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Maybe falling in love really turns us into those kind of people we hate so much. Into those dumb personalities we would never dream of having. Into those masochistic sh*ts we would like to punch on the face. 

It clogs your mind. Love it is. 

And thinking right is almost impossible you just want to vomit everything out. 

Sometimes, Park Chanyeol hates it. He hates the word and the feelings it brings. He hates the way the burning feeling goes from his chest and to the tips of his fingers and toes. He hates that no matter how many times it pains him, he doesn't want it gone. He hates that he loves it. Him. 

"He chose her over you." his  friend, Wu Yifan aka Kris, would say whenever he caught him staring at the couple a few feet from their position on the school grounds.  

Maybe he's right. He chose that gorgeous gal over him. He chose her maybe because she could kiss better or she could listen to him more. Maybe because she knows music more than he does. Or maybe because she's just... maybe she's better. Entirely. 

Chanyeol would shrug him off. "Maybe." he would mutter, mostly to himself. "I never got the chance to ask." 

"You're roommates." Kris said that day. "You always have the chance."

And Chanyeol would give him a funny look. "You know what i mean." 

Of course Kris doesn't know what he means. What does he know anyway? What does he really know about his two friends, Park Chanyeol and Byun Baekhyun? They keep to themselves, stealing looks from each other whenever they get the chance. He doesn't know the real thing between them. He doesn't even know that Baekhyun kisses Chanyeol whenever he's asleep. He doesn't know that Chanyeol knows it, only pretending that he doesn't. 

Most of all, he doesn't know why Baekhyun is now holding hands with the most popular girl in their class. He doesn't know why he's there, pretending to be happy. 

And it's a pain in the ass cause Chanyeol also doesn't know why. 

"My class's about to start." Chanyeol suddenly said, stepping back from him and gesturing to the school buildings with his hand. "See you." then without another word, he walks away after giving Baekhyun another long stare. 

Kris huffs as he leaned on the tree behind him. When Chanyeol isn't looking, he saw Baekhyun give the giant the long stare this time. He bit his lip then looked down, pretending to listen to his girlfriend. Pretending to really look interested. Pretending to love her. 

Yifan groaned as he fixed his hair. 

The trouble with love. 

The room is dark when Byun Baekhyun entered. His girlfriend was nagging him, telling him that they should watch a movie since it's a Friday. And what can he do? He doesn't want her doing it again. He would feel guilty. Baekhyun didn't bother looking for the switch now. He doesn't want Chanyeol waking up because of him. He used his phone and used its light to go around their room. He caught Chanyeol's figure, sleeping on his bed, a pillow over his chest. 

Baekhyun sighed before walking over to him, pulling the pillow off his chest. It could trouble his breathing and he doesn't want a corpse inside their room the first thing in the morning. And it's Chanyeol. He can't be a corpse. Not yet. 

He knelt beside his bed, fixing the blanket that is draped over him. He turned off his phone, leaving them both in the kind of darkness he wants --- with only the moonlight through the window illuminating them both. Then very slowly... Baekhyun reached for his face. 

He traced his brows with his thumb and likes the way Chanyeol leans to his touch. He wants that he likes his warmth even though he's cold from walking outside. He likes that Chanyeol is sleeping. He likes that he doesn't need to hear what he's going to say. 

Or what he's been telling him every night before going to his own bed. 

"Maybe you hate me." Baekhyun whispered, running the back of his hand along Chanyeol's cheek. He likes that it's not that bright but he can see his face well enough. "Maybe you hate me because i like hurting you." 

He leaned a little bit so he could smell him. He always loves Chanyeol's smell. 

"Do you... Do you hate me, Chanyeol?" he murmured and he doesn't want him to answer. "Is it too much already? Am i... hurting you too much?" 

Baekhyun always tried not to cry. But he always fails. 

Dammit cause he always fails. 

He fails about everything. He fails about loving the right one. 

He fails about making him feel that. 

Dammit cause he fails. 

"I'm sorry." he sobbed. "I'm sorry because i'm too afraid. I'm sorry because i can't fight for you. I'm sorry because i can't love you right now." 

He rested his head on the mattress. 

"Just unlove me, will you?" he whispered. "I don't want you getting hurt."

Baekhyun ran his thumb along Chanyeol's cheek. 

And he gasped when he felt that it's wet. From tears. 

Baekhyun started to pull away but Chanyeol caught his hand, pulling it back. He didn't open his eyes thought, he doesn't want Baekhyun to see him that way. And he doesn't want to see Baekhyun crying. 

"Why did you leave me?" Chanyeol whispered and it's nearly a sob. "Why did you do it?" 

Baekhyun didn't answer. He tugged on his hand, hating the fact that Chanyeol is stronger than him. He's stronger in so many aspects... in so many things. But right now, he's crying. Just because he left him. 

Could he be any more evil? 

"Let go..." Baekhyun whispered. "And don't open your eyes." 

Chanyeol brushed the back of Baekhyun's hand with his thumb. He touched it as gently as he can, feeling his soft skin underneath. 

"Is this a good bye?" he whispered back as he started to loosen his grab. 

Baekhyun doesn't want to answer him. 

"Chanyeol..." 

"Is this what you want?"

Baekhyun just tugged on his hand. 

"Baekhyun..."

Chanyeol tightened his fingers around Baekhyun's hand but the smaller reached for their hands, pulling Chanyeol's fingers away. Chanyeol wanted to fight back. He doesn't want him gone. He doesn't want him away. 

"I want this." Baekhyun sobbed. "Just please... let me go." 

Chanyeol slowly shook his head.

Baekhyun let her head fall on the mattress, sobbing like doing this kills him. And it does. And it hurts. He started to hold unto Chanyeol's hand, squeezing it one last time.

And Chanyeol didn't even think when he sat up and pulled Baekhyun's hand. He wrapped his arm around Baekhyun's waist and kissed him, kissed him like it's all ever he wanted. He kissed him and Baekhyun was sobbing as he kissed him back.

But it could never last. And Chanyeol knows it.

Baekhyun pushed him off, murmuring that he's sorry. He pulled his hand forcefully and Chanyeol knew he can't hold him back. He knew. He knew he's not his anymore.

"I will kill myself. I will kill myself and it'll be your fault, Byun Baekhyun."

Baekhyun can still hear her words. He tried to brush them off.

"I always get what I want. You can't stop me now."

He doesn't want his old friend killing herself. He doesn't want that she likes him. He doesn't want that she thinks that she loves him. Baekhyun knows Taeyeon doesn't love him.

He's just another flavor of the month. Or the year.

Baekhyun went straight home after a tiring day with her. She always treats him like a slave. She doesn't need a boyfriend. She needs a maid. Tons of them.

It was a surprise though.

And it's a lethal bomb, exploding on his face.

When Park Chanyeol is already gone.

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Even the subject of his paintings is a guy with brown curls and chocolate-brown eyes that is so alive it sends sparks right into his heart.

Chanyeol bit his lip as he tried to adjust the details. Maybe blonde is better? Or black? Or even electric blue for that matter? Maybe he could change its fingers. Make it uglier and calloused. Make it different. make it something cliche. Make it just like all the other painters would do.

But he retracted his paintbrush. Admiring Byun Baekhyun's face on the canvas.

He can't. He can't distort everything that reminds him of Baekhyun.

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He's writing the poem again. Though it pains his hand.

She broke up with him right before he got a job, saying that they're not for each other. Baekhyun knows that though. He knows it the very first time she took his hand and didn't pull back. He knows it just by looking into her eyes.

It was all too stupid.

And now he's gone.

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He hung the last portrait of him. There's a small room, at the far end of the gallery, where every wall is decorated with Baekhyun's face on the canvas.

Chanyeol knows him too well that after four years of his absence, he still remembers his every details. He just have to close his eyes. He just have to feel his hand, his lips, even hear his voice. And he's suddenly alive, igniting his heart.

He wonders what he's doing now.

Chanyeol paced the whole gallery, admiring works of different painters. Admiring photos. Admiring calligraphy as they hung on the other side of the room. He stand in front of one now, his hands in his pockets.

The canvas is wide. And very long it reaches the marble floor.

"Fall again

And don't be afraid of wounding your knees

Don't be afraid of hitting a dead end

Don't be afraid of hurting yourself

I could catch you

Fall again

Feel the pressure against your chest

Feel my fingers against your hand

Feel my presence on your back

I could catch you

Fall again

Cause I'll wipe your tears away

I'll hold you like you did

I'll kiss you like you wanted

I could catch you

Fall again.

Please fall again.

Fall in love.

With me.

Again.

Will you?"

He doesn't know why the words feel familiar. Or why the air seemed to thicken with something he's sure he felt before. Or why the tingling feeling is back.

He doesn't know why he doesn't turn to meet his eyes again.

"Will you?"

Chanyeol turned his head, just to see his figure walking towards him. Baekhyun stopped, just beside him, waiting... feeling so much familiar in a way he likes.

The taller looked on the floor and back on Baekhyun's work.

"Something's wrong with it." he muttered.

Baekhyun cocked his head to one side. "What?"

Chanyeol's lips curl into a smile.

He wonders about falling in love with Baekhyun again.

It's impossible.

He can't fall in love with him again.

Because he never stopped.

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

I just hope you loved this shot. :)

I made the poem and i wanted to make a story out of it.

I hope it's not lame. hehe. :)

Thank you for reading everyone! Have a lovely weekend.

I love you all. Godbless. ^^