#ChainedtothePastWP

Chapter 11
Sensitive

The climate had really gone mad and more abnormal. September's about to end, but the scorching weather―that should only last up until Summer―was still present. I was already under the shade of the waiting shed while waiting, but the heat still seeped through my skin.

I fanned myself even though I knew it wouldn't do anything. After a minute more, I decided to buy a bottle of cold water when I couldn't take the heat anymore. Sa maliit na grocery na ako bumili ng tubig kahit na 'yon lang ang bibilhin ko para lamang makadama ng lamig. Hindi rin ako agad lumabas pagkatapos para tingnan ang aking cellphone.

It had been thirty minutes and Alastair was still not here. Binasa ko ang dalawang mensaheng ipinadala ko sa kanya. Ang isa'y kagabi ko tinext at ang pangalawa naman ay kaninang pagkadating ko sa plaza. Wala man lang akong natanggap na reply galing sa kanya.

To: Alastair
Hello, Alas! Si Lia 'to. Sa may waiting shed tayo sa plaza magkita bukas ng 11AM. See you! Good night.

--

To: Alastair
Good morning! Nandito na ako sa may waiting shed. Gising ka na ba?

I wanted so bad to text him again, but I didn't want to appear so annoying. Kaso ay kailangan talaga naming magkausap ngayon dahil ipapasa na sa Monday ang napili naming topic at for approval pa 'yon.

Napanguso ako at naalalang hindi naman nalalayo ang apartment ni Alastair dito, pero nakakahiya kung pupuntahan ko siya sa kanila nang walang pasabi. At saka bahay iyon ng lalaki. Hindi magandang tingnan kung bibisita ako. But I guess it wouldn't hurt if I'd just be waiting outside his place, right?

Though I was still hesitant and somehow undecided, my feet brought right in front of the apartment's gate. If I remembered correctly, the house's lot number is six here in Barjas street.

Tiningala ko ang medyo may kalakihang pinapaupahang bahay. 'Di hamak na mas malaki ito sa inupahan namin dati. Para sa isang taong naninirahan, masyadong malaki ang ganitong bahay. Pero siguro ay wala lang mapaglagyan ang pera ng pamilya niya.

Lumapit ako sa doorbell at inangat ang aking nanginginig na kamay. I was about to press it when I backed down because of nervousness. Paano kaya kung tawagan ko na lang siya? Nakakahiya kung magdo-doorbell ako agad.

Tama... Tatawagan ko na lang muna siya.

Bago pa magbago ang isipan ko ay dinial ko na ang kanyang numero sa aking cellphone. I placed it on my right ear and heard it ringing. Ang kaba ko ay walang mapaglagyan habang nadidinig kong nagriring ito dahil sa pagtawag ko sa kanya.

Just then, after a few rings, the call was finally answered. It was very quiet and I could only here the rustling of sheets.

"Hello..." Alastair's voice sounded sleepy and husky that my heart almost leaped out of my chest.

Sa gulat ay wala sa sarili kong napatay ang tawag. Nanlaki ang aking mga mata. Huli na nang maisip ko ang pagkakamali ko. Mabilis ko ulit siyang tinawagan.

Ano ba 'yan, Lia?! Umayos ka nga!

This time, the phone only rang twice and he already answered it right away. However, he didn't say anything and I could only hear his heavy breathing.

Bahagya akong napalunok at pumikit bago nagsalita. "Uh... Hello, Alastair?" nag-aalangan kong sabi. "Si Lia 'to..."

"Lia?" He sounded so unsure but then, he suddenly cursed softly. "Damn... Sorry. Did I make you wait?"

"Uh... Oo..."

Ayoko sanang sabihin sa kanya ang totoong naghintay ako, pero ayoko rin namang magsinungaling.

He cursed again.

"Sorry. I'll be there real quick," nagmamadali niyang sabi. "Sa waiting shed sa may plaza, 'di ba?"

Napalingon naman ako sa paligid ko. Wala na ako sa plaza.

"Uh... Wala na ako roon."

"Ha?" naguguluhan na siya. "Where are you then? Pupuntahan kita."

Pumikit ako ng mariin at dire-diretsong sinabi ang totoo. "Nasa labas ako ng apartment mo ngayon."

"What?" gulat niyang sabi. "You're right outside?"

Napaangat ako ng tingin sa bintana at kita kong nahawi ang kurtina. Agad na lumitaw si Alastair nang sumilip.

Nahihiya akong ngumiti at kumaway sa kanya. Nang bumaba ang tingin ko mula sa kanyang mukha papunta sa kanyang katawan ay doon ko lang nakitang wala siyang pang-itaas na damit kaya agad akong nag-iwas ng tingin.

"I'll be downstairs," he said and ended the call hastily.

Thinking that it would make me forget what I saw just a few seconds again, I blinked a few times, but I didn't think I could ever forget his well-built body. Ang init na nararamdaman ko ngayon ay hindi na dahil sa panahon, kung hindi dahil sa aking nakita. Pakiramdam ko ay lalagnatin ako.

Hindi pa ako nakakabawi sa nakita ay nagulat ako nang bumukas ang maliit na pintuan sa gate at lumabas doon si Alastair. Ngayon ay nakabihis na siya ng puting sando na mayroong kaluwagan at saka cotton shorts.

His hair was still a bit messy. He didn't bother fixing himself to meet here, while I woke up an hour early just to decide on what to wear―which I ended up wearing a simple printed white tee and skinny jeans.

"G-good morning..." I greeted him, stuttering.

"You're really here..." he said under his breath like he really couldn't believe that I was waiting in front of his apartment, even though he already saw me through the window.

"Uh... Pasensya ka na kung pumunta ako nang walang pasabi," I apologized since it was rude to go to someone's house unannounced, especially if we're not close.

He shook his head and massaged his nose's bridge. "No... It's okay," he said and to my surprise, he opened the gate wider. "Come in."

Hindi ko naitago ko ang aking pagkabigla dahil sa kanyang pag-iimbita sa akin sa loob ng kanyang bahay. Natataranta akong umiling-iling at napahakbang paatras.

"H-huwag na!" Napataas ang aking boses. "Ayos lang akong maghitay dito sa labas."

"You think I'd let you wait here? Under this heat?" He sounded like I was being unreasonable for deciding to stay here outside. "Pumasok ka na. If you're worried that I might do something to you, don't worry..."

He slightly stopped there to eye me from head to toe, which made me feel more conscious. And for the first time, I saw him smile... Well, smirked, actually.

"You're not my type, Lia."

My jaw dropped, feeling so insulted. He could've chosen other words to reassure me, but he purposely said those things to make fun of me.

Kumportable siyang sumandal sa pintuan ng kanyang gate upang hindi ito magsara at humalukipkip habang nakatingin sa akin. "Ayaw mo pa ring pumasok?"

Feeling the building anger inside me, I bit my lower lip and marched on my way inside his apartment. Pagkapasok ko sa kanyang munting garahe ay nakita kong nandoon nakaparada ang sasakyan na nakita kong sakay niya dati. When I made it to the front door, I waited for him and let him invite me inside once again.

"You can sit on the couch," he told me.

Gumala ang aking mata sa malaking apartment. I didn't expect his house to be so neat and clean. He only had a few furnitures and appliances, which made his place look wider. One look and you could already tell that this house was owned by a man, based on the chosen color palette for the interior―white based and accentuated with black.

May kinuha siyang puting remote at tinapat sa aircon para buksan ito. Hindi rin nagtagal ay agad akong nakaramdam ng ginhawa dahil sa lamig na nararamdaman.

"Thank you," wala sa sarili kong pagpapasalamat sa kanya.

He suddenly looked confused. "For what?"

"Sa pagbukas ng aircon," sagot ko. "Naiinitan kasi ako."

Kung tingnan niya ako ay tila nababaliw na ako. Umiling na lamang siya at inilagay ang remote ng aircon sa lalagyanan nito.

"I'll take a quick bath upstairs. If you want to drink or eat something, the kitchen is open," he said. "Bababa rin ako agad. Dito ka lang."

"Okay..." sabi ko na lang.

Matapos makuha ang aking sagot ay nagmamadali na siyang umakyat papunta sa ikalawang palapag. My eyes travelled to the kitchen and realized that it was slightly elevated, a sign of separation from the living room. Tanaw ko ang maliit na round glass dining table doon na mayroong dalawang upuan. There was also a small kitchen aisle which what I dreamt of having. Sa bahay kasi ay sa may lamesa lang ako naghahanda ng mga rekados kapag nagluluto.

Speaking of, I wonder if he cooks...

Napanguso ako. Siguro ay hindi siya marunong magluto dahil lagi siyang sa eatery kumakain ng hapunan. Sayang naman iyong ganda ng kusina niya kung ganoon.

Inubos ko ang aking oras kakamasid sa kanyang apartment. However, I just remained sitting on his couch and didn't even dare to roam around freely. Nakakailang libot na ako ng tingin, pero kahit na mukhang kumpleto sa kagamitan ang bahay, pakiramdam ko ay mayroong kulang. The house seemed so dull and lifeless.

That's when I spotted hooks on the huge and spacious wall. Alam ko na ang kulang. Wala man lang siyang dekorasyon sa dingding gaya ng mga paintings o kahit anong litrato. He didn't even have a piece of his family and his childhood here.

Once again, I wondered why he chose to live and study here. Did he have a feud with his family? Was he thrown out of their house?

Kahit na sinabi kong hindi ko na siya papakialaman ay hindi ko pa rin mapigilan ang sarili kong maging kuryoso. There's this mystery behind him that I want to unfold and understand.

"Mukhang malalim ang iniisip mo."

Muntik na akong mapatalon sa gulat. Napalingon ako kay Alastair na ngayon ay bagong ligo. He was sporting a plain white tee and light blue linen shorts. His hair was still slightly damped. The addicting manly scent that I often smell from him during class reached my nose even though he was approximately two meters away from me. Siguro ay dahil katatapos niya lang maligo kaya ganoon.

"Hindi naman..." pagtanggi ko kahit kung ano-ano na ang mga naisip ko patungkol sa kanya. "Tapos ka na bang mag-ayos? Tara na."

Tumayo na ako at sinukbit ang strap ng side bag sa aking balikat. Napaisip tuloy ako kung saan kami puwedeng tumambay nang maalala ko ang kabubukas lang na coffee shop last year malapit sa plaza. Dapat pala ay doon ko na lang sinet ang meeting place namin. Napili ko kasi ang waiting shed para kapag nagkita kami ay sabay kaming magdedesisyon kung saan pupunta. Even though he already told me to decide on my own, I still felt like I needed his opinion, too.

He raised his brows and quickly glanced on his wrist watch. "Let's eat first. It's lunch time already."

Pagkasabi niya no'n ay agad niya akong tinalikuran para tumungo sa kusina. Mabilis akong sumunod sa kanya para pigilan siya.

"Huwag na, Alas," tanggi ko. "Hindi pa naman ako gutom."

He opened the fridge like he didn't hear me objecting. "You waited an hour for me. Let me cook you something to eat for lunch," he reasoned out.

Bahagya akong natigilan. Ipagluluto niya ako? Ang buong akala ko'y hindi siya marunong magluto!

"Ah... Marunong ka bang magluto?"

He nonchalantly placed all the ingredients he got from the fridge on top of the kitchen aisle. "Of course," he confidently answered and pulled out the chopping board, knife, and bowls from the drawer.

"Kung marunong ka naman pala magluto, bakit lagi kang sa eatery kumakain ng hapunan?" Hindi ko mapigilan ang magtanong para matahimik ang kuryosidad ko.

Saglit siyang natigil sa paghuhugas ng mga gulay, ngunit agad ding nagpatuloy nang makabawi. "I know how to cook, but I feel like it'll be a waste If I cook here," paliwanag niya. "Ako lang naman ang kakain kaya aksaya lamang sa oras kung magluluto pa ako. It's feasible if I'd just eat out."

Lumabi ako. I suddenly felt so inconsiderate for asking him that question. Malulunod na sana ulit ako sa pag-iisip nang bigla niyang pinitik ang aking noo. Because of the pain, I slightly winced.

Wasn't able to stop myself, I glared at him. "Para saan 'yon?"

Huli ko nang naisip na masyado akong nagpadala sa iritasyon dahil sa pagpitik niya sa aking noo. Hindi ko lang napigilan ang sarili ko dahil masakit siyang pumitik.

"Ah... Ano―"

"You don't have to pity me. I'm used in living alone," he suddenly said and proceeded chopping the washed vegetables.

Bukod sa awa, nagulat ako sa aking nadiskubre tungkol sa kanya. Now, it made me more interested to know about him. I wanted to pry and ask more questions in order to feed my curiosity and satisfy myself.

Sa totoo lang, hindi ko alam kung bakit ako masyadong interesado sa kanya. Aside from the fact that I found him mysterious and elusive, I couldn't think of any more reasons. Siguro ay dahil bago lamang siya kaya nakuha niya ng buo ang aking atensyon... Ewan ko. There's just really something about him that invites me in.

"Sanay kang mabuhay mag-isa?" paninigurado ko sa kanya.

He just nodded and after chopping the garlic and onions, he then proceeded marinating the sliced meat.

"Kailan ka pa nagsimulang mabuhay mag-isa?"

"Four years ago," he briefly answered as his attention wasn't on me, but on the dish he was cooking.

Taken aback by the fact that he lived alone for four years, I stared at him in disbelief. How could that be? His parents left him alone since he was in high school?

I did basic substraction. If we're on the same age, it means he started living alone when he was fifteen years old. Or even if he was older than me for a year or two, it still can't be. Was that even allowed? That's not possible. He's still a minor!

"Paano 'yon?" pagdududa ko.

This time, he completely stopped whatever he was doing. He looked tensed and troubled. I couldn't stop myself from voicing out my thoughts.

"Minor ka pa no'n! Hinayaan ka ng magulang mong manirahan mag-isa? Nasaan ba sila? Sa Ibayo pa rin ba sila nakatira―"

"Shut up."

Just two words from him made me shut my mouth. Now, he looked so dangerous with the storm forming inside his eyes. I felt my legs losing strength like I was about to fall.

"S-Sorry..." nanginginig kong paghingi ng paumanhin. "Nadala lang ako ng―"

"Look, Lia," he cut me off and his eyes found its way to meet mine. "I invited you inside and to eat lunch because I felt bad for making you wait earlier. It's not an invitation to let you pry into my privacy and my family."

Hindi ko alam kung guni-guni ko lang ba o talagang nakitaan ko ng sakit ang kanyang mga mata sa kabila ng pagtatago niya ng kanyang nararamdaman. I must've touched a very sensitive part of him. Naiintindihan ko kung bakit siya muling naging malamig pagkatapos magpakita ng kabaitan.

I think I'm starting to understand him... Based on the facts I learned about him, I think I know now why he pushed people away from him; why he didn't want to be involved with anyone; why he preffered to be alone.

"Now, please just sit there and watch TV or anything while I cook us lunch."

Mabilis siyang bumalik sa pagluluto na parang walang nangyari. On the other, I looked like an obedient kitten and did what I was told.