THEIR fourth anniversary and being with Migo still feels like the first few months they were together.

After their relaxing weekend, Jiya wakes up at the crack of dawn to drive him to school. Nasa parking lang sila, the sky dark outside, sun barely risen, and inaantok pa si Jiya.

"I told you not to come with me na," Migo says quietly, stroking her hair with one hand, the other holding up his notes. He's reviewing for his test later today. "You could've gotten more sleep."

They moved to the backseat para makatulog si Jiya sa kanya.

Ayaw niya kasi gumising mag-isa.

Third year na si Migo and the bed gradually feels a bit lonelier every passing day. He comes home late after studying, sleeps, and then has to leave early to study some more.

Jiya has her work to keep herself busy, pero she'd grab any chance to be with Migo a little bit longer—even if it means having to wake up before five AM.

She thinks the weekend with him spent in Tagaytay made her miss him more.

She hugs him around the waist and squints at his face. He got a haircut last week kasi humahaba na around his eyes. "I'm hungry."

Migo looks at her and smiles, petting her head. "Breakfast? I need to eat din before class."

They leave the car in the parking lot and walk to McDo, deciding to take out their food and drinks para mapadalhan din si Inggo.

Isa pa 'yon na sobrang busy and pagod. Naaawa minsan si Jiya when she catches him asleep on their couch, books on his chest, tapos lalagyan niya ng blanket and pillows o gigisingin para matulog sa sinakop niyang kwarto sa taas. Minsan naman, hindi na rin siya nagpapakita for weeks, holed up in his condo to study.

Pero kapag ginagawan ni Jiya ng baon at kape si Migo, may baon at kape rin for Inggo. Kapag nagdadala siya ng pagkain for Migo sa school, kasama na rin ang para kay Inggo. She worries about him kasi walang nag-aalaga sa kanya.

Migo punches in the door code when they get to his floor. "De Paz! Gising, may test pa tayo, bobo—"

Buti na lang si Jiya ang may hawak ng drinks. Nahulog ni Migo 'yong pagkain sa counter.

"Kuya!" Maureen shrieks, bunching up the blankets around her naked body. "Oh my God!"

"Shit." Nagising si Inggo sa siko ni Mau sa mukha niya. His hair is messy, his eyes are heavy with sleep and exhaustion...and fear. "Migs."

"Magbihis kayo," Migo says, and Jiya flinches from the coldness and quietness of his voice. It seems to thunder all around the unit. "Tapos lumabas ka, de Paz."

Outside, Jiya tries to calm him down, taking his hand. It's numb in hers. "Migo..."

"Wait lang, Valle." He takes a deep breath. "I'm really fucking furious right now, so don't try to say anything in his defense kasi magagalit din ako sa 'yo nang wala sa oras."

Jiya bites her lip and sighs.

Sino nga ba naman ang hindi magagalit kung ang fuckboy mong best friend nahuli mo in bed with your sister?

The door opens. Maureen goes straight to Migo, pushing him back. Her eyes are wide and frantic. "Kuya, wait lang, please don't be mad at him. Ako nagsabi na itago namin—"

Nilagpasan ni Migo ang kapatid niya tapos sinuntok si Inggo.

He falls to the ground. "Fuck!"

"Tangina mo," Migo says calmly, punching him again and ignoring Maureen's pleads. Jiya holds her and sighs. He's really mad. "Ano ginawa mo sa kapatid ko?"

"Migs, I'm not playing her around," Inggo tries to explain, his mouth bleeding. "Kami."

"Ulol." Migo laughs dryly. "Sa anim na taon na kilala kita, never kang nagseryoso."

Inggo clenches his jaw. "Seryoso ako about her, mag-iisang taon na."

"O ba't 'di mo sinabi, gago?!" He punches him again.

"Kuya, please, stop." Maureen is crying. "He's telling the truth. Please. Ako nagsabi na itago namin sa 'yo."

Jiya puts her hand on Migo's arm to pull him away from Inggo. "Migo, listen to them muna."

Migo stands up. "I will pagkatapos kong magalit. Ngayon, wala akong oras kasi may test pa tayo." He takes Jiya's hand, and then they're gone.

It's no use trying to calm his anger. He opens the car doors and takes his stuff, slamming it. To Jiya, he leans down, cups her face gently, and kisses her forehead. "I'll go in na," he whispers. "Get breakfast somewhere."

Jiya nods, worried. She grabs his hand and turns it over. "Clean these," she mutters. May dugo yung knuckles niya. "And eat also. Good luck sa test."

He can barely give her a ghost of a smile and a nod before he turns around and heads inside the building.

Jiya drives to work and slumps down on her chair with a sigh. Her phone is blowing up.

Mau: ate, please tell him na i love
kuya inggo. he still doesn't feel that
way about me yet but he likes me and
he takes care of me. please tell kuya
that please please.
Mau: im so sorry i kept this from both
of you pero natakot ako. please,
im sorry.

Inggo Best Bro: ji, ill fix this with
migo. pero paniwalaan mo naman ako.
Inggo Best Bro: if not for me, then for rinn.

She sighs. She replies to Maureen first.

mau, ill try my best. you know
your kuya loves you, he's just
worried and scared. he knows
inggo best and natatakot siya
na sinasaktan ka lang. ibang
usapan ka na e. please
understand him muna and let
him calm down, ill try to talk
to him. call me if you need
anything.

To Inggo:

i believe you, i believe both of
you. clean your wounds tapos
mag-aral ka kasi may test ka
pa na hindi mo pwedeng i-
miss and ibagsak. tawagan mo
ko mamaya if may kailangan
ka.

"You look troubled."

Jiya puts her phone down and looks up at Gelo, who's smiling at her. He hands her coffee, and she accepts it gratefully. "I...may problema with friends."

"Ah." He winces. "Sorry, is there anything I can do?"

Jiya raises her eyebrow. "Wala ka namang friends, ano matutulong mo?"

Gelo snatches the mug back and turns around.

"Gelo! Joke lang!" She laughs, reaching for it again. "Sorry na, sorry na."

"Alam mo, one of these days, dadalhin ko lahat ng kaibigan ko dito para mag-shut up ka na about it."

"I'll look forward to it. Akin na muna kape, hindi pa ako nagb-breakfast."

Gelo's eyebrows furrow. "Bakit hindi? Come on, we have time before our meeting."

She tries to insist na she's fine, she just needs the coffee, pero wala siyang magagawa when Gelo is more insistent.

At lunch, she texts Migo.

baby, how are you? how was
the test? And have u spoken
to inggo?

He reads that agad.

Pogi: putangina about the test. hindi
ako nakapag-focus. bwisit. and don't
say his name.

Jiya sighs.

im sure you did well pa rin,
you've been studying hard for
it last week pa. calm down,
please?

Migo takes a while to reply.

Pogi: sorry. u know how i am when it
comes to my sisters. tapos si inggo pa.
i know he's my best friend pero
nasaksihan ko lahat ng panggagago
niya sa mga babae niya.

maybe maureen is different to
him. it seems like it.

Pogi: can we stop talking about it
please. im gonna study with a friend
after class, so let me know lang what
time you can pick me up after work.

Jiya sighs.

okay. i love you.

Pogi: mahal din kita. sobra.

The door opens. "Hey. You've been coming down here a lot."

Jiya turns around and smiles at Gelo, who steps inside the phone booth, hands in his pockets. "It's calming here. It gives me time to pause and think...and when I want to be alone."

"Mang-aagaw ka lang ng secret place, e."

It makes her laugh. Tumabi sa kanya si Gelo, looking outside.

"I came down here a lot in the year you weren't here yet."

Jiya glances at the side of his face. "Why?"

"I was trying to find you," he says, mouth lifting, stepping closer to the glass. "I knew where you were working, and I knew where you lived because your dad said so, pero I still came out here and looked outside to see kung pupunta ka dito."

Kung pupunta ka sa 'kin.

Jiya swallows hard at the unspoken words and looks away from his face.

"I saw you no'ng first day mo, looking up here sa building," Gelo mutters. "And I thought: finally."

"Gelo."

"Alam ko." He turns to her with a smile. Jiya feels a pinch in her chest kasi he looks...his feelings are there, still, on his face. His eyes. And he knows they're not going anywhere and he seems fine with it.

Ngayon lang ulit nakita ni Jiya. Akala niya nawala na.

He's too good at hiding them.

"Alam ko, Jiya. And you're working with me, I don't want my feelings to be a problem while you're my assistant. People might say you got here because I like you, not because of your own merit. So I promise I'll keep quiet—until you're not a level below me anymore." He steps back and opens the door. "Tara, we have a one o'clock meeting."

Jiya follows him, stunned to silence, and gets back to work.

She calls Maureen in the car.

Migo's sister cries, "Ate."

"Where are you na?" Jiya asks. "How are you?"

"Home," she mutters miserably. "Hinatid na ako kanina pa. How's...how's Kuya? Is he still mad? He's ignoring all my texts and calls."

Jiya exhales heavily. "He's still mad, pero give him time, Mau. He'll come around. Call Inggo and make sure he's fine, papakalmahin ko muna si Migo."

Maureen agrees. Jiya parks the car and texts him.

here na baby.

Migo tells her lalabas na siya.

When he does, he's not alone. Jiya blinks at the girl beside him with long black hair, glasses, naka-hoodie and sweatpants lang, clutching her books to her chest. Smiling at Migo.

Ah! 'Yong may crush sa kanya, the one who sat on the bleachers noong nagt-train for basketball si Migo for Palarong Medisina no'ng first year siya.

Jiya scowls and gets out of the car, tiptoeing to tip his chin towards her and kiss him in greeting. "Hi."

Migo smiles. Wow, good mood na? "Hi, baby. This is Hailey, classmate and friend ko. Hails, this is Va—Jiya, my girlfriend."

Jiya blinks at the name. The girl also looks stunned, blinking behind her glasses, as she offers her hand and a hesitant smile. "H-hi," she says quietly. "Nice to meet you."

"The one who embarrassed you in front of your other batchmates and the one who threw a fit kasi mas mataas score mo sa kanya?" And the one who has a crush on you pala?

Migo's smile fades. "Valle."

Jiya shakes her hand with a fake smile. Hailey's eyes are wide with humiliation. "Hi. Nice to meet you, too."

"I'll see you tomorrow, Hailey. Sorry," Migo mutters, dragging her away by the wrist.

"Sorry?" Jiya raises her eyebrows, glancing at his tight hold on her when he stops in front of their car. "Bakit ka nagso-sorry sa kanya?"

"Kasi pinahiya mo! Why did you have to embarrass her like that?" Migo demands, angry. Jiya blinks. "Wala na sa 'kin 'yon, she already apologized last year pa. She already feels bad enough as it is."

"She likes you."

He stares at her, unimpressed. "So sinabi mo 'yon kasi nagselos ka? Friends lang kami, anong sinasabi mo—"

"Sinabi ko kasi I didn't like that she treated you that way, pinabayaan mo nga lang e," Jiya snaps, digging her nails in her fist. "And I heard her say she likes you, sinabi niya no'ng pinapanood ka maglaro ng basketball last year."

Kaya ba naiinis si Hailey sa kanya before? Kaya ba niya pinahiya si Migo? Kaya ba sila magkaaway noon?

Kasi gano'n din si Jiya. She liked Migo no'ng magkaaway pa sila.

She's seized with sudden panic when she realizes na baka...baka Migo can get attracted to that kind of thing, pero nawala sa isip niya when he shouts.

"You don't have a right to humiliate other people for me!" Migo snaps back. "Wala nga sa 'kin 'yon, Valle, ano na lang ang sasabihin ng mga classmates ko about you if they were here?"

"It might be nothing to you, but not to me. Of course I also felt hurt when she did that to you, when she said na lumalandi ka for reviewers and notes, when she implied na wala kang utak beyond your looks," Jiya says quietly, feeling his words sting. "I'm sorry, then, for humiliating your friend, but if you care so much about what your friends and classmates think of me, then date them instead. Umuwi ka mag-isa mo."

"No. You take the car." He steps back. "I'm mad at you but I won't let you go by yourself na hindi ka safe."

Fine.

She slams the door closed and drives off, leaving him there.

Ayaw niya pang umuwi. Ang bobo kasi niya, and ang bobo din ng nakakainis niyang boyfriend.

Pumunta siya sa condo ni Inggo, punching the code forcibly.

From his desk, Inggo looks up with wide eyes. "Ji."

She slumps down on the chair beside his angrily. "Ang bobo ng kaibigan mo, puta."

That makes him snicker. "So galit siya sa 'tin pareho?"

"Lagi ba silang magkasama ng Hailey?"

Inggo blinks at her sudden question, leaning back on his chair. "Um, medyo? No'ng nag-sorry na si Hails—"

Jiya glares at him.

Inggo backtracks. "Si Hailey, parang same lang sa mga ibang kaibigan namin—they study together, eat together. Minsan alone, minsan may kasama. Why, selos ka?"

Jiya grits her teeth. "I'm mad because he defended her from me. Inaaway-away niya si Migo tapos crush niya pala?" She scoffs.

Inggo pauses. "Parang ikaw."

"Kaya nga. Pengeng beer."

Uminom siya. "Habang nandito ka, tulungan mo 'ko mag-aral." He tosses her his index cards.

Jiya rolls her eyes and gives him the questions. Wala din naman siyang magagawa rito.

Matalino din talaga 'tong si Inggo. "Papasa ka na," she tells him, closing her eyes. "Pahinging isa pang bote."

"Tama na, nalalasing ka na."

"Isa pa!" she almost shouts.

"Aray, putangina." Inggo covers his ears and drags his feet to the ref. "Patay na nga ako kay Salas, papatayin niya pa ako lalo."

Jiya smiles at him when he opens the bottle for her. "Inggo, seryoso ka kay Mau?"

"Oo," he says, not looking at her when he returns to his books. "I know what my friends all think of me, and for years, gano'n nga ako na gago, and I won't deny it. Pero iba na 'to. Iba siya. I'm trying my best to be good to her. Kailangan ko na lang siguro i-convince si Migs."

She puts her face on top of her fist and slurs, "Ang cute mo naman."

Inggo smacks her. "Shut up."

Jiya leans forward to hug him. Inggo freezes. "Mabait ka na kaibigan," she tells him softly. "Para na talaga kitang kapatid, so if you say na seryoso ka kay Mau, I believe you. Basta masaya kayo, I'm happy."

"Huy, tangina mo," Inggo whispers, hugging her back. "Maiiyak ako nito, bro."

She rolls her eyes, hitting his shoulder, and then hugs him again. "Love you, Inggo."

Inggo laughs. "Love you, Ji."

Lutang na si Jiya na ginugulo si Inggo sa desk niya when he picks up her keys. "Tara na, I'll take you home. Kanina pa nag-aalala si Migo sa 'yo."

"Mag-alala siya kay Hailey," she spits out of spite, squealing when Inggo carries her on his back. "Do'n siya."

"Ji, alam mo naman na mahal na mahal ka n'on. Tingin mo ba hindi siya nagseselos araw-araw kapag kasama mo si Gelo?"

Jiya huffs against his neck, wrapping her arms around him while Inggo tightens his hands on her thighs. "Trabaho ko 'yon."

"Well, kaibigan lang niya si Hailey. Kasama sa school."

She huffs in annoyance. "E 'di wow," she says childishly.

Jiya sleeps in the car habang nagd-drive si Inggo carefully. Pagdating nila sa bahay, Inggo opens the door and leans forward to pick her up, pero narinig niya boses ni Migo. "Ako na."

Ayaw na niyang makipag-away, pagod na siya.

"Salamat," Migo says in between his teeth, turning around. Jiya's head leans into his chest, and when she breathes in, she can smell his addicting body wash and shampoo. The ones he uses in their bathroom, in their home.

She suddenly feels so sad na magkaaway sila nang ganito.

He climbs up the stairs quietly and slowly.

Jiya pushes his chest pagpasok sa kwarto nila. "I can stand," she mutters. Migo lets her on her feet.

Dumiretso siya sa banyo para magtanggal ng makeup, mag-brush ng ngipin at maligo.

Lumabas siya nang naka-towel lang, at alam niyang pinapanood siya ni Migo from the bed.

She clenches her jaw and strips it off, finding her pajamas sa closet.

"Akala ko hindi ka uuwi," Migo finally says. His voice echoes around their room.

"Saan pa ako matutulog? Bahay ko 'to," Jiya mutters.

Migo pauses. "Akala ko pinuntahan mo siya para makaganti."

"I'm not petty and I won't cheat on you, sorry for being a disappointment."

"Valle." Her name comes out angry from his lips. "I—"

"Naging possessive ako, I'm sorry," she says, turning around to face him. "Kaya I acted that way. Kaya I was rude, I was out of line. Pinag-isipan ko rin na magagalit din ako if you ever did that to any of my friends. I'm sorry I humiliated her, I'll apologize the next time we meet."

She lies down on the bed and pulls the covers up to her body.

She's sincere about that apology. She is. Alam naman niyang mali talaga 'yon.

Masakit lang na he...he took Hailey's side. He was embarrassed of Jiya when she just wanted to defend him, and he was worried about his friends and classmates.

Migo lies down quietly beside her. Spaces away. Too far. "I'm sorry I lashed out without understanding your intentions. Alam ko naman na you just wanted to defend me. And na I was more worried about my friends than I was about you, there's no excuse for that."

Jiya closes her eyes. She's horrified when she feels her face become wet.

Ano ba. My God. Nag-sorry na nga si Migo e.

She opens them again, stares at their pictures sa bedside table.

"I love you," she sobs into her pillow. "Please don't leave me."

"Valle, ano ba." Migo comes close and turns her face toward him, eyebrows furrowed together. He reaches up to wipe her tears with his thumb. "I'm not going anywhere. Away lang 'to na lagi nating inaayos."

She cries harder, sits up, hugging him. Migo sighs and hugs her back, stroking her back.

"You say that every time we fight," Migo whispers. "You always say 'please don't leave me.'"

"So don't."

"I'm not. I won't. I won't give you reasons to feel threatened or insecure or na may kaagaw ka na naman," Migo whispers. "Okay?"

Jiya nods, tears staining his shirt. "Say you love me," she begs pathetically.

"I love you." Migo kisses her head and holds her tight. "So much. Always. Kahit magkaaway tayo. Kahit galit tayo sa isa't isa. That will never change."

*

"Pa, why did you cheat on Mommy?"

Gerard keeps his face blank as he chews. "I was wondering when you'd ask that."

Jiya drops her fork on her plate and waits for his answer.

"Because I just simply didn't love her anymore," he says, staring at her eyes. "Because I was no longer happy. She knew what I was going to do."

Jiya blinks. "She did?"

He nods. "She was fine with it as long as I came home to our house. To you and to her."

Jiya's heart feels like it's being squeezed. "But you stopped doing that, too."

"I did, so she went to her other lovers...revenge, at first. And then indifference to our marriage and to you."

Jiya sucks in a deep breath and smiles bitterly. "What was it about her that made you feel like you weren't happy anymore? That you needed to go to someone else?"

"It's not anything about your mother, although our countless fights will convince you otherwise," Gerard mutters, heaving a heavy breath. "But it's truly not her. I just grew...tired. Napagod lang ako."

Tired. Pagod.

Years and years of wondering what went wrong in her parents' marriage, and it's something as simple, as futile, as humane as that. Something that Jiya feels every day after work, something that Migo feels after hours of studying.

Something that they constantly feel when they fight and hurt each other—and something that can break them apart.

*

"Kuya."

Migo doesn't look at Maureen. He keeps his icy stare at Inggo, seated across from him. "How long?"

"Second year," Inggo answers evenly, jaw tight. "Do'n kami naging official."

Migo clutches his hands against the table. "E yung hindi official?"

Maureen swallows thickly. "Um—"

"Second year."

"So the same time?"

"College," Inggo clarifies quietly. "Second year college."

Migo blinks at him.

Maureen winces. "Kuya, please don't get mad."

"Mau, tumahimik ka."

"I was the one who came to him no'ng nag-eighteen ako," Maureen explains miserably, flinching from the coldness of Migo's voice. Jiya's hand slides down to grasp his, squeezing it, and feeling niya hindi napansin ni Migo.

Inggo's eyes go to her, widening, asking for help, and Jiya raises an eyebrow. Kaya mo 'yan, ginusto mo 'to.

"And then ayaw niya na after kasi kapatid kita...and then he took me home no'ng third year na kayo after I got drunk, and then sabotaged my Valentine's date no'ng fourth year kayo...and then walang label no'ng first year med."

"Oh my God." Migo puts his face in his hands. "That's worse than I imagined."

Aside from the shocking fact na naunang nawala ang virginity ni Maureen kay Migo, ang tagal na rin pala. "Mau, you're happy with him?" Jiya asks.

"Yes," she answers quickly.

Inggo clears his throat and looks away.

"E 'di let them be," she tells Migo, running her hand up and down his arm. "Wala na tayong magagawa kung sila na and they're happy with each other."

"Naiinis ako na tinaboy mo lang siya pagkatapos mong kunin yung...yung innocence niya and then you had many other flings after," Migo mutters. "Mas ginusto ko na lang sana na you stayed with her then kesa sa you strung her along for years."

"Kuya, nag-sorry na siya sa 'kin. Ilang beses," Maureen says in Inggo's defense, frowning. "Plus, ako yung nag-beg kahit ayaw niya dahil sa 'yo, okay? And please, as if naman kaya niyang mag-change overnight. The important thing is he changed already. For me."

"Agh!" Migo stabs his fork in his food. "Bahala kayo."

Inggo's mouth twitches in a smile. "Migs."

"Ano, gago."

"Sorry, pero hindi ko na tatakbuhan 'to ulit. 'Tsaka papalitan ko na yung code sa condo ko, pwede 'wag kang pumasok basta-basta next time?"

"Hindi na talaga, putangina mo. Sinasabi ko sa 'yo, de Paz, saktan mo siya, papatayin talaga kita. Kaibigan o hindi."

Jiya smiles at the relief in Maureen's face, and she watches her hand move under the table to find Inggo's.

Inggo grins. "Looking forward to it...bayaw."

Migo stands up to punch him.

"Migo!"

"Kuya!"

Migo tries his best to get used to it. He scrunches his face in disgust whenever Maureen kisses Inggo in front of him (hindi 'to ginagawa ni Inggo kasi natatakot pa rin siya kay Migo, i-lessen daw ang PDA sa harap niya, pero walang pake si Mau), whenever he sees Inggo smiling at his phone and he'll know it's his sister he's talking to, whenever he knocks on his door sa condo and he'll find Maureen on the other side.

It takes a lot of getting used to, but he has time.

*

Pogi: may tanong ako

Jiya frowns at her phone during another day at work.

yes baby

Pogi: kapag wala ba ako
nagmamasturbate ka ba

Jiya's phone tosses in the air as she violently chokes on her saliva.

Gelo looks at her from the couch, eyes leaving his laptop. "Uh, you okay?"

"Mm-hmm," Jiya says, nodding. Way too cheerfully. "Sorry, yeah."

Gelo only blinks and returns to his work.

MIGO WHAT THE FUCK

Pogi: TINATANONG KO LANG ito
naman akala mo ba hindi ko pa
nalalagay bibig tsaka ari ko sa mga
places na nilalagay mo daliri mo???
the fuck. tsaka nahihiya ka pa ba sa
four years na naten???

Jiya's face is beet red. He's so fucking shameless, college pa lang sila wala talaga siyang pake. Napakabastos.

ohmygod. why are you
asking? tsaka diba nung new
year nung third year
tayo...nung yung dress ko

Holy shit, nakakahiya.

Pogi: oo pero nasa phone tayo non. so
technically nandon pa rin ako.

Jiya covers her face with one hand.

bakit mo nga tinatanong
putek nasa trabaho ako

Pogi: kasi ako oo, ginagawa ko. lagi.
thinking of you. and ginagawa ko
ngayon kasi wala ka, frustrated na
ako kasi anong oras ka na umuuwi
this week tapos tulog na ako and miss
na kita. kaya pwede pasagot

Holy fucking shit.

may times.

Pogi: when?

Kapag nasa Pampanga siya. Kapag nasa school pa siya and nasa bed na si Jiya.

FBSFBKHSKG BASTA
OHMYGOD i cant help you im
still working

Pogi: and here i thought i could
convince you to come home and help
me out.

i will help you tomorrow. i
promise ill come home early.

Pogi: iddate mo ko?

Jiya smiles. Well, Friday naman.

yes.

Pogi: tapos babawi ka?

Her neck is hot.

yes. ilang beses.

Hindi na nag-reply si Migo for ilang minutes. Jiya tries her very best to concentrate on her computer when it buzzes again.

Pogi sent a photo

Pogi: oh shit sorry. tumalsik.

Nasa stomach niya 'yong nilabas niya. Jiya hides her phone in her lap and squirms.

Dati, no'ng a few months pa lang sila, habang nagsho-shopping si Jiya with Addie and Van for Valentine's, nag-send rin siya ng picture na ganito. Pero hindi sa kanya.

Ang naging reply na lang niya is:

😋

Pogi: HAHAAHHAHAHA TANGINA
MO VALLE I LOVE U!!!!

Jiya laughs, biting her lip. Shit, she needs to get off her phone.

im sorry for coming home so
late, i promise babawi ako
tomorrow. both in and out of
bed. go to sleep na, ill text u
pag pauwi na ako. i love you
so much. so so so much.

She can hear Migo's smile in his reply.

Pogi: YIE OK KILIG AKO im looking
forward to tomorrow. mahal na mahal
na mahal kita. drive safe and take
care, ill miss ur arms when i sleep but
ill wake up in them naman <3

Jiya strokes Migo's face carefully when she gets home at past one, smiling. He's so gorgeous.

She'll wake up in the morning with his lips on her head and a hushed whisper of, "See you later, baby. Leaving na."

Babawi naman talaga siya dapat e.

Nagpa-pack na siya ng mga gamit niya at half past five, grinning at Migo's text na kaka-dismiss pa lang daw sa kanila and pauwi na siya para magbihis, excited na excited, when Gelo storms in her office. "Jiya, I'm sorry." He looks troubled. "May problema tayo sa copyright and plagiarism ng author natin. Can you stay?"

Jiya's jaw drops. "Author natin? Our pitch?"

Gelo nods, worry lines all over his face.

She grabs her laptop and all her files on the table and follows him inside his office, shooting Migo a quick text.

baby ill get there in an hour
may emergency meeting lang
ako

She doesn't wait to see his reply, tossing her phone aside, and dives in the work.

And 'yon na 'yong mistake niya. Hindi na niya natingnan phone niya, hindi na niya namalayan na three hours na at hindi pa sila tapos.

Si Gelo pa ang nakapansin that her phone was lighting up beside her. Flipping through his files, he tips his chin up to it. "May tumatawag. Take it and then get back here."

Jiya startles, scrambling for it. Fuck. Si Migo.

Lumabas siya to answer it, heart in her throat. "Migo, I'm so sorry—"

"Tapos ka na ba?" he asks quietly. Jiya winces. "If you are, we can still have our date."

Jiya shuts her eyes. "Baby, hin—"

"If hindi pa," he continues, still in the same quiet tone, "puntahan mo 'ko sa parking and say it to my face. Para alam kong na-excite ako sa wala, nagbihis ako para sa wala." And then he hangs up.

Shit, shit, shit.

She opens the door and tells Gelo, "Give me five minutes, I'm so sorry."

He waves her away, distracted, and Jiya runs to the elevator.

Migo is leaning against his car, head bowed, and Jiya's heart drops. Nagbihis na nga siya. 'Yong watch na bigay niya nasa wrist niya, and also her anklet on his foot...and Jiya can tell he was looking forward to this, to spending the night with her—for once. After so many nights sleeping alone.

"Migo," she starts, walking up to him, swallowing thickly. "Migo, I'm sorry, nagkaproblema kami—"

"Okay," he says, face blank. "Text mo 'ko kapag pauwi ka na. Kung maalala mo."

Jiya grabs his wrist before he can step back inside his car. "Migo, wait, please. Hindi ko naman ginusto na i-cancel, I was also looking forward to tonight, and—and this was out of my control, I promise na bukas, we can have our date—"

"Rescheduling is not the point," Migo cuts her off. "I know this was out of your control, kaya uuwi na ako bago ako may masabi na masasaktan ka lang kahit nasasaktan ako ngayon kasi nakalimutan mo ako. Alam kong importante ang trabaho mo, Valle, alam ko. Pero sana sinabi mo na 'wag na lang natin ituloy kesa pina-expect mo pa 'ko na susunod ka after an hour."

He closes the door and turns on the engine, and Jiya watches him drive off.

Her heart feels heavy in her chest pagkabalik sa office. Gelo glances at her. "Do you need to leave?"

Jiya swallows thickly and looks around. Ang daming kailangan gawin, hindi kaya ni Gelo mag-isa.

"No," she mutters, sinking down on the couch.

Tulog na si Migo when she comes home. Her heart shatters nang makita niya yung damit niya na he was wearing for their date sana ay nasa hamper kahit pumunta lang siya sa T&B building at umuwi na.

She lies down beside him after she showers and hugs him. Migo doesn't stir. "I'm sorry," she whispers, pressing a featherlight kiss on his jaw.

Her guilt stays with her when she wakes up alone, after noon. Ngayon lang siya nagising na wala na talaga siya, because she'd always wake up before Migo leaves with a kiss on her forehead. Baka hindi niya ginawa kanina.

May text sa kanya.

Pogi: study group. will b here all day.

Jiya flinches at his coldness.

can i pick you up later? kahit
anong oras.

He doesn't read that immediately.

Pogi: no na, my car is here. hassle if
you bring your car pa.

She purses her lips.

okay. saan ka? maybe i can
drop by and give u guys
dinner

Pogi: no na. may pagkain dito.

Jiya tosses her phone on the mattress and runs her hands through her hair and face.

She tries to keep herself busy with chores with Manang while she waits for Migo. When there's finally nothing to do, she slumps down on the couch and absent-mindedly stares at the TV.

Ganito rin naghintay si Migo for her.

When he comes home late, he takes off his shoes after giving her one look. "Hi."

"Hi," Jiya whispers back from the sofa, putting down her hot chocolate. "How was study group?"

"Tiring." He takes his bag and books with him. "Ligo na ako."

Jiya feels her chest tighten. She stands up numbly, brings her mug to the sink and washes it, turns off the TV and the light, and goes upstairs.

Naliligo pa si Migo when she steps inside their room. Jiya feels so out of her skin, napakabigat sa pakiramdam.

She strips off her clothes after entering the bathroom, quiet against the loud running of the water, and slides open the door to stand behind him.

Jiya hears his sharp intake of breath when she presses her head and chest to his back and hugs him, bottom lip trembling. "Migo, I'm sorry."

His hands drop from his hair to his sides. "I know you are," he mutters. Jiya feels him breathe deeply under her palms. "I know na hindi mo sinasadya."

"I hurt you, anyway."

"Kasi I'm the only one missing you."

Jiya pulls back an inch. "What?"

Migo turns around and brushes his wet hair back. He stares at her. "Ako ang lagi nafru-frustrate when we don't see each other, when we don't get to spend time with each other. Ako ang desperate to see you, to spend time with you. I miss you more, pero hindi mo kasalanan. I know it's work, and you love work. You can't help it."

"I also get frustrated when I come home late and we don't get to spend time together," Jiya snaps, angry, eyes burning. "Ito ka na naman sa 'more' mo. Nakakainsulto na, to be honest." She goes to step out of the shower, but Migo grasps her wrist.

"Kung gano'n, you wouldn't have bailed on me," Migo hisses.

"Hindi ko nga ginusto!" Jiya shouts, her voice hoarse, and she's fucking crying with water pouring down their bodies and faces. "Would it kill you to understand that? What you're doing is making it seem like I love work more than I love you!"

His words are out from his anger. "Don't you?"

Anger lang. "Itanong mo sa 'kin 'yan ulit and I swear to God I won't forgive you. How dare you." She gets out, snatches her towel to wrap it around herself, and slams the door closed.

Pumasok siya sa guest bedroom and ni-lock niya 'yong pinto. Sa galit niya, hindi siya nakapagbihis into her pajamas or anything, literal na twalya lang.

Jiya curls in on herself sa chair and cries in her hands.

Maya-maya, there's a hesitant knock on her door. "I brought you clothes," Migo's voice says quietly. "Malamig. Magbihis ka."

"Pake mo," Jiya mutters childishly, angrily wiping her tears. She stands up to unlock the door.

Plano niyang kunin lang ang damit and slam the door in his face, pero walang dala si Migo, wala nga rin siyang damit, twalya lang around his waist. He grabs her face in his hands, kisses her roughly and desperately, walks her back to the bed.

"Liar," Jiya chokes out, panting in his mouth. She tastes her tears. Her hands slide up to his chest, sinking her nails in his skin. "I'm mad at you," she sobs, kisses him back, and Migo lays her down on the bed.

"I know," he murmurs, holding her face. "Forgive me for this and I'll forgive you for yesterday. Valle, please. Ang sakit when I miss you and when I feel like you don't miss me the same."

"Ang tanga mo!" Jiya pushes his chest back, pressing her fingers to her eyes who won't stop fucking crying. "My chest aches every time I look at our picture sa desk ko kasi gusto ko na umuwi sa 'yo and gagawin ko naman talaga kung hindi lang ako baon sa trabaho! And I know, I know lagi akong busy pero that doesn't mean na I don't miss you as much as you do me, I try to make up for it sa weekends and sa mornings by waking up at the ass crack of dawn para makasama ka sa kotse mo, para mag-breakfast together, tapos you dare question na mas mahal ko ang trabaho kesa sa 'yo when all I think about at work is ah, lab ngayon ni Migo. Lunch na niya ngayon, I hope he gets to eat a lot. He's in class right now, neurosciences. I hope he does well on his test. Tama ba 'yon, Migo? Did I deserve that?"

"No." Migo kisses her, brushes her tears away. "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry, too," she whispers, shoulders shaking.

There's a small smile on his face when he notes, "You always cry so much when you're angry and when we fight."

"Because I realize it's illegal to murder you and that shit is frustrating," she sobs, hugging him, wrapping her arms and legs around his body.

Migo's laugh fills her ear, the sound of it vibrating through her chest from his chest, making its way down to her stomach, and all her butterflies swarm around the sound.