A Day in the Life . . .

It looked like a colourful carnival wagon pulled by two black horses with plumes. The swash lettering on the side read, Doctor Clarence Whitestone - Honorary Alchemist, and underneath, Magical cures, Potions, Elixirs.

Running alongside, several of the town's small children, all yelled a jeered at the driver as he reigned in his team, set the foot brake and climbed down. He doffed his bowler to some passing ladies who paused to take in the spectacle.

A little platform was raised and locked in position, then a small set of steps were lowered and the man climbed up, surveying the town with thumbs tucked in the sides of his vest and wearing a massive smile.

"Gather 'round, brothers and sisters. Come closer and learn about Dr. Whitestone's amazing medicine." He waved his hands as the reluctant crowd started building and edging closer to the wagon.

"You didn't know it yet, brethren, but this is your lucky day. Yes indeed. Your town of Rocky Trail will be the third town to benefit from what I have to show you. First of all, who among you knows what an alchemist is?"

He bent from the waist and perused the onlookers. "You there, the lady in that most fetching dress, do you know?"

The woman blushed and hid her face.

"Ah, too bad. What about you, sir? Do you know what an alchemist is?"

"Some kinda snake-oil peddler I reckon." The man snapped back.

"Well, no, but I'll bet you didn't know that for thousands of years in China, snake oil has been used to treat rheumatoid arthritis, bursitis and osteoarthritis. These are all diseases of the joints, like your knees and fingers. I'll bet some of you have those nasty pains that make it hard to get up sometimes, or for you ladies to do that washing and cooking you all do so well for your men."

"This ain't China!" A voice yelled from the back.

"No, brother, it isn't. And I'm not sellin' snake-oil either. What I have here is the culmination of years of research by eminent scientists and my own - I might modestly add - extensive knowledge of nature's herbs and spices."

He opened a little door in the side of the wagon and took out a small bottle of cloudy white liquid, holding it up for all to see.

"This, brothers and sisters, is my magical cure for most of those pesky ailments we all endure from time to time. One small spoonful a day will prevent the onset of indigestion, constipation, infection and even, if I may be as delicate as a gentleman can be, those uncomfortable visits the ladies have from time to time.

Gasps and titters buzzed through the crowd, along with some angrier comments.

"Don't shoot the messenger, brothers. The ladies know what I mean. But no more! Once a regimen of Dr. Whitestone's Elixir is established, those days will be a thing of the past!"

"So you say!" Another doubter shouted.

"I do say, sir. And I will prove it to you if one among you that is suffering from any agony of the gut will come forward. I will give that person one free dose and they can keep the bottle if it doesn't work."

He read their faces and smirked inside over the puzzled looks his bafflegab caused, and then scanned the crowd for the young man he'd hired before coming into town.

"How about you, young fella, you appear to be in some distress?"

"Oh I surely am, sir." The young man semi stumbled toward the wagon, clutching his stomach.

"Tell all the brothers and sisters your problem, son."

"Musta bin somthin' I et, hurts just dreadful it does. Will your medicine cure me, sir?"

Whitestone shook his head and affected a look of concern. "Well, I don't give guarantees, son, but it sounds like something this potion can fix."

"Oh, please, sir, can I have some, the hurt's unbearable?"

"Will any of you kind folks chip in and help this hard-travelled salesman assist this lad? Just a few bottles to help cover my giving one away free to this poor suffering boy?"

Several people stepped forward and handed over the two dollars each for a bottle of the elixir. Whitestone pocketed the money, folded up the step and platform and casually moving toward the driver's seat, poured a spoonful from his bottle and held it out to the young man.

"Just swallow it right down, son, and in about thirty minutes that pain should be all gone." He nonchalantly climbed up on the seat and toyed with the reigns as the man swallowed the spoonful.

Instantly there was a bellow and the medicine was expelled onto the nearby crowd. The young man coughed and gagged, yelling for water as he ran in circles. Whitestone kicked off the brake and whipped the team forward.

"Let's go girls before we get a taste of our own medicine. Maybe there's too much camphor, or red pepper. Might be the extra turpentine . . ."

Whitestone smiled and mentally crossed Rocky trail off his list as he fled the town

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