Ocean

Hearing Lucas talk about carving I felt my back burn with a familiar scar. A portrait that he wasn't quite finished with yet. I had no idea what it was, but he told me all the time one day it would be real. The pain I felt, I often could ignore but some memories were too hard to suppress.

Sometimes Lucas referred to it a scaring, a process where you let a wound heal partly then cut into it again, repeating this until the scar was very visible. This was the reason his art took so long. It had been a while since his last attempt at the project, something for which I was grateful.

The conversation turned casual, and I zoned out and pushed the food around on my plate aimlessly.

For the second time already this dinner I felt bile rising up my throat. I quickly left to make it to the bathroom to throw up again. My head was still spinning like a top and I could feel the cold chill seeping into my skin. It took me a second to get back to my feet and feel steady enough to leave.

As I opened the stall door the bathroom door opened an in walked Hayden's mom.

I smiled at her as I went to wash my hands.

"Oh, dear do you mind waiting for me?"

I nodded slowly moving to the side of the bathroom.

Following Hayden's' mother back to the table I was able to calm my nerves before facing the looks from Lucas. He would most defiantly punish me for my behavior tomorrow. His smile that didn't quite reach his eyes told me he already had something planned.

Hayden talked about the plans he had with his friends for the weekend and how school was going. The conversation was causal and relaxed. He seemed very relaxed and comfortable around everyone. Like he understood they were no threat to him.

I tried to follow the conversation, I really tried. But between keeping myself acting like I was fine and trying not to pass out, it was the last thing on my list. I got lost so quickly that I just stared into my food.

Time seemed to move very quickly, yet slowly. This wasn't an abnormal feeling for me. Often when I was dizzy or concussed I would feel like I'm stuck in time like things are moving but I'm not.

Was this my first concussion? Nope. Would it be my last? I didn't think it would be. If I stayed alive enough to one day make it away I could find a way to be ok. I almost laughed at the thought. I had nothing. Nowhere to go. No money. No power over my life. Lucas could fine me in the snap of a finger.

The food om my plate remained uneaten for the entire dinner and Hayden got it packed up for when we left.

Hayden acted as a true gentleman, leading me with an arm around my waist, opening the car door for me and he even grabbed my stuff from his mother's car.

The drive back was awkwardly silent for the first five minutes before Hayden finally broke the silence.

"I'm really glad you came." His eyes didn't leave the road and mine quickly traveled back to my lap. "It was nice to spend the time with you by my side."

It felt awkward between us still. Almost as though he wanted to say more. Or there was something recording or someone watching. My body was starting to feel heavier then usual. My mind seem to be fading in and out of my body like it was on the brink of being removed.

I let a yawn slip out which gained a bit of a laugh from Hayden.

"We're almost home don't worry." His tone was gently and warm like a soft blanket. I suppressed a small shiver as my eyelids felt heavy.

No. No. NO.

I forced my eyes open again trying to think of anything that would keep me awake. I glanced at the window, taking a deep breath as I was hit with another wave of nausea. Exhausted and sick to my stomach while trying to stay away and keep my composure was probably one of the hardest things I've done.

My head spun and my vision was getting worse. I had lied to Hayden about taking out my contacts. My vision had been so fuzzy I couldn't read the menu.

The car came to a stop, and it took a moment for me to register that we had reached home.

I pressed the release on my seatbelt and let it slide up into the slot. Reaching over I grabbed for the door handle. It was missing and I almost tumbled out.

Hayden grabbed my arm as I lost my balance and pushed me back lightly.

"Oh sorry," he rubbed the back of his neck. "I guess I should have warned you."

I shrugged in response and climbed out of the car to the best of my abilities and followed Hayden, who had grabbed my bag.

Once inside, I grabbed my bag the second he set it down on the floor and nodded thanks to him before heading upstairs ignoring his questions that followed me.

Shutting both the bedroom door and the bathroom door, I finally let the nausea take over.

Once finished, I changed into a set of comfortable clothes as wiped my make up off. Popping out my contacts, I rooted around my bag to find my glasses. Pulling them out I noticed that one of the arms was bent out of place. Doing my best not to damage them any further, I bent it back a little to fit around my face glanced in the mirror.

I grabbed my schoolwork from my bag and sat down on the floor. I spread my notes out leaning against my bed for support. I began my work, trying to focus. With every blink it became harder to keep my eyes open.