#ChainedtothePastWP

Chapter 15
Roses

Si Karmela ang bumuhay sa aming pagkain ng hapunan. She expressed her hatred to some of our professors. Nakisali rin si Mikael at ikinagulat ko na mayroon din siyang itinatagong kalokohan lalo na nang nagkakasundo sila ni Karmela sa ibang mga bagay-bagay. Though I was happy because I got to learn something new about him. It's unfortunate as we didn't get many chances to hangout with each other like this. Pakiramdam ko ay madami pa akong madidiskubre sa kanya kung may pagkakataon.

Hindi ko nga lang nagamit ang pagkakataon na 'to para makausap siya. I was socially awkward while we were eating. Hilaw na tawa at ngiti lang ang naipapakita ko sa kanilang dalawa ni Karmela. Minsan-minsan lang din nagsasalita kapag tinatanong nila ang aking opiniyon o kung mayroong itinatanong.

I'd like to blame Alastair for it. He didn't speak a single word after our meals were served. He just ate quietly beside me with a very intimidating aura surrounding him. Whenever I saw Karmela glancing at him, looking for an opportunity to ask a question or invite him into the conversation, she would just shut her mouth then talked to Mikael or me instead.

I felt slightly guilty, thinking that it's my fault. Mukhang hindi magandang desisyon na inaya ko pa sina Mikael at Karmela, pero magiging bastos din naman ako sa kanila kung hindi ko sila niyaya kanina. I'd just look for another opportunity to make up to him.

Hawak-hawak ko ang plastik kung saan ibinalot ni nanay ang ipinapauwing sabaw ng bulalo ni tatay habang papalabas kami ng eatery para makauwi na.

Gaya ng kay Alastair ay medyo malapit lang din dito ang bahay ni Mikael. Kina Karmela naman ay kailangan mo pang sumakay ng tricycle. Ako ang may pinakamalayong bahay sa aming apat.

"Ah, Lia, gusto mo bang sumama ka na sa paghatid ko kay Karmela para sa inyo naman tayo didiretso pagkatapos sa kanila?" pag-aya sa akin ni Mikael na mukhang balak ako ihatid sa amin.

Gusto ko sanang ganoon din ang mangyari kaya lang...

"No need to trouble yourself."

Before I could even reject Mikael's offer, Alastair already butted in.

"She's my partner and my responsibility," he added.

Karmela almost made a scandalous reaction but she stopped herself right away, while Mikael shifted his stare to Alastair. Though Alastair still sounded deadly, Mikael still managed to give him a bright smile.

"Kung ganoon ay wala na pala akong dapat ipag-alala. Ang akala ko lang ay hindi mo ihahatid si Lia," kalmadong sabi ni Mikael bago niya ako nilingon ulit. "Mag-iingat kayong dalawa. Itext mo ako kapag nakauwi ka na. Mauuna na kami ni Karmela."

Tumango ako sa lahat ng bilin niya sa akin. Si Karmela ay lumapit sa akin upang yumakap at bumulong.

"Tatawagan kita mamaya! Madami kang ichi-chika sa akin tungkol sa inyong dalawa ni Alastair!" mabilis niyang bulong bago ako binitawan.

Sinimangutan ko lamang si Karmela at humagikgik naman siya sa naiisip na kalokohan. Hindi rin nagtagal ay umalis na silang dalawa ni Mikael at ganoon na rin kami ni Alastair.

Nangunguna siya sa paglalakad naming dalawa. I was planning to just quietly follow him when I realized that we were heading towards the wrong direction.

"Alas, doon ang pila ng mga tricycle." Lumapit ako sa tabi niya at saka itinuro ang pilahan ng tricycle malapit sa plaza.

"We'll go back to my apartment and take my car," he simply said and continued walking.

"Ha? Hindi naman na kailangan pang magsasakyan. Saka medyo hindi maganda ang kalsada papunta sa amin. Baka mahirapan ka lang," maagap kong paliwanag sa kanya. Totoo naman ang aking sinasabi dahil hindi pa sementado ang daan papunta sa amin.

"You don't have to worry about that. My ride can handle hard terrains."

Since that was the only problem I could think of, I just went along with it. Pagdating sa kanila ay binuksan niya ang buong gate bago pinatunog ang kanyang sasakyan. He opened the passenger seat and motioned me to sit inside.

Pagkapasok na pagkapasok ko ay agad kong naamoy ang pamilyar na bango ni Alastair. His car smelled just like him. It made me smile a bit for no reason.

Natigil nga lang ako sa pagngiti nang mapansin kong hindi pa isinasara ni Alastair ang pintuan. Nilingon ko siya at nagulat ako dahil sa sobrang lapit ng kanyang mukha sa akin. His attention wasn't on me though. He nonchalantly pulled my seatbelt and before he turned to my side to buckle it, I already averted my gaze away from him and held my breath.

After he was done with my seatbelt, he immediately closed the door and entered the driver's seat. He started the engine and swiftly maneuvered the car out of the garage. Ang akala ko ay tatakbo kaagad kami ngunit nagulat ako nang bumaba siya ulit sa sasakyan para isarado ang gate.

"Saan ang bahay ninyo?"

"Diretso lang sa may Parcutela."

Alastair pressed the button beside the monitor in front to open his car's GPS. He typed in our barangay and the GPS already highlighted the route he needed to take in no time.

"Malayo-layo pala ang bahay ninyo rito sa bayan?" bigla niyang tanong sa akin nang nagsimula ng umarangkada ang sasakyan paalis.

"Uh... Oo," sagot ko. "Pero pinakamatagal na ang thirty minutes na biyahe kapag hapon dahil sa mga tricycle na bumabiyahe."

Alastair just nodded his head. He's too focused driving with one hand on the steering wheel and another hand on the gearstick.

I wasn't able to stop myself from watching him drive. I never thought that it would be such a manly sight to see him drive that I almost felt my heart flutter if I didn't look away when he suddenly glanced at me.

"Is there any problem? Are you hot?"

He was about to turn the aircon up, but I stopped him from doing so.

"Malamig naman..." sabi ko na lang nang maisip bigla ang pag-iimbita sa kanya ni nanay. "Nga pala, iyong tungkol sa birthday ko next Saturday. Kung ayaw mong pumunta, ayos lang. Naiintindihan ko. Alam kong hindi ka sanay makisalamuha sa ibang tao."

Lumingon ako sa kanya dahil hindi siya nagsasalita. Kita kong kumunot ng bahagya ang kanyang noo habang diretso ang tingin sa kalsada.

"Kung iniisip mo si nanay, ayos lang 'yon. Hindi niya mamasamain ang hindi mo pagpunta―"

"That's not the reason why I'm not sure if I could attend your party or not," he cut me off.

Napaawang ang aking labi. Nagpatuloy naman siya sa pagsasalita.

"I need to go home again on Friday because I need to visit someone very important," he said in a quiet voice. "I might not be home 'til midnight of Saturday or morning of Sunday."

There was a thorn suddenly pricking on my chest when I heard his reason. It twisted painfully knowing that he had to visit someone important to him back home. Out of all the pain I've felt since I became conscious about getting hurt, this is the pain which was very unfamiliar to me. I didn't know what this pain was for.

Masyado kong iniisip kung sino ang sinasabi niyang importanteng kanyang bibisitahin. Noong umuwi naman siya noon ay sinabi niyang binisita niya ang kanyang ina. Ngayon ay isang taong importante sa kanya na walang pangalan ang kanyang uuwian para bisitahin sa araw ng aking kaarawan.

Knowing that, I just comforted myself with the thought that it wasn't even my real birthday so, it's okay... right?

"But I'll see if I can go home earlier than planned."

Napaangat akong muli ng tingin sa kanya. Sumigla ang aking pakiramdam at para bang nabuhayan ulit ng loob.

"Though I won't promise anything," habol niya. "Itetext or tatawagan na lang kita kung makakaabot ako."

"Ayos lang 'yon!" masaya kong agap.

Ngiting-ngiti ako buong biyahe matapos ang aming pag-uusap. Pagdating sa Parcutela ay itinuro ko sa kanya ang daan papunta sa aming bahay. He stopped the car right in front of our humble home, and I saw him quickly looked at our house from my window side.

"So, this is where you live?" he asked.

While unbuckling the seatbelt, I nodded. Kita kong nagtagal ang tingin niya sa aming bahay. Kung hindi lamang tumunog ang kanyang cellphone dahil sa isang tawag ay hindi malilipat ang kanyang atensyon.

I caught a sight of his phone placed on the cup holder beside the gearstick. I didn't see the caller because he quickly got his phone, ended the call and placed it inside his pocket. After that, he casted a glance on me, and I heard the doors unlocked.

"Pumasok ka na sa inyo," sabi niya.

"Uh..." Nagmadali akong isukbit ang aking bag. "Sige. Thank you sa paghatid. Ingat ka pabalik!"

Mabilis akong lumabas ng kanyang sasakyan. Hindi na ako lumingon ulit pabalik at dire-diretso papasok sa aming bahay. Hindi pa ako tuluyang nakakapasok ay nadinig ko na ang pag-alis niya.

When I was sure that he was already gone, I turned around to confirm it. Napabuntong hininga na lamang ako at inisip kung sino ang tumawag sa kanya. The question didn't leave my mind a bit. Malaki ang posibilidad na 'yon ang sinasabi niyang importanteng bibisitahin niya.

Habang magkasama kami ngayong lunch break para sa last run ng aming pag-eensayo para sa title defense mamaya, hindi ko mapigilan ang paulit-ulit na pagsulyap sa kanyang cellphone na nakalapag sa lamesa habang ini-isa-isa ni Alastair ang slides namin sa kanyang laptop.

"Do you think we can volunteer to go first?" He turned to me after reaching the last slide. "I really need to leave earlier."

I shifted on my seat and straightened up. "I think so..." I answered. "Nagmamadali ka ba talaga?"

"Well, I have a flight to catch later..."

"Flight?" Gulat kong tanong. "Bakit ka may flight? Hindi ba sa Ibayo ka lang pupunta?"

Nag-iwas siya ng tingin sa akin at saka isinara ang powerpoint application sa laptop. "May iba pa kaming bahay bukod sa Ibayo," sagot niya na lang. "Anyway, I'll talk with our professor later. Is it okay for you if we go first?"

"Ayos lang naman..." sabi ko kahit hindi ko rin sigurado sa sarili ko kung talagang ayos lang ba.

To think that they had other property than the ones they have in Ibayo, Alastair's family might be really rich. Doon kaya siya umuuwi tuwing Biyernes? Kung ganoon ay lagi siyang bumabiyahe gamit ang eroplano? Why did he have to move and study here if he'd just go back every week and waste money?

I just don't get it. I don't really get him.

Every time I'd learn something new about him, instead of knowing him better, it's just making me even more confused.

Still trapped in my thoughts, I heard the same ringtone as last Saturday night when his phone rang again. He immediately picked up his phone. This time, instead of cancelling it, he answered the call and placed the phone on his ear.

"Hello―" Natigil siya agad sa pagbati at pinakinggan ang sinasabi sa kabilang linya.

Ngumuso ako at nag-iwas na ng tingin sa kanya. Inabala ko na lang ang sarili ko kunwari sa pagbabasa ng aming hardcopy.

"Yes, I promise you I'll be there tonight," he said softly like he was trying to coax the person on the other line. "My flight's still at 7:30PM. No need to wait for me... Okay. I'll order after ending the call. Are roses fine with you? Okay. I will. See you soon."

My heart fell because of the call he received.

Did I just hear him right?

Ngayon ko lang nadinig ang kanyang boses na sobrang rahan at tila parang nanlalambing. I never thought that he could sound that sweet since he always sounded serious to me.

"Can you look over my laptop for a while? I'll just buy something to drink," he said and looked at our table a bit. "Do you want anything?"

It felt like there was a huge lump in my throat that I couldn't speak. The only thing I could do was to shake my head as a response.

Agad ding umalis si Alastair para gawin ang kanyang ipinaalam. Nang bumalik ay hindi pa rin ako makapagsalita. I had no idea why it's affecting me so much. I couldn't decipher what I was feeling at the moment.

Pinayagan kami ng propesor na maunang magdefense at kasabay no'n ay ang pagpayag din nito na umalis siya nang mas maaga. Alastair just showed his ticket to wherever he's going, and our professor agreed right away. After our title defense, he left the room without a single word.

Pagkatapos naman ng klase ay agad din akong umuwi para tumulong sa paghahanda bukas. Pagkauwi ko sa bahay ay mayroon ng iilang lamesa at mga upuan na nakaayos sa munting bakuran.

They're going to celebrate my twentieth birthday now, when I should be turning twenty-one if we're going to follow my real birthday.

Maagang isinara ni nanay ang eatery para sa paghahanda sa aking kaarawan habang bukas naman ay buong araw silang hindi magbubukas. Ate Princess and Ate Jenny were at our house, helping out to cook the dishes to be served tomorrow. Ang lulutuin at ihahanda lang naman ngayon ay ang mga panghimagas at pati na rin ang mga pagkain na hindi madaling mapanis. Bukas ng umaga ay babalik dito sina Ate Princess at Ate Jenny para tumulong ulit.

Magsisimula ang kainan ng 3PM. Ang sabi ni tatay ay magrerenta rin sila ng videoke at may iilang malapit din siyang kaibigan sa trabaho na pupunta. Wala namang kaso sa akin 'yon dahil tatlo lang naman ang aking imbitadong kaibigan at mukhang hindi pa makakadalo ang isa.

Pagkatapos tumulong saglit ay pinilit ako ni nanay na magpahinga agad kaya naman pagkatapos ng tawagan namin ni Karmela ay natulog na ako at maagang nagising kinabukasan. Tumulong ako sa pagluluto hanggang sa pag-aayos sa labas kahit na pinapagalitan na ako ni nanay dahil hindi na raw dapat ako tumutulong pa at nag-aayos na lang dapat ng sarili.

Wearing a pretty lilac sundress that nanay bought for me, I heaved a deep sigh and looked at myself in front of the mirror while combing my hair. I just finished taking a bath after doing all the chores I volunteered to do. I was constantly checking my phone to see if I received any message from Alastair regarding his attendance, but I got none and there's only thirty minutes left before the start of my birthday celebration.

There's a part inside me very eager to see him today. Like seeing his face would cure this insanity of endless thinking about whatever his rendezvous today was with the woman he'd planned to give roses to.

I wonder if it's okay to send him a message and ask him... Wala naman sigurong masama. Magtatanong lang naman ako. My question's harmless. It's up to him if he'd reply or not.

To: Alastair
Makakapunta ka ba ngayon?

Pagkatapos kong ipadala ang aking mensahe ay ibinaba ko ang aking cellphone. And with each passing minute, I waited for his reply until all the start of my birthday celebration, but it never came.