On Sunday morning, the sun didn't brighten the kitchen. The forecast called for rain and they were having Zach and Lilli. Leo had acted strange after Isla admitted to finding Zach attractive. How could she tell him she preferred him over Zach? She often wondered what would happen if she told him she could overlook his divorce.

Leo appeared looking sleepy with messed up hair and absolutely adorable. She wanted to hug him and feel the comfort of his arms. Unfortunately, her problem would get worse not better with a simple hug.

She watched as he poured his coffee. "Are you mad at me?"

He whipped his head to look at her. "No. Why would I be?"

"What I said about Zach."

"No. It makes me sad that I'm out of the running."

"What running?"

He looked at her. His brown eyes looked darker on the gray day. "To pursue you. I don't want to watch you fall for another guy."

"Fall for. I'm not sure I can."

"Cause Zach's taken?"

She laughed. "That was a joke, right?" He shrugged. "We didn't have humor at the convent. Sometimes, I miss when you're joking."

He looked at her. "Riley thinks you should be Cody's mother."

She felt a sharp pain in her heart. "See another joke."

He shook his head. "I had to lie and tell her I only liked you as a friend."

"A friend."

"But I agree with my daughter."

Isla's hand shook. "You do. I'm not like that woman. I wouldn't know how to be." She would never be like the women in the books, bold and sexy and unafraid.

"Thank God! I understand what being with you would mean."

"Mean?"

"A wedding first."

Isla felt dizzy. "Please stop talking. It doesn't help to talk about something that can never happen."

His eyes dulled as he frowned. "I know, but beware of Riley."

Isla had trouble concentrating at Mass. Typically, the children sat between her and Leo, but somehow they ended up on either side of them. The intoxicating scent of just showered Leo swirled around her. She brushed his hand, and he locked fingers for a quick squeeze before letting go. She felt angry with God for allowing a fall to ruin the family, but without Leo's decisions following the accident, Isla would still be at the shelter. Things happen for a reason. Was there a reason she and Leo should be apart? Did she love him enough to give up her source of comfort and purpose for so much of her life, her faith, the Church?

The weather had affected everyone's mood. Even easygoing Cody was impatient and cried over his Legos. Riley hid in front of the TV and Leo complained about the whining voice on her show. Isla retreated into her own sad mood in the basement. It felt too painful to read about love, so she focused on her word searches. She told herself not to feel guilty, because Sunday was her day off.

A knock at her door startled her, and her hand jagged as she attempted to circle a word. Her heart pounded at the second knock. She smoothed her shirt as she walked to the door. Riley would have called her name as she knocked. Isla opened the door to see Lilli's smile.

"I thought you might be taking a nap."

"No."

Lilli looked around her. "Cute room. Do you like it?"

"I do." It was the nicest room she ever had. Only Leo's room was nicer for the week she stayed in it.

"Good. Do you want to come see my secret recipe?"

"Secret recipe?"

Lilli nodded. "For lobster mac and cheese."

"Lobster? What will Riley and Cody eat?"

Lilli giggled. "They love lobster. You should have seen Riley cracking the shell when they came to the beach last year. Cody needed help."

Isla had never had lobster before. Lilli knew more about the kids than her. Part of her wanted to stay in her room, but she liked Lilli. Isla always learned a lot from her. It was Leo she wanted to avoid. His words kept playing in her mind, 'wedding first'. She could never marry Leo.

"Come on. We'll catch up. How's your summer been?"

Isla followed her upstairs. "Okay. Nice. I heard your secret is out."

"I can't believe it lasted as long as it did. Chelsea and I will never be friends."

"But Leo likes her?"

"He's trained her to be helpful. They have very little in common." Lilli studied Isla like she was a puzzle. "She's not his type. I bet you are. The way he talks about you."

"About me?"

"Isla this, Isla that. The best nanny ever."

"I'm just doing my job."

Lilli smirked and shook her head. "I think it's more than that."

Leo talked about her at work. A wedding first. If only she could marry him assuming he wasn't joking.

"Tell me about your recipe."

"Deflection. I like it."

Isla didn't respond. Why would Lilli like how she changed the subject?

Isla watched as Lilli unpacked ingredients. Most she expected, but frozen lobster surprised her. Should she tell Lilli she had never had lobster before?

"If it was a sunny day, I would have made my famous lobster rolls."

"Famous?"

"You'd be surprised. Now let's get started."

"Should I put a pot on to boil?"

"Nope. We start with butter and flour." Isla watched. Lilli was very adept in the kitchen.

Zach came in. "The first time I tasted Lill's culinary skills, it was her famous mac and cheese. If I hadn't already loved you, I would have fallen for you that day."

Lilli smiled, and Zach kissed her forehead. Isla asked, "How did people not know at work?"

Zach shrugged. "They're blind."

He left and Lilli whispered, "Because he's so far out of my league, no one expected it."

"League? You are beautiful."

"Thanks." Lilli continued stirring and added spices and milk to the pan. Then she added water and the pasta to the mixture.

"You cook the pasta in the sauce!"

Lilli put her finger to her lips. "Shhh. The cheese goes in later."

With the pasta cooking, Lilli left the kitchen. Isla sat at the table with a word search she had left in the kitchen. Zach appeared and went to the fridge for a beer.

"Isla, I want to thank you."

"Me?"

"Yeah, for taking care of my man, Leo. Since you came he hasn't been as sad and lonely. I don't know the details but I can tell he never wanted his divorce."

Isla shook her head. "It was definitely his decision."

Zach's jaw dropped. "He told you?" She nodded. "He must really trust you."

"He does, with his kids." Isla had never lied before she met Leo. Did protecting privacy make lying okay? The world had changed so much since she left the convent. Not enough for her and Leo.

Zach smirked. "I'm glad either way." He rubbed her shoulder as he went by.

His touch confused her. He had Lilli so it couldn't mean anything, but what did it mean? It was easier to search for words than to figure out the ways of the world.

Lilli came back and looked at the bubbling mixture with a proud smile. Isla watched as she cut the lobster meat into smaller pieces. She picked up a piece and popped it in her mouth. Isla resisted the urge to ask what it tasted like. Suddenly, she felt as unworldly as the Isla who stepped off the train. Riley and Cody had experienced more life than her. She had never even seen the ocean.

Lilli looked out the window and sighed. "It's been a great summer, but today reminds me it's ending. Growing up, we would play cards on a day like today. Cribbage or hearts. Do you play?"

Isla shook her head. There was so much life she missed out on. After Lilli filled a baking dish and put it in the oven, Isla asked how long it would cook.

"Only fifteen minutes. I made a salad at home."

Isla nodded. "I'll be back."

She went downstairs to the security of her room. She felt lost in a way she hadn't before. For a moment, she wondered why she left the safe convent. Maybe the weather set her off, but only Lilli and Zach had sought her out all afternoon. A tear fell down her cheek. She wanted to belong, but never would. The line had been drawn. Leo called her a friend, but she was just the nanny.

Time passed as she sat feeling an array of emotions. Each brought her down more. Isla ignored the knock on her door. Maybe Lilli would think she had fallen asleep. Curled up on her side she wiped her wet cheek, but another tear took its place.

As her door opened, she shut her eyes. When the bed dipped, her nose gave the visitor away. Her heart sped up.

"Isla, what's wrong?"

She shook her head as tears poured out. Her heart felt like it crashed from going too fast. He stood, and she felt relieved but his weight returned. His body molded to her back. Even his bent knees met the back of hers.

"Shhh." He kissed her hair. "Did someone say something to you?" She shook her head. "What is it then?"

"I don't belong."

"Why would you say that? Both Lilli and Zach like you. Zach said I was lucky to have you."

"I. I don't know anything about anything."

Leo chuckled into her hair. "You do, but your innocence is an amazing quality."

"Cody is more worldly than me."

"I doubt that."

"He's had lobster and has seen the ocean and probably knows what a touch means."

"What touch?"

"Zach. He rubbed my shoulder. I don't know why."

Leo tensed a moment. "I don't either, but he said you looked sad. I think he cares about you, but as a friend."

"He has Lilli."

"Yes, but they both like you. The other stuff doesn't matter. You can try lobster today and we can take a day trip to the ocean. I had never seen it until I went to California for school."

"Really?"

"Yes. Now come on. The food is ready, and no one wants to sit down without you."

"Really?"

"Yes, really." He tightened his arm around her for a brief hug. "Go splash water on your face. I'll let them know you're coming."

When she returned from washing her face, Leo was sitting on the bed. He stood, and she followed him upstairs.

Zach smiled. "I thought you two got lost."

Leo's neck looked pink. "She was asleep and took a few minutes to wake up."

Zach said, "I'll bet."

Isla felt embarrassed. Leo lied for her.

Lilli said, "After dinner, we'll play cards. Leo mentioned you might need to learn. Don't worry. I had to teach Zach. The rich kids only know poker."

Riley said, "I'll teach you. Sit next to me. I haven't seen you all day."

Isla smiled. Maybe it would be alright, except for the divorce.

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My attempt at Lilli's recipe.