San stayed with Lila through the evening, eventually convincing her to eat a little something. All she accepted was a couple bits of chicken, but soon she closed her eyes and refused to look at him.

He had seen her this bad only once before, and at the time he didn't know what to expect and he had almost lost her to a kitchen knife.

That would not happen again.

When Lila fell asleep, San slipped out of bed and crept into her kitchen to clean everything up. As he did that, he pulled out his phone and called Yeosang.

"How is she?" Wooyoung asked. San felt a smile tug at the corner of his mouth.

"She's sleeping. She's ok."

"What the hell is going on San?" Wooyoung asked, his voice cracking a little. "What did I do?"

San's heart broke at his words. "It's... It's hard to explain, and I don't know if it's my place to say. She isn't well, Wooyoung. And she hasn't been for a long time."

"What are you talking about?" The younger's voice got softer.

"Can you come over here? I'd rather not do this over the phone."

"I... I don't know. Since that article printed this morning... Besides, would she even see me if I came over?"

Sighing, San ran his hand through his hair. "To be honest? I don't know. It may help. Did you leave so suddenly because of the magazine?"

"Yeah, that's what my manager called me about. He was furious... What's wrong with her San?"

San glanced at her bedroom door, the guilt building inside him. He didn't know how she would react if he told Wooyoung. But if she wanted to make the relationship work, he deserved to know. It started to tear him apart inside as he cringed and squeezed his phone.

"She's... She's sick, Wooyoung. And has been for a long time."

He heard Wooyoung suck in a breath. "I'm coming. I'll figure out a way to get over there." He said quickly and then hung up.

San groaned and ran his hand over his face. This was going to be a long night. First her work friends and now Wooyoung... Lila was going to kill him.

.

.

.

.

"What's going on?" Yeosang asked as Wooyoung handed him his phone.

"I don't know, he wouldn't tell me over the phone. But I need to get over there. He said she's sick." Wooyoung scrambled around the couch, trying to find a pair of shoes to throw on.

His heart was pounding. How could his Lila be sick? Why didn't she tell him? He could have helped her... No, he would still help her. It didn't matter what it was, as long as she wanted him by her side, he would always be there.

"Wooyoung, calm down. Are you sure she wants you over there?" Yeosang grabbed his wrist.

The younger hesitated and stared at his phone, as he had been all day. His lower lip trembled at the thought of Lila not wanting to see him.

Yeosang sighed and took Wooyoung's hand. "Let's just take it slow, ok? We need to start by getting you out of here."

"Thank you." Wooyoung beamed at his friend.

They dashed out of his apartment and down the side stairs. His apartment building was fenced in, and all gates had a key code that was needed to gain access, so it kept unwanted people out. But it also kept him locked in when paparazzi camped out at every exit. The back gate was solid, and acted as a wall between the building and the alley that ran behind it, and several other buildings, that was used for trash.

Both boys took a running jump and grabbed the top of the fence, using their strength to pull them up and over.

Thankfully there was no one waiting to ambush them in the alley and they were able to jog to the end of the street. Yeosang peered around the corner and gave a thumbs up before both of them dashed across the street to his car.

Wooyoung knew Roger would kill him if he found out he had snuck out again, but this was more important. He had to know that Lila was going to be ok.

They reached her apartment fifteen minutes later and quickly made their way inside once the determined the coast was clear.

San opened the door after one knock, causing him to almost get smacked in the face by Wooyoung's fist. "This isn't a good idea. You shouldn't be here." He said softly.

"I'll deal with the consequences. Is still sleeping?"

The older nodded and stepped aside so Wooyoung and Yeosang could enter the apartment.

Wooyoung noticed the bouquet of flowers on the counter and arched an eyebrow. "She had some friends stop by earlier. Unexpected." San shifted in place and ran a hand over his opposite arm. He looked nervous.

"San?" Yeosang asked, stepping closer to him.

He flinched in response and mumbled, "I'll go check on her, wait here." Before dashing to her bedroom.

Wooyoung exchanged a worried glance with his friend and they both stayed in place.

Yeosang was glancing around the apartment, when he tilted his head. "Why would she have an empty knife block?" He asked.

Wooyoung glanced at the counter. "She has knives. Maybe they are all dirty." He said, playing with his fingers.

His entire body felt like he was itching on the inside. He couldn't handle this suspense.

Yeosang walked over to him and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder as they both stared at the bedroom door, waiting for it to open again.

.

.

.

.

Lila felt her bed shift and San's arms wrapping around her waist, but she refused to open her eyes. Part of her wished he would just go away. All she wanted was to be alone...

But when did she ever get her wish?

"Lila? Please don't hate me... Wooyoung is here." San whispered, holding her tighter.

She tensed, giving away the fact that she was indeed awake, but she still kept her eyes closed. "Tell him to go away. You should go home too." She said harshly.

San flinched, but didn't let go of her. "No. You can kick me out of your room, but I won't leave until I know that you're ok."

"Why do you even care?" She asked, finally opening her eyes.

She saw him flinch before his jaw set. "Because you need help. I am not letting you spiral out of control again."

Anger flashed in her and she brought her hands up to shove San away from her before swinging her legs out of the bed. "You don't know anything about me! You don't know what I've been through! You-" Lila suddenly felt extremely lightheaded and swooned.

She felt herself falling to the floor as her knees gave out and San's familiar arms wrapping around her. Her feet left the ground and her back pressed against her bed once again as she started to feel clammy.

"This is why you should have eaten more. You know you get like this when you don't eat enough." San whispered into her ear as he brushed hair away from her sweaty face. "I'm going to go heat up some chicken, ok?"

Lila whimpered and nodded, then reached for San's hand. "I'm s-sorry, Sannie... I didn't..."

"I know." He gave her a reassuring smile before leaving the room.

Why did she have to be like this? It made her hate herself even more... She never wanted to snap at San. She knew he was only trying to help her...

But her inner self tried to convince herself that she didn't need anyone. Because not needing anyone made things easier... Then she couldn't hurt them.

And they couldn't hurt her.

That was the most important thing... She didn't want to get hurt anymore.

Lila turned onto her side again and hid under her blanket. Why wouldn't this pain stop? She was tired of her chest hurting.

Sleep... Sleep is what she needed.

But it was taken from her yet again as the bed dipped. She felt San crawling into bed with her. The smell of chicken made her stomach grumble, making her groan.

Slowly, she stuck her hand out from under the blanket and opened it up. A small piece of chicken was placed in it and she brought it to her mouth before snaking her hand out again.

She was surprised when San didn't make some teasing remark, but in a way she was grateful. This was hard enough, admitting he was right.

Lila stuck her hand out again after several minutes expecting to receive more food.

Instead, a soft hand took hers, lacing their fingers together.

Her heart started to pound at the gentle, hesitant touch. That wasn't San... Then she remembered that he said Wooyoung was here.

No... No, this was bad. He couldn't see her like this...

Lila retreated further into her blanket and curled up into a tighter ball. When she tried to pull her hand away, Wooyoung wouldn't let go. He didn't tighten his grip, but he didn't loosen it either.

Why...

"Lila?" His sweet voice flowed over her and sent a chill down her spine. "Will you come out please?" God his voice was like honey...

Bewitched, Lila pulled the covers down to reveal just her eyes to him, although she didn't look up.

"Lila." He whispered, now squeezing her hand gently.

Tears started to pool in her eyes and suddenly she was being pulled out from under the covers. Wooyoung pulled her to his chest and cradled her gently, rocking her back and forth. She fisted his shirt.

He said nothing as she started to cry again. How she had more tears in her, she didn't know, but they flowed freely as Wooyoung wrapped his arms around her.

"I'm sorry..." She said after what felt like ages. "I'm so sorry..."

Still he said nothing. Instead he just tightened his grip and kissed the top of her head.

"I'm sorry..." Lila whispered, pressing her face into his chest.

"Will you tell me what happened?" He asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

Lila didn't even know if she could explain. It just hits her so suddenly sometimes. "I... It's hard..."

"Take all the time you need." Wooyoung said, running his hand through her hair. The motion soothed her and she could feel the darkness slowly started to fade.

"I have a hard time... Controlling the negative thoughts in my mind." She finally said. "Doctors call it severe depression, severe anxiety, bipolar disorder... I've heard a lot of different names and no one is able to positively define what it is." The shame started to rise as she spoke and she clutched Wooyoung's shirt tighter.

"Ha..." Wooyoung swallowed. "Have they tried to do anything for you?"

"I tried going to therapists, but they never seemed to understand. And they prescribed me medication."

"Which I see you aren't taking." San said from the door.

Lila flinched and closed her eyes. She could hear his disappointment. "I don't like how it makes me feel."

"And how is that, exactly?" He asked as he came to sit on the bed.

"Foggy. Like... I'm trapped and there's no way out. I can't really explain it. It's... I know they are supposed to make me 'normal' and happy, but when I'm in that fog... I feel like happiness doesn't even exist."

"Did you tell the doctors that?" Wooyoung's voice was soft against the top of her head.

"Yes, and they would just give me something different." She heard the pill bottle shake in San's hand.

"But it they could have prevented this. Do you know what I did after you came in here last night?" Her friend asked, his voice now shaking a little.

She didn't want to know. But she had a guess.

"What are you talking about San?" Wooyoung's voice was harsh.

The older got up and left the room for a moment before coming back carrying a large baggie. Lila turned her head and saw it was full of her knives and razors. Her stomach flipped as bile rose to the back of her throat.

"What the hell?" Wooyoung exclaimed, pulling Lila closer to him.

She started to shake as the fear of what Wooyoung would think of her started to eat away at her mind. It was coming back... the darkness...

Lila brought her hands to her head and tugged at the roots of her hair. She couldn't breathe. Her chest hurt. Why couldn't she breathe? She thought she heard someone calling her name, but she couldn't register it. She couldn't register anything. Her entire body was numb... She just wanted to feel something again.

"Lila!" San snapped, yanking her hands away from her head and forcing her to look at him. His gaze was harsh and demanding, but soft and concerned at the same time. "Lila snap out of it. We are right here. This is why I did it. Look at your fingers!"

She looked down and saw blood underneath her nails. How had she not realized she was digging her nails into her skull so hard she had drawn blood?

San lifted a towel up and dabbed at the side of her head. "This is why you need the medication. So we don't have a repeat of last time." He whispered.

Wooyoung leaned forward to kiss her shoulder. "What can we do to help you?"

Lila's chest tightened as she turn to look at him. He was scared, but she couldn't tell if he was scared of her or of what he was finding out about her.

"Don't hate me..."

Wooyoung's mouth opened a little in shock as his forehead creased.

"Please..." She choked out. "Everyone I know has left me because of this, except San... Please don't hate me..."

Suddenly she was engulfed in two sets of arms as Wooyoung pulled her to his chest and San hugged her from behind.

The end of the bed shifted and Lila saw Yeosang watching them out of the corner of her eyes. He leaned forward and place a hand on San's leg.

"Never. I could never, ever, hate you." Wooyoung whispered. "Am I scared? Yes. I'm terrified. But only because I don't know how to help you. I was slowly going... It was agony not knowing why you were ignoring me today. I don't want to lose you. I promise I will do everything I can to help you."

"You're not alone. You need to learn to lean on others." San said, rubbing the back of her head. "You've always had me, and you always will."

Lila smiled as she nuzzled into Wooyoung's chest.

Her heart felt like it was warming up and her chest stopped hurting.

For the first time in two days, Lila felt a sense of her true self coming back.