#ChainedtothePastWP

Chapter 12
Fool

The delicious aroma of the food he made filled my nose. Based on the food's presentation, it looked delicious. I'm just not sure how it tastes though. Hindi ko alam kung puwede na ba akong magsimulang kumain hangga't wala siyang sinasabi. And I felt like it's rude to start eating without the host on the table.

I remained sitting quietly on the dining chair after Alastair asked me to sit as he was done preparing our food. Siya naman ay bumalik sa kusina para magtimpla ng juice. Hindi rin naman nagtagal ay bumalik din siya sa hapag.

"Hindi ka pa nagsimulang kumain," puna niya nang makitang hindi ko pa nagagalaw ang pagkain.

"Hinihintay kita..."

He casually sat in front of me then poured juice on my glass.

Napanguso ako habang pinapanood siya. Kanina lang ay iritadong-iritado siya sa akin dahil sa panghihimasok ko sa kanyang buhay, pero ngayon ay inaasikaso niya pa ako.

Sino ba talaga ang totoong Alastair?

When he finished pouring me juice, he glanced on my empty plate before fixing his gaze on me. "Do you want me to put food on your plate too?"

Napaawang ang aking mga labi. Mabilis akong umiling at kumilos para kumuha ng pagkain. Nang matapos ako ay siya naman ang naglagay sa kanyang pinggan.

Tahimik kong pinulot ang mga kubyertos para makapagsimula nang kumain. I could feel Alastair's eyes on me when I cautiously took a bite of his dish. Bahagyang nanlaki ang aking mata. Hindi ko naitago ang naging reaksyon sa kanyang nilutong ulam.

One bite and the flavors burst like fireworks inside my mouth. It's not just edible, but it tasted incredibly delicious.

Masarap magluto si Nanay, ngunit hindi ko maitatangging kayang tapatan ni Alastair ang mga luto niya. Ganoon ito kasarap! Hindi ko nga lang masabi sa kanya na sobrang sarap ng luto niya dahil nahihiya ako kaya nagpatuloy na lang ako sa pagkain.

"I thought you're not hungry."

I stopped midway from getting another scoop of rice when he suddenly spoke. Napalunok ako bago nahihiyang nag-angat ng tingin sa kanya. His brows were shot up while looking at me.

"Uh... Gutom pala ako," sabi ko na lang at saka binaliwala ang mapang-inis niyang tingin sa akin.

Before I pulled my stare away from him, I saw how his lips twitched to suppress his laughter.

"If you want more rice, I'll get more from the rice cooker."

Mabilis akong umiling. "H-hindi na! Masyado na akong madaming nakain."

Alastair just smirked and shrugged his shoulders as he continued eating. Now, I got conscious trying to finish my meal because he was watching me eat. Kaya ko sanang kumain nang mabilis lalo na kapag masarap ang pagkain pero dahil sa kanyang pagsulyap-sulyap na talaga namang nakakailang, bumabagal tuloy ako.

Nang maglakas ako ng loob at nag-angat ng tingin sa kanya, hindi man lang niya iniwas ang kanyang tingin sa akin. He held my stare like he wasn't afraid that I would know he's watching me. Halos mabulunan tuloy ako.

I coughed and tapped my chest using my fist. Inabot naman agad sa akin ni Alastair ang juice at wala kong pag-aalinlangang inubos ang isang baso.

"You should stop being so tensed around me," he suddenly said, and I realized that he knew I was having a hard time being comfortable around him.

Siguro ay natutuwa siyang inisin ako kaya wala siyang tigil kakatitig sa akin kanina. Alam niyang hindi ako kumportable dahil naiilang ako sa kanya.

"Bakit mo kasi ako tinititigan?"

He sat up straight like he was ready to start an argument with me just to defend himself. He even crossed his arms!

"I'm just looking for the right time to apologize," he reasoned out.

I was about to retaliate and tell him how rude he was for staring at me while eating, but after I processed his words, my mind went blank.

"H-ha?" That was all I could say in the end.

"I said, I want to apologize."

Now, he looked more dangerous. Is he really serious about apologizing? The way he stared at me said otherwise. If I was a paper and his stare could light a fire in me, I'd be turned to ashes in an instant.

But anyway, what was he about to apologize for?

"Pero bakit ka hihingi ng tawad sa akin? Para saan?"

"For making you wait, of course!" he sternly said like he wasn't really sorry about it.

Gusto kong matawa pero pinigilan ko ang aking sarili. Baka mamaya ay magalit na naman siya sa akin.

Ngumuso ako para pigilan ang ngiti. "Ayos lang..." sabi ko. "Naisip kong baka hindi mo lang nabasa ang text ko sa'yo at baka mali ako ng number na nasendan."

"I read your text last night and even set an alarm," he said. "I got here around five in the morning earlier and slept over my alarm. It's completely my fault."

So, that's why his voice sounded hoarse, sleepy and tired when he answered my call earlier. Hindi ko alam na alas-singko na siya ng madaling araw nakauwi at nakatulog.

Though I was feeling sorry, I was more curious why he went home that late. Saan siya pumunta at inabot siya ng umaga?

Naalala ko tuloy ang sinabi niya sa akin kahapon sa school bago umuwi. He said that he had some important things to do.

Hindi niya naman siguro mamasamain kung tatanungin ko kung saan siya galing lalo na kung ako ang naabala niya. If he just played around that's why he got home late and made me wait under the scorching weather, I wouldn't be too passive about it.

"Hmm..." Medyo nag-aalangan ako kaya tiningnan ko muna siya para manghingi ng permiso kung puwede magtanong.

I didn't know why I was even asking for his permission to ask a question.

Mukhang naintindihan niya naman ang gusto kong iparating kaya tumango na lang siya sa akin at sumandal sa silya habang umiinom ng juice.

"Puwede ko bang malaman kung saan ka galing?" lakas-loob kong tanong. "I mean, you said you had important things to do yesterday. Kaya ka nagmamadali... Iyon ba ang dahilan kung bakit kaninang madaling araw ka lang nakauwi?"

Silence ruled us after I started to interrogate him. His eyes bore onto me.

I felt like it was a wrong thing to ask about it. Bakit ba kasi naglakas-loob pa ako?

"Uh... If you feel like I'm prying too much again, huwag mo na lang sagutin," sabay bawi ko ng binitawang tanong.

Ibinagsak ko na lang ulit ang mga mata ko sa aking pinggan. Sana ay inabala ko na lang ang sarili ko sa pag-ubos ng pagkain kaysa magtanong pa sa kanya.

"No, it's all right... You have the right to know since I caused you trouble by being late."

As I wasn't expecting that he'd be open about it, I stared at him with my eyes wide open, very eager to hear his response.

"I went home yesterday to visit my mother..." He tried to sound nonchalant, but I could tell that he was very hesitant. "I promised her that I'd go home yesterday so, I did. Iyon lang naman ang dahilan kaya kaninang madaling araw lang ako nakauwi."

The moment he mentioned about going home to visit his mother, there was a pang of guilt in my heart. I suddenly thought of my mother very far away from here; my mother who didn't know her daughter's still alive; my mother who probably grieved the most when I passed away in their eyes.

I'd be lying if I say that I didn't have any urge to know what happened to their lives after the tragedy. However, fear enveloped me. Hanggang ngayon ay hindi ko pa rin magawang hayaan ang sarili kong makibalita kung ano ang nangyari sa kanila simula nang mawala ako sa buhay nila. That's why as much as possible, I didn't let myself surf the internet too much and didn't create any forms of social media account which would expose me to the world I shouldn't explore. Baka mamaya ay hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili ko. It might lead to many consequences that I'm afraid to enumerate.

"Masaya siguro ang mommy mo nang makita ka..." nakangiti kong sabi sa kanya. "Nasa Ibayo ba siya?"

Gumaan ang loob ko sa kanya nang banggitin niya ang kanyang ina. I really felt like we were so alike. Parehas kaming malayo sa aming totoong pamilya. But he's luckier because he could still go home unlike me.

He narrowed his eyes while looking at me like he's trying to guess what I was thinking. "No..."

"Nasaan siya kung ganoon?" kuryoso kong tanong.

Taga-Ibayo siya kaya hindi ba dapat ay nandoon ang kanyang ina? O baka naman kaya nasabi niyang namumuhay na siya mag-isa simula noong high school ay dahil iniwanan siya nito sa Ibayo para maghanapbuhay sa ibang lugar?

Ito na naman ako sa kapipilit na isipin kung ano ang nangyayari sa kanyang buhay na hindi ko naman na dapat pinoproblema pa.

"You don't have to know," he simply answered. "We should just talk about our Marketing Research."

I didn't push my nosy self anymore. I immediately backed down when Alastair dodged my question. Ibig sabihin no'n ay ayaw niyang sagutin at pag-usapan pa kaya dapat ay hindi na ako maging makulit pa kung gusto kong magkasundo kami.

"Dito na natin pag-usapan sa bahay ang topic natin. We don't have to go outside. Gagastos lang tayo. I have snacks to serve here if ever you get hungry."

"Hindi pa nga tayo tapos kumain ng lunch tapos snacks na agad?" sabi ko at tiningnan ang pagkaing hanggang ngayon ay hindi ko pa rin ubos dahil sa pagiging kuryoso ko sa mga bagay-bagay.

"After I learned about your apetite, I don't think it's impossible that you'd ask for snacks later." He sounded playful now. "What? Don't be shy now. I won't tell anyone about your stomach's capacity."

Yumuko na lang ako para itago ang aking mukha sa kanya. I don't think it's impossible to break him down and try to understand him completely. His mood swings were worst than a woman experiencing her monthly period.

Mabuti na lang at hindi naman pala mahirap kausap si Alastair pagdating sa pag-aaral. He was surprisingly serious and knowledgeable. He contributed a lot in our brainstorming. Naging madali tuloy ang pagpili namin ng topic mula sa mga suwestyong binigay naming dalawa.

And also, in the midst of it, he didn't even ask if I wanted some snacks, he just served it on the tea table. Hindi na rin niya pinuna pa ang pagkuha at pagkain ko roon habang nagdi-discuss kaming dalawa.

Overall, I was glad that he's a reliable partner. That's the most important thing since my grades were at stake if he wouldn't actively participate like what he did.

"Salamat sa pagpapatuloy sa akin sa apartment mo, Alastair. Mauuna na ako," paalam ko sa kanya at saka sinukbit ang aking body bag.

"Ihahatid na kita." Kinuha niya ang susi ng kanyang sasakyan na nakasabit lamang sa hook malapit sa pintuan.

"Huwag na. Hindi pa naman ako uuwi," pagtanggi ko. "Pupunta pa ako sa eatery dahil may pinapadaanan si nanay bago ako umuwi. Three minutes na lakad lang 'yon mula rito. Ayos na ako."

For a moment, it looked like he was having a debate with himself. But in the end, he just returned the keys on the hook and opened the door for me.

"Okay. But let me just send you out, at least."

Hindi na ako nakipagtalo pa roon. Lumabas na ako sa pintuan at hinayaan kong sumunod siya sa akin para ihatid ako palabas ng gate.

I was shocked when I saw Denise the moment I went out of the gate. She was wearing a pretty baby pink dress, and it seemed like she put some effort to make herself even more beautiful with make-up. She was also holding a box with both her hands.

Mukhang nagulat din siya nang makita akong lumabas sa apartment ni Alastair dahil agad nawala ang suot niyang matamis na ngiti. Hindi nagtagal ay naramdaman ko si Alastair sa aking likuran.

Denise was even more shocked when her eyes drifted to him. Her lips were trembling when she uttered his name. "A-Alastair..."

"Uhm―"

Magsasalita sana si Alastair para siguro magpaliwanag kay Denise, pero pinigilan ko na siya at inunahan na. I didn't want to be here anymore. Gusto ko nang makalayo agad sa kanilang dalawa.

"Mauuna na ako, Alastair. Salamat ulit."

I almost ran just to get away from them as quickly as possible. My thoughts were haywired.

Sa itsura ni Denise ay mukhang binibisita niya si Alastair. She knew his address! Maybe Alastair already invited her before inside his apartment. Paano kung may namamagitan pala sa kanilang dalawa? Mag-aaway ba sila dahil naabutan ako ni Denise na galing sa bahay ni Alastair? Should I go back and explain that we were just talking about our research?

Saglit akong natigil sa paglalakad. Babalik sana ako kaya pumihit ng direksyon pabalik, ngunit sa tingin ko ay hindi na kailangan.

I saw Denise wearing a smile while giving the box she was holding to Alastair, while on the other hand, Alastair wasn't giving her his dangerous look that he often gave me.

Sa hindi ko maintindihan na dahilan, hindi ko nagustuhan ang aking nakita kaya muli ko silang tinalikuran. Pinagpatuloy ko na lang ang paglalakad ko hanggang sa kahit lumingon pa ako ulit pabalik ay hindi ko na sila makikita.

After stopping by my mother's eatery to get the foods to be served for dinner at home, I immediately went home. Gaya ng nakagawian ay hindi kami nagpansinan ni Lydia na nanonood ng TV sa sala. Si Freah naman ay agad akong binati ng halik sa pisngi.

I placed the foods on top of the table before walking like a zombie to my room and locking myself inside. I couldn't erase the picture of Alastair and Denise inside my head.

Naalala ko tuloy noong nakita kong sinusundan ni Denise si Alastair sa hallway at tinulak siya ng mga kaibigan niya. It was so obvious that she likes him.

Masyado akong nabigla sa nangyari kanina na hindi ako mapakali. Maybe it's because I didn't expect that he'd lay eyes on any girl or be close to anyone in our campus. Ang buong akala ko ay ayaw niyang mapalapit kahit kanino. Who would've thought that he has a special relationship with Denise?

Pero siguro ay hindi niya lang din matanggihan si Denise. She's beautiful, smart and athletic. Any man would want her back if she declares her feelings for him. Alastair wasn't an exception to that.

Sa gitna ng pag-iisip ay napatalon ako sa biglang pagtunog ng aking cellphone. The call was from an unknown number. Even though I was hesitant to accept calls from a stranger, I still answered it—if that's what it takes to stop myself from thinking about earlier.

"Hello?"

"Lia?" His voice sounded so familiar that I immediately knew who he was. "Si Mikael 'to. Nakuha ko ang number mo kay Karmela. I hope you don't mind me calling you."

The thoughts bothering me from earlier calmed down the moment I confirmed who he was. A smile slowly crept on my lips. Boses niya pa lang ay agad na akong nakalma sa magulong pag-iisip.

"Ah... Ayos lang, Mikael."

I should probably thank Karmela after this call for giving my number to Mikael.

"Nasabi niya sa aking nagkita raw kayo ni Alastair ngayon?"

Why did he have to mention Alastair?

Bago pa tuluyang bumalik sa akin ang mga iniisip ay agad kong isinantabi 'yon at sumagot kay Mikael.

"Oo," sagot ko. "Pinag-usapan kasi namin 'yong topic sa Marketing Research. Hindi kasi kami nakapagdecide kahapon dahil may importante siyang pinuntahan."

"Oo nga... Nasabi rin ni Karmela na 'yon ang dahilan..."

Saglit siyang tumahimik sa kabilang linya. Kinagat ko ang aking labi at humiga sa kama.

"Mikael?" pagtawag ko sa kanyang atensyon dahil matagal siyang natahimik at hindi ko rin alam kung ano ang dapat kong sabihin.

"Kung... Kung wala kang gagawin at kung ayos lang sa'yo, can I invite you next weekend?"

It felt like the arms of the time stopped turning for a brief moment until I finally realized what he meant with his invitation. I bit my lip harder to stop myself from screaming in happiness. Hindi ko nga lang napigilan ang mapangiti ng todo. Kinuha ko ang aking unan para itakip saglit sa aking mukha.

Mikael's asking me out for a date?!

"Lia? Nandyan ka pa ba?"

Inalis ko ang pagkakatakip ng unan sa aking mukha. Bumangon ako at saka sumagot sa kanya. "Oo, nandito pa ako," sabi ko nang medyo pormal.

"So, uhm... Ayos lang ba sa'yo?" ulit niya sa kanyang tanong. "O kung kahit kailan mo gusto, ayos lang sa akin. Ikaw ang bahala."

"Hmm... Puwede naman ako next weekend," sabi ko. "Basta wala lang kailangang pag-aralan o hindi masyadong madami ang assignments."

I guess it wouldn't hurt to meet him outside school. May mga gumagawa naman noon... And I know my limits too. I'll also find a way to hide this from Lydia.

"Yes..." I heard him whisper on the other line though I wasn't sure if I should be hearing that or not. "Pag-usapan na lang natin sa Friday kung ganoon?" Mas lumakas na ang kanyang boses dahil hindi na siya bumubulong.

"Okay..." I smiled like a fool.