HAPPY birthday, Migo.

Jiya stares at the message she sent him a week ago—the message she spent hours trying to type without her fingers shaking. He read it almost immediately, just a few seconds after it got through, but he didn't reply.

Hasn't.

*

Jiya is in the middle of a meeting when her phone tells her Migo posted something on his Instagram for the first time in so long.

She swipes the notification, heart beating loudly.

Walang caption. It's just a black and white photo of him holding a dog in his arms.

Jiya studies his face. He's not smiling as he looks down at the dog, but Jiya can tell he's happy. In this moment, he is. He's wearing a cap on his head and the shirt he wore on their date in Las Piñas.

She puts down her phone when she realizes she's been staring at it for way too long and refocuses on the meeting, but her fingers twitch towards it every once in a while.

In her office, Jiya looks at it again. May comments na, pero isa lang ang napansin ni Jiya roon.

@natbauts: he loves u more
than me 😡

Ah. She blinks and puts the phone down. Sa Natalie pala 'yong aso.

Jiya takes a deep breath and exits the app.

*

Her birthday is a house party organized by her friends. They drink wine and play Twister and Jiya doesn't feel so alone—until they say their goodbyes at dawn and leave. Gelo is the last one out, helping her clean up.

She forgets to look at her phone, pero wala naman ding reason to look at it at all. Aside from her friends and family who greet her, she doesn't get anything from him.

*

She dreams of the Tagaytay villa again on their supposed eighth.

Wakes up with a smile on her face and the first half of his name on her lips until she realizes she's alone.

"Go," she finishes quietly.

She stares at the space where he was in her dream, the remnants of his laugh in her head, and she thinks that if she closes her eyes, she might start bawling again.

Jiya has gotten better at it. Think about him without crying. It works sometimes.

Though it still feels like a punch to the ground, she doesn't cry.

*

Mau comes with Inggo this time sa holidays.

They don't talk about him, but Jiya can see Mau wants to.

She doesn't, though. And later, when she's in bed, Jiya asks Inggo, "Is he okay?"

Like she always does sa mga weekly calls nila.

Inggo nods with a small smile.

Jiya nods back, too. That's...that's enough for her.

*

She doesn't text him this time around for his birthday.

*

Andrew from non-fiction takes her out to dinner after work one Friday. She told him she'd agree, but only as friends.

That doesn't stop him from booking a reservation and picking her up in the most formal attire she's ever seen, holding up a bouquet of flowers.

She hates flowers. Hates sitting across from him even more, hates how he looks at her with an adoring smile, hates how he gets out of the car and walks her to the door and stands there as she steps inside, like he's expecting her to invite him in.

Jiya doesn't. She closes the door on his face.

*

Gelo brings her to an amusement park one weekend to take a breather from the stress of working overtime and to celebrate her upcoming birthday.

They share cotton candy and line up for almost all the rides, reluctant as Gelo is.

He insists to stay for the fireworks even though she doesn't want to, and they stare up at the sky, standing beside each other, not touching.

If Jiya closes her eyes, she'd feel Migo's arms around her. Feel the metal of his name on her skin as he puts it on.

She blinks it away. The tears. And focuses on Gelo, giving him a smile. "Thank you for today."

She laughed. She had fun. She didn't think about him until the damn fireworks.

Gelo doesn't try to do anything more than a farewell hug pagbaba niya sa kanya, and for that, Jiya is grateful.

*

"Jiya. Don't depend on him."

She raises her head to look at her mom. "Po?"

"I depended on Gerard and look where that got me," Hillary mutters. "If I didn't have my career, I would be nothing now."

Jiya can't help but scoff. She drops her utensils on the plate. "You would have had me."

"You are still a reminder of Gerard, and if he left me with nothing but you, it would've made me miserable."

Ouch. Grabe.

"So make sure you don't trade your career for anything else," sabi ng mom niya. "Your career will not leave you. Men will."

She wants to say that daughters don't either, but wala na 'yong point sa mom niya.

And she knows Migo won't.

Jiya wakes up gasping with tears in her eyes.

Tama siya noon, sa conversation nila ng nanay niya.

Migo didn't leave her. She did.

*

Jiya finally hears his laugh on a repost of Natalie's story on his Instagram.

They're reviewing for their boards. Sinabi na ni Inggo 'to last week.

She threw chips in his face and he laughed and tossed them back to the camera.

@natbauts: annoying study
buddy. buti na lang matalino
and gwapo ka. @migosalas

His laugh haunts her the whole day. Trails behind her while she walks to the office. It's whispered in her ear during lunch.

She sobs in the shower and wonders why she didn't make it her ringtone.

It was her favorite sound. Still is.

Jiya's knees weaken and she crumbles to the ground under the water, hearing his laugh bounce off the walls.

*

"Migo, please, 'wag na 'wag mo 'kong iiwan," she begs almost pathetically, heart tightening in pain just at the thought of it.

"Valle," he murmurs. "That's not going to happen."

"Ayokong maging mom ko," Jiya sobs, curling in on herself, scratching the skin of her skin. "Ayoko mawalan ng buhay kapag nawala ka sa 'kin, please, please—"

"Papunta na 'ko, stop crying, baby, please," Migo mutters, and naririnig ni Jiya na gumagalaw siya sa kabilang line. "Inggo, pahatid ako, tangina, 'di ako makakapag-drive."

"Let's go," narinig ni Jiya na sinabi ni Inggo.

To her, Migo says, "Baby, calm down. Stop crying, hindi 'yon mangyayari, okay?"

Jiya only cries harder. Her only assurance is Migo's words.

She trusts Migo's words. Alam niyang he means it.

*

Addie calls her screaming and showing off her ring. Engaged na sila ni Cas.

Jiya is happy for her. She gushes and smiles and laughs along while Addie tells her how he was so nervous before he proposed.

But then she finds herself staring at her empty finger in bed and wonders what the ring he bought with Inggo looks like.

She realizes wala na siyang karapatan para isipin 'yon. He's moving on, and so should she.

Even though she feels like she's in agony the moment she wakes up from a terrible dream of Migo marrying Natalie. She's watching in the audience while Natalie reads out Jiya's vows to him.

*

Jiya wants champorado.

She stares at the oven and the ingredients on the table, hands shaking.

Then she leaves the kitchen and curls up on the couch.

If she stares hard enough, she'll see herself and Migo in the Valle kitchen years ago when she asked him to teach her how to make it.

She'll see him laughing and hugging her from behind, the widest and happiest smile on his face.

Jiya shakes her head and takes a deep breath.

She will never do this on her own again. Put herself through that torture.

Moving on, she reminds herself, includes getting rid of the things that remind her of him.

Jiya clears her kitchen and settles for delivery instead.

*

She tries to move on.

*

Migo and Inggo pass their boards.

Pati si Natalie. She and Migo have a picture together that she posted sa feed niya.

@natbauts: CONGRATS DOC SALAS
💝🥳 so proud of us!

They're in their white coats and they're smiling broadly at the camera. Migo's leaning down a bit to level their faces together, cheeks almost touching. Jiya can't see his hands.

She gives her congratulations to her best friend.

Inggo Best Bro: THANK U BRO <333
SUPER SORRY FOR THE PAST
WEEKS NA I BAILED ON CALLS
BABAWI NA AKO now that tapos na
boards!!!! CALL U LATER???

Jiya smiles, feeling his happiness through the screen.

NO ITS OK!! go celebrate w
mau and ur fam!!!! call me
next week na

Inggo Best Bro: u sure??

YES ANO KA BA!!!! GO U
DESERVE TO REST AND
CELEBRATE. super proud of
you ily

Inggo Best Bro: LOVE U TOO THANK U
MWA text kita tomorrow kung hindi
ako masyadong pagurin ni rinn ;)

TMI!!!

            Inggo sends her a wink and a heart emoji.

Migo posts his picture with Inggo and Mau later that night, him in between the two of them, smiling.

@migosalas: made it

Jiya swallows and shuts her eyes. Sabi ni Inggo he didn't have an anxiety attack katulad no'ng sa PLE nila, pero that he studied a lot with his other friends. Inggo didn't say, pero clear na si Natalie 'yon.

Was she there for him while he was reviewing? Did she give him enough food and water and told him to sleep and rest? Did she take him out once in a while to get out of his holed room, did she encourage him not to give up when he wanted to?

Did he...did he go to her for sex when he needed it?

Jiya feels like she's being knocked to the ground.

Hindi niya alam. Wala rin siyang karapatan malaman.

Just like wala siyang karapatan umasa that the small space in between him and Mau feels much like where she should belong if she were celebrating with him.

"I'm proud of you," Jiya whispers to the screen, her thumb passing through his face, and when she blinks, she's crying again. "So proud."

*

The invitation to Cas and Addie's wedding arrives. Jiya asks for a one-week leave and was given two.

Gift daw ng boss niya for working so hard. Walang nagawa si Jiya kahit ilang beses niyang sabihin na one week lang ang kailangan niya.

Gelo watches her pack from the sofa in her room. "Are you...are you going to be okay?"

"No." Jiya doesn't look at him as she moves through closets. "I'm fucking terrified."

And she doesn't know why she brings it, but she shoves the necklace with his name in a pocket in her suitcase.

*

Jiya touches down in Manila. Van and Inggo are waiting for her with open arms.

"Missed you, bitch," Van says, squeezing her tight, and Jiya can't help but grin.

"Missed you, too."

Inggo ruffles her hair and drags her suitcase with him to the car. "Tara, we have a long drive up ahead. Sana 'di ka pa masyadong pagod, Ji."

"Daan lang tayong Starbs, please?" she begs as he hauls her by the neck.

"Daan lang tayong Starbs, please?" Van mocks in a high-pitched voice on her other side, slinging her arm around hers and rolling her eyes. "Englisera na Englisera na accent mo, ah."

Jiya rolls her eyes, too. "Shut up."

Inggo snorts. "Well, at least she still calls Starbucks 'Starbs'. Atenista through and through."

Van slips in the backseat para makatulog siya since nakapagpahinga na raw si Jiya sa plane—they came from work pa kasi, sila ni Inggo, then they had to wake up early to pick her up. Jiya looks out the window as Inggo drives, sipping on her coffee, feeling the wind on her face.

It's a week before the Casaddie wedding and mauuna sila sa resort for the bridal shower, bachelor party, and the wedding rehearsal. Ang alam ni Jiya, close high school, college, and work friends lang ni Cas and Addie ang mga nag-check in na sa resort.

Which means Migo is already there with Isco and Anton.

She sighs and leans back against the seat, rolling the window back up. Hindi niya alam ang sasabihin niya kay Migo when she sees him.

Inggo gives her a glance and says, "It's good to have you back, Ji."

Jiya smiles back at him, squeezing the hand he offered her.

She can already see Addie jumping up and down with Isco in the lobby when Inggo pulls up. They're already in summer wear—tank tops and shorts and shades, and Addie looks a lot tanner in person than through a screen. Isco's hair is longer and he's still wearing his annoying douche smile.

Addie squeals once Jiya gets down the car and tackles her, nearly knocking out the breath out of her. "Jiya babes!" she screams in her ear, swinging her around, and Jiya's feet come up the ground that she almost shouts in terror. "I missed you so much!"

Jiya can't breathe. "I missed—"

"Masasakal mo si Oscar, gaga!" Isco pushes her and Addie almost stumbles into Van. Then he tackles Jiya into his own bone-crushing hug. "Tangina, Thanos! Ganda mo, ah!"

Jiya snorts and rolls her eyes, patting his back. "Miss rin kita, ipis."

"Weh. Kiss nga."

"Gago." She pushes her palm on his face, her heart lurching in her chest at seeing her friends.

Isco scowls at her. "Van, oh."

"Tumahimik ka," Van tells him, taking Jiya's hand. "Tara, do'n tayo sa room!"

Addie shows her the ring on her finger on the way to the elevator inside the main club, still giddy with excitement, her eyes big and bright, and Inggo and Isco follow behind them.

Jiya's sharing the room with Van. Beside them are the boys. The other casitas and sunset rooms are occupied by Addie and Cas's other close friends from high school and work, while the suites sa taas are for their families.

Inggo and Isco head to their room after dropping off their luggages.

"Well!" Addie claps her hands together after she dramatically opens the curtains to the windows, letting the sunlight in. "The other boys are at the beach, I think. You're free to rest, Jiya babes, and get settled in. I won't call everyone until lunch."

Jiya purses her lips as she sits down on the bed. "I think I'll just have lunch after—"

"No." Van's voice is firm. She gives her a glare. "You're not going to isolate yourself just because you don't want to see Migo."

"I'm not isolating myself," she scoffs.

Addie sighs, sitting down next to her. "Jiya, you're here because you're mine and Cas's dear friend, and we missed you so much and we love you. I don't want you to feel left out or anything, and you don't even have to talk to him if you don't want to. Just pretend he's not...there."

It almost makes Jiya laugh.

Pretend Migo Salas isn't there when he's in the room? Ignore her abnormally-racing heart, try her damn best not to look at him and clench her fingers by her side to keep from touching him?

Pero may point si Addie—and wedding week nila 'to ni Cas. She's not about to be selfish and make this all about her and Migo. Nandito siya para sa dalawang ikakasal, and as their friend, dapat tinutulungan niya sila sa papalapit na wedding—hindi 'yong magdadagdag pa siya ng stress and concern sa bride because of her...not-so-thing with Migo.

So Jiya smiles and takes her hand, squeezing it. She nods. "Okay. I'll come to lunch. I might catch some sleep muna."

"Great!" Addie squeals and hugs her again. "I'll see you then! I'm going golfing naman. The Fuenteses versus the Zacariases today!"

Jiya watches her bounce away, and then bigla na lang binubuksan ni Van ang luggage niya.

"Hoy!"

"Magbihis ka!" Van demands, tossing her the first bikini pair she sees. "Let's go to the beach! May cabana tayo do'n and you can relax sa hammock with a buko shake. Sounds amazing, 'di ba?" She wags her eyebrows.

Ayaw na maging hassle ni Jiya kaka-avoid kay Migo. They'll be here for an entire week, and she's bound to see him at some point.

So she scowls and heads to the bathroom to change.

The sun on her skin and the sand between her toes feel heavenly as she walks with Isco and Van to the beach. Inggo crashed daw sa bed pagdating, pagod na pagod from his shifts sa hospital.

There's staff preparing the infinity pool with chairs and arches and cloths na for the ceremony.

Isco has his arms slung around both Van and Jiya's necks. "So, Grinch, anong balak natin kay Migo?"

Jiya's steps don't falter. "Wala."

"G akong i-kidnap muna si Van para solohin n'yo yung room."

Now, she stops. Pushes him with a glare. "Pinagsasabi mo?"

"Angry sex!" Isco declares with a grin, opening his arms, as if he thought it was brilliant. "O 'di ba, exes to lovers ang dating."

"Walang mangyayaring gano'n," Jiya says, rolling her eyes. She swallows thickly before muttering the cold, harsh truth, "Migo and I are done."

"...Gusto mo i-sample muna namin ni Vanessa para ma-test ang effectiveness?"

"Bobo!" Van smacks him. "Do'n ka na nga, punyeta!"

Hay. Some things never change talaga.

Van runs after Isco sa sand, ducking under the volleyball net, and malapit na matamaan sa ulo si Isco ng bola but he rushes down to the beach, and sinundan siya ni Van.

Jiya smiles, shaking her head, and heads to the bar to ask for that buko shake before lying down on the hammock.

The last time they were here, sa mismong resort na 'to, birthday ni Jiya, katatapos lang ng sophomore year. They had that chicken fight sa beach and Migo gave her a key to the condo sa Burgundy.

Heart thumping, she turns her head to look for the boys, si Anton and si Migo. Pero wala naman siyang makita.

Sighing, Jiya sips on her shake, just watching Isco and Van play in the water, spreading her legs in content. She puts the drink down on the table next to her and closes her eyes behind her shades.

"Boo," a voice in her ear says.

Jiya sits up so suddenly that she tumbles and falls to the ground on her butt with a thud, her heart racing in her chest.

"Fuck," she mutters with a groan, hissing in pain.

A single scoff. "No thanks."

Jiya looks up. Migo's grinning at her, arms crossed over his naked chest, hair messy and wet with droplets of water falling down his face and body.

She can barely register the words he said as she sits there on the ground, frozen, staring at him.

Why is he smiling? No, that's not a smile—it's not genuine. Why is he talking to her? Did he come up here when he saw her?

"Alam kong gwapo ako, but don't drool. It's embarrassing. Tatayo ka ba o diyan ka na lang hanggang bukas?"

Her anger catches up to her late. She gets up on her feet slowly, still watching his arrogant face, and barely notices that her knees are weak and her fingers are shaking behind her back.

Three whole years, and this is what he...this is what he says to her?

Well, ano pa in-expect niya?

"Tabi," she says quietly, picking up her shades from where they fell on the floor and her drink, and she's thankful her voice doesn't shake as she steps to move past him.

Migo sidesteps to block her way, eyes widening, putting a hand to his heart. "Ouch. Didn't you miss me?"

Jiya stares at him. "Move, Migo."

His smile is all wrong. "Ako na-miss kita. It's been three years, you know, so it's good to see you, Valle. Kahit na eyesore ka pa rin."

Jiya gets why he's doing this. It doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt.

Jiya grits her teeth and looks up to meet his eyes. "You dated this eyesore," she counters quietly. "You fucked this eyesore."

His eyes flash, but his smile widens to a grin that makes her uneasy. He sighs, then he laughs and runs his eyes over her. "Yeah. I did."

Her whole body shivers from hearing his laugh again after so many years. In front of her, sa tainga niya mismo. She can't remember how many times she wished to hear it again.

Pero hindi naman...hindi naman sa ganitong paraan.

Jiya doesn't say anything. She can't even look at him. She steps aside and walks away, eyes burning.

She takes off her bikini and sleeps with music on, exhausted.

Grabe. Ang sakit.