#ChainedtothePastWP

Chapter 32
Suspicious

"Clementine, Arlene, you two may go out first," Dad ordered us to go out, after we signed the agreement. "Caroline, Drizelda, I need you two to stay for a while."

Nangingitngit pa rin sa galit si Tita Drizelda. Bakas sa kanyang mukha na hindi niya nagustuhan ang desisyon ni Arlene na tanggapin ang alok na posisyon ni daddy at hindi na lumaban pa.

I looked at my mother, and she calmly nodded at me before turning to Kalcifer. "Please go out with them, Kal."

Tumango na lamang pabalik si Kalcifer kay mommy. Tumayo siya at saka binalingan ako ng tingin.

Quietly, I stood up to go outside, especially when I saw Arlene walking fast. I wanted to talk to her, so I didn't waste any time and follow her. Kalcifer immediately walked behind me, too.

"Arlene!" tawag ko sa kanya, ngunit mukhang wala siyang balak na makipag-usap sa akin. Pero syempre ay hindi ko sasayangin ang pagkakataong ito na makausap siya.

Almost running, I caught up to her and held her arm to stop her from walking away. Before I could even make her turn to me, she withdrew her arm from my hold and faced me voluntarily.

"Arlene―"

"What?" she asked me without giving away any expression.

I was slightly taken aback because of the tone of her voice and indifferent attitude. I already expected that she would not be the same as before, but experiencing it firsthand was still a big blow to me. Kahit papaano ay naisip kong kapag kaming dalawa lang ay maaaring maibalik ang dating pagsasama namin.

We weren't just any childhood bestfriends now. She is already my half-sister. We have the same blood running in our veins, and I'm older than her for almost a year. I should be the one initiating the first move to somehow reconcile.

"Gusto lang kitang makausap," mahinahon at kalmado kong sabi sa kanya.

"Is there anything to talk about?" The strong aura she was imposing was too much for me.

"I just want to know how you've been these past few years," I told her. "Gusto kong malaman―"

"Well, as you can see, I'm fine, Clem," she said and cut me off. "I'm living pretty well."

That was how straightforward she spoke out her answers, like she wouldn't give a chance for our conversation to carry on.

"Is that all you're going to ask me? Can I go now?" She was so eager to leave. Para bang hindi na niya kayang manatili pa sa aking harapan.

I kind of understood why she was giving me a cold shoulder. I left her before to run for my life, though she was also brought home the same night, according to my mother. Maybe she still had hard feelings against me because of what happened before.

"I just also want to apologize," I said, very careful.

A flash of sadness and pain came across her eyes for a very brief moment.

The faint glimpse of emotion I saw from her gave me hope that the childhood bestfriend I knew was still inside her.

"I'm sorry for trying to leave you alone that night... I'm sorry if I didn't stay and try to do my best to take you with me," I sincerely apologized. "Pasensya na kung nauna ang takot ko at kagustuhan kong mabuhay. I'm really sorry, Arlene."

After I expressed my regrets and apologized, silence had taken over us for a few seconds.

Arlene bit her lip. She stared at me like she was trying to suppress different emotions inside her. And when she was finally calm, she said, "You shouldn't have come back."

My lips parted. Her words slapped me real hard.

"Dapat ay hindi ka na bumalik," mariin niyang sabi habang ang kanyang mga mata ay unti-unting nagtutubig.

"I-I'm sorry..." That was all I could say as my throat dried up.

"Arlene."

I inhaled a deep breath and forced my tears to dry inside my eyes, when I heard Tita Drizelda's voice as the door of the conference room opened. Mabilis namang nilingon ni Arlene ang kanyang ina. Hindi nagtagal ay nasa harapan ko na ngayon si Tita Drizelda.

She used to be so kind to me. She would spoil me like how she spoiled Arlene. I would never suspect her for trying to harm me or get me killed. However, since she has her motives, I couldn't help but have the same deduction as what my mother and Kalcifer had deduced.

"How lucky you are..." She almost spit those words at me, then turned to her daughter again. "Arlene, I don't ever want to see you talking to Clementine again. Let's go!"

Tita Drizelda marched her way to the elevator, while Arlene gave me one last look before following her mother.

"Are you okay?"

Naramdaman ko ang paglapit ni Kalcifer sa aking likuran. His voice sounded so soft and gentle―one that I rarely heard from him.

"I'm fine..." My voice sounded hoarse as I lied.

I wanted to seem fine, even when it was obvious that I wasn't.

Nanatili akong tahimik at nagkunwari pang umidlip habang pauwi kami. We didn't go home right away, though. My father still treated us to an early lunch. Pero dahil may tensyon pa sa pagitan nila ni mommy ay hindi na rin masyadong nagsalita si daddy at ang kanyang atensyon ay nasa pag-aasikaso lamang sa akin. Wala silang nabanggit tungkol sa napag-usapan nila noong lumabas na kami ni Arlene.

After we got home, I immediately went to my room and took a quick shower before I crawled up to my bed. I hugged the pillow as I tried to recall how Arlene and I exchanged conversation earlier―if it could be called as a conversation.

"Dapat ay hindi ka na bumalik."

Those words were etched on my mind. Hanggang ngayon ay parang nadidinig ko pa rin ang kanyang boses sa aking tainga habang inaalala ang mga sinabi niya sa akin.

Arlene didn't want me back. She wasn't glad to see me, while I longed to see her alive and well, after believing for almost my whole life that she was already dead.

Knowing the chance that the incident before was orchestrated by Tita Drizelda, I thought the guilt would be lifted, especially since I was already aware of the fact that Arlene's alive. However, it still remained inside me, like it was engraved on me.

Though Arlene's still alive, it wouldn't change the fact that I still did what I did before. Iniwan ko pa rin siya noon mag-isa. I did something that I regret―and I was living in guilt―feeling frustrated, because there was no way for me to undo the past. Until now, I still couldn't break the chains and set myself free.

"Clem, I'm coming in."

Mabilis akong umayos sa pagkakaupo sa aking kama nang madinig ko ang boses ni mommy. Bumukas ang pinto at agad kong sinuot ang ngiti sa aking labi bago pa lumapat sa akin ang mga mata ni mommy.

Masking my emotions to my mother was like trying to write something in the air. It was no use. It wouldn't work.

Concerned was written on her face as she carefully approached me. She knew exactly how I was feeling right just by a single look.

To be honest, I was amazed how she could know what I was feeling without trying hard. Kahit sobrang tagal naming nawalay sa isa't isa at madami na ang nagbago ay para bang kilalang-kilala niya pa rin ako.

Is that what they call mother's instincts?

"I brought doughnuts," she told me, wearing a bit of a smile on her face, while holding a box of assorted flavoured doughnuts. "I figured you might want to eat something sweet."

Maingat na nilapag ni mommy ang box sa aking kama at naupo rin siya sa paanan nito.

"Thank you po," sabi ko at saka kumuha ng isang piraso.

Halos tatlong minuto rin akong maingat na tinitingnan ni mommy habang tahimik na kumakain bago siya nagpasyang magsalita.

"I asked Kalcifer about what happened between you and Arlene, but he wouldn't tell me," she suddenly said. "He just told me to ask you instead. Ang sabi niya ay ayaw ka niyang pangunahan."

I wasn't surprised to know that my mother asked Kalcifer about it, but what surprised me was that Kalcifer chose not to tell her anything. He wanted it to come from me.

Noon pa man ay naisip kong mapagkakatiwalaan siya sa mga sikreto ko. It wasn't in his nature to gossip. I may had doubted him before, but he proved me wrong. Ngayon ay mas lalo niyang pinatunayan 'yon.

"Gusto ko mang malaman kung ano ang pinag-usapan ninyo, but if you don't want to tell me and you want to keep it to yourself, it's okay," she told me. "Though I still want to stay beside you while you're not feeling fine. I hope that's okay with you..."

"Wala naman po kaming napag-usapan ni Arlene," sabi ko kay mommy at bahagyang nakaramdam ng hiya. "She didn't want to talk to me."

Napabuntong hininga si mommy. "I know you must be longing for your friendship with her when you were still kids, but sometimes we need to accept that some things or people won't remain the same," sabi niya. "Specially Arlene... Just like you, she's been through a lot as well."

Kita ko sa mga mata ni mommy na nag-aalala rin siya kay Arlene kahit papaano.

"Kaya hindi ko rin magawang sumama ang loob sa kanya. She's also a victim here... Naiintindihan ko kung bakit naging malayo ang loob niya sa lahat." Mom then looked into my eyes and smiled. "I'm just glad that you grew up to be a kind and beautiful person. You don't hold grudges to anyone, and your heart is so pure. Kaya lubos akong nagpapasalamat sa pamilyang kumupkop sa'yo. They raised you well."

Ibinalik ko ang doughnut sa box upang lapitan si mommy. Hinawakan ko ang kanyang kamay at ngumiti.

"Pasensya na po kung pinag-alala ko pa kayo, kahit na alam kong naging mahirap din po sa inyo na makita at makasama si Tita Drizelda," sabi ko.

Mommy shook her head. "I don't mind seeing her," she said. "I mean, I can't deny that my blood boils everytime I see her, but I know she's no match for me." She was oozing with confidence. "Your father loves me. I know that. Drizelda got her hands on your father by drugging him before. If she didn't do that, your father wouldn't have cheated on us."

Nabigla ako sa impormasyong binitawan ni mommy. Hindi niya sinabi 'to sa akin noon. I thought my father was conscious when he cheated on us. It turned that Tita Drizelda really planned for it to happen.

"Kung ganoon po―"

"But it doesn't change the fact that your father cheated and lied to us," she added before I could even ask why she chose to be separated from him. "He hid the truth from me―from us―for so many years. It was his choice. I was so mad at him because of that. He made me look like a fool. Some said that I was only driven by my emotions because it had not been long since I lost you, and then I discovered your father's treachery... But to be honest, I don't regret it. If I stayed, I would only curse and hate him more. I wouldn't be able to focus searching for your whereabouts. I know your father also knew that, so he let me go."

Naalala ko ang sinabi sa akin ni daddy noong nagkausap kami.

Yes, mom, he really knew that.

"But on top of that, mas galit ako kay Drizelda," sabi ni mommy at muling namuo ang galit sa kanyang mga mata. "She even made a fool out of Arlene, especially Ericson. Ericson loved her dearly, but what did he get in return?"

Nang nabanggit ni mommy si Tito Ericson ay naalala ko ang mga tanong na gumambala sa isipan ko kanina. Balak ko nga palang itanong sa kanya ang tungkol kay Tito Ericson.

"Mommy, nasaan na nga po pala si Tito Ericson?" kuryoso kong tanong sa kanya.

My mother's eyes slightly went wide. "H-he died because of heart failure when he learned that you and Arlene were kidnapped."

It was like my heart also stopped for a fleeting moment.

He already died?

"That's one of the reasons why I pity Arlene," dagdag pa ni mommy. "Namatay ang kinilala niyang ama at kasabay pa no'n ay nalaman niya ang katotohanan na hindi naman pala siya tunay na anak nito. Drizelda's plans were so messy. She didn't even think of what Arlene would feel."

Mom's hands balled into fists as her jaw clenched, expressing how much she hated Tita Drizelda. Her eyes were almost pitch black.

"Kaya hinding-hindi ko siya kayang patawarin," mariing sabi niya. "And once I confirm that she's the one behind the kidnapping incident, I will make sure to give back every pain she caused us. Ibabalik ko sa kanya ang lahat o higit pa."

Matapos humupa ang kanyang emosyon ay sinubukan ni mommy'ng pagaanin ang aking loob nang magsimula siyang magbiro. Pagkatapos no'n ay bumalik na siya sa kanyang kwarto, habang ako'y nalulunod pa rin sa pag-iisip tungkol sa pagkamatay ni Tito Ericson.

It might just be a pure coincidence, but his death was so timely that it made me suspicious. It was too sudden.

As far as I could remember, Tito Ericson's a very healthy man. I couldn't think of any reason why Tita Drizelda had to kill him, but I couldn't help but to suspect her about his death. She could be behind it as well.

I wanted to tell my mother about my speculations, but I didn't want to trouble her more. Beside her, there's only one person I could trust and rely on.

I have limited resources, since I wasn't familiar here in Manila. And if I acted on investigating about his death, my mother would surely know it. Only Kalcifer could help me.

Determined to know the truth, I got my phone and opened the message app. He already went home after our visit to the company, so I had to text him.

Luckily, my mother asked me to save Kalcifer's real phone number on my phone. If not, I only had his number as Alastair, which couldn't be reached anymore.

To: Kalcifer
Pasensya na sa biglaan kong pagte-text. Gusto ko lang itanong kung pupunta ka ba rito sa bahay bukas?

My heart beat wildly after I hit send. Holding my phone tightly, I waited for his reply, and I was startled when his message came within a minute.

From: Kalcifer
Yes.

Ngumuso ako sa sobrang tipid ng kanyang mensahe. Magtitipa na sana ako ng panibagong mensahe sa kanya nang makatanggap ulit ako ng text mula sa kanya.

From: Kalcifer
Why'd you ask?

Just because of his follow up message, my heart boomed.

Trying to set aside the crazy feeling, I continued typing my reply calmly.

To: Kalcifer
May gusto akong sabihin sa'yo. Anong oras ka kaya pupunta? Okay lang ba sa'yo?

Iyon dapat ang isesend kong reply, pero naisip kong masyado itong mahaba, I should try to make it short and simple.

To: Kalcifer
I have something to tell you.

That's the new reply I came up with. Ire-read it for a few minutes before deciding to finally send the message.

Mabilis naman akong nakatanggap ulit ng mensahe sa kanya.

From: Kalcifer
Okay.

I heaved my breath because of his short replies. Kahit na malamig sa aking kwarto ay para akong pinagpapawisan. Itatago ko na sana ang cellphone ko sa loob ng drawer nang muli siyang nagtext. Halos mabitawan ko pa ang aking cellphone.

Calm down, Clementine!

From: Kalcifer
See you tomorrow then.

I bit my lower lip.

Trying to stop myself from getting tempted to reply once more, I just locked my phone and hid it under my pillow―out of my sight.