06
{ the monster. }

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' h e
w h o
f o r g e t s '

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(ESEN RIETVIELD'S LIFE WAS A RHAPSODY OF COLORS.)

Silence envelops everything as they make their way deeper into the forest, searching for the deer and Esen really needs it right now, because clarity is such a scarce thing in this planet and in her entire system. The rain still pelts the earth with its crystalline raindrops as they walk side by side, Esen grateful that the sound of the rain is washing away the awkward silence.

In the midst of the silence, Esen thinks of the color green. So many shades, apple, forest, moss, seafoam, emerald.

The forest canopy, leaves where raindrops tumble out, moss crawling on the surface of year old stones, Esen's eyes reflected in the puddles where grass adorned the rim.

Green.

For as long as she could remember, the color had embellished every waking moment of her life. It was the sign of stability, of permanence, for as long as she lived and bled and clutched her bosom overflowing with sorrow, green was there. It was permanence.

Goosebumps begin to rise from her skin because of the cold, but there are more pressing matters she must face first. Esen's heart is still hammering loudly in her chest, there are butterfly wings scratching the flesh of her stomach and she knows it is inevitable, but she has to try, she has to stop falling for him in this ridiculous pace, because she knows what's going to happen, she knows how this will end and how another cycle is looming over her.

The midnight sky, lily flowers growing on the side of the winding path, the grapefruit dangling from trees, the fabric of the clothes she wore.

Purple.

It was beauty. The rare occurences of beauty in a dark and dreary world, a tinge of blue in a sky covered with grey clouds. For as long as Esen could see the color, she'd surge forward.

Esen does not know what to do. There are memories tapping away on her skull and her brain is confused, her heart more so and she needs some semblance of clarity, but the erratic beating of the muscle in her chest is not helping at all.

How she wishes everything was as simple as black and white.

White.

The color of the cumulus clouds sailing in the vast ocean of blue above, the little lines in her wrist from where past cycles ripped it to shreds, the fabric of her lover which she clutched when she saw the snow white deer traipsing toward them with its glorious antlers and sharp eyes.

"Peculiar," Zeref murmured to himself.

"It is heading this way," Esen says, her eyes never leaving the figure of the magical creature.

Zeref's smile is thin and mirthless. "I can see that."

Esen shoots him a glare, but his only reaction is a small smile. How comfortable they have become with each other's presence.

While Esen is busy contemplating how far they have reached in their relationship, she wanders aimlessly toward the deer, surprised when it is in front of her and with its mesmerizing eyes looks into her own. She is hypnotized by the creature, a marionette to its bidding.

You and I are the same, child. Reminders of the bitter past.

A voice? It's deep like a man's, but silky soft like a woman's voice, it reminds her of a village elder spouting cautionary tales of witches in the forest that will lure you to the happiest moments of your life and the next you're a corpse rotting next to said witch. Esen blinks profusely, staring into the deer that may or may not have spoken.

It has been a long time. I cannot fathom how many decades it has been but you have blossomed.

She stumbles a little bit back. The deer spoke and animals speaking were not very uncommon in a continent filled with magic, but it was inside her mind. Like a parasite crawling across the flesh of her brain and invading her system.

I was something trifling to him that is why it was easy to cast me away, but you, you are different.

"You are speaking to me?"

"Esen, what's happening?" Zeref asks from behind her, worry lacing his voice.

You resemble her so much, I wonder why he let you dwell in this abominable place.

Creases surfaced in her forehead as Esen views the deer with inquisitive eyes. It's a deep blue like sapphires glinting underneath the moonlight. "What are you saying?"

Zeref's footsteps grow closer, thuds echoing in the silent forest, but Esen's eyes remain pinned on the majestic creature right in front of her. It breaks away from its marble like facade and for a moment there, Esen sees a grin, but she must have imagined it, because that was such a preposterous notion.

You have forgotten, child. The very threads that wove your destiny, the very stars aligning, the very essence of your being.

Let me remind you.

The deer moves closer and cuts her skin with its antlers. Esen endures the sensation coursing through her veins, but the next thing she knows, she has fallen to the ground while embracing the deer. Her eyes sag with every moment and they shut close.

She is walking in a hallway of white marble, the ceilings and columns around her made of ivory. Flowers adorn every column with intricate carvings.

She hears a voice and she runs. The marble floor feels familiar with her feet and she hears laughter escape her lips. More voices trail after her and she turns, climbing flights of marble stairs and giggling.

She whips her head back to survey her pursuers and she heads to the balcony after seeing them close. Nimbly, her feet climb the structure. Her pursuers are dressed in gosammer, their faces stricken with worry.

"Your mother will be worried, please."

Another round of laughter echoes throughout the compound and she readies to jump.

Then, a voice.

She sees a man walking toward them and his appearance, raven hair and dark eyes loom over her visage and her pursuers leave with a bow.

Startled, she falls from the structure and lands on the floor, her knees scratched in the process. Golden liquid drips from the cut and through the fringes of hair that fell on her face, she looks up.

He bends his knees to level with her and darkness emanates from his palms. It makes its way to her knees and begins eating away the blood. The wound closes by itself leaving her bewildered. She meets the eye of the man who places a hand on the top of her head.

"Caution yourself, my dearest," he says.

A smile forms in her lips, bright and gleaming. "Thank you, father!"

Yellow.

How the scene melds together like delicious sunny side-ups, like lake water being sucked into a vortex and yellow is the color of the sun up above, always watching and alone like Esen is— was. She thinks of Zeref. One  day, she will wake up and the yellow sunflowers will blossom and she will forget his name, let it be carried away by the river of time and there will be a new lover and he will be warm like sunlight slipping through the cracks in the walls and the windows.

Yellow was a color of happiness, of temporary peace (because Esen was lonely and chaotic and confused and even a single shred of peace was unending halcyon to her), of something that was warm and comforting, like strolling through roads next to rice fields where farmers worked hard with their children and wave you hello.

You still do not remember, child?

And another wave drowns her. The lilting melody begins, indistinguishable from the rustling of leaves at first, but at every passing second, the volume turns up up up. This time, the moments are less tangible and they're an amalgmation of sceneries. Blurs of colors: red, orange and yellow. At first, it's like watching something flickering off and then replaced with something new, but the images grow swifter and the next, she can hear voices on top of the melody. There's laughter and crying and anger and screams. Esen sees some familiar ones and she remembers the earliest cycles of grief and she's gathered a lot and forgotten and clarity for her is an overwhelming wave that means to drown.

Her skull hurts as if somebody picked up a huge slab of rock and continued beating her head in the same spot. Most of the voices are hers and she remembers the promises and the kisses and she clutches her chest because she cannot breathe and it is so painful— stop stop stop stop it!

"I will love you, forever."

"You don't mean that..."

"We will stay together forever..."

"No please, let him stay!"

"Esen... I love you, never forget that!"

"You look beautiful, love."

"I'll sing you a song."

"We will always be together."

"E—Esen?"

"Who are you?"

"You have to stay away, please. For both our sakes!"

"A child? I can't. I can't have a family with you."

"It'll be alright."

"Why do I never learn?"

So many faces and voices and broken promises littering her mind. There are memories she cannot hold back and it's like someone ripped open the cage that hosted all these hurtful things. Esen is choking on the memories and she tries to claw her throat with fingernails to free the air and just breathe, but she can't and the gush of warm liquid escapes from her eyes. One two three. Her eyes snap open and she screams.

It's a scream full of hurting, of hundreds of years trapped in a cycle of heartbreak and regret. Of bloodied wrists and faces and hearts offered up then shattered.

The pain won't stop, it never will, she wants it to, but it won't. Pain will never ever bend to someone's will. It is a powerful, intangible entity that forever resides this planet like hatred, sorrow and love. Esen screams again, but this time, slowly, hands move to her sides and pulls her into an embrace.

She senses the familiarity and the smell of melancholic nights and the small chill. The smell of pages and ink and lakewater with jasmines. The tuft of raven hair, the soft gaze and the uneasy touch (it's okay, Esen wants to whisper, but she's still choking on her own tears, you will not hurt me).

Esen cannot count the seconds passing anymore. It's only when the amount of tears has lessened did she manage to register the entire reality of this occurence. "Zeref...?" Her voice is coarse and broken from the tears, but the inquisitive tone is there and it is all that matters for now. The bewilderment in her face is palpable as she releases the syllables.

"I've missed the warmth," he
whispers, a boy who wailed in the abyss, desperately searching for a companion and the darkness reached back and gave him Esen who would bring him halcyon and affection and everything he craved and she's surprised to wrap her arms around him too. It's awkward, with bits of hesitation at first, but she overcomes it and pulls him close.

"Me too."

Red.

It is warmth and the color of roses in beautiful gardens for royalty. Lips and flushed cheeks in nights when two become one. She remembers a woman beneath the glass casket with lips of the same color and mortal blood spilling from her fingers as she clutched the raw heart of her once lover. A beat, a drop.

"Stay with me, Esen."

They all said that too.

Suddenly, she sees bodies lying on the ground beside her, cold hands and lifeless eyes, she tastes the bitter sensation underneath her tongue and the slowing breaths as they reached their end, the tears falling like waterfalls in hushed agony.

Everything clicks and the red disappears, is replaced and Esen's heart goes thunderous in her chest.

Grey.

If Esen was a color, she would be that. An in-between of dark and light. Darkness and lightness. Good and evil. Pure and impure. The confusion and the fear.

She's not just afraid, she's absolutely terrified because she knows she can't
can't, can't, can't, can't. She knows that she will just hurt this lovely boy.

Stay away, Esen.

The deer watches them, entangled together and its cold eyes warn her. Stay away. She has to, she needs to, but she can't. Because Esen loves him and there is no stopping that now.

"I love you," she whispers.

And then everything is black. A black wave engulfs everything including the deer and the trees and animals around them and they all

d
r
o
p

dead.

He pushes her away almost immediately and there are tears in his eyes as he looks at the creatures he has killed. "The curse... no! No!"

He steps back, gaining his sanity and the fear in his eyes is as potent as ever. "I knew it," he whispers. "I'm only going to hurt you. I shouldn't have agreed to be with you. I shouldn't have. I'm leaving, I'm sorry."

And he vanishes in a flash of black and white.

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e n d.
[ thank you for reading chained flowers. ]
c o m i n g:
07 | "the brokenhearted."