— Next day —

Thursday, May 27th, 2021.

'YOUR P.O.V'

7:40 am.

[ Have a good day at work<3 >

I send a text to Jungkook to cheer him up for the day, and I put my phone down at the sound of Matthew pronouncing my name.

"Hey," I smile at him, and he stands by my side. "Hey, how are you?"

"I'm fine, and you? You slept well?" I move forth to lead the way inside the building, and he follows. "Yeah. I am too. I can't shut up about yesterday though," he opens the door for me and lets me pass first, and we go in. "What? What do you have to say?"

"You look so cringe with him—" he cracks up as I hit him hard. "I'm joking. You're just so obvious, it's insane."

"Why were you even looking, weirdo?" I do not say anything about what he witnessed, and we walk up the stairs. "I just saw, like, five seconds when I headed out, but those small seconds were enough to see how head over heels you are. You were looking at him like he's the most precious and beautiful man on earth."

"And? You got a problem with that? You're jealous?" I act like I do not feel ashamed or shy about it, and he softly sneers through his nose. "Yeah. I'm jealous that nobody looks at me like that."

"One day maybe, but maybe," I do not show any empathy, despite feeling some, just the same way he does it with me. "Thanks for making me feel better."

"You're welcome," I check my phone to see if Jungkook answered me, and I eagerly open his text as soon as I lay eyes on a new one from him.

< Have a good day too, and thank you for yesterday. It really made me happy<3 ]

This is not usual of him to reveal so much of his emotions, or to be honest about them, so that makes it so much more special. I love it so much when he does not keep it to himself but lets me know how he feels.

[ It made me happy too:'3 >

"His tattoos are cool though, not gonna lie," he compliments him after I exited the conversation with a smile on my face. "There are. And you only saw the ones on his neck and hands, but he's got more, and it looks so good."

"Are you tryna flex about the fact you saw him naked? Because I'm not gay, so I'm not gonna—"

"No, I wasn't!" I cut him off to not hear more. "I was just talking about his arms, and just—" I realize I meant more than that and had his torso in mind. "Just in general! You're being a weirdo again."

"I'm not. You're stuttering, what do you even mean?" he mocks the unconscious reaction I had, but I ignore him. "Whatever. You're literally the one that talked about his tattoos like you're thirsting over him so shut up."

"What?! I love tattoos, so of course I'm gonna notice them. I'm not like you when I look at him," he speaks without knowing, assuming that I am nothing but a pervert. "I'm not listening anymore."

"I'll keep talking, I don't care," he smirks and stands before me, making sure I cannot forget or ignore his presence. "Do you think tattoos would look good on me?" he slides his hands in his pockets.

"No," I look into his eyes, and his smile turns bitter. "You're a bitch."

I laugh and quickly change my mind to not be mean anymore. "I'm joking. Yes, it would. You always dress so well, it would totally fit with your style."

"I knew it, I just wanted you to say it," he pretends to be confident when I know more than anyone that he is not. "You like being praised. I'm not even surprised."

"Yeah, I thought you noticed already," he does not even deny it, making me scoff. "I did, but never said anything about it."

He shyly giggles and looks at one of my classmates, who is coming towards us.

"By the way," I change the subject. "I've been talking more often with Milly these days, and she told me that she did watch that movie you talked about the other day, but she found it really good."

"Really?" he reaches our for his bag behind his back and gets a snack out. "Yeah, so you can go and watch it. I'm pretty sure you won't regret."

"So you come with me?" he bites into the chocolate bar he just pulled out, and I raise my eyebrows at him. "You and I?" I point my finger at him then myself. "Yeah. I and you."

I quietly laugh at his answer. "The movie looks way too gore, I'm gonna feel sick."

"It's not. Trust me. You'll just have to close your eyes and cover your ears if it gets too bad," he says as if this was that simple. "That wouldn't work but sure. When would you want to go?"

"Well, I know you always spend every weekend with your boyfriend, so tomorrow after school? What do you think?" he already swallows the last piece of his snack and crushes the empty wrapping in his hand.

I wish he was right about that boyfriend part.

"Fine, if I end up having nightmares at night, I'll call and complain to you no matter what time it is, alright?" I warn him so that he knows what is waiting for him, and he shrugs. "I'm good with it 'cause I know it won't be bad," he gets interrupted by the bell. "But whatever, see you later and good luck for the test you're probably gonna fail," he smirks at me and waves while walking away.

He is such a moron.

— Next day —

Friday, May 28th, 2021.

5:30 pm.

< hey, I know you wanted to come here this weekend, but these 2 days were really rough at work so I'll need a lot of time to rest and try to get rid of my migraine. I don't want you to come just to be alone the whole time, so stay home this weekend, okay? I'll call you when I'm awake to talk, I promise ]

Some heavy disappointment ruining my day and weekend because of a mere text, I sigh but answer him.

[ hey, what if I just come to cook some food and clean, and I leave you alone? I know you're not gonna do or eat anything if you're in pain:( >

< I'll eat on FaceTime if you want but I don't want you to come just for that ]

[ Hm....you better not be lying >

< I'm not ]

[ Fine, I trust you. I hope you'll take care of yourself and not have that damn migraine anymore. You need to sleep, eat and stay hydrated >

< I'll do all of that, but it's the same for you ]

[ I already do it >

He does not answer anymore, so I drop my phone on my bed and take my clothes off to get ready to take a shower.

I need to trust him. I am worried, scared, and anxious about this, but I have to trust him, no matter how hard it is after all the lies he has told me about his health.

— Next day —

Saturday, May 29th, 2021.

3:30 pm.

After receiving an answer from Matthew, I lean back on my gaming chair, and despite not seeing any notification about it, I check if Jungkook replied to me since he did not even text me like he is supposed to do every day when he wakes up.

He still has not. I know he is tired, but he told me he went to bed at ten p.m. last night, so he cannot be sleeping this long without waking up once to drink or eat something.

I hate the state this puts me in, I am so terrified because I am very sure he took some pills.

I will wait for ten more minutes, but if he still has not texted me until then, I do not care, I go to his house and check up on him.

For now, I read Matt's message to answer him.

< she's ignoring me rn cuz I talk too much to you ]

[ we're sometimes in the same class and have to work together, what does she think we're doing? I knew she couldn't stand me but ignoring you just bcs you stayed friends with me is childish >

< I know but whatever I'll deal with it. Btw did you have nightmares last night? :) ]

[ no I didn't and you're lucky >

< Knew it. I told you. Have you worked on the Spanish project tho? I can't even find the words for the first line ]

[ I'm not gonna lie I haven't started it yet, I'll work on it tomorrow and probably get it done quickly >

< oh, do you think we could do that together? Yk to get it done even more quickly. Team work makes the dream work as they say ]

[ lmao sure we'll do it together if it's really too hard for you >

< Thank you! I feel less nervous now bcs I'm dogshit in Spanish ]

[ don't worry, but I gtg rn so I'll text you later if you still wanna play >

< ok! See you ]

[ See you >

I send this last text and turn my computer off, and I leave my chair to look for some clothes to put on instead of my pajamas..

30 minutes later...

I get off the bus and head towards Jungkook's house that is close by. He still has not texted me, so if nothing is going on, that can only mean he is ignoring or ghosting me, but I would rather know he is doing this.

In short minutes, I reach his house and take the key out to unlock the door. The curtains are still closed, there does not seem to be any light turned on, so I know for sure he is not awake.

After unlocking the door, I walk in the house and take my shoes off, and I check this first open floor then make my way up the stairs, where I know he is since his shoes are still at the door and that he cannot have left.

I do not hesitate but go for his bedroom door and knock on it first, but he does not respond, neither opens the door, so I do it myself. "Jungkook."

As expected, he is in his bed, and seeing him there, not moving or even reacting to the noise I made is enough to put me in a state of panic.

With a heavy heart full of fright, I walk up to him and grab his arm to pull him on his back. "Jungkook," I pronounce his name but understand, in a matter of short seconds, that he is not alright at all.

"Jungkook!" I yell his name, my breath hitching and turning shallow. He does not wake up or show signs of life, and my body freezes in front of this. I cannot even tell whether this is reality or not anymore, I am pretty much paralyzed right now. "Jungkook," I raise my voice for the second time and tear up, not controlling my emotions or actions anymore. "Jungkook, stop that. Wake up," I press my trembling hand against his chest to check his heartbeat or breathing, praying for him to still be alive.

I try my best to stay calm, and once as I can feel his heart hitting my hand, his lungs inflating and deflating, some relief soothes a small part of the panic, and I shake him up. I constantly repeat his name and hold his face with both of my hands, doing everything I can to wake him up but feeling awfully terrified by the sight of his unresponsive body.

"Please, wake up, I'm begging you," I sob and slap him, not knowing what to do more as it seems like the only option I have left is to call an ambulance. Once again, I slap him but on the arm and way harder, and to my greatest relief, he comes back to consciousness in a startle, and a heavy breath runs out of me. I drop my upper body on him to cry like I have never done before as all the heaviness in my chest left me in the blink of an eye.

"Y/n?" he speaks, but my shaking body that has been weakened by some shock, collapses onto the floor, and I cover my face with my hands, the tears flowing down. "Hey," he follows me and goes down to my level to touch me. "I thought you were dead!" I scream at him without meaning to, my entire body and voice quivering from all the fright that he caused. "You took those pills again, didn't you?!" I stare into his eyes, my tears blurring his features.

"I'm sorry," he lays his hands over mine to hold them, but I lean forward and throw my arms around him to hug him, and he embraces my body. "Don't ever do this to me again...I was about to die from a heart attack..." I gasp for air, feeling lightheaded. I close my eyes and do not let go of him. "I'm so sorry," he rubs my back. "I didn't mean to scare you."

I do not say anything to not regret any words that might leave me in the heat of the moment. I just keep him in my arms and cherish what I thought would never happen again.

"Calm down, sweetheart. Your heart's beating so hard. It's okay now, I'm here," he strokes my back in a reassuring manner. "Don't tell me to calm down after what just happened..." I do my best to slow my breathing and heartbeat down, and he kisses my cheek.

•••

4:20 pm.

After ordering some food since there is nothing to cook a proper meal here, I sit down next to him on the sofa and unwrap the cream bun I grabbed.

I pull on the soft texture and only get a small piece of it to bring it up to Jungkook's mouth, and he takes his eyes off of his phone to eat. "Are you in pain?" I ask him, feeling the need to know how he is feeling, and he shakes his head. "I'm fine."

"Sure? Is your heart okay?" I lay my hand over his chest, and he smiles and looks into my eyes. "It is," he drops his phone to focus on me.

I take my hand off of him and feed him another piece of the bun. "Your face's a bit puffy," I point out. "Don't worry, it often happens when I sleep a lot."

I do not comment but break another piece of the snack he loves, and I wait for him to swallow what he already has in his mouth. "Does it make me ugly?"

"What?" I frown and peek down at his plump lips, his brown eyes never looking away from me. "My puffy face."

I glare at him and push the food in his mouth to prevent him from saying more stupid words. "You're never ugly," I compliment him with the truth and notice this put a smile on his face. "Have you eaten anything today?"

"No, I was too worried about you," I do not tell him a lie, and as if this was a problem to him, he keeps his eyes fixed on mine for a moment, then glances down at his hands. "I don't like that you don't take care of yourself only because of me. I don't want you to do that again," he looks back at me, not even realizing the meaning of his words, and who he should say that to.

"I can't control how I feel. When I'm worried, I feel sick and can't eat anything," I spread the last piece into two and give him the second to last one. "I got worried as well when I felt your heartbeat," he takes it in his mouth and chews on it, but he grabs the last piece from my hand.

"I was too, not gonna lie. It never beat like that before, and I thought I'd pass out," I leave the empty wrapping on the table, and once I move back, he feeds me. "I'm sorry for making you feel like that."

"I just don't want it to happen again," I slide one hand under his to intertwine our fingers and hold it, and he drags it to my thighs and clutches my smaller one with his. However, he does not promise me this will not occur ever again, he does not tell me anything that could reassure me.

I clasp his big hand with both of mine and rest my head on his arm. "I wanted to die when it looked like you were...not there..." I do not say the word when this is about him, hating the sound of it. He rubs his thumb over my skin. "Even if I'm not here anymore, I don't want you to stop living your life, and you better promise me you'll enjoy life."

"There's no need to promise anything because you'll get better and live as much as me," I do not accept this as a potential situation I would have to end up in. "Promise me," he slides his fingers between mine to touch me in the most delicate manner, but I refuse to do as told. "Stop."

"Y/n," he does what weakens me the most, saying my name in a low voice. "Promise me you will—"

"I'm gonna cry if you don't stop saying that," I warn him, this topic triggering some pain and grief inside of me. He heaves an obvious sigh and holds my hand tight.

The subject leaving some silence in the house, we do not say anything anymore but cuddle, and I run one hand up to his wrist, sliding it under his sleeve and feeling his bracelet. I close my eyes and caress his forearm. "You know you're the only that makes me happy, and that you're the one I care the most about, right?"

"I do, but you have other friends, and I know they make you happy too, especially Matt—"

"You're not just a friend to me," I open my eyes and look down at his bracelet that matches with mine. "You mean way too much to me to just be a friend," I do not keep it to myself. "What am I then?"

I nervously toy with his bracelet and think of the right answer. "You're more than that."

"And what's more than that?" he asks for the word he knows I have on my mind, and I mumble something else. "I don't know..."

He does not force me to be honest but pulls his hand away from me. "I gotta take a pill," he stands up, but I grab his wrist. "What pill?"

"Just because I'm nauseous, don't worry. It's nothing that can hurt me," he answers with something relieving enough for me to let go, and I wait on my spot. "Eat another bun if your stomach aches, it can help."

"When will the food be here?" he fills a glass with water after putting the pill in his mouth. "It said it would be here in around thirty minutes."

"Alright, I'll wait then," he swallows and comes back, but he does not sit down. "Let's go out for a little, I need some fresh air," he takes his hoodie off and drops it next to me, but then takes gets shirtless to put his hoodie back on.

"Are you not feeling okay?" I rise and follow him. "I'm fine, but breathing some fresh air often helps me when I'm nauseous," he opens the tall glass door and steps out, and we get on his balcony.

The soft breeze blowing against our skin, he runs his fingers through his hair and covers his mouth to yawn, but ends up stretching, and the usual moan that follows it vibrates in his throat. "Does it feel good?" I smile at him, and he does the same. "Yeah."

He bends over the railing in front of which some plants are, and he looks down at the floor that is some feet lower.

"Your hair sticks up here," I chuckle at the sight of it and brush his hair down against his neck to try to fix it. "Hey. Don't make fun of me," he ruffles his hair and makes it worse. "I'm not making fun of you. It's cute."

"You better not," he grins and straightens his back, and he stares into my eyes from higher. His plump lips curving up, he steps closer to me, the closest he can, and holds my face with both hands. "You're cuter."

I shake my head to deny it, thinking otherwise, and he gazes down at my lips. "Don't contradict me," he pokes my cheek and drops his hands to slide them in his pockets, and I cannot resist to the temptation. I wrap my arms around his small waist to bear hug him and raise my chin up.

Our lips now closer to each other, he lowers his head and takes his hands out of his pockets. He lifts them up to my hair and pushes it behind my shoulders, always doing this more softly than I would ever do, and he passes his fingers through my hair.

My eyes not leaving his beautiful features, he bends over me, and the tip of his nose grazes my neck, sending some shivers all over my skin. "Is it a new fragrance?" he looks back at me after causing my heart to race, and I nod. "Do you like it?"

"I do, it smells good," he smiles. "Wait," he takes his hoodie off but gets topless when the neighbors could see him. "Put this on," he holds it above my head, so I raise my arms up to wear it over my tight top. "I'll keep it as a comfort fabric in my bed if you give it back to me."

"Go back inside and put something else on," I protect his chest with my long sleeves, but he stays against me. "No. It actually feels good. It's a bit warm today anyway, so it's okay."

"And what about the neighbors? I don't want them to see you," I do not take my sleeves off of his skin that I want to cover as much as I can, but he scoffs. "Why? It's not like I'm naked."

"Half-naked though, so hide your chest," I do not agree with him. "And what if I wanna show my chest? Hm? I have the right to."

"No. You go back inside now," I grab his hand and drag him back in the house, and he does not go against it but allows me to pull him in. "The food's gonna be here soon."

"Hm. You're lucky you got a good reason," he drops his body next to mine on the sofa. "Or else what?" I lean over him and rest my chin on his tattooed arm. "Or else I'd have flashed my neighbors."

"If you want to get naked, you stay inside, okay?" I grip the bottom of my right sleeve and lay my hand on his torso, and he laughs. "Only if you're not here."

"Oh, so those randoms have the right to see you naked but not me?" I gasp and emphasize my reaction, and his eyebrows raise. "Does that mean you wanna see me naked?"

"That's not what I said, but," I add to explain myself. "If I don't have the right, why do they?"

"Because they're randoms as you said," he uses my words against me and chuckles. "Now stop arguing over that."

"I don't care. Only I have the right to see so much of your skin," I put an end to this argument myself and set my own rules, but he just laughs at me. "Sure, sweetheart."

"Hm, very sure," I let my body relax on the side of his and impatiently wait for our meal to come.

•••

7:50 pm.

"Jungkook," I say his name to have his attention, and he pulls his ice cream out of his mouth. "Yes, y/n."

I smile at his adorable attempt to sound like me. "I'm sleeping here tonight, but I'll probably have to work with Matt on a project for school tomorrow, and since there's no food anymore, I'll also have to go shopping, so I'll wake up early, which means, no pills tonight, but you'll sleep in my arms and go shopping with me in the morning, okay?"

He enjoys his dessert with a lot of satisfaction but seems to take my words as a joke. "So now, I'm a baby, and I can't leave the house without mommy?"

"Exactly, you learn fast," I pat his head and get him to scoff. "I think you're getting a little too delusional."

"You're back in your mean era. Alright," I hold back from smiling and grab my phone, but he takes it away from me and keeps it between his thighs. "I'm not. Focus on me and nothing else."

"You're just eating an ice cream," I direct my body towards his, and he moves this sweet treat up to my mouth. "'We are eating."

I open my mouth to take a bite of it, but he pushes it back and forth inside. "Only I have the right to bite into it," he takes it in his mouth to lick. "Why?"

"Because," he does not give a valid answer at all, but I still take it. "Sure. Biting is not the best anyway."

"Uh, and what is?" he licks his lips and holds the stick down. "You know...when I eat magnums, I love how it feels when it kinda melted a little and that I nibble on the cream, then lick, then nibble again," I laugh at myself and hate how this sounds, and he scoffs. "Sure, y/n. Sure."

"What?! I'm serious, do it, and you'll see how satisfying it is," I slap his arm for twisting my words and acting like I am weird. "How do you even nibble on ice cream, dummy?"

"What do you mean 'how'? You nibble," I do not find another word to explain it since it seems pretty evident to me. As if I made no sense, he giggles and heads the ice cream up to my mouth. "Do it."

"No, you're gonna laugh," I push his hand away, but he gets it right back in front of my face. "You shut up and do it now. You shouldn't have said anything."

I sigh but put my fingers over his to hold the stick. "You're the dummy one, okay? Look, you just do it as if you had no teeth. Instead of biting all the way down, you do that," I press my teeth against the soft ice cream but cannot do as I would if I was alone. "There, but you do it with the other teeth," I let go but see in his eyes, how lost he is. "I've never seen anyone eat ice cream like a dog chewing on a toy."

"Are you calling me a dog?" I gape and point my finger at myself, feeling offended. "A puppy, it's cuter," he slides the treat back in his mouth, enjoying how embarrassed he made me. "I'm never eating the chocolate off your magnum ever again."

He giggles without taking me serious, and I force myself to not smile at how cute this sounds.

•••

11:20 pm.

"Are you in pain?" I ask him as he sat down by my side, both sharing his bed again. "No, I'm fine right now," he takes his top off and drops it at the bottom of the bed, and he lies down. He combs his hair back and places the charm of his chain properly between his collarbones.

Not feeling very talkative now that we should fall asleep, I stare at him, scared about the night we are about to go through together. Probably noticing it, he sets his brown eyes on me, one dim lamp on his nightstand still illuminating the room.

He does not glance away but keeps the contact going between us, understanding how I am feeling for sure. The corner of his lips turning up, he fixes the blanket over his body and pushes it down to his hips. "Just sleep and don't be scared of anything."

"I won't sleep," I turn towards him, and he does the same to face me, but he elevates his upper body and leans in. He presses his lips against my forehead and brushes his fingers past my cheek, and the side of my head. "I won't take any pills, so I'm okay. I want you to sleep and not worry for no reason," he speaks in a low and comforting voice, and no matter how soothing it can be when he talks to me that way, I cannot be reassured. "But if it happened once, it can happen again."

"Sweetheart, it happened because I took two pills. I was already exhausted, and it made me feel very dizzy when I fell asleep. It just knocked me out a bit too much, but you felt it yourself, I was still breathing, and my heart was still beating. So stop worrying, okay?" he caresses my cheek, holding the side of my face and putting my mind at rest the best he can.

I stare deep into his eyes, listening and feeling a little bit better.

"Look," he grabs one of my hands and flattens it against his chest, and he does not break eye contact. "You feel it, right?"

I nod, holding back some tears that are caused by my sensitivity. The feeling of his heartbeat sending me back to that moment. "It's not gonna happen. I'm feeling good today."

I do not reply but spread my fingers to feel more of the reverberation of his heartbeat, and we dive into one another's souls.

"I love you," I confess, fearing he could never hear it.