38

"NEW York was good to you," Anton says with a grin, hugging her tight and kissing her head. "Missed you so much, Jiya."

Jiya grins at him. "Missed you, too."

Hindi man sila palaging nag-uusap ni Anton, Jiya kept in touch with him. Sa kanila ni Cas and Isco.

Jiya's thankful Migo's on the other side of the huge and long table at the café. She sits beside Isco and Van with a smile after she hugs Cas and doesn't look at him.

Tries to ignore that he's in the same room as her for the first time in three years.

Addie and Cas thank all of them for coming, and all their friends and family clap and cheer.

Anton leans over and whispers, "Wanna play pool after?"

Jiya nods with a smile. "You'll have to teach me."

He grins.

Anton doesn't ask questions about Migo, which is an immense relief. Baka Van and Addie briefed them all na bawal gawin 'yon. The thought makes her snort.

Jiya bends down the table, closing one eye to her target as she holds her stick in between her fingers.

"Bro."

She messes up the shot.

It completely misses. She doesn't even hit anything. The stick clatters on the table when her fingers jerked at the sound of his voice behind her.

"Volleyball kami," Migo tells Anton, completely ignoring her. "Sama ka?"

Jiya doesn't dare turn to him.

Anton raises an eyebrow at him, turning the stick around his fingers. "Tapusin lang namin game na 'to. Una na kayo."

Jiya exhales a heavy breath when she hears his footsteps back away.

Anton eyes her warily. "You don't wanna play volleyball?"

"I—" She swallows thickly and gives him a smile. "I do. After I beat you."

Anton scoffs and focuses back on the game, blowing into the end of his stick. "You're going down."

Jiya laughs as he bends down exaggeratedly.

To no one's surprise, Anton wins their little pool game, and he walks with her towards the beach.

Jiya can see that some of Addie's friends from high school are busy admiring Migo, pointing at him while he plays volleyball, giddy. Kinikilig. Jiya tears her eyes away and looks at the sand.

"Laro!" Cas shouts at them, waving them over. Nando'n na rin 'yong iba nilang friends.

"Give us five!" Anton yells back, grabbing her wrist and pulling her to a lounge chair sa cabana. "Take off your shirt."

Jiya gapes at him.

He laughs, pulling out a bottle of sunblock from the bag sa table. "I don't want you to get burned, medyo namumula ka na rin. Did you forget to put some on?"

Jiya winces as she pulls the hem of her tank top over her head. "Yeah. Shit, thank you. Ayokong magmukhang sunog pa during the wedding, dagdag pa 'yon sa current circumstances."

Anton snorts, putting his hands on her shoulders to turn her around. He sits behind her and opens the bottle, brushing her hair away from her shoulder. "And the current circumstances being absolutely gorgeous?"

No. She meant the opposite.

Anton spreads sunblock over her back. She sighs, relaxing. "I mean it," Anton says.

"You're being nice," Jiya teases, looking down at her hands.

"No, I have eyes," Anton argues firmly. "Don't say that shit about yourself. Makes me angry."

Jiya doesn't say anything more.

He takes her arm and spreads sunblock over that, too. "I know it's awkward...with Migo and everything—"

"I don't want anything to do with him anymore," Jiya says. "Please drop it."

Madali siyang kausap. "Okay. Have you tried the dress na?" Anton asks softly.

Sabi ni Addie it's in the closet. Exact measurements daw, pero hindi pa nat-try ni Jiya. "I will tonight."

Anton nods and takes her other arm. "How's work and life sa NYC?"

That is a safe topic. Jiya answers him and he listens.

When they finally join their other friends, Jiya's heart in her throat as she ignores him the way he's ignoring her, Cas breaks them up into teams. Anton, Jiya, Cas, and Addie versus Inggo, Van, Migo, and Isco.

Buti na lang.

The ball is served by Cas, and the game begins.

Serve, receive, lipat, receive, lipat, set, spike, receive ulit, tapos out. Addie is a shit player. She screams every time napupunta sa kanya yung bola. Cas laughs at her.

Migo serves this time. Jiya receives it and almost hisses sa lakas n'on, and Cas sets it. Anton runs up to spike the ball down and Van dives to get it, yelling, "Mine!"

Nabigay kay Migo. He spikes it directly down Anton's position, muntik na tumama sa mukha niya if he didn't turn his head away at the last minute.

"Sorry, pare!" Migo yells, back already turned, but Jiya knows he's pushing his tongue inside his cheek, smiling.

Anton smiles easily. "No worries."

Jiya clenches her jaw. Arrogant fuckface.

Nasa harap na siya ng net, kaharap si Migo. She's suddenly brought back to that time in college no'ng PE nila 'to and they made a bet after kissing in the bleachers.

She receives the ball, and then she runs up when it's returned to her, jumps, and slaps her palm over it.

Migo blocks it. The ball bounces back to her face.

"Shit, sorry ba—"

He stops.

Jiya's holding one hand to her nose, staring wide-eyed at him when he ducked under the net, one foot towards her, eyebrows furrowed in concern until he realized what he was doing.

Migo stares at her, and his Adam's apple bobs up and down.

Cas puts a hand on her shoulder. "Ji, you okay?"

Jiya smiles at him, shaking off her hands and rolling her shoulders. "Yeah, I'm fine."

They continue the game. Migo doesn't block her spikes anymore.

His team wins, though.

As soon as it's over, Jiya turns to the pool, wanting to soak herself in water with a fruit shake (hindi niya naubos 'yong kaninang morning) and relax.

Some of Addie's friends from her work introduce themselves to her, but they also leave her alone kaagad to head to the golf course.

Sinamahan siya ni Inggo maya-maya, dipping his feet in the water, smiling at his phone before he pockets it in his board shorts. He focuses on her. "How's the face?"

"Still working," she answers dryly.

Inggo presses his lips together. "Well, you haven't ran away yet. I can only assume Migo's being on his best behavior."

Yeah, right.

But she also doesn't want to cause drama. This week is for Addie and Cas, and kapag sinabi ni Jiya ang sinabi ni Migo sa kanya, he'd punch him.

"Yeah," she answers in a whisper, making ripples of water with her hands.

Inggo flicks water towards her face.

Jiya sputters. "De Paz!"

He laughs loudly, attempting to stand up, but Jiya grabs his ankles and pulls them down.

"Hoy, hoy, hoy, 'wag!" he screams, trying to kick her off. "Phone ko nasa bulsa ko!"

"Halika dito!"

Inggo manages to run away from her, cackling loudly, and tells her magj-jet ski sila. Jiya tells him she'll do that later. For now, gusto niya ulit muna mag-nap before dinner as she's still feeling the jetlag.

She grabs a towel from one of the chairs and heads up to the rooms, patiently waiting for the elevator.

Nakabukas nang slight ang door nila. Baka naiwan ni Van.

Jiya steps inside, dumping the towel on one of the chairs. She pushes her shorts down to her feet and steps out of them para dire-diretso na siya sa shower. Reaching behind her, she pulls her hair off its ponytail and lets it down, then she unties her bikini top and leaves it on the floor, too.

Ibababa pa lang niya bottoms niya when she realizes her suitcase is not where it's supposed to be—sa harap niya dapat, sa harap ng closet.

She turns around and almost screams when she sees Migo relaxing on his bed, watching her.

"Jesus fucking Christ!" she shouts, fumbling to cover her chest with one hand and the other grabbing the towel to cover herself up, her face burning. "Tangina, Migo!"

"Well, don't stop on my account," he says lazily, tipping his chin up, telling her to continue.

"You couldn't have told me I was in the wrong room?!" she yells, turning her back on him, securing the towel around her.

"I was enjoying the show."

"Talaga? 'Di ka nasusuka?" she snaps, her breaths coming in pants, her hands shaking. 

The words are at the tip of her tongue, but she can't bring herself to say them.

It seems like Migo got what she was trying to say, though. His jaw clenches as he sits up, staring at her. He doesn't say anything for a long while.

Jiya takes in a shuddering breath, fingers still shaking. She wipes her cheek furiously and turns around.

"Valle."

Her feet stop just as she's bolting out the door. Her hands continue to shake as she holds on to the towel.

"I resent you," he says behind her, voice quiet and calm and furious.

Jiya squeezes her eyes shut, bowing her head.

"I resent you," Migo says again. "I resent you for leaving me."

She twists around, angry, and shoves her hand in his chest. "I hate you too, Migo Salas. For making me leave you."

Jiya runs, hands shaking with her keycard, slamming the door behind her.

She sinks to her knees and sobs as silently as she could. She doesn't want Migo to hear.

Jiya comes down to dinner with a smile, sitting the farthest away from Migo.

Inggo keeps looking at her. Finally, she turns to him. "What?"

"Umiyak ka ba?" he snaps under his breath, jaw tight as he grips her chin. "What happened? May ginawa si Salas? Sinabi sa 'yo?"

"No." Jiya turns her head away and focuses on her food. "No, it's just from sleep. He didn't do or say anything, and I don't want anything to do with him anymore."

Inggo stares at her.

Please, Inggo, she pleads inside her head, chewing. Shut up na lang. Let it go.

He does. Thankfully.

Sa kama, Jiya stains the pillow with her silent tears, Migo's voice haunting her to her dreams.

*

("Fuck!" Migo yells as soon as she's out the door, pulling at his hair.

He didn't—he didn't mean it. He didn't mean all of it, fuck, he—he's out of control, keeps wanting to hurt her the way she hurt him—hurts, keeps saying shit he doesn't fucking mean, keeps stabbing himself and her with his—his fucking asshole mouth—

She looked at him like she couldn't recognize him.

Valle! he wanted to scream earlier. Valle, ako 'to! Ako pa rin 'to, bumalik ka na sa 'kin, mahal pa rin kita, tangina mo, bumalik ka na sa 'kin!

He wasn't even looking while she stripped. He turned away. Pero hindi—walang excuse sa mga sinabi niya. Letting her undress in front of him just because he—he missed her scent and her breaths and her movements just a few feet away from him.

Tangina.

How could she—how could she just waltz back in his life like he didn't just spend the past few years writhing in agony over the hole in his chest?

Kanina, sa volleyball court, when he accidentally hit her. It was...God, it was too fucking easy to say, "Shit, sorry babe, okay ka lang?" Too fucking easy to step towards her in instinct, run his fingers through her face.

Puta.

She can't look at him during dinner. Her eyes are red and puffy and she's smiling like he didn't just beat the shit out of her with his words earlier.

Look at me, Migo begs, staring at her from across the table. He grips the table. Fucking look at me so I can see how much damage I've done. So I can see if you don't recognize me anymore.

She never does.

On the way back to their room, swinging their beer bottles, Inggo's voice stops him. "What did you do to Jiya?"

Migo turns around slowly.

"Sabi niya wala, pero I know you both better than that."

Migo grits his teeth.

Bakit hindi niya sinabi kay Inggo? Bakit hindi niya sinabi kay Van o kay Addie o kahit kanino man, for fuck's sake? Kanina pa hinihintay ni Migo na paalisin siya ni Castillo o suntukin siya ni Inggo.

Pero wala siyang sinabi sa kanila. Bakit?

When he stays silent, Inggo steps forward with a tight jaw. "If you love her, Migo, stop hurting her. Hindi lang ikaw ang nahirapan while you were apart."

Migo watches him walk away.)

*

Addie throws the covers off and hurls herself on top of Jiya's body to wake her up.

She drags herself to the bathroom. She doesn't bother changing out of her clothes, but she puts on a bra under her big shirt before they go down to breakfast.

There are voices down the hallway and Jiya almost stops beside Van, but she pulls her along, animatedly chatting with Addie about the preparations sa ceremony and reception.

The boys are standing in front of the elevator save for Cas. Anton, Isco, and Inggo smile at them. Migo doesn't look their way.

"Morning." Inggo kisses her cheek, slinging his arm around her neck.

She doesn't say anything, eyes still closed, but she leans her head on his shoulder. Inaantok pa siya.

"Kape muna para kay Grinch," Isco says, chuckling.

She and Migo sit far away from each other. Inggo grabs her a glass of orange juice after her coffee and Jiya smiles at him.

She stands up with her plate to grab another egg, but stops in front of the station when she sees Migo waiting for his own.

Jiya turns around and sits down. 'Wag na.

She finishes her sausages on her plate and almost spits it out mid-bite when a plate of scrambled eggs is set in front of her.

Migo looks at her as he sits back down.

Jiya can feel their friends staring at her.

Ano 'to, pinapakita niya sa mga kaibigan nila that he's on his best behavior kahit halos mandiri na siya sa kanya?

Jiya puts down her fork and swallows. Finishes her sausages and doesn't touch the egg.

She can feel him burning holes at her from how hard he's staring, but she's not going to give him the satisfaction of looking back at him. She would even like to get up and leave now, but that would cause unnecessary drama for Addie and Cas and ayaw na niyang dumagdag pa sa stress nila.

Just as everyone's finishing breakfast, Jiya steps out towards one of the couches papuntang infinity pool to feel the sun on her face while the rest go about their day. The boys are planning to blow up the inflatables para sa beach, tapos Addie made Van and Jiya promise to meet her sa spa for their manicures and pedicures in the afternoon.

Jiya takes out her phone when it starts to ring. Si Gelo.

"How are you?" he asks as soon as she answers it.

"I'm fine," Jiya says, picking at a thread in her top. "The building burning down yet without me?"

It makes him chuckle. "Got it under control, though it's weird seeing your office unoccupied. You having fun?"

She smiles a bit. "Pwede na."

"He's not..." Gelo pauses. "He's not giving you a hard time, is he?"

Ha. "No," Jiya tells him. "Stop worrying about me and go to sleep. It's ten there."

"I couldn't sleep without talking to you," Gelo says. "I miss you already, it's been a day since you left."

"Miss you too," Jiya says cheerfully. She doesn't need to clarify na she misses him as a friend. Gets na niya. "Nakausap mo na ako, so matulog ka na. Night."

He's smiling. "Night, Jiya. I'll call tomorrow." Then he hangs up.

Jiya stands up and heads back inside the main club to go up to her room, but a voice behind her sa hall makes her jump.

"Didn't poison the eggs, by the way."

Jiya swirls around, angry. "Stop sneaking up on me."

Migo has an easy smile on his face. He's already stripped down to his board shorts. "Not my fault you're jumpy."

"And 'wag kang plastik, Migo," Jiya mutters, turning away from him to go down the steps. "Hindi bagay."

"Bakit hindi mo sinabi kay Addie or Inggo?"

Jiya stops.

Migo comes closer, stepping down. "I keep waiting for Ads to yell at me to go home. For Inggo to punch me."

She faces him. She can't read his face.

Migo stares at her, hands in his pockets. He's so close she can touch him. She balls her hands into fists behind her back and turns around.

Migo grabs her wrist and it shocks her so much her breath catches, and she stumbles towards him when he pulls her, his jaw tight and his eyebrows furrowed. "Stop walking away from me."

"What the hell do you want, Migo?" Jiya snaps, can't stop her voice from quivering, the fingers of the hand he's holding from shaking as she tries to get it out his grip. "Let go."

Migo watches her face, eyes darting all over it, eyes, lips, cheeks. And then her fingers. "Why are you shaking?" he murmurs, entranced, eyebrows still drawn together in confusion.

Because you're touching me after three years but you hate me. Because I'm scared that you keep wanting to hurt me. Because I still have a wrist-grabbing trauma. "Let go, please," she almost whimpers, twisting and turning it around his grip.

Migo does.

She stumbles back, hugging her wrist to her chest.

"I'm not—" Migo swallows thickly, and for the first time since she got here, he looks unsure. Guilty. "I wasn't going to hurt you."

Jiya almost scoffs. Her face is turned away and her eyes are burning as she looks at the floor. "Really."

"Is that..." He pauses. "Is that what you think of me now?"

"I don't know what to think," Jiya says, still refusing to look at him, still gripping her wrist, still shaking. "I don't know if I still know you, I don't know if you're still the person I love because I can't see him. I'm trying to stay out of your way because we obviously can't bear the sight of each other, pero ang gulo mo. What the fuck do you want? You want me to grovel at your feet and beg for forgiveness? You want our friends to ignore me like you do?"

"I'm sorry for grabbing your wrist," he says abruptly. "I didn't mean to. I just loathed that you kept turning your back on me and I keep seeing you walk away from our home and I...I can't."

Jiya finally meets his eyes.

"And I'm sorry for all the disrespectful shit I said yesterday, you didn't deserve any of that." Migo steps back. "I just..." He takes a deep breath. "I want to look at you and not feel like I'm dying, Valle," he chokes out.

Jiya stares at him through the wetness in her eyes. "I don't deserve it? Are you sure? Kaya lang naman wala akong sinasabi is kasi I know you want to hurt me as much as I hurt you."

His jaw ticks. "That doesn't give me an excuse to be an asshole."

"You're right, it doesn't," Jiya hisses, taking in a shuddering breath. "But you got what you wanted. Anything else you want to say about my body? You once worshipped and loved it."

Migo exhales heavily. He keeps his eyes on hers.

"I get it, you hate me, you're angry, you're furious, you blame me," Jiya whispers. "Sure. Let's say I deserve it. Pero hindi ako nandito para sa 'yo, Migo. Maglabas ka ng galit some other time, pero ngayon, we're here for Cas and Addie and they deserve some damn respect from the both of us as their friends."

He pauses.

"You're right," he says after a long beat of silence. "We're here for Cas and Addie."

She swallows. "Leave first. So you don't see me walk away."

Migo turns around and leaves.

Jiya sinks down to her knees against the wall and puts her face in her hands.

Their conversation repeats like a broken record inside her head sa spa. All the way to lunch, where he sits across from her and keeps glancing at her, all the way to the function room to help with table napkins for the reception, to dinner and to bed.

She hates, hates, hates she said 'love' instead of 'loved'.

Hindi niya alam if Migo caught that slip-up. Sana hindi.

*

"Cheers!"

Jiya downs her shot, as do the rest of the girls. The music is loud in this club and it's hot, but the drinks are good and she doesn't particularly care that she's only wearing a bandeau top tied with a knot in the middle and white linen pants. Van insisted kanina when she was raiding her luggage and whistled. "Hot!" she said, fanning herself.

Bridal shower na ngayon ni Addie. Sa isang bar sila ng resort while the boys have the bachelor's party sa kabilang bar.

The alcohol burns down Jiya's throat. They all gave their gifts na to the bride-to-be, and all that's left is to party and dance until dawn.

She dances with her best girl friends, jumping and laughing and twirling around, and she feels like she's back in college again with Migo watching from the other side of the room, looking at her with a promise that involves no clothing later on.

Jiya falters a bit when she thinks of him, but then Addie grabs her hand again towards the bar and pours a bottle down her mouth.

She's swaying on her feet when she steps out for fresh air. Ang init kasi sa loob, punyeta.

Jiya leans against the silver railings with her head bowed and takes deep breaths, closing her eyes from the dizziness. Oh, God.

"Low-tol ka pa rin hanggang ngayon."

Jiya raises her head and winces immediately from the rush of blood. She squints and sees her ex-boyfriend step closer to her. Ex. Haha. She snorts out a laugh.

"What's funny?" he asks, raising an eyebrow.

Still squinting, she points at him and slurs, "Migo Salas. I can't believe ex kita."

He sighs. "I should take you back to the rooms."

"No, don't touch me."

Migo raises his hands before he can touch her.

Jiya glares at him. "You—you can't touch me if you hate me."

He runs one hand through his hair. "I don't hate you, Valle."

"That's not what you said."

"You said you hate me, too."

"I do. Tangina mo." Jiya's fingers find his shirt and she tugs it harshly, pulling him to her. Migo stumbles in surprise. She leans in close and whines, "Pero wala...wala ka na bang nararamdaman para sa 'kin?"

Shut up, her subconscious says. Shut the fuck up, you embarrassing piece of shit! Wala kang karapatang tanungin 'yan!

"Meron," Migo answers, and her heart lurches. "Sama ng loob."

It's not funny, but Jiya manages a laugh, letting go of his collar even though she can smell him so clearly, like he's beside her on their bed. "I deserve that."

She leans against the railings again and bows her head, feeling her lower lip tremble.

"Bakit ba hindi mo 'ko inaaway?" Migo snaps angrily so suddenly, stepping closer. "Stop accepting the shit I say and fight back, goddamn it. You accepting it and feeling like you deserve it is just telling me that you weren't as miserable as I was in fucking New York, that you just feel guilty—"

Jiya slides her hand to his neck and kisses him.

The sound he makes at the first touch of their lips after so long is heart-wrenching.

And Jiya...Jiya feels like she can rest now.

The familiar, intoxicating taste and feel of him—she gasps into his mouth, hands shaking as she cradles his face, running her fingers through his cheeks. God. Oh, God.

Migo's fingers on her bare hips, they—they feel like they're fitting in the gaps he left three years ago and her skin is saying it's missed him so fucking much, missed the fire his fingertips leave and the burn of his palm and the indentations of his nails as he digs them into her bone, and his other hand holds her neck, his thumb brushing her jaw and chin, and it feels like it just rubbed their feet on the welcome mat on the way home.

Jiya tastes the hurt, the longing, the desperation and anger and salt in his lips.

There's no space between her chest and his, barely any oxygen in her lungs, and when she comes up for air Migo pushes the back of her head towards his and chases her mouth again, a groan of pain passing from his lips to hers.

A shrill ringing jolts them apart. Migo's lips are red and wet and his eyes are shiny, cheeks stained with half-dried tears as he stares at her, chest rising and falling, and he—he looks like the old Migo. Her Migo.

Jiya doesn't know what she looks like but she hopes it doesn't show in her face that she still loves him.

"Shit," he mutters under his breath, one hand going through his face and the other to his pocket. "Shit, Nat, ano?" he snaps into his phone, turning away from her.

FUCK. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Jiya's eyes widen at the name.

FUCK! Hindi ba 'yon ang girlfriend si Migo?

No, no, no, no—

Jiya takes one step back, and then another, and then runs.

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