Ocean

There had been a big argument earlier between my uncle and Hayden. Yes, I was the reason for it. Hayden was going to go out the night with his friends, and Lucas had said that I should stay at his house. I was not at all thrilled about that idea. The whole argument was that Hayden didn't want me to leave his house.

His reason was that this was my home for the time being. Lucas had eventually given in after a little wearing down.

I knew there was a likelihood that Hayden would be coming home drunk, but Lucas scared me more.

I lay on the couch, quite comfortably. I was reading a book. It had felt very odd to stay in such a confined space while reading, so I decided to come out. It wasn't like Hayden would be home any time soon, so I wasn't too worried.

Should I have been reading? Probably not after all, my concussion was far from healed. Still, laying there, I found myself immersed in the story. I was lying on my stomach; the book propped up against one of the armrests. My feet weren't even close to touching the other side of the couch.

Suddenly, the door flew open, and I heard bounding footsteps. Terror shocked my body as I lay there. I couldn't move as a familiar but drunk voice called out my name.

Drunk people terrified me. The last time my uncle had been drunk, I had been unable to move for the next two days. The fear made my body cold and ridged. I saw his tall figure in the doorway. I couldn't move or breathe. I cowered slightly as he advanced towards me. I could smell the alcohol that seemed to coat his entire body. He stood next to the couch now, towering over me. His eyes seemed ready to pounce. His fingers probably itched with longing.

I closed my eyes, waiting for the impact of a fist. Or worse. The impact that I got was much greater than I had expected.

A body landed on mine, pressing my deep into the couch cushions. The body was heavy, and my body didn't have enough strength. I felt as though my rib cage had started to collapse. Breathing was getting harder, and the room was dimming. My head hurt, and the pain grew.

Suddenly, the weight was pulled off me, and I found myself spluttering and coughing trying to get air into my lungs.

"Hayden!" A female voice called out. "You nearly crushed her."

"Ocean." Nicks' familiar voice rang through the ringing in my ears. I still couldn't move; it hurt to breathe. Nausea was added to the mix now as two hands pulled me onto my side.

"Fuck!" Nicks voice said in the distance. "Vira, she's not breathin . . . ." The rest of what was said became a blur to me as the world seemed to slip away. I slumped forward, falling off the couch, my eyesight continuing to dim. I closed my eyes, unable to take anything in anymore.

"Ocean" at first the voice was soft, but gradually it got louder.
"Ocean."
"Ocean."
"Ocean!"
I opened my eyes, expecting to see white.

Instead, the sight I was greeted with was not Hayden. Instead, I was greeted by the sight of Nicola and Vira peering at me as I lay on the floor. A pillow was tucked under my head.

"Hey, you ok?" Vira gently shifted over to sit one the floor next to me.

I nodded slowly, pushing myself up.

"Woah woah, slowly now." Nicola gabbed my shoulders as I started to sway.

I looked around worriedly around for Hayden, but he and the other guys were all missing.

"They took him upstirs to bed." Vira smiled down at me.

"They are all going to sleep in his bedroom tonight to keep an eye on him." Nicola reached out and pressed a hand to my face. It was surprisingly very cool, a nice feeling against my blood-filled head.

I closed my eyes to enjoy the cool touch on my forehead.

"We are all going to sleep down here." Vira's voice interrupted my thoughts. or lack thereof.

I shrugged and nodded slowly, trying to get to my feet.

Nicola instantly pushed me back down. "You stay here, and we will be back with blankets and pillows."

Vira joined Nicola as they stood. "We don't want to have any passing out on the stairs."

I watched them disappear upstairs before slowly getting to my feet.

I grabbed my book off the floor and trekked into the kitchen.

I grabbed a glass of water and turned to see three guys enter the kitchen.

My body froze up as all three looked at me. I felt like all the blood was draining from my body slowly. I was a simple piece of meat to them, after all. Alcohol would numb the pain they would inflict on my body.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" Nick asked after a moment of silence.

I didn't respond as my eyes were trained on Hayden, who had taken a step forward.

He reached out and grabbed me. I let him pull me close to him, and he nuzzled his face into my hair. "Sorry if I hurt you earlier." his words were slurring slightly. I waited for the catch. I waited for the pain. "I love you, Ocean." He mumbled into my hair. I almost couldn't make out what he had said.

"Come on, Hayden." Nick and Jayden pulled him off me.

I watched as they dragged him up the stairs and out of sight.

The words kept running through my head.

In no universe were they true. After all, who could love someone like me?

"Hey, there you." Vira's cheery voice broke me from the thoughts.

She stood in the doorway, watching me with a small smile. I followed her out into the living room. it was covered in pillows and blankets.

Nicola sat in the midst of it all. "Hey, what movie do you want to watch?"

I shrugged and grabbed a blanket. Laying down on the couch, I listened to the other girl's conversation.

Slowly, I lost interest as I felt more exhausted. Hayden's words stumbled back into my head.

They were so fake. he could never think of me that way. After all, I was nothing. All I could do was exist long enough for him to be happy with his future before everything would end.

I wasn't going to live forever. I was maybe going to live till next year. I would fight to keep myself alive. but I would not choose life anymore.

If all this was fake, why did I wish it was real?