#ChainedtothePastWP

Chapter 13
Stalking

"Thank you, Karla!"

Natawa si Karmela sa aking mahigpit na pagkakayakap sa kanya. Tinapik niya ang aking likod.

I told her what happened the other night when Mikael called me and asked me to go out with him. Nagpasalamat din ako dahil sa pagbibigay niya ng number ko.

"Hindi ko lang naman basta binigay ang number mo," sabi niya. "Hiningi rin 'yon sa akin ni Mikael."

Hinarap ko siya at hindi mawala-wala sa aking mukha ang ngiti. Ganoon kasaya ang aking nararamdaman.

"Salamat pa rin, Karla," sabi ko.

"Oo na!" Muli siyang natawa at hinigit ako papalapit sa kanya. "Pero hindi 'yan ang gusto kong ikuwento mo sa akin. Mas interesado ako sa naging pagkikita ninyo ni Alas. Kumusta? Sinungitan ka lang ba niya?"

Speaking of Alastair, I couldn't even spare him a glance earlier though I could feel him piercing a hole on my back with his stare. I didn't know how to act in front of him now, especially that the scene of him with Denise was still so vivid to me.

Kung naiilang na ako sa kanya no'ng una pa lang, mas lalo na ngayon.

Ikinuwento ko kay Karmela ang tungkol sa pag-abot namin ni Denise noong araw na 'yon. I just briefly told her that Alastair and I talked about our research at his apartment because he overslept. I didn't say anything about Alastair's private life that I got from our conversation. Hindi naman na naging interesado si Karmela sa mga pinag-usapan namin ni Alastair lalo nang nalaman niya ang tungkol kay Denise.

"So, ang ibig sabihin ay may relasyon na silang dalawa?!"

Karmela looked so shocked. I couldn't blame her though. I had the same reaction that day that I almost got crazy thinking about it. It messed up with my mind so much. Kung hindi talaga tumawag sa akin si Mikael noong gabing 'yon, baka hindi na ako nakakawala sa pag-iisip.

"Siguro..." sabi ko na lang.

Somehow, I didn't like that idea, but I couldn't think of anything else to explain Denise's visit. Alam ko kung saan nakatira si Alastair dahil nakita ko ang address niya noon sa index card. It just happened that I could still remember it. Pumunta ako sa apartment niya para sunduin lang sana siya dahil kailangan naming pag-usapan ang research namin.

I had those valid reasons, while Denise just randomly paid him a visit to give him whatever's inside the box she was holding that time.

"Sa tingin mo... nagawa na nila?" pabulong na tanong sa akin ni Karmela.

Horrified with that disgusting thought, I felt shivers down my spine as my eyes went wide open.

"Karmela!"

I maybe cluless in some things, but I'm certainly not that innocent to not know what Karmela was talking about. I couldn't believe she would wonder about that so casually. I tried to pull myself away from reaching that thought, but there's no stopping now.

"Ano ka ba, Lia? Ilang taon na tayo! Malapit ka na nga magbente. Hindi na tayo bata para hindi pag-usapan ang ganyang bagay," pangaral niya sa akin na para bang ako pa ang may mali dahil sa pagsuway sa kanya.

"Hindi pa rin magandang pag-usapan natin ang ganyan, Karla," sabi ko naman.

"Hindi mo ako mapipigilang isipin 'yan, Lia." Nagkibit-balikat siya. "Kung alam ni Denise ang bahay ni Alastair, paniguradong nakapunta na siya roon. Pagkatapos ay sinabi mo pang mag-isa lang naninirahan si Alastair doon. May posibilidad na may nangyari na sa kanilang dalawa."

If only I could cut off my ears for a while and just put it back after Karmela's done talking about it, I'd do it in a heartbeat. Pero dahil imposible 'yon, wala akong magawa kundi ang marinig ang mga sinabi niya.

I knew she had a point, but I didn't want to think about that. I felt so disgusted and irritated. I could feel my blood boiling up.

"Huwag na lang natin silang pag-usapan, Karla," sabi ko na lang. "Kung ano man ang relasyon nilang dalawa at kung ano man ang nagawa nila, bahala na silang dalawa roon. Labas na tayo riyan!"

Mukhang nakuha naman ni Karmela na talagang hindi ako kumportableng pag-usapan 'yon kaya tumigil na rin siya. We diverted our topic back to Mikael's plans to date me. Ang akala ko'y gaya noong isang gabi, matitigil ako sa pag-iisip kina Alastair at Denise, pero hindi nangyari. I didn't even pay attention to Karmela. All I could think about was the possibility that they really did what Karmela thought they've done.

Hirap na hirap akong magfocus nang dumating ang mga sumunod na klase pagkatapos ng break. Hindi pa lalo nakatulong sa aking katinuan nang tumuntong ang subject namin kung saan kapartner ko si Alastair. Mabuti na lang at pinapasa lang ang aming napiling topic. Sa susunod na pagkikita pa raw sasabihin kung approved na ito o kailangan pang baguhin.

I was thankful that we didn't have to sit with our partners. Sa klase kasi na 'to ay malayo ang puwesto niya sa akin. Our seating arrangement was arranged alphabetically. Nasa likuran siya ng silid habang ako naman ay nasa bandang unahan. Mas gusto ko pang katabi ko ngayon si Lydia kaysa sa kanya.

But of course, I couldn't possibly avoid him all the time, especially when we're partners for our research. Our professor instructed us to sit beside our partners after his lecture the next day and started distributing the 1/8 index card where we wrote our topic.

As I was so stiff, I sat like a statue beside him while waiting for our names to be called. I could feel his stare lingering on me, but I didn't mind and pay attention.

Hindi ko talaga maintindihan ang sarili ko. I was stressing out myself too much because of his possible romantic and sexual relationship with Denise when it shouldn't even be one of my concerns.

"Vertigo, Alastair and Hernandez, Linette."

Nang matawag na ang pangalan namin ay agad akong tumayo para kuhanin ang aming index card. Alastair didn't bother following me to the front because he knew I'd go back to him with our index card anyway.

Habang naglalakad pabalik ay kunwaring binabasa ko ang nakasulat sa index card kahit na wala namang nagbago roon para lamang hindi ko siya tingnan. Mayroon lang approved sign ng aming propesor doon. No comments. No revisions and limitations that need to be done.

"Approved na 'yong topic natin," sabi ko na lang kay Alastair nang makabalik ako sa upuan at ipinakita sa kanya ang index card.

"Okay," he timidly said like he didn't care about it.

Alastair killed our conversation even before it progressed, and it's a good thing. I just pursed my lips and shut my mouth. Binawi ko na rin ang index card at nagdesisyon na ako na lang ang magtatago nito.

"For those topics that need to be revised or changed, please submit another index card tomorrow with the revisions and changes made. But for those who have their topics approved already, start preparing for the mock title defense next week Friday," our professor announced. "The mock title defense won't be recorded, don't worry. No panels, too. This is just a practice for your speaking and reporting skills to prepare you all for the incoming research or thesis that you're going to encounter next semesters or terms."

I took note of the schedule of our mock title defense. I wasn't nervous about it unlike my other classmates. Nagawa na namin 'yon noong senior high. No need to fret about it. You just need to be prepared and confident.

"Can I ask someone to please create a group on Facebook and add all the members of the class or even one representative per partner?" he suddenly shifted his topic and wrote his Facebook name on the board. "And please add me to the group as well. Sa Biyernes ng gabi ay ipopost ko roon ang bullets na kailangan ninyong ihanda para sa mock title defense. Kung may reminders din ako ay doon ko na rin ipopost."

"Sir, ako na lang po." One of my classmates volunteered.

"Okay, Miss..." Sumulyap ang aming propesor sa seating arrangement. "David. Ikaw na ang gumawa ng Facebook group."

Nilingon ko si Alastair dahil wala akong Facebook account. Nang mapansin niya ang aking paglingon ay tumingin din siya sa akin.

Napalunok naman ako bago tuluyang nagsalita. "Wala akong Facebook account. Puwede bang ikaw na lang ang sumali sa Facebook group?"

Languidly, he eyed me and said, "I also don't have a Facebook account."

Didn't expect that he also don't have a Facebook account, I got lost for a moment.

"Bakit?" Iyon na lang ang nasabi ko matapos kong matigil nang ilang sandali.

He shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe the same reason why you don't want to have Facebook."

We definitely don't have the same reason. Siguro ay ayaw niya lang sa social media. My reasons were far more complicated.

"Kung ganoon... puwedeng gumawa ka? Para sa group na gagawin?" pakiusap ko sa kanya.

"Can't you create one on your own?" He raised his brows up.

Trying to calm myself, I deeply sighed and closed my eyes for a brief moment. I didn't want to argue with him anymore. Siguro ay gagawa na lang ako, pero si Karmela lang ang gagawin kong kaibigan doon. I'd just ask her to add me to the group, if it's possible, even though she's not the creator.

"Sige, ako na lang ang gagawa," sabi ko na lang bago pa ako mainis ng tuluyan.

Kanina lang ay naiilang ako sa kanya, ngayon naman ay iritado ako. He could really play with my emotions so well, and that's irritating me more.

We were dismissed after a few reminders from our professor. At dahil ito ang huling klase namin ngayong araw, nagmamadaling umuwi ang aking mga kaklase. I saw Karmela motioned to tell me that we should go home together like usual, but before I could stand up from my seat, I felt Alastair's hand on my forearm to stop me from leaving.

Gulat akong napalingon sa kanya. "Bakit?"

Agad niya rin akong binitawan nang makuha ang aking atensyon. "Our professor will post the bullets on Friday night. Let's just meet on Saturday again?"

Napaisip ako at hindi agad nakasagot. Naalala ko ang pag-aaya sa akin ni Mikael lumabas. Kung magkikita kami ni Alastair sa Sabado para sa research ay hindi kami makakaalis ni Mikael. Hindi naman puwede sa Linggo dahil inilalaan ko ang araw na 'yon sa pamilya. We may also have other assignments or papers to do.

Pero nasabi ko naman sa kanya na kapag may kailangang gawin, baka hindi kami matuloy. And besides, he and Karmela might also work on their research and mock title defense. Maiintindihan niya naman ako siguro kung sakali.

"I can't promise that I'd be home by morning of Saturday," pagpapatuloy ni Alastair. "Uuwi ako ulit ng Friday sa amin. Puwedeng hapon na lang tayo magkita sa apartment ko."

I was slightly taken aback with his sudden invitation. He just casually invited me on his apartment again to do our research! Nababaliw na ba siya?

"Ha?" Para akong masisiraan ng bait nang dahil sa kanya. "Huwag na sa apartment mo! Sa labas na lang tayo magkita."

His eyebrows furrowed, looking confused. "What's wrong with my apartment?" he asked. "If you're still worried that I might do something indecent to you, I already told you. You're not my type so, you can rest your head thinking about it."

Sinipat ko siya ng matalim na tingin. Hindi ko alam kung bakit kailangan niya pang sabihin ulit na hindi niya ako type. Hindi ko rin naman siya type!

"Naisip ko lang na mas makakapagfocus tayo sa ibang lugar," katwiran ko na lang.

"Ayos naman tayo roon no'ng nagbrainstorming tayo," laban niya. "Besides, I have foods stacked up on my fridge and pantry. Mas makakatipid tayo kung magutom ka."

Denise might not throw a fit with him when she saw me the last time, but I doubted if she'd be fine with it the second time around. I didn't want to risk it. Hindi ko alam kung nagtatanga-tangahan lang ba si Alastair at hindi niya maisip na baka hindi 'yon ayos kay Denise. Or maybe, he's just really a jerk and an asshole who doesn't care about his girlfriend's feelings.

"Ayoko lang na may magalit sa akin. Ayoko ng gulo, Alastair," paliwanag ko sa kanya sa isang mahinahong paraan.

Nagtaas siya ng kilay at biglang sumilay ang ngisi sa kanyang labi. "Sino naman ang magagalit sa'yo? I live there alone."

Bakit pakiramdam ko ay pinaglalaruan niya na naman ako?

"Syempre! Baka kung ano ang isipin ng ibang tao." Bahagyang tumaas ang aking boses. "Ano na lang ang iisipin ni Denise kapag nakita niya ulit ako roon sa apartment mo?"

"Denise?"

Mas lalong napataas ang kanyang kilay at tila ba tinatandaan kung sino ang tinutukoy ko.

What a jerk!

"Oh! You mean the girl who came to my apartment last time?"

Talaga bang aarte siyang hindi niya agad kilala kung sino ang tinutukoy ko? Nakakaawa naman pala si Denise kung ganoon. Mukhang napaglalaruan lang siya nitong si Alastair.

All this time I thought he's a serious person. It turned out that he's not.

Humalukipkip ako. "Sino pa bang Denise ang iniisip mong tinutukoy ko? May iba ka pa bang girlfriend na Denise din ang pangalan?"

"Napaisip ako dahil hindi ko alam kung bakit mo sinali iyang Denise na 'yan sa usapan. She's not my girlfriend. I don't even know her well," he reasoned out.

"Kung hindi mo siya ganoong kilala, ibig sabihin, bigla na lang siyang pumunta sa apartment mo?" tanong ko na punong-puno ng iritasyon dahil nagdadahilan pa siya. "Paano niya nalaman kung saan ka nakatira kung ganoon?"

The playful smile on his lips disappeared. Now, he looked serious and offended.

"I don't know why you're asking these questions in the first place, but let me satisfy you by answering them," he told me. "I admit that she looks familiar to me, maybe because I often see her here in the campus, but I can't even remember her name when she suddenly showed up last Saturday. Ang sabi niya ay pumunta lang siya para bigyan ako ng cookies na binake niya. I asked her how she knew where I live and she told me that she once accidentally saw me going home."

Humupa ang aking iritasyon nang maayos siyang nagpaliwanag, pero hindi pa rin mawala ang pagdududa.

So, he's telling me that Denise stalked him on his way home and that's how she knew where he lives? It didn't sound right to me, but I could tell that Alastair's not lying about it. However, I just couldn't imagine Denise stalking him or anyone. It's not in her image to do something inappropriate like that.

"Anyway, since I guess I made myself clear with any misunderstanding that you have, can you go along with my plan?" he asked me after a while. "Kung hindi, bahala ka nang magdesisyon."

Wala sa sarili akong tumango sa kanya bilang pagsang-ayon sa kanyang plano. Agad niya rin akong iniwanan at umalis palabas ng silid matapos makuha ang sagot ko. Nanatili akong nakatayo roon nang pinuntahan ako ni Karmela at niyaya nang umuwi.