Isla didn't want to get out of bed and face Leo. Their late night adventure had taken an unexpected direction. Isla was sure she sinned and felt guilty for not caring if she had. She should have avoided looking at his underwear, but her eyes kept finding the mound in the front. She knew a little about men's anatomy, but the only actual parts she had seen were Cody's. It was obvious the boy had a lot of growing ahead to be anything like his father. She had been fascinated and afraid of his things at the same time.

Her cheeks burned as she remembered his kiss. Even when Paul got carried away, his kiss hadn't been like Leo's. If he hadn't stood and left, she might have been dragged under by lust.

How would he act when she saw him and what did he mean by 'you are loved'? By the children? Certainly not by him? Having had no experience, she couldn't be certain what she felt was love, but it felt unlike any feeling she had ever experienced.

She pulled herself out of bed and dressed before slowly climbing the stairs. Leo. Her heart stopped as she watched him put the coffee on.

He turned and smiled. "Good morning." Then he stepped to her and kissed her forehead. "I will never ask you to change what you believe, but fate brought us together. Tell me you feel it too." She nodded, unable to push air to form a sound. "If I keep a distance, it's only so I don't repeat my actions from last night. I respect you too much."

Isla nodded and stepped around him to pour the coffee which brewed enough for two cups. She wanted to cry, because she faced an impossible dilemma.

Somehow like after every other encounter, things returned to normal or a new normal. Leo didn't kiss her or talk about love again. Meanwhile, she tried not to think about male anatomy. In the evenings alone, he held her hand when they talked. One night after she complained her feet hurt, he offered to massage them. Isla's insides felt almost like they had after the kiss. The kiss that should never be mentioned.

School started and Isla had spent the week making up for the cleaning she hadn't done over the summer. Their mornings had changed with Riley getting on the bus to the middle school before they left for the train station. Isla dropped Cody at school in time to attend Mass. Every day she prayed for a change in feelings. The right words were hard, but often she pleaded, make him only a friend. On her third Monday back at coffee, Father sat next to her

He sipped his coffee while Marcia finished talking about her visit to see her son. Isla turned and smiled at the priest. He was about Leo's age, but she didn't even feel a flutter for him, perhaps because he was ordained.

"It's nice you're back, Isla."

"Thank you, Father."

He frowned. "You look worried. Is everything okay?"

Isla bit her lip. Had she sinned? "No. I need some counsel."

"You're in luck. My calendar is unusually clear today."

"What time?"

He looked at his watch. "After coffee. Say at half past?"

"Okay."

Isla wished she could talk to Sister Agnes. She sipped her coffee and wondered what the old nun would think of her transformation. Leo called her a butterfly. The only butterflies were in her tummy when she thought of him half naked on her bed. Cody had seen a Monarch flitting around on their walk home from school the other day. He explained how they flew to Mexico for the winter. Isla wondered how they knew to do that. She suspected it was much the same as the way her body responded to Leo. God intended it, but he didn't plan for divorce to prevent nature from reaching its potential. Isla was a little presumptuous in thinking he wanted to marry her, but hadn't he said almost as much? She stared into the subpar coffee as her thoughts spiraled around and around.

"Earth to Isla."

She turned to Helen and Marcia staring at her. "Sorry. Just preoccupied."

Helen said, "The rain might stop later. Do you want to walk if it does?"

Did she? The jumbled thoughts in her brain prevented her from thinking a few hours ahead. "I don't know. Maybe."

"The house must be immaculate. You've been cleaning nonstop for a week." Helen complained.

"Not nonstop."

Marcia added, "Near enough."

"I'll let you know."

As she drained her coffee, she watched Father move across the room and exit up the stair closest to his office. Isla had never been to the parish offices before, but she imagined people went for various reasons like to plan funerals or weddings. After waving to her friends, she left the hall by the same stairs the priest had used. A narthex separated the church building from the parish offices. She entered a typical office where a woman, who she had seen at Mass, sat behind a desk.

"Hello. Are you here to register?"

"Register?"

"As a new parishioner. You are new, aren't you?"

Isla had never belonged before. "I guess I am, but I came to speak with Father."

"I'd be happy to make an appointment."

"Oh. He said... An appointment."

A male voice called from another room. "Rose, send Isla through when she arrives."

Isla froze, unsure of what to do. Rose smiled. "You should have told me you had an appointment. He's not good at updating his calendar. Go on through."

Isla walked in the direction Rose pointed. Ahead was another door. Inside Father sat at a desk. The room reminded her of her basement with full bookcases. She didn't need to look at the titles to know the priest's books differed from Leo's collection. Besides the desk, there were four chairs gathered around a coffee table with a box of tissues on it. Isla envisioned grieving family members planning a funeral. She hadn't been part of planning Sister Agnes' funeral.

"Come have a seat." He pointed to the cushioned seats.

She sat as she wondered where to start. Thinking of Sister, she started at the beginning.

Father listened and kept his face expressionless. "The day you wandered into church?"

She nodded. "It was my first day of work. Every day, I learned things which confused me. People clean and shop on Sundays."

He cracked a smile. "I work on Sundays."

She pouted. "That's different. I learned people gossip, and men from good families don't wait for marriage."

Father sat up. "Has a man forced you?"

Isla shook her head vigorously. "No. No."

His shoulders relaxed. "You spent your early adulthood sheltered. A lot of living happens in those years. I hear about it in the confessional, but it's not my role to judge. What's troubling you? I'm guessing it's more gossip."

"Do you know Leo?"

"I know he didn't come to church before he hired you."

"He saved me."

Father smiled. "Are you here because you have feelings for him?"

Isla looked down and mumbled. "He's divorced."

"Aw. I've heard some gossip." Isla's eyes shot up to meet his. He smirked. "Gossip happens and I hear it, but normally never repeat it. The gist is speculation about why he is raising his children. Courts are usually favorable to mothers."

"She can't."

He nodded. "Another reality to the world you hadn't been prepared for. Addiction is everywhere."

"No. I know about addiction. The Sisters. She had an accident, and a machine is keeping her alive."

Father's eyes grew wide. "After the divorce?"

She shook her head. "Her mother refused to let her die, and Leo would have to fight her in court, so he walked away to protect his children."

"It seems like a difficult decision. I already told you I don't judge."

Isla nodded. "What doesn't make sense is the Church would support him letting her die, but not divorcing her."

"No, I suppose it is hard to understand."

"So I can't care for him because he's still married to a woman who is only alive because a machine breathes for her."

"You can care, but you can't marry him."

"I can't compromise my faith."

"His situation is very unique. I could inquire about annulment but..."

"He loved... loves his wife, but she's gone. Vacant is the word he used."

"I recommend you pray for God to call her home."

"I do, but she's not Catholic."

He smiled. "Our loving God has open arms."

"Except if you get divorced." She tasted a bitterness in her words.

"God still loves. Let me inquire, but I can't promise."

Isla nodded. "Thank you, Father."

"Thanks for trusting me."

Feeling restless, she stood and walked past Rose. With only a wave, she silently left. Isla would register another day. If only she felt hope after her meeting. Instead, she felt less. Isla had already googled annulments and Leo's marriage didn't fit. Instead of cleaning or walking with her friends, she took a nap.

After school let out she continued on like every other day. When Leo climbed in the car and smiled, she reminded herself it would have to be enough. That evening they sat together at the kitchen table. As she circled 'elephant', she considered telling Leo about her conversation with Father. Because nothing changed, Isla kept it to herself. Later Leo kissed her forehead before she went downstairs. In bed, she heard the water in the pipes, until they quieted which told her he was in bed too.

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