Ocean

I found myself sitting uncomfortably at a fancy dinner place. The car ride was odd enough. Why did we need to do this? What is the occasion? Did I forget something? Was I supposed to look nicer?

Hayden had already ordered, and we were waiting for our food to arrive.
"How was your day?" Hayden asked awkwardly.
I shrugged, giving him a thumbs up.
Sure, it was Saturday, but I was very sore from Luccas yesterday.

"Look Ocean, I have something to tell you." His voice held a worried tone, but his eyes were filled with glee. "Our parents want us to throw a big engagement party." He spoke softy but the words seemed to hit me in a wave, crashing down and crushing me. My breathing felt constricted. I forced myself to breath, willing to be ok with what he had just said.

The last part like event that I had attended was Lucas's and it had not ended well. I still remember the dark doom that lay waiting for me and the angry look in his eyes whenever somebody told me I was beautiful. He would whisper every time "they're just saying that."

I had never felt more alone then I did at that party. Lucas's secretary was there, and she treated me like her servant. It had been horrible.

But this was going to be different. I was going to be the center of attention.
I avoided looking at Hayden as the panic set in.
His hand had reached out and taken mine.
His thumb rubbed circles on the back of my hand.
It felt so right but so wrong.
How can something feel this comforting yet be so fake?
My world spun as hours seemed to pass.
Why was he comforting me?
Because he feels bad?
Pity.
Pity for an ugly hag like yourself.
Imagine if you make a fool of yourself in front of everyone.
Luccas would surely kill you.
A fancy party meant dancing.
And food and drink.
The panic rose, and I tried to ignore it.
The pounding in my head was becoming stronger and I fought back tears.
I felt sick and weak.
Nobody would like me after.
Nobody.
Hayden would start beating me too.
I should have done it when I had the chance.
Should have fled.
Should have run.
Hayden should go out with the hot, sexy waitress. He shouldn't focus on me.
Nobody should.
I'm a waste of space.
Useless.
Talentless.
I felt a single tear slide from my eye.
I tried to hide it.
I wasn't supposed to show people myself.
My front was breaking.
I needed something stronger than concerts to hold me together.
pull yourself together.
Eat you fat pig.

I glanced up and saw two plates being delivered to the table.
One had pasta piled high on it, the other had steak with salad and a bit of pasta on the side.
The food was steaming.
The long spaghetti noodles were mixed with some sauce. I lifted my fork unsure. I took a little on my fork and slid it into my mouth. I closed my eyes, trying to pick out all the flavours to we if I could recreate it.

The sauce had a tomato base. It had chopped onion, pepper, and ground beef. There was light spicing of salt and pepper. There was one more thing, but I couldn't place it yet.

Opening my eyes, the negative thoughts drifted away.

Hayden had his fork halfway to his mouth when the noodles slipped right on and back on his plate. He watched the, a look of disappointment branding his face. He looked up at me when I let out a small giggle.

I noticed a spot on his cheek. Pasta sauce. I tapped his arm so her would look at me before tapping my cheek to signify that he had something there.
He wiped the wrong cheek before smiling.
I almost snorted. I tapped my other cheek softly trying not make a fool of myself.

His eyes widened slightly in embarrassment. He wiped it away before chuckling.
I felt my heart flutter softly hearing his deep voice.
His eyes didn't leave mine when he tried to scoop more food into his mouth. He missed and put the empty fork in his mouth before realizing what happened. His green orbs left mine in order to finish his food

I ate my fill, which was less then half the plate.

"Can I get that packed up?" Hayden referred to the rest o my food. He asked the waitress politely, but she still shot me many dirty looks. When he asked for the tab, she hung around waiting, practically drooling over Hayden.

He is hot but like seriously? He's here on a date and this girl is just like flirting and all that.

He payed quickly with a simple tap before standing up. He moved over to my side as I attempted to stand as well.

My foot had fallen asleep, so it was a little difficult for me. When I stumbled, he took my arm and lead me out of the restaurant. I felt the nerves that were keeping me on m feet slowly disappear thinking this would be the end of tonight's little adventure. We would go home, and I could snuggle in my corner with a book and forget about the world. I yawned softly sliding into the passenger's seat again. It wasn't till Hayden turned in the opposite direction that I realized we were going somewhere else.

The ease that my nerves had been put to was gone in a flash and the panic filled my chest again.

I crossed my fingers that it wasn't going to be a busy place and that it would be calm and quiet. That's what I wanted. Calm.

I noticed an out of tune voice singing along with the radio. Hayden's voice. He was not the greatest singer but his attempt made me smile.

Maybe, just maybe, this wouldn't be super horrid.