•••

2:20 pm.

As everything around me seems blurry, I attempt to focus on my glass but struggle to see any details. My vision is messed up right now, and my body too. I should have slowed down. I am not liking the effect alcohol has on me for the first time.

How can people get drunk and enjoy this? I feel on the verge of throwing up, dying, or passing out.

"Luca..." I touch his arm and lean forth, feeling heavy and lightheaded at the same time. "Yeah? What's wrong?" he asks, gazing at me as I can barely make out his features. "I'm not feeling good...Is this normal?"

"What do you mean by 'not feeling good'? What is happening?" he turns his hand upside down to hold mine, and I feel a rush of warmth spread through my body. "I don't know...my heart's beating so fast, I can't breathe properly, and I can't see...like...everything's blurry. I'm not gonna die, hm...?" I cannot control my body anymore. I lean towards him and rest my head on his arm to seek some reassurance.

"You didn't drink enough alcohol for that, sweetheart. It's gonna be okay, you're just a little tipsy. I'm gonna get you some water, alr-"

"No," I catch his wrist once I feel him move away. "Stay here, you're the only one...I...Ugh, I don't know anymore," I trail off, flying my hand up to my face to cover it. I feel so lost right now. "Why would he even like this...? This is horrible..." I get out what comes first to my mind as I saw Jungkook in my head, not thinking about what is leaving my mouth.

"It's alright, just stay here with Milly. I'll be back in a few seconds," he runs his fingers through my hair, trying to comfort me as I feel something completely new and weird inside of me. "Water will help a lot."

"Okay," I nod, his hand moving down my back. He gently drifts me towards Milly and leaves the table.

"Are you okay?" she asks me, noticing what is going on now that she is sober. "No...I feel like a- I ran the longest marathon of my life...if that makes sense..." I shake my head and close my eyes, regretting this right away. My brain just hit my skull on both sides. "You only drank two glasses of Vodka, you'll be okay. Breathe in and out slowly, you'll feel better soon."

"Jungkook is coming with some water...I hope I won't drown- I mean, pass out," I do not even understand myself anymore, frowning at my own words. "Luca, not Jungkook," she states. "No, Jungkook," I look at her without really doing it. "Or Luca...? I don't know, girl. Whatever," I put an end to this argument and hear her laugh. "Honestly, he stares into your eyes and smiles like he's in love or very attracted to you, so I can't blame alcohol for making you doubt what you see," she speaks while sipping some juice.

For a moment, I fall asleep with my eyes open, and then I wake up to the sound of my voice.

"Uh?" I respond, confused. "Forget it. He's coming back."

"Here you are," the tall and muscular man sits next to me, handing me a transparent drink. "If you feel like throwing up, tell me, and I'll bring you to the restroom. Okay?"

"Okay," I grab it and take a sip. It tastes refreshing. "What's wrong?" another familiar voice echoes through the music, and I lift my eyes up in the direction of it. Matthew is looking at us, I think.

"She's a little drunk, nothing to worry about," Luca answers, and I chuckle nervously. I do not even know why, but this gets him to peek at me. He smiles at me, and I find myself giggling, but end up spilling some of my drink over my thighs.

I gasp and look down at it. Luca grabs some tissues but hands them to Milly. She wipes everything for me, and I try to put my drink back on the table. "Here," Luca helps me find the right spot, and I thank him with a smile.

I take a deep breath as Milly removed the water from my skin, and I glance at the man next to me.

My heart is pounding, and the blurriness of my vision only seems to worsen as I stare at him and can tell he is staring back.

"Jungkook...?" I tilt my head, his voice echoing in my head. "Luca..." I laugh and touch his warm forearm. I drop my head on the wall behind me and attempt to discern his features. "Your eyes...is..." I sigh and move my hand down.

I miss Jungkook, but he will never want me again. He will never hold me in his arms again, never tell me he loves me, cares about me, or needs me.

"Stop moving your head so much," he tells me and cups the nape of my neck to knead it. "You're gonna feel even more dizzy."

"Yeah..." I listen and get closer to him. I lean into his touch and drop one hand on the seat to stay still. "Drink more water, sweetheart."

"It makes me feel sick," I quit fighting against the wobbliness of my limbs and drop my upper body on his. I leave my head on his lap and hide my face in my arms to block any source of colorful light. "But you'll feel more sick if you don't," he rubs my sensitive side. "No..."

"Fine," he does not try anymore, knowing I am right, and I relax. "Milly, give me my jacket I left over there, please," he speaks to her, the voices and music seeming less and less clear. After some wind blew on my skin, I feel some warmth cover my thighs.

"Since she is drunk, you can answer a question I have," Milly's voice reverberates in my head as I keep my eyes close and do my best to differ reality from my imagination. Am I dreaming?

"What?" the deeper male voice asks, and he tangles his fingers in my hair. Feeling uncomfortable in this position, I switch and rest my head on his chest instead. I can feel his warmth enveloping me as he holds me close, providing a sense of safety that I desperately need right now.

"Are you attracted to her? And you can be honest with me. She won't know about it."

"What's up with you all trying to know that tonight?"

"I just noticed some things, and she's my best friend. I just want her to be around someone good who wants the best for her. I know Jungkook is your best friend, but he ruined her. He was her first love."

Who is talking? And what are they talking about?

"He made a mistake, but he's still affected by it as well, you know."

"The thing is that she'll never fully recover from it unless she finds someone good enough to make her realize she deserves better. She'll maybe forget about him without the fear of getting hurt again."

"I don't want to talk about this. It's none of my business."

"Fine, but you didn't answer my question."

The voices fade away as the conversation continues, a hand rubbing my side and calming me down. I move my head over his chest and leave it here. I used to find comfort resting on Jungkook's chest like it was the best pillow, so I let the sound of his heartbeat lull me to sleep.

•••

3 am.

'LUCA'S P.O.V'

As I finally reached y/n's house, I stand next to her as she is still sleeping in the passenger's seat of my car, and I look into her small bag for her keys. While rummaging, I fall upon a Polaroid photo.

This is her and Jungkook. I have not seen him smile that genuinely since they broke up. This breaks my heart to see this.

I put this memory back where it was and finally grab hold of her keys. I hang the bag on my shoulder and take her out of my car, carrying her the bridal way. I bring her to the front door and attempt to wake her up. "Sweetheart?"

I look at her but see no signs of her waking up, so I shake her up a little and speak a little louder. "Y/n?"

She hears me and moves her head. "Hey, can you stand on your feet for me? I need to open the door," I explain to her, but she frowns and seems lost. "Hm?"

I smile and heave her up. "Put your arms around my neck."

She does as I say, and I carefully put her legs down and hold her against the door with one arm while I search for the right key. Her eyes are unfocused, and she starts to mumble incoherently as I push the second key into the lock.

"You're too tall..." she whines while trying to keep her arms around me. As I found the right key, I open the door and lift her legs back up. "Here," I step inside and close the door behind me with my foot.

She wraps her arms around me and snuggles her head in the crook of my sensitive neck as I drop her keys on the kitchen counter. Since it is not the first time I come here, I know her house layout, so I move forward and pass by the living room to walk up the stairs on the left.

I tighten my grip on her thigh and waist to ensure her safety, then I head to her bedroom. I do my best to open the door quietly without waking her up again, and I enter the room. I leave the lights off, reach out to her bed, and gently lay her down.

I slide my arm under her legs to lift her hips slightly and pull the blanket down. As I cover her bare legs, she bends them and touches my hand. "Don't leave me alone..." she whispers in a sorrowful voice.

I set my eyes on her pretty ones, and for a moment, I do not move. She looks at me with pleading eyes, silently asking for my presence while unconscious. "Please...I miss you...I feel so lonely..."

"I'm Luca, y/n," I stroke the back of her hand and put it down on her stomach, but she does not let go. "Hm...Stay," she struggles to keep her eyes open, pulling me in weakly. I sit down by her side and think of the best thing to do.

"Please," she moves up and nearly stumbles as she climbs onto my lap. She embraces me tightly, wrapping her arms around my neck. "I always get nightmares...but no one's here to comfort me...no one cares about me as much as I care about them..." she tears up.

I rub her back and hold her close, whispering softly, "Milly, Matthew, Jungkook and I care about you a lot, y/n."

"It's not true..." she does not believe me. "I sent him food so many times, but he got upset and told me to stop. I send him texts to know how he's doing, but he barely responds or text me first...and it hurts so much...I'd always be there whenever he needed help...but he doesn't even answer my calls, while I'd pick up right away if he called me..." she frees herself from all the heavy emotions she must have been keeping inside.

I do not know what to do or say anymore. What if telling her the opposite will only hurt her more by raising her hopes?

As I cannot get anything out of my mouth, I rub her back and hear my phone ring. I take my phone out and check the text Jungkook sent me.

< did you drop her off? ]

I drift my eyes away from the screen as I feel her move onto me. She sits down in front of me and stares into my eyes. "Am I annoying you too?" she never glances away, her gaze filled with grief and vulnerability. "No, sweetheart. Don't think that. You'd never annoy me," I respond softly, and reach out to wipe her tears away from her pretty face that does not deserve to be ruined that way.

She does not answer, instead, she snivels, her shoulders shaking as she sobs quietly.

Hating what I am seeing, I pull her into a tight embrace. "Come here. It's gonna be okay," I wrap my arms around her, holding her close until her crying subsides and that she falls right back asleep.

I look back at my phone and answer him.

[ Yeah, she's okay >

I lie, feeling guilty but believing this is the best thing to do.

< okay, thank you ]

– Nine months later –

Sunday, September 25th, 2022.

9 pm.

'JUNGKOOK'S P.O.V'

Wondering if I should really join the party, I stay in my car for a bit and answer Luca's text.

[ you're not coming? She's not okay? >

< She got a little sick but since she gave birth a few days ago, I'd rather stay with her ]

[ oh is it bad? >

< Not sure, I'll get her checked up tomorrow if it doesn't get better ]

[ hope she'll be alright >

< Hope too but I bet she just ate something that made her stomach upset. Are you at the party rn though ? ]

[ outside but I'm at the house >

< Well, enjoy your time there and don't drink more than one glass. Say hi to Nolan for me btw ]

[ yeah I will. Want me to say hi to Melanie if she's here too lmao? >

< You're laughing but she's gonna harass you too so shut up, boy ]

[ she knows whats gonna happen if she tries that with me so there's no way she'd risk it >

< True lmao ]

< Is your black eye still bad though? ]

[ well its not really swollen anymore but it still hurts. That asshole didn't miss at all >

< I told you not he'd believe you were flirting with his girl, should have listened ]

[ she was having a bad day bcs of him so I just bought her a coffee. This guy just had a problem with me 'cause I'm prettier >

< Agree, ngl ]

< lmao thanks for agreeing. I'm gonna go to the party now, I'll tell you if Melanie wanna talk with you and call you ]

< Funny boy, talk to you later ]

I smile and get out of my car, walking towards the house where the party is happening. I was supposed to be with Luca, but since he cannot be here, I feel a little lonely. I hope Nolan is already here.

"Gosh, Jungkook!" Melanie calls out from the front porch.

There is actually no way.

"Yeah, Melanie?" I hold back from sighing, her voice high and annoying. "Where is Luca? Wasn't he supposed to be here too?"

"No, he changed his mind," I do not tell her why, and she shows her disappointment. "Could you tell him I miss him, please?"

"Well..." I think thoroughly before answering. "No. I think he's made it pretty clear he doesn't wanna talk to you anymore. Respect his choice."

"I know he misses me too! You're a bitch," she snaps and rushes into the house.

Luca really had to pick a psychopath and creep. Sometimes, he seems to have worse luck than I do.

I breathe out and enter the grand, luxurious house to join the party. As I step in, my eye is immediately drawn to the sleek floating staircase in the center of the foyer, the light marble floor contrasting with a backdrop of dark, polished stone. The ceilings are so high that I feel tiny in here.

The music is blasting, and there are people everywhere.

I make my way through the crowd, searching for familiar faces. I ignore the looks some of them give me, and I move further into the house, the living area. It is very spacious, with paintings on the walls, a chandelier hanging from the ceiling, and a large TV screen mounted on a wall.

I do not stay here but continue my way to the kitchen. I head straight for the fridge and grab a beer and try to blend in with the crowd, hoping nobody will ask me what happened. My plan is to just relax and enjoy the party without any more drama.

"Kook!" Nolan finally comes to me as I sip on my cold beer. "Hey. How are you?"

"Good, what about you though? That dude fucked you up, holy crap," he covers his mouth at the sight of my face, unable to keep quiet about it. "Yeah, I know. I'm fine."

"Well, it gives you a tough look. Let's see it that way," he believes this is a compliment, and I scoff but nod. "Sure."

"Where's Luca though?" he looks around the room, expecting the boy to be nearby. "He's not coming. His dog got sick, so he's staying home."

"Oh, shit. I hope it's not something serious," he says with concern, his brow furrowing in worry. "Same, but I'm sure she'll be okay."

"Yeah, I'm sure Luca will take good care of her," he turns towards the fridge behind me and pulls out a bottle of beer out of it. "I gotta check up on my brother in the backyard, I'll be back in a second."

"Alright," I nod as he walks past me. I do not stay in this gigantic kitchen but make my way back towards the living area. I listen to the music and lean on a wall while I wait for him to return.

I take a look at the people present and see that most of them are all engaged in conversations. Then, I notice a familiar face across the room.

She is here too, with Matthew again. My heart is still racing from seeing her. The memories of our past encounters flood back into my mind. It feels like it happened years ago. I cannot help but feel a surge of emotions as I watch her laugh and smile with him.

She is so beautiful. Her smile will never fade from my memory.

My eyes feeling drawn to her, I stare and cannot help feeling a pang of jealousy. He still has the right to see her all the time, hear her voice, smell her fragrance, and laugh with her. I could never stand him. However, since he dared to lie and tell me that Luca and her have been flirting a lot for the past few months and already had sex, I hate him even more.

As I was lost in my thoughts, I catch her looking at me, so I quickly glance away. I avoid her gaze, knowing that she will see the pain in my eyes, and I take a sip of my beer.

•••

10 pm.

The people around me enjoying their time and partying, I grab my glass of whiskey with the same hand as I am holding my cigarette, and I drink some more.

Disregarding the blurriness of my vision, I swallow the rest of my alcoholic drink and bring it down to the end table next to me. I lift my cigarette up to my mouth to take a drag on it, but for the third time tonight, I make my way up to the kitchen with my empty glass.

I walk through the crowd, nudging my way through it, and I stick my cigarette between my lips once I get to the counter to be able to serve myself some more whiskey. I watch it leak down in the glass, barely paying attention to the deafening music reverberating through the house, and once it is full to overflowing, I put the bottle back where it was to not make more of a mess than there already is.

"How many times are you gonna fill that up?" the voice, which I force myself not to miss every day, takes me out of my bubble, and I set my eyes on the small figure next to me.

I can deny it as much as I want to, but I missed her.

She stares deep into my eyes, with disappointment, and I blow the smoke out and pull my toxic stick down. "Why are you stalking me?" I lay my hand over my drink to make sure she does not try to snatch it away from me, and she chuckles, nervously glancing away. "If I'm stalking you, then why do I catch you looking at me every time I do it?"

My lips curve up into a smile, and I do not even attempt to deny the facts. I consume the tobacco between my fingers and think of an answer. "Focus on your best friend. Not me. You promised me to stop."

"You promised me to stop as well," she replies, with confidence, getting me annoyed with her remarks that reflect nothing but the truth. "I did, but life doesn't go as planned, so some promises can't be kept," I take hold of my glass and step away to leave her, but she follows me, never allowing me to separate us for good.

"Why do you have a black eye?" she mentions what is more than obvious, and I stand where I was to be able to have an ashtray near me. "Because."

"Why?" she insists and stands in front of me, her height not intimidating me at all before my six foot three inches. I shrug, not willing to tell her what happened, and I tap the ash off but look into her eyes. She is mad, I know her, she must hate me for being like this. "Fine. I'll call Luca and get to know about it."

"We're not friends anymore," I ruin her plans with a lie, and she nibbles on her lips, realizing what that means. She crosses her arms over her chest and peeks down at the cigarette I trapped between my lips, looking for something to say. "Just because we can't be together doesn't mean we can't be friends, you know."

"I don't wanna be friends with you," I avert my eyes from her pretty ones to blow the smoke out. I wish I did not have to say that. I wish things were back to what they were before, but they will never be. "You don't want to or you can't?" she figures out, and I bite my inner cheek. I slide my empty hand in the pocket of my cargo pants, and I uncontrollably have a glimpse of her dress. Her close-fitting short dress, and her body in it. "Did you come here just to question me over and over again about stuff you already know?"

Silently, even through the loud music of this party, she manages to dig a hole in my heart with a cold look. "You like to play dumb when I ask you to answer me, so yeah, I did."

I take one last drag on my cigarette and land eyes on her best friend, who is sitting on a sofa, and as expected, I catch him staring but quickly pretend to not have been doing it this whole time.

"Go back to that guy. You're wasting your time," I stub my cigarette out and clear my throat with some alcohol. "I wanna stay with you."

I hold back from showing my anger and control myself, but she wraps her delicate hand around my wrist and obliges me to dive into her soul. This one I love yet hate the most. "Stop, or at least slow it down," she requires, nearly orders, no matter what she is aware of. "Did you find another job?"

"Hm. I did," I lean back on the wall behind me, her skin remaining against mine, I take it away to not feel her warmth on me anymore, and I take another sip before putting my drink down. "And what is it?"

"I don't wanna talk about it. I'm tired of yelling," I express some bother about the loudness of the music that does not give us a choice but to raise our voices or lean closer to one another. "Let's go outside then," she takes my hand in hers to lead me to it, but I refuse and stay where I am. "Just drop it, y/n."

She stands still and stares into my eyes, not listening to me. She has not changed just a bit. She is still as stubborn as she used to be. "Let's go outside."

The annoyance spreading through me, I sigh, sharply, but drink some whiskey before following her. I let her lead the way and bring us outside, in front of the house, where only a few people are.

"Now you can talk to me," she speaks in a lower voice, and the softness of it affects me even more. "Y/n..." I say her name so that she understands how this makes me feel to have to do this, to have to face her. "Why are you doing this?"

She shrugs once more, not seeming as confident as she should. "It's been months since you last answered my texts. I just want to know how you're doing, and like this, you can't ignore me like you do by text."

I keep my eyes on her, the pain aching into my chest. I breathe out and put my hands into the pockets of my pants, and I swallow. "I'm fine. There's no need to worry about me, and we both agreed on the fact that we wouldn't text each other or talk anymore, so stop making me the bad guy. Alright?"

"So, you have the right to know how I am doing, but I don't when you're the one who needs the most attention and care?" she states as if she knew what I have been doing, and I frown, feigning ignorance. "Know how you're doing? I haven't seen you since that day at the bar."

"You haven't seen me, but you still find another way to know about me. Stop lying. I'm sick of it, Jungkook, I swear," she does not hide her emotions at all, always leaving them on display whenever she looks at me or talks to me while I cannot do anything but the opposite. "I'm not lying."

"Then why did my best friend tell me you got in contact with him to ask how I am doing?!" she reveals the reason behind this awareness, and I clench my jaw, holding back from losing it. I cannot believe this asshole told her about it when I asked him not to.

Feeling my anger take the upper hand on my body because of the alcohol, I chuckle and cool myself down as much as possible. "Why did he have to open his fucking mouth about it?"

"Because he doesn't hide anything from me or lies to me, unlike you," she points out at the very end of her sentence to make sure I hear it, and I freeze on my spot for a moment. She is right. I am an asshole, but she needs to understand who has been at fault since the beginning.

"We can still see each other, Jungkook...We both know this is not alright—"

"We can't," I cut her off to not hear the rest of her sentence, which I know will break me apart even more. "We can't, and we won't. You know this isn't right for you. If you keep doing this instead of moving on and forgetting about me, you know I'm gonna fucking cause you pain again," I put reality forward to make her realize this is for her good. I am not doing this for myself but her.

"Stop with that bullshit..." her eyes glisten, her voice sounding faint and full of distress. "You cannot do this on your own, and you know it. I wanna be there for you, and I don't care what this will take for you to get better and stop inflicting all that shit on yourself. It hurts me to see you like that...and you know I'm never gonna feel okay if you're not..."

The tears in her eyes aggravating the damaging affliction inside me, I weakly avoid eye contact but feel the intoxication gradually affect my actions more and more. I try to breathe in a steady manner and cover my face with my hand to rub it. "Just...Leave me alone," I walk away to not stay near her in this state, but she holds me back. "I'm not gonna leave you alone. Not again, I can't let that happen anymore," she steps right before me to block the way. "You have a black eye, some bruises on your hands, you're drunk again, and you think I'm gonna leave you alone like that?"

"I don't want your fucking help," I lean closer to her and grab her wrists to push them away. "I don't fucking need it. I don't need you, and I won't ever want you to be by my side again, got it?" I hurl the horrible words out to drift her apart from me, to provoke some hatred inside her, but the pain that I can read upon her face tortures me, so I walk away and go back inside the house.