"Here." 

The scent of fresh coffee filled my nostrils. I gave a small smile at Thiago and thanked him quietly. He took the other vacant seat next to me. On my other side was Gray with his head in his hands and his elbows on his knees. It's just like him to be blaming himself for the state that his friend was in even though the entire ride to the hospital, we tried to convince him otherwise.

Lisanna was in the ER room with the doctor along with Wendy who was smart enough to understand all the big terms he might throw their way. The rest of the Fairy Tail teammates were scattered all over the waiting room. We basically took up the entire place. Zeref and Mavis were also in the room dealing with everything. 

"That was one interesting dinner." Thiago sighed, sipping on his own coffee. 

I chuckled under my breath. "I'm sorry."

"No, I should be." My friend said. "My presence alone triggered Natsu's heart."

"It's nobody's fault but mines." I rubbed his back a bit. 

Thiago was oddly very quiet the entire ride here. He didn't want to say anything in case anybody in that car would get agitated by just the sound of his voice. 

"Nah man, it ain't your fault. It's neither of your faults." Gray crossed his arms, leaning back. "I was just so desperate to have the old gang back together all I saw was Natsu being a road-block in that. I just got mad and couldn't control my words."

"But that doesn't mean he didn't deserve to hear it." Zeref cut in, coming out from the door leading back to us. His hands stuffed in the fancy dress pants pockets. "Come, Lucy."

"Wha?"

Zeref turned half his body. "I think it'd be best you come back there with us."

Yeah, did you hit your head? What in the world compelled you to think that putting me in the same room as my ex would be such a good idea?

I mean with all due respect, of course.

He started walking even without looking back at me. Probably because he knew me well enough to be a couple paces behind him. I tried not to pay much attention to anyone around me in case someone recognized me. I kept my head down, walked right behind the older man. We only made one right and so far nobody has recognized me.

Mission acc-

"Oh Ms. Heartfilia! Is -"

Shit!

"Oh! Hey, James! Long time no see!" I recognized the young nurse from Natsu's time here as a patient. I didn't know he'd leave the cardiac department for the ER.

Zeref was staring at the gentleman, studying him.

Oh no.

"Hey so whenever you get the time, we should go out for coffee, okay?" I waved a dismissive hand. "Tell your mom I said hi, okay? Bye!" 

I walked faster, hoping I wasn't way too rude to him. Poor guy probably is confused out of his mind with my sudden outburst. He used to be the overnight nurse so I saw him a lot. He was the one that gave me all the information I knew about Natsu's condition and always turned a blind eye when I came to the nursing station to "check in."

That's a huge secret and I'm not about to let him expose me in front of my ex's brother. Please, don't.

"Old friend?" Luckily, Zeref was still by my side. He didn't stop to ask James any questions so I guess I got away with it for now.

I nodded. "Yeah from a long time ago."

Please don't press forward. I suck at lying. Saying he's an old friend is only part of the truth. The only truth Zeref needs to know.

He just kept walking, not another word came out of him.

The door to Natsu's room was closed when we came up to it. Zeref knocked once and opened it before gesturing for me to go first.

It's okay, Lucy. You can do this. One deep breath and you'll be okay.

"Why is she in here?!" The immediate sharpness of Lisanna greeted me right away. "I asked for Erza."

"Calm down now, sis." Zeref never lost his cool.

Lisanna was sitting on Natsu's left so she was the first one to see me when I walked in. Her eyebrows furrowed, she wasn't having a good day.

I'm not having one either considering the man that we both love unconditionally was hooked up to some IVs. He was awake though and he was just looking at me, eyes emotionally. 

But they weren't cold.

Wendy, who had to miss the dinner (lucky girl), was standing at the foot of his bed. She gave me a small smile. 

"His heart was just acting up and because it's still regaining strength, it made him hurt a little more than usual. He'll be okay." 

I kept an emotionless face but deep down my relief was colossal. It's crushing everything else I was feeling ever since leading up. Just to see him looking somewhat okay is enough for me to sleep through the night.

Sorta.

"Oh good, Lucy." Mavis who was sitting on the couch looking at some paperwork. "I actually need to ask you a favor." 

I blinked.

Does she know?

"Can you talk to him, please?" she asked.

"Woah, honey that's not why -"

Mavis held up one hand and her husband's mouth immediately shut. "Honey, they need to talk. This way, neither can run."

"Wait, I don't agree to this and I'm his wife!" Lisanna argued.

Mavis turned an eye on her. "You know as well as all of us that they need to talk. The stuff Natsu pulled on the pitch today to what happened at dinner is enough to indicate that if they don't talk, something else is going to explode. I don't know about you but I can't afford to replace anything else for a bit."

I can only imagine the debt they must be in for reviving the team. 

"Come now, Wendy, Lisanna. Let's give them the room."

Wait, wait, wait. A mental warning would've been nice! I'm not ready.

I'm not ready to be alone with him.

Wendy didn't hesitate to bounce out the door, not without an apologetic glance my way. Lisanna was a little more hesitant but when her in-laws started heading towards the door she couldn't disobey. 

"Hurt him again and you're dealing with me." She warned before closing the door behind her.

And then there were two. 

How did things get to this? Whenever it's just the two of us, conversation would flow out of both of us like river to the ocean. Now, the beeping of all the monitors were having a better talk than the two of us ever will.

Natsu was still staring at me, his face still unreadable.

You got this, Lucy. Just talk to him. You can do this. Say the first words; initiate this so he doesn't have to talk anymore than he already has to.

"I don't want you thinking that I never loved you." 

Okay or you can start it.

I looked at Natsu, again. His face hasn't moved from before. I almost thought I imagined him talking to me.

Then he tried to sit up.

I was at his side instantly. I grabbed his arm without thinking. The moment I realized, I was ready for the rejection of him shooing me away but it never came. He accepted my extra strength until he was on an upright position, his back against the bed. 

"That's why I got so upset." Natsu sighed, running his hand through his pink hair roughly.

Damn.

I took Lisanna's seat, watching him as he breathed. 

All those times I've come in to watch him without him knowing. This is nice. Him knowing I'm present and watching over him is more than I could ever ask for. 

"I don't want that Popsicle to put that in your head." admitted Natsu. "Especially since I'm not your favorite person at the moment. I just thought you'd listen to everyone before me."

"Natsu..." I began.

"No, please let me talk. I owe you an explanation for how I've been acting." He said. "I just...when you left me, I honestly just thought you abandoned me. I hated being alone. I hated living my life without you by side like we both promised. For some time, I thought that you were the one that never loved me."

My heart ached at his statement. I clenched my hands in my lap. Of course he would think that. I left him all sick and alone. On top of that, I added a broken heart. He thought I never loved him when he was and still is the world to me. Nobody can take that away from him.

Nobody.

"I was so angry with everything happening me. First, Igneel and my parents left me. My brother disappeared for a huge chunk of my life but you already know that. Um..."

"Hey, don't push yourself. I know." I said, looking down at my hands. "I know."

He was blinking rapidly, trying to hold his own tears back. I can tell. Natsu rarely cries and every time he does, he fights this battle. Depending on the situation he would usually lose. At least it's been like that since every time I've seen him cry it involved me. 

When we couldn't be together at first.

Then when I left.

A couple in between that whenever he thought he wasn't enough for me.

"I just thought I wasn't good enough for you either." 

Natsu...

"That's not true." I began.

"It's true! I mean, look at how pathetic I am. All because of this fucking disease my parents give me that you left. I was so much a burden that I would only hold you back. I know you didn't want to deal with that -"

Slap!

What the hell is wrong with me? Hitting someone on fluids and in a hospital gown?

It doesn't matter right now.

He deserved it.

And it hurt me beyond what he has done to me in the past.

"That's enough." I sobbed, my tears I've been brawling to keep under control were finally spilling. "If you really think I think that way then did you really know me?!"

"Luce..."

My nickname.

The one only he's allowed to call me.

"You were never a burden to me! You are everything to me. I wanted so much to pack you up and take you with me but the doctors advised me otherwise. You couldn't travel and if you attempted too..."

His heart is too weak to travel. If he attempts to, there's a risk that the pressure of the elevation could make his heart stop altogether.

The doctor's words ran icy through my entire being.

"I'd rather have you alive so we can one day see each other again even if you did hate me then be selfish and take you with me and never see you again. It wasn't a risk I could take. I don't think I can... I can't -"

I can't live a life without THE Natsu Dragneel in it. He can despise my very existence for all I care but having him walking this Earth; healthy and happy, even with another woman, is more than enough for me. I have to be selfish enough to want that for him. He deserves it.

He deserves the world and I couldn't give it to him.

"Luce..." Natsu's rough big hand, suddenly cuffed my cheek.

I didn't care.

I tried to forget for a moment that he was married to Lisanna. I tried to forget all the war we are fighting.

I just want to enjoy that touch of his one last time. Just in this moment while I'm brave enough to be selfish one last time because I missed this.

I miss him.

I miss his warmth.

I miss everything about him that makes him the love of my life.

So please, just let me relish in something as simple as this.

"I can never hate you." 

Well, that's one step in a reassuring path. 

"I was just so angry. I was just so confused. How you could leave me alone to fight this by myself?"

I had to make enough money to pay for you bills so you can get the treatment. That's the only reason why I made this sacrifice. 

I couldn't tell him that.

"I'm sorry I'm so selfish."

Natsu sighed, his hand leaving its spot on my cheek. Immediately, I felt the cold air freeze over the very location of where his hand just was.

"No, I'm just as guilty as you in that matter. Gray made me realize that the way I was acting is really selfish. That was your time to go out and see the world, live your life and all I could do was be angry at myself for not being able to give you that."

I met his gaze.

It's so soft.

So warming.

Just like everything about the Natsu Dragneel I will always love and cherish.

"So for making your life a living hell since you got back." Natsu sighed. "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry for leaving you." I wiped my tears. "But if I didn't, I don't think you ever would've been able to realize you love Lisanna."

"Oh uh, yeah." He began. "She's really good to me."

"I know she is so I'm glad she's the one you married." It wasn't a lie. It was, in fact, the hard truth. 

She loves him.

She will do everything she can to always support him through thick and thin. 

Fairy Tail, Magnolia is going to be my permanent home but if there was an opportunity for me to ever do anything to help Natsu I wouldn't hesitate to do it. He doesn't need to know ever. 

It's like he just has a little guardian angel. 

"Well, I should get going. We have practice bright and early tomorrow."

I stood up. I think my time with him is done for the moment. He needs to be with his true family: his wife. There's no point in me being here anymore.

"Thiago..." Natsu started.

I quickly waved him off. "He's nothing more than a brother to me."

"No. He's a good guy." Natsu finished, allowing a smile to take over his face. "Judging by the way he's around you, he would really do anything to take care of you. I guess I just got a little protective 'cause Ms. Lucy Heartfilia only deserves the best dude."

"Did you just not hear what I said?"

"There you go again, never letting me finish my thoughts." He chuckled.

Chuckled!

As in really chuckled. 

Oh, my own heart. I might need a hospital bed now.

"All I'm saying is if you ever catch feelings for him, he'd be the one I'd pick." 

"Natsu..."

He just smiled.

Genuinely smiled at me. 

 Uh, Nurse James. 

HELP!

"Thank you." I returned his gesture. "It really means a lot. But rest up, okay? I'll see you tomorrow."

"Ugh! I forgot how much you nag..." He slowly laid down, pulling the blanket over his body.

"Hey, I nag because I care, nitwit." I giggled. "Sleep tight."

I started making my way towards the door when he decided to pop his head back up once more. "Luce!"

"What is it now?" I looked at him.

"Friends?" He offered me a huge toothy grin.

Friends.

We're back at the beginning. 

We've finally made it back to the beginning to start on a new track different from the last.

That's all I can ever ask for.

"Friends."