I thought I was getting better
It's because Im able to
do what ever I want;
It's because Im able to
laugh at silly things again
it's because Im able to
enjoy anything on my own company,
It's because Im able to
eat everything I want
without any restrictions,
With that I thought
I was getting better.

But I wasn't,
In fact I've just use these
defense mechanisms to
face the unbearable pain;
I was lying to myself
all of this time
at the end of the day,
I still find myself missing you
I still find myself dreaming
that someday;
I will spend my life
with you
I thought I'd be able
to love you
and treat you
more than you deserve,
thinking about those things
made me feel
happy and hurt
at the same time.

Now as the autumn leaves fall
together I know
our feelings will fade,
I ain't making
no dramas anymore
Im happy and thankful
at the same time
I know the past
is cannot be changed
and it can only be
accepted,
So now Im here
walking myself away
from the past
that has taught me alot,
I'll be taking myself
to a new life
and make this past
as fuel to strive further
and face the life's
new beginnings.

The realization that
somethings are not
bound to happen
pains me,
Again,
I tried to ease
the pain by closing my eyes
and allowing myself
to dive into the sea of dreams;
Where everything could be
so perfect and could be
seem so real,
But I find it as a nightmare
rather than a dream
because you're not there
I long to see you
and touch you there,
But you're nowhere to be found
and it hurts more
knowing that even
in my dreams
we can't be together,

The reality will begin to kick in
waking me up from a nightmare,
It's when I realize that
even if my eyes
remain close
the pain won't disappear,
The longing will
always be there
I let myself fell
in the insanity of love
and now Im paying the price,
And it's the price
I have to pay
for the rest of my life.

———————————————————

—t e k u j i ⚜