#ChainedtothePastWP

Chapter 4
Second Chance

Just like a déjà vu when I gained consciousness after being in coma, I woke up with a throbbing headache. I winced because of the pain as I tried to sit up.

Wala pang isang segundo nang pagsubok ko sa pagbangon ay nakaramdam na ako ng pagsuporta sa aking likuran. Nilingon ko agad si Dra. Sienna na siyang nakasuporta sa akin.

"You're finally awake..." she said in relief.

Mabilis kong nilingon ang paligid at nakitang nandito ako sa aming kuwarto ni Lydia. For a second, I thought I was in the clinic because of Dra. Sienna's presence. Nakakagulat na siya ang bumungad sa akin pagkagising at hindi si Aling Marissa o Manong Vito.

"Ano po ang nangyari?" medyo matamlay kong tanong.

"You've been asleep for two days..." she told me. "You missed Christmas."

Napaawang ang aking mga labi. Iyon siguro ang dahilan kung bakit sobrang sakit ng aking ulo pagkagising.

"They called me since they found you unconscious while lying on the floor. Hindi ako nakarating agad dahil nasa karatig na bayan ako," paliwanag niya. "Kahapon lamang ako nakarating para matingnan ka. Inaapoy ka ng lagnat. Your fever only cooled down last night. Ako lang ang nandito ngayon dahil nasa bayan silang lahat."

So, I fainted...

"Masakit ba ang ulo mo?" nag-aalala niyang tanong sa akin. "Gaanong kasakit?"

Napahawak ako sa aking ulo nang biglang nanlaki ang aking mga mata sa naalala.

Before I fainted, I finally remembered everything that happened to me; I finally got to know who I really was. Isang bagsakan bumalik sa akin ang lahat na sa tingin ko'y iyon ang naging dahilan kung bakit ako nawalan ng malay. There was too much information to take that my mind and heart couldn't handle everything.

My name... My family... The kidnapping... The man who helped us... The sound of the gun fire... My best friend's death...

Everything suddenly became so vivid to me like it all just happened yesterday.

Wala sa sarili kong sinaktan ang sarili sa pamamagitan ng pagpalo sa aking ulo gamit ang aking kamao. Kasabay no'n ay ang biglang pag-agos ng aking luha.

Dra. Sienna became alarmed with my sudden actions. She immediately held both my hands to stop me from hurting myself.

"Lia!"

Sinubukan kong kumawala sa kanyang pagpigil sa akin. I wanted so bad to hurt myself. I wanted to hit my head and just forget everything again. I didn't want my memories back anymore. Gusto kong bawiin na ulit sa akin ang mga masasakit na alaala. I wanted to forget all the things I didn't want to remember.

Binabawi ko na ang mga dasal ko na makaalala. Binabawi ko na ang mga kahilingan ko na malaman ang aking nakaraan. Binabawi ko na ang lahat... Pinagsisisihan ko nang nalaman ko pa ang mga ito...

"Lia, ano ba'ng nangyayari sa'yo?!"

Sa sobrang taranta, pag-aalala at takot ni doktora ay napataas na ang kanyang boses. Ang kanyang hawak sa aking palapulsuhan ay mas humigpit upang maibaba niya ito sa aking tagiliran.

I shook my head, still crying so hard because of regret, guilt, and fear.

"Lia, sagutin mo ako―"

"Hindi po Lia ang pangalan ko!" I cried out of frustration, wishing I could be Lia for the rest of my life. "Hindi po ako si Lia... Hindi ako si Lia..."

When I caught a glimpse of Dra. Sienna's reaction, I saw her lips parted a bit. Her hands holding my wrists loosened in surprise. She finally realized that I could now remember who I was.

"N-Nakakaalala ka na..." Hindi iyon tanong.

Kahit na labag sa loob ko ay tumango ako.

Napabuntong hininga siya at saka tuluyang binitawan ang aking mga kamay. Bahagya siyang umayos para matingnan ako nang mabuti.

"Hanggang saan ang naaalala mo?" tanong niya sa akin. "Pangalan pa lang ba ang naaalala mo o... Please, tell me."

"Lahat..." sagot ko. "Naaalala ko po ang lahat."

It was very unfortunate of me to remember everything. I didn't know why she looked relief and happy for me when I was completely devastated.

"That's great, then!" Her face beamed as she smiled. "We can finally find your family easily. I'll tell Aling Marissa and Manong Vito―"

"Huwag po!" mabilis kong agap at inabot ang kanyang kamay.

Mukhang nabigla si Dra. Sienna sa akin. Nabitin sa ere ang kanyang mga nais sabihin. Umiling-iling ako sa kanya at nagmakaawa.

"Huwag ninyo pong sasabihin sa kanila na nakakaalala na ako..." pakiusap ko.

Her forehead creased, confused with my sudden decision. "Lia... No... I don't know your real name yet, but we need to tell them," she explained. "Once we find your family, they'd know eventually because you need to go back."

"Ayoko pong bumalik!" Punong-puno ako ng prustrasyon. "Ayokong bumalik..."

Mas lalo lamang siyang naguluhan sa pagiging matigas ng aking ulo. "B-Bakit naman?" nauutal niyang tanong. "Paniguradong nag-aalala sa'yo ang mga magulang mo. You've been missing for more than a year already. I mean, magdadalawang taon na nga simula nang napadpad ka rito sa San Isidro."

Muli akong umiling kasabay nang muling pagbuhos ng aking luha. "Hindi ko po kayang bumalik... H-Hindi ko po kaya...." Iyak ko. "Magagalit po sila sa akin..."

"Bakit naman sila magagalit sa'yo? Hindi ko maintindihan..."

"Pinatay ko po ang kaibigan ko... Pinatay ko po siya..." paulit-ulit kong sabi. "Pinatay ko po si Arlene..."

Dra. Sienna's eyes widened like she couldn't believe the words which came out of my lips, but at the same time, she became alert.

"Dinig na dinig ko po 'yong putok ng baril... Namatay siya... Pinatay ko siya..."

"Lia, huminahon ka!" sigaw ni doktora nang hindi makayanan ang aking mga sinasabi.

Mariin ang pagkakahawak niya sa aking balikat nang inalog niya ako. Her eyes screamed thousand of questions for me. Hindi niya nga lang alam kung tamang oras na ang paulanan ako ng tanong o hahayaan niyang kumalma muna ako.

"Huminahon ka, Lia..." mas marahan niyang sabi ngayon sa akin.

Umiling lamang ako. "Hindi po ako si Lia..." ulit ko sa isang bigong tinig. "Ako po si Clementine... Ako ang pumatay kay Arlene..."

"Why do you keep on saying that you killed your friend or that Arlene?" She couldn't stop herself now from asking questions. "Ano ba talaga ang nangyari bago ka natagpuang halos wala ng buhay? Please tell me, C-Clementine... I will try my best to help you..."

Bahagya akong yumuko. Kahit na hindi ako sigurado ay pinagkakatiwalaan ko si Dra. Sienna. Sa kanya ko lang kayang sabihin ang lahat ng ito. Siya lang ang puwede kong mahingan ng tulong.

"Papunta po kami ng playground ni Arlene noong araw na 'yon..." panimula ko. "Sabi po nina mommy't daddy na huwag na huwag kaming lalabas ng bahay. They told me that it wasn't safe outside. But Arlene wanted to play at the playground because she was bored at home... T-Tumakas po kaming dalawa palabas ng bahay. Naglalakad na po kami papuntang playground nang may h-humintong itim na van... Kinuha po kami... Nagising na lang po ako na nakatali at may takip sa bibig..."

Nanginginig ang aking mga kamay habang kinukuwento ang nangyari sa araw na 'yon. Dra. Sienna was listening to me intently. I saw her fist clenched like she was angry about something.

"Ang sabi po ng mga dumukot sa amin... k-kaunting oras na lang daw po ang natitira sa amin..." natatakot kong sabi. "P-Patayin po nila kami ni Arlene... P-Patayin po nila kami..."

Dra. Sienna relaxed her hand and held mine. She caressed it so softly like she was scared that she would break me if she held me tighter.

"N-Nakatakas po kami... May tumulong po sa amin, pero... pero nasundan po kami. Sa gubat... Nadinig ko po ang putok ng baril... Namatay po iyong lalaki..." Isang malalim na paghinga ang aking ginawa bago itinuloy ang parte na aking kuwento na pinakagusto kong kalimutan. "Pinatakas niya po kaming d-dalawa ni A-Arlene... Tumakbo po kami pero hindi po kaya ni Arlene... N-Nahihirapan po siyang huminga... Hindi niya p-po kayang sumabay sa a-akin..."

Humagulgol ako kahit hindi pa tapos sa aking kuwento. Mas lumapit sa akin si Dra. Sienna at hinagod ang aking likuran para matahan ako kahit papaano.

"I-Iniwan ko po siyang mag-isa... T-Tinalikuran ko po s-siya... Nadinig ko po ulit ang tunog ng baril... Hinayaan ko po siyang mamatay! Pinatay ko po siya!"

Dra. Sienna comforted me with her warm and tight embrace. I felt her shaking her head.

"Pinatay ko po si Arlene..." Patuloy ako sa pag-iyak. "A-Ayoko pong bumalik... Magagalit sila mommy sa akin... P-Pinahamak ko po si Arlene... Namatay po siya nang dahil sa akin..."

I had no guts to face my parents after I killed my best friend. I turned my back on her and ran away for my own life. I left her alone to die. For sure they'd all blame me for it. Kung sana ay hindi ako pumayag sa gusto niya noon. If only I insisted to stay inside the house even if she gets mad at me for it... At least she's alive... I'd rather have her mad than dead.

Kaya sa tingin ko ay mas mabuting hindi na ako bumalik sa kanila... Mas mabuting hindi na nila ako ulit makita. Mas gugustuhin kong magmukhang patay na rin ako para sa kanila. Dahil hindi ko na maibabalik si Arlene sa pamilya niya, ayos lang din na hindi ako maibalik sa pamilya ko.

"Clementine..."

Suminghap si Dra. Sienna nang bumitaw sa pagkakayakap. She cupped my face and stared straight at me.

"I want you to hear me out and understand what I'm about to say..." she said calmly. "You don't have to blame yourself for it... You didn't kill her... Huwag mong sisihin ang sarili mo dahil walang may gusto ng nangyari."

Umiling ako. Kahit ano ata ang sabihin niya ay hindi na magbabago ang isipan ko.

"You're still a kid, Clementine..." she reasoned out like it was enough reason to throw away my sin and act like my best friend didn't die because of me. "It's not your fault. It's a normal thing that you got scared for your own life... The ones at fault are those bad guys who kidnapped and tried to kill you... Not anyone else and especially, not you."

Closing my eyes tightly, once again, I saw how Arlene last looked in my eyes before I turned away. It felt like my paper heart was being torn into pieces. I didn't think I could ever forgive myself.

"Now, I want to say how much I'm proud of you for surviving that cruel night..." she told me with a smile. "You are so strong, Clementine."

I couldn't believe that she would still say that she was proud of me for surviving, when in order to survive, I left my best friend to die. And I wasn't strong, I was so, so terrified and weak that I couldn't do anything to save them.

Napaisip tuloy ako. If I was older, will I be able to save them? Or will fear rule me once again and won't make any changes?

"I'll help you keep your secret..." she assured me. "Ayaw mong malaman nilang nakakaalala ka na at ayaw mo ring bumalik sa totong pamilya mo."

Tumango-tango ako dahil iyon ang gusto kong mangyari. Iyon ang nakikita kong tama at dapat mangyari.

"But I'm just really curious, Clementine," she voiced out her thoughts. "Ano ba ang pangalan ng mga magulang mo?"

Slightly hesitant, I answered, "Caroline and Napoleon G-Guillermo..."

With just the way her eyes widened, I could already tell that she knew my parents. Or if my mother's name didn't ring a bell since she was just very lowkey, I was sure that my father's name would.

"N-Napoleon Guillermo?!" She looked entirely shocked. "The Napoleon Guillermo? The President of Guillermo Holdings?"

Muli akong nag-aalangang tumango.

I was right... She really knew my father.

But to be honest, I'd be more surprised if she didn't know him. Ever since I was a kid, my father would always tell me that he was a person living a not-so-ordinary life—that's why he couldn't risk that I should live a normal life like other kids my age.

Madaming nakakakilala sa kanya at madaming nag-aasam na mapunta sa kanila ang mayroon kami. He said that bad people might use me against him to get what they wanted.

Naiintindihan ko ang kanyang nais sabihin noon, pero hindi ko pa 'yon masyadong naunawaan. That was why I was brave enough to defy their orders and left the mansion with Arlene that day. At noong nadinig ko ang inggit at galit na mayroon ang mga dumakip sa amin ni Arlene dahil lamang sa pera, mas lalo kong naintindihan ang gustong sabihin ni Daddy. He just wanted to protect me to those people who are willing to sell their souls to the devil in exchange for luxury.

But it was too late...

"Your father's one of the top 5 taxpayers in the country!" she exclaimed. "You're an heiress of a huge empire!"

Even for a bit, I wasn't enthusiastic about that fact. Mukha namang naramdaman 'yon ni Dra. Sienna dahil agad din siyang kumalma.

"But I guess that's the reason why you were kidnapped and your life was threatened..." She finally realized.

Pagod akong ngumiti sa kanya...

Dra. Sienna bit her lower lip. "Do you want to know how your parents are doing right now? Kung ayos lang sila o kung ano ang iniisip nilang nangyari sa'yo?" she carefully asked me. "I can search it on the internet and update you."

"Huwag po," agad akong tumanggi. "A-Ayos lang po ako..."

It would only trigger my emotions, and I didn't want that. I might just miss them if I would know. And if they were mourning for me, I knew it would be very painful.

I'd rather not hear anything about them at all.

With a deep sigh, she nodded, understanding my decisions. "I understand..." she said and help me fix my hair by combing it using her fingers. "If that's what would make you feel at peace. If you'd be safer that way..."

Not thinking of taking back my words and reconsidering my decisions, I smiled.

If the heavens gave me second chance at life to suffer and repay for the sins I've committed then, I'd gladly live my life here in San Isidro, drowning with guilt and suffering because of the tragedy. I'd never let myself go back to my real family and be happy. I'd stay here and keep on living as Lia.