I had just come out from the shower. I take a lot of showers these days. It had been a month since I last saw Shiva. And I was drying my hair when I heard a click at the balcony door. I was startled and I looked to the door, to see Shiva climb up to the balcony and then in through the door to my room.

"Shiva...?" I asked. "What the hell are you doing?"

He just looked at me. And there was something not right about him. "Are you drunk?" I asked.

"Yeah. Kind of; I am..." He said, sounding pretty lost. And he was super drunk, I could tell. "I had this office event..." he mumbled and sat down on my bed, "And... I just wanted to see you so badly."

I crossed my arms and looked at him. He was looking down at the floor; looking sad and lost. He sighed.

"Shiva..." I called as he was silent for a while.

"I... I got you something." He got up and came to me. He clicked on some things on his mobile phone and extended it to me. I was not sure what to do. But he pushed his phone into my hand. I looked at the screen. It was a booking confirmation of a holiday trip to the North-East of India. For two people. My birthday will fall in the middle of the trip.

I noticed that the booking date for this trip was before one month. That means he booked the trip even before my Europe Trip. I looked up at Shiva.

"You don't have to come with me if you don't want to." He mumbled. "But I have applied for leave. Had applied long back."

I did not know what to say.

He sat back on my bed. And stayed silent and looked so miserable that it began to hurt. I wanted to hug him. "I don't know what to do." He said. "How to reverse this. You won't see me. I know what happened to you... I feel like hunting the whole world and killing the man who hurt you. I feel like killing the whole world." He sobbed.

He can't because I have not told anyone about Jasper. Not his name and details. Dad has repeatedly asked me and I told him I don't want to talk about it. And I really did not. I wanted to forget about it...

"Mia, I feel terrible," Shiva said. "I..." he looked into my eyes. There were tears in them. It felt like he was pining for me. It felt like he was yearning to hold me close and be with me. He was struggling to speak. "I am sorry." He finally said.

"For what?" I asked him.

He shook his head.

"For what, Shiva?" I insisted.

He just lay back down on the bed. And sighed again looking at the ceiling. And then he went to sleep. I stood looking at him. Is he serious??? He went to sleep? But then he might have been very drunk.

I waited for a minute and then went to the bed. It was sleep time and I needed to sleep. I wondered if I should push Shiva off the bed or wake him up. But he was sleeping so peacefully that I let it be. I lay down beside him. And curled up myself, and lay looking at him.

He looked tired. And his stubbles had begun to grow into a beard. He actually looked tormented even in his sleep.

I felt I won't be able to sleep that night. But eventually, I went to sleep.

Some arms were around me. Strong arms. Pulling me closer to him... But they reminded me of this unpleasant dirty feeling. I woke up screaming... Shiva also jumped awake. "What...What?" He asked, lost. I looked around, realising it was just Shiva. That he had tried to hug me in his sleep unconsciously.

Shiva looked around the room confused, and then at me. It felt like he took a moment to realise where he was, and he did not remember last night. I adjusted my hair. This was awkward.

Now he was looking at me again like he was in love with me and was longing for me. Like he was so happy that I was in front of his eyes. "You came in through the window last night, drunk." I reminded him.

"Yeah. Sorry." He said.

I did not know what to say... So I avoided his eyes. He looked like he wanted to say something. But I was not prepared for this. "You can leave now that you woke up," I mumbled. He grabbed my hand as I was about to step out of the bed.

"Mia..." he called. I looked at him. "Please don't..."

"Please don't what?"

"Don't...make me go away." He said. "Enough is enough... Let's stop this nonsense and discuss this."

I tried to free my hand from his grasp. But the hold was strong. So I let it be. "I don't want to talk."

"You don't want to talk?" he asked. "So is this it? Are we breaking up like this? Is that what you want. If yes... tell me. Tell me 'Shiva, let's break up...'." He was angry. "And give me a clear reason why we need to break up."

I did not have the time and energy for this conversation. But I was done hiding things from him. He needs to know the truth. So I turned to him. His eyes began to affect me again. Shiva has such beautiful eyes, and when they look at me like that, I feel like...

"Mia..." He called me tenderly. His fingers entangled in mine... It felt nice, heavenly actually. I wished I can just stop this nonsensical silent treatment and jump into his arms. Tears began to come, so I wiped them. Shiva pulled me closer and was about to hug me. But I pushed him off me.

"You want to know what happened in Amsterdam?" I asked him. He looked at me with interest. "I was at the club... And there was this guy. He was flirting with me...." I looked up at him. "I let him.... And then I went to his room." I know that I skipped the part where Shiva ignored my text and about our phone conversation... I know I made it sound like I was a cheating girlfriend. But why would it matter? I was the Vamp in the story always anyway?

Shiva was staring at me like he did not believe one word that I said. "It's true," I said. And I avoided his eyes.

"And that guy tried to... You know, what Harsh told me was that..."

"Yeah," I said, getting flashbacks of that night. Suddenly this dirty feeling and terror gripped me again. I felt unsettled as if I was transported back to that night and I was under Jasper in his grasp. It felt suffocating.

"Why would you do that?" Shiva asked. "Why would you go into the room of a stranger like that? That is an insanely stupid thing to do." He sounded frustrated, "You could have died."

"That is all you have to say?" I asked. "You don't care that I tried to cheat on you?"

He did not reply to that. He looked away. But I could see that he was clearly affected. He looked hurt. "It was an incredibly stupid and irresponsible thing to do," he said. "Going to a guy's room like that."

I felt irritated. I knew it was reckless. And I did it because it was reckless. "I did it because I wanted to. I wanted to sleep with Jasper."

Shiva looked at me. "His name is Jasper?"

That is what he says??? No reaction to the 'I wanted to sleep with Jasper' part?

"Yes, but-" I started, but he cut in, "What's his full name?"

"Jasper Reels," I said impatiently because I wanted to continue our conversation about the cheating part. But the moment I said it, Shiva got up from the bed and walked to the door. He unlocked it, and I was startled. I ran out as Shiva walked out of the room. What the hell was he doing?

He went straight to my dad's room. Dad was in his bathrobe choosing what to wear for the office that day. "Sir..." Shiva stepped into his room. "Jasper Reels. That's the name of the guy who...the guy who hurt Samaira."

"What?" My dad looked up, not registering his words first. I had just caught up at the door of dad's room.

"What are you doing here this early morning?" Dad asked Shiva.

"Sorry about that. But we got a name now... Of the guy who hurt her." Shiva was unapologetic. Dad's gaze shifted to me. I did not know what to say or what to make out of this situation.

"It's just a name though..." Shiva added.

"That's enough. I will make sure he pays for what he did..." Dad grunted.

I was so stupid. I gave them the name of Jasper. I did not want this mess. "I do not know if it is his real name," I said, "It could easily be a fake name. And it started with consent. I went to his room willingly." Even though he had no right to do what he did. He should have stopped when I asked him to stop. Not after traumatising me for life.

"That is not an excuse," Shiva said.

"I am calling the police." Dad said, "find out what I can do to make sure that bastard pays... I am going to make sure he rots in jail."

"On what basis?" I asked dad. "It was not even..." I could not say the R-word. "It was an attempt. And he stopped when I screamed. And let me go. And after all these weeks you probably cannot even prove anything."

"You should have gone to the police then and there," Shiva said.

"Please, I don't want to get involved in all this again. Can we just let it go and move on?"

"You don't have to get involved, Sam," Dad said. "I will make sure that guy pays for what he did. Somehow... if not legally. Somehow..." And I knew he meant that. My dad is not the purest soul you can find. He was a ruthless businessman and he has taken care of a few of his enemies. So I knew he would go to any length to take revenge on this guy who hurt his daughter. And I did not want to argue against it anymore. Jasper deserves to get some punishment anyway.

And I did not want to talk about Jasper anymore. So I turned around and walked to my room. Dad began to call somebody. Shiva stayed where he was. I returned to my room. I sat on my bed. I guess Shiva would not want anything to do with me anymore. I deserve this.

I felt terrible. So I just sat on my bed dejectedly. Wondering if this is the end. Dreading that this is the end. It probably is...

I messed it up.

After a while, Shiva came to my room. I did not expect him to. So I was surprised. I looked up at him. "Your dad wants to know if you know any more details about this guy..." Shiva told me, almost sounding like a stranger. He was looking at me like he don't know what to say to me anymore. That began to hurt me.

"He was a doctor. A Surgeon. He was there for a conference. He said he was from America. Seattle." I finished speaking.

"Okay, that will help us a lot." Said Shiva. I still did not have any hope that it will get Jasper any punishment legally. He was about to walk off when I called him.

"Shiva..."

He looked at me.

"I... I am sorry." I did not know what else to say. "Can we talk?"

He took a moment to answer, "I don't know how to talk about this," he said. "Honestly I can't believe you would do something like that. I know you... Unless this was some stupid shit that you wanted to do to take revenge on me."

How did he know that? My amazement made him look at me clearly.

"That was it?" he asked. "You wanted to take revenge because I did not answer your call properly? Samaira, how stupid you can be...?"

"Why are you calling me 'Samaria'?" I asked, "And I am not stupid, okay..." I was angry now. "You left me alone. You did not have time for me for months... For months. And when I called you... you... You did not even react to my photo. Do you know how pathetic I felt..." I stood up on the bed. "I know I took a wrong decision. But yeah, I wanted to hurt you."

"You wanted to hurt me," he crossed his arms and looked up at me.

"Yeah..."

"Well, congrats you did." He said, angrily. "And I can't believe how stupid one can be..." He looked away.

"Don't call me stupid." I was furious now. This was all because of him. He hurt me... I was scarred for life because of him. "I hate you," I yelled at him. Yet I knew that I did not. I did not hate Shiva. I could not hate Shiva. I did not know how to stop loving him. He was an inevitable part of my life. My better half. Now I could not think about anyone else than Shiva as my partner for life. It did not matter if we were going through something right now. Deep down I was sure that we will resolve this. I knew that better days will come.

I knew that Shiva will forgive me. It was Shiva. He was nice. Nicer than me at least.

Shiva looked at me strictly like I was a child throwing a tantrum.

"You called me that night, didn't you?" He asked, "That was when you called me..."

"Yeah," I said, hastily pushing my hair out of my face. "You were in the middle of something."

"I WAS in the middle of something." He said, calmly.

"Fine... Go be in the middle of something. Be busy with your job. I am not as important as your job, right?"

"Samaira calm down... And I was not working that night you called me. I was in the hospital."

What?

"Ajji had fainted." He said. "We had to take her to the hospital. She had got low blood pressure. When you sent me that photo, I was taking her to the hospital. I did not have time or the leisure to reply to that. I was not in the mood for that. And when you called, I was talking to the doctor."

Oh!

"Then you were supposed to tell me. You never tell me anything." I yelled at him.

"I was going to tell you." He said frustrated. "Once things got sorted, I was going to tell you. I called you later that night, but you did not pick up my call. So I thought you might have slept. But... You..." he looked guilty ad if he realised the situation now, "you were attacked right?"

"Yeah..." I said.

"Mia..." he stepped into the bed and tried to hug me. I pushed him off. He fell off the bed but managed to find his balance and stand on the floor.

"I am sorry." He said. "I should have taken more care of you... You are right. I left you alone." He sounded genuinely sorry. "I was so obsessed with work, I wanted to succeed so badly... that I lost focus of who I was doing it for."

I was softening up a bit now.

"Sorry, Mia..." He said.

I did not reply and looked away.

"I don't want to break up," He mumbled as if he was talking to himself.

I did not want to break up either. But I did not know how we are going to fix this.

Shiva looked up at me. "Do you realise that your stupid move could have destroyed us forever?" I stayed silent. "God, I am so glad that you were not hurt worse." He rubbed his face with his hands. "Damn, Mia... If you have an issue with me, you solve it with me. Don't ever go do stupid shit like this."

I felt cared for. I felt his love and concern for me.

"Okay," I said softly. "I am sorry."

He looked at me. And I felt like we are resolving this. "Can I get a hug now?" I asked, timidly.

He smiled. And I was reminded of how much I like Shiva's smile. He stepped up into the bed and took me in a hug. I wrapped my arms around him and pressed my head to his chest. This was comfort. This was how things should be. I felt peaceful.

He kissed my forehead. "I missed you," he told me.

I hit his arm.

"Ouch.... What was that for?"

"You don't deserve to say that." I sneered. "You left me alone..."

"I know. I am sorry. But I did miss you. I missed this. I missed us..." he said.

I looked up at him. "Then don't go to work today. Hang out with me." I said.

"Eh?" He hesitated.

"What?" I asked, angry.

"I have a meeting..."

I frowned.

"That can be rescheduled." He said, and adjusted my hair. "I will stay."

I nodded. "I hate that you have to work so much," I said. "I don't like this." I hugged him again. He sighed.

I heard a small sound from the door and I looked up through Shiva's shoulder. Dad was at the door. And he was turning around and walking back, leaving us alone. It felt like he wanted to give us space. That was new. Dad did not use to tolerate Shiva in the house. But it was as if he was glad that I was finally smiling and he knew it was because of Shiva. And he did not want to disturb that happiness.