Isla felt sick all afternoon leading to her dinner with Paul. She picked up her phone at least ten times to cancel. What if she had nothing to say to him? What if he asked personal questions? What if he touched her?

Helen had been excited all week as they walked and talked. Mostly Helen and Marcia talked, and she listened. She struggled to keep up with the older women. Her breathing became rapid and her heart rate sped up.

Helen said, "You're young. You need to get in better shape. We'll take care of you."

Helen had to have thirty-plus years on Isla and Marcia carried excess pounds, but she couldn't keep up with them. Would she lose her companions if she canceled her dinner? What if she didn't have anything to say to him?

She went to the bathroom and looked at the toilet waiting for the wave of nausea. When it passed, she put her phone in her pocket and went upstairs to wait. She had been texting with Paul. Even though her fingers were slow, she found it easier than talking face to face. He knew she was a nanny, and so she suggested he text when he arrived, since she lived at her job. It would feel more awkward to have to introduce Paul to Leo. Isla didn't call him Leo. She avoided addressing him by name, because he had told her not to say Mr. Nelson.

Her phone buzzed, and she put on her coat and walked outside. Paul smiled as he held the door for her. Her hands felt clammy even in the cool air.

"I thought a casual dinner." She nodded. "Did you have a good week?"

"Yes. Thank you." Her mouth worked. She wished Leo had lied about his date again. She should focus on Paul. "How were your students?"

He chuckled. "They were all fine. I love teaching during Lent. So many stories of sacrifice to share."

"Tell me one." She smiled a little when her voice worked.

"I'll save it for when we sit down." He laughed as if he was totally at ease.

He parked in front of a chain restaurant. Isla didn't know if she could sit across from him and talk. She talked to the children and women, but men scared her.

A young girl led them to a booth. She slid in while he did the same across from her. He wore a colorful sweater and smelled of aftershave, but not the same as Leo's. His smile was warm as she slipped off her coat. He looked from her sweater to her face.

"I didn't ask if you drank."

"A little wine on holidays, do you?"

"I like to have a drink when I'm out. Will you mind?"

She shook her head, but worried about him driving. She would call Helen if he drank too much.

He ordered his drink, and she asked for water. The bubbly server returned with a glass of beer for him. Leo and Zach drank beer.

He took a sip of his beer. "So how old are the children?"

"Six and eleven."

"Not little. What do you do when they're in school?"

She stammered. "I. I clean and cook and shop."

"And walk with my mother. She's something."

Isla nodded. "I like her. You have a big family."

"We do. It can be crazy. My parents changed their lives with one big decision." She nodded, but didn't comment whether she knew or didn't know. "Tell me your story."

"There isn't much to tell. I grew up in Philadelphia. After I lost my grandmother, I went into the foster system."

He frowned. "I'm sorry. Was it awful?"

"Yes. Most of the time."

He shook his head. "No wonder you are so shy." She looked down, unwilling to look at his sympathy. "But you went to school?"

She told him about her scholarship and finding faith. "It's ironic you could teach a foster boy like me."

"I don't know about that. My students come from families with money. Some are self-centered. My challenge is to get them to show empathy."

She smiled, imagining he was an excellent teacher. They stopped talking to look over the vast menu. She tried not to focus on the prices. She chose a chicken dish. When it came time to order, she felt flustered with the extra question about side dishes. After she said salad, she had to choose a dressing. He ordered a steak with fries and caesar salad.

Once they were alone, he said, "Did my mother tell I was in the seminary?"

"You did."

"Oh, I did. At least I left and didn't fall in love as a priest."

Isla tried to imagine portly Johnny attractive. Did he look like Paul? He didn't look like the men in the magazines. Isla used to look at the magazines in the checkout aisle and dream about being loved by a gorgeous man.

Without thinking, she asked, "Why did you leave?"

"I liked girls too much." Isla choked on her water. "Are you okay?"

She nodded up and down, as she breathed and coughed some more.

He frowned. "Did my honesty surprise you?"

She shook her head. "A little. I think you were right to leave then."

Their salads came and Isla was thankful to eat and not talk. She looked for Paul to bow his head, but he didn't. She tasted her salad. It was decadent with croutons, eggs, bacon, and cheese on top of the greens and tomatoes.

"What do the parents do that they need a nanny?"

"Mr. Nelson works with authors. He's divorced. The children's mother is in California."

"Odd. When my cousin got divorced, the kids only saw their father on the weekends. Usually mothers get the children."

"I don't know about the situation." But wondered. "I didn't know so many Catholics got divorced."

"It happens. Unfortunately."

"He has a woman he dates. Do you think it is wrong?"

Paul smiled. "It's not for us to decide what is right or wrong. The Church is clear, if he marries, he can't share in the Eucharist."

Isla felt sad at missing such a significant part of the Mass. "But it's not the same for priests who leave?"

He smiled. "No. I never thought of it like that before. Ex priests and religious sisters are free to marry and fully participate."

"So marriage is a bigger commitment?"

He nodded. "Thankfully, my parents took on the commitment." He told the story of when he was ten and discovered a photograph of his father in his Roman collar. "It was a unique version of the big talk."

"Big talk?"

He laughed. "It wasn't of course, 'the' big talk. You know the birds and the bees."

Other than biology class, she missed that talk. If she listened to the whispering in the foster homes, she might have learned more.

They ate their dinners, and she declined dessert so he paid the bill. Once they left the restaurant, she felt relieved because she survived and had even enjoyed the conversation. As they reached the passenger side of his car, he didn't open the door. Instead, he took her hand in his warm one. She felt funny things inside. They distracted her, so she didn't notice he moved in until his mouth was on hers. His lips were soft, and she felt sensations all over. He put his arms around her and pulled her in. He kept his lips on hers. She could smell the garlic from his caesar dressing. His tongue licked her lips, and she pulled away.

He smiled. "That was nice." He held her around her waist. "Your bulky sweater hides how narrow your waist is."

His lips descended on hers again. His tongue stayed away, and it was nice, except his hand had moved to her hip. He pulled away and groaned. "No chance you'd want to come to my place to continue?"

She shook her head. "No!"

"Too bad. I'd like to see you without your bulky sweater."

She cleared her throat with no words to say. Luckily he opened the door. Neither spoke until he parked in front of the house. It wasn't late. Were the children still awake having movie night?

"I had fun. We should do it again. Maybe go casual next time with jeans or I don't know." He chuckled. "Your clothes remind me of a nun." She gasped. He said, "Sorry. I meant it as a joke. Sometimes, it's funnier in my head like before with the big talk."

"Do you think other people think I look like a nun?"

"I don't know. Remember my mother was one. My dad fell for one."

Isla wanted to laugh, but she didn't want to look like a nun. She didn't want to be one. She thought about it, but the men in the magazines changed her mind.

"The nuns took me in when I left foster care. I worked for them cooking, cleaning, and caring for the older sisters. I prayed for the calling but it never came."

"You lived in a convent?" She nodded. "I'm sorry. I never meant to insult you."

"I haven't told anyone. No one knows."

He made an X over his heart. "I promise. I was almost a priest."

"Almost?"

"No, I left after my first year. So I'm guessing you didn't leave the convent much to date?"

She shook her head. "This is my first date."

His jaw dropped. "Ever?" Isla nodded. "Jiminy Cricket, I'm so sorry. You must think I'm a jerk taking advantage of you."

"I always wondered what kissing was like."

"Did you hate it?"

"I didn't like the tongue or the garlic."

"Now I feel worse. Do you want to go out again?"

"To kiss?"

"Yes. No. Maybe."

She nodded. "Maybe."

"That's not no."

She let herself out and walked to the door with a wave. Her walking routine helped her walk away quickly.

Once inside, Leo looked up. "Did you have fun?"

As she nodded, she looked at Leo's lips and wondered what they would feel like. "Goodnight." She slipped downstairs.

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