cold shoulder, Isla was certain they had words again. She desperately wanted to intervene and considered asking Lilli and Zach for help. Their friends hadn't visited in weeks.

When Cody went to play with his Legos, Isla sighed and started lunch. Maybe Marcia's husband would help her get a tree. Dread crept up her belly and threatened to choke her. If she upset Leo, she would be back at the shelter.

Leo wandered into the kitchen still in his flannel pants. He looked tired, and she worried about his nightmares.

"Lunch is almost ready." He nodded. She bit her tongue, but Riley's face superseded her own fears. "You hired me to take care of your children, but I can't give them what they want. At least, not without your permission." He looked at her like she was an alien. "They want Christmas. If it's too much for you, please let me do it."

He looked down. Isla felt her heart grip, as sadness covered his face. She couldn't hold back as she reached out and touched his shoulder. He sighed a long deep sigh as she continued to rub his shoulders waiting for a response.

His voice was low. "I know. I know. Sunday's a day of rest."

She stopped her hands. "Are you making fun of me?"

"Why? You know I wouldn't have made it without you. " He reached up and put his hand on hers as it rested on his shoulder.

Her heart stopped at his first touch in weeks. "Me?" Her voice cracked.

"You pick up the slack and there's been a lot of slack."

"You're mourning. In my sorrow I left the only home I ever had."

"We'll get a tree today."

She smiled. "What about gifts?"

"I'm working on it. I'm not that horrible of a father."

"You're a wonderful father. Only Riley is confused."

He let out a long sign. "I think I'll walk down the street to get her after I eat."

"She might like that."

Isla's heart felt lighter. Even if he never cared for her the way she did for him, he loved his children. Family Christmases filled the photo album. Her Christmas memories involved church, but other people's involved moments she had never experienced. Riley kept asking to bake cookies like when she was little. Isla couldn't touch the cookbooks and recipes on the top shelf of the spice cupboard. They were too special.

Cody sat eating his sandwich. Isla asked, "Are you excited for Christmas?"

He nodded. "I have to write a letter. Dad won't take us to see Santa."

Because they had together as a family. "You're going for a tree."

The boy smiled as his father, and sister returned. "Tree!"

Riley hugged Isla. "Thanks." Isla wondered what Leo had told Riley, but was happy to see her smile.

Leo rubbed his hands together. "Coat, boots, gloves. Cody, bathroom first."

Riley stood by the door with her father, while Isla set to work wiping up the crumbs on the table where Cody had sat.

Leo said, "The kitchen can wait. You have boots, right?"

Isla looked up confused. Shaking her head, she said, "It's a family outing. Have fun."

Leo frowned. "But you're family now."

She shook her head. "I'm just the nanny." The hurt she felt came through in her tone.

Leo studied her. "You stopped being just the nanny a long time ago."

"But this is one of your family traditions. Your memories."

"That's why we need you to make everything new."

"Please Isla." Riley pressed her hands together begging.

"Okay. If you're sure?" She eyed Leo.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

Isla couldn't begin to answer.

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