Ocean

"I would like to introduce Lucas David's and Ocean David's."

Hearing our names paired together made me hate him more. I wanted to scream. I am not Ocean Davids. I am Ocean Brooks-David. I am my mothers and father's daughter. I will not be painted in any other light. I am strong on my own.

Not a sound I made. Even with the rage in my mind. I would never be enough to say it. Let alone have anyone believe it.

I looked around the room taking in all the faces hoping to find a place I could hide away. There, in the corner next to the large potted plant. That would be perfect.

Just a I slowly started inching my way over a familiar voice popped up next to me. I internally groaned. Of all times why now?

"Hey," Hayden spoke. His tone was hushed. I glanced over at him to find myself face to face with a baby. It looked to be about a year old, although it s not that its easy to judge when their little. I took a step back to admire the sight before me. Seeing Hayden with a small child in his arms was something to behold. He held it like a delicate flower. He was gentle and soft. He spoke more softly, his smile was softer and kinder. Something about it was charming. He nodded for me to follow him, and I did. He led me to a small area, almost a hallway. He set the little baby down.

Hayden motioned for me to sit. "I'll be back." With that he disappeared back into the living room.

Mild panic set in as I was left with the child. I had never been in a situation like this before. I'd never prepared for having or being around kids. I thought I'd be dead before I'd have kids.
Just as the panic started to get worse Hayden returned. His arms were filled with an array of toys pillows and blankets.
He laid out one blanket. It was actually a play mat. He dumped the toys on it before placing the two pillows on the floor and sat down on one.
The little child pulled herself into a seated position before grabbing two of her dinos and banging them together.

Hayden grabbed another dino toy and started roaring softly. He made it run circles and try to climb her feet and legs. His face held a soft smile that seemed to widen with every little giggle.

Watching him with such a young child, I felt so surreal.

"One day," he spoke softly, his voice had a kind of hope in it that I wasn't used to. "I wish to be a stay-at-home dad." His eyes never left the child as he spoke. "I want to be there for their first high and lows." He paused to take a steady breath. "Never really told anyone else about it." Finally, he looked up at me as he spoke the next couple words. "But I trust you."

I Trust you.

His words echoed in my head. I sat in slight awe watching him as he turned his attention back to the child. His eyes were focused but not in the harsh way I often saw. they were soft and loving. Almost as though you could see right into his heart. A deep loving heart, protective and safe.

"Ocean." The thoughts darted from my mind ad I head the hair-raising voice that I was all too familiar with. "Why aren't you socializing?" Lucas had come up behind me and I was too lost in thought to notice.

I dropped my shoulders trying to look smaller, fear held me rigid. He placed his hand on my shoulder and I tightened my grip on the engagement band I had absentmindedly been twirling. I clenched my jaw trying to keep the fear off my face.

"She is helping me." Hayden spoke. His voice was stern and cool. It sounded very business like. Not the soft character I had seen moments before. Unless that had been a picture from my imagination.

"Well, you should both be socializing shouldn't you?" Lucas responded as if challenging Hayden.

"We will be once little Amili has gone to bed after dinner." Hayden's voice remained level, but I noticed a small twitch in his lip as though he were annoyed.

"Alright, but I'm sure you don't need two people to watch the child." Lucas was pushing for something. I didn't know what but something. He was playing a game with his words.

Just as Hayden opened his mouth to responded another shadow fell across me. "Now Lucas, no need to be so pushy." Hayden's dad spoke. "Let them have their fun, after all hopefully its not for another couple years that they have their own." He laughed at his own joke. He clapped Lucas on the shoulder before dragging him away.

"Dinner is ready!" Hayden's mom called out from the kitchen. Hayden stood scooping up Amili, I guess her name was, and offering me a hand.

After an awkward dinner where I merely picked at the food under the watchful eye of Lucas.

Then the adult chatter came out. Amili was put to bed and out came the alcohol. Hayden chose not to drink but was part of the cheery conversation.

As the talk became louder and more lively, I found myself shrinking back trying to hide.

"Ocean," Hayden started loudly, "and I are going to head home now we got stuff to do tomorrow and don't want to make it too late."

Once safely in the car Hayden started on the way home. We drove in silence for a bit before he spoke. "I always thought you were just shy." He sounded a little upset, my anxiety jumped as I listen to what he had to say.

"But that never made sense to the mute girl thing." Hayden took a breath.

"But seeing fear in your eyes at the thought of socializing..." he paused. "That hit me."

My body felt like lead. If only you could ready my mind right now. Understand my fear. Please.

Tear pooled in my eyes as I felt the world spinning around me. Nobody would ever believe me. Nobody would ever see the fear.

Lucas was right.

I am Alone