The sense that the future is coming too quickly

PRESENT TIME

When will you settle down?

That question haunts me every night, especially after my breakup with Zachary two weeks ago. My family's questions evolved from what I want to be when I grow up to when will I settle down; those questions weren't easy to answer.

It's one of the hardest questions that I encounter in my life. For years I never thought about marrying; I never had a dream wedding gown nor a song I wanted to play when I walked down the aisle because all my life I never thought I was capable of loving someone and being loved by someone. All along I thought I would end up alone, single for as long as I live.

When I informed my family three days ago that I broke up with Zachary, they weren't happy about it; they thought I wasted all those years of relationship to not end up with marriage. That I'm already in my mid-twenties and by now I should be engaged and not freshly from a breakup. But what they don't know is how Zachary treated me like a worthless woman who doesn't deserve to be loved.

"Chocolate cake," Donato's voice greeted my ear as he placed a plate of sliced chocolate cake. "What's with the long face?"

"I just got off a call with my grandma asking when I will settle down," I responded, putting my phone down on the table. "Twenty-five is not that old, right? Sure, the majority from our batch is settling down at this age; some are younger but that doesn't mean I want to settle down at this age. I just got out from a breakup and I certainly don't need to be reminded how I'm running out of time."

"Twenty-five is not old," Donato replied as he sat across from me; currently the restaurant isn't crowded and spending his time on me for a moment is not a bad thing. "I'm twenty-five as well and I'm not settling down. I haven't been in a relationship for nearly four years now. I also like to think that the age twenty-five is not old but rather where we peak in life—graduating from school, some will enroll in graduate school, some already have a stable job, others are starting a new one as they discover what they truly want, some just enter into a relationship, others breaking up, some will settle down—it's just at the age where we sort of mature in life, where we realize what life truly is and maybe still learn about how we navigate life."

His mindset fascinates me—the way he sees every single thing in this world as a great thing and how he perceives life itself in a blissful way—he aided me to see the path of lightness and hope during the darkest time of my life; he became my comfort, my haven in this chaotic world. 

I adore talking to him because he makes sense; every single word he says makes sense and is comforting. Donato is not just a good listener but also great at giving advice—a sensible man adorned with words of wisdom residing on his soul.

I take a bit of the cake, savoring the taste on my tongue, the taste that I'm familiar with but never fed up with the taste; it's comforting to me. "Do you see yourself settling down, Donny?" I asked; we did talk about this kind of thing when we were seventeen and never talked about it again. Now we're at the age where everyone around is at this stage of age and I think it's best to bring this topic up again. "I mean, you haven't been in a relationship for four years, and did it ever cross your mind if you want to try again? "

"I do see myself settling down in the future but not right now; I'm focusing on this business, as this has been my parent's pride for so long. They started this in the Philippines and I continued their legacy here in London," he responded, which made me straighten my sit and take another bite from my cake. "About the relationship part, maybe I'm ready to try again when I find the right person; I just never feel any attraction to anyone. But when someone walks through my life and that woman gets my attention, then I wouldn't mind starting again. I'm not in a hurry."

"How about you, Cy?" He asked, which made me put my fork down. "Do you see yourself settling down in the future?"

"I don't know, Donny," was the first word that came out of my mouth because that's the sole truth. "I want to settle down when the time is right but I don't see myself getting married during my relationship with Zachary. Even after breaking up with him, it's all blurry to me and I don't think someone in this world would like to marry me; I don't even think I'm capable of being loved by someone."

He gazed at me as if I had said something outrageous, his arms crossed, brows meeting in the middle. "You know that's not true, Cy," his voice deepened in a serious matter. "You are capable of being loved by someone. Just because Zachary treated you like shit doesn't mean you deserve that kind of treatment. You'll find someone who will treat you right, Cyrielle."

"You really think that?" I asked in disbelief because I never imagined myself being treated right. I guess when you grow up in a household witnessing your parents constantly fighting and shouting at each other, witnessing your parents being in a loveless marriage, you just get used to that shitty treatment.

"I really do think that, Cy," he flashed a faint smile. "And anyone would be so lucky to have you. As much as I hate Zachary, he was lucky to have you; he just couldn't see it because of his jerkiness."

"You really hated him," I chuckle. I remember Donny rolling his eyes every time Zachary approached me and how he swore him to death every time Donny saw me crying at their restaurant ordering the same menu and how Donny punched Zachary once when I told him my ex-boyfriend was insulting my dream. 

"I think hate is an understatement," Donny chuckles as he shakes his head, which elicits a smile from me as I continue to enjoy my chocolate cake. "I consider that guy a spawn of Satan."

We laughed after he said those words; we laughed, and we didn't care if someone heard us—I remember him saying those words to me every time Zacharay walked past us. I believe his words are, "Here comes the spawn of Satan, strutting in the hallway. No wonder why it's hot. I'm already in hell."

"I can't believe I stayed with him for six years," I chuckle, remembering the times I had to endure him, especially his treatment. It's not all shitty; I remember us when we became a new couple. He was caring and loving to me but over the course of the years, it was not filled with shitty treatment—sometimes I was the love of his life and the majority is his mortal enemy of the hatred he gave; he made me take one step forward and three steps back from our relationship.

"You're stupid when it comes to him," Donny jokingly rolled his eyes and chuckled. "Stupidly and blindly in love with him. He doesn't deserve you and especially you don't deserve him."

I did realize that I don't deserve that kind of treatment, that I stayed with Zachary because I'm scared that no one would like me; I stayed because I had no choice. I did have a tiny hope that he would change for the better and our relationship would end in marriage. But I realized that maybe he didn't change because he doesn't want me and that he doesn't have any plan for our relationship.

"I know but somehow I don't think I wasted my six years, just like my family said."

"Oh yeah?"

"I mean, it may appear that I wasted six years of my life with him," I began. "However, throughout those years, it taught me a lot about myself, relationships, and love itself. It was full of roller coaster emotions of relationships; we had plans—I mean, I had plans for us and envisioned us together for a short period of time, but I did not regret anything—well, maybe one thing: I let him treat me like shit for six years."

We continuously talked and laughed for hours, sharing our thoughts about relationships, marriage, finding a job, and how twenty-five feels like we're running out of time and how the future is fast approaching that we have to chase it or else we lose it forever.

"I think we should set each other up on a date," I blurted out of nowhere, which silenced the both of us—yes, including me, because there's a time when I will say some words without thinking them first and it shocked me when I heard what I said and this scenario is the perfect example of my episode of saying them first without thinking first.

"What?"

There's no turning it back now; I have to face the consequences of what my mouth said. "There's no logical explanation, really. I sometimes don't think about what I said and it just comes out of my mouth."

"I'll listen, Cy."

"Even if it is stupid?" I asked because I thought of my impromptu explanation and it's incredibly stupid and I know for a fact that he wouldn't mind hearing nonsense come out of my mouth as it's not the first time but I still want to make sure.

"Even if it is stupid," Donny chuckled and straightened his sit. "I'm all ears."

"I just think it would be fun for us to set each other up on a date like a blind date," I explained. "We're in our mid-twenties; I just got out of a toxic relationship, and you haven't been dating for four years. I think it's time to meet new people, to go out there and it is up to us whether or not to continue with the date. If it goes well, then that's good; it's up to us where it will lead, and if it ends badly, then if one of us still wants to try, we can set the other to another person till we find someone compatible or accept the fact that dating isn't for us."

He was silent, absorbing my explanation, possibly thinking that he had befriended a crazy person who didn't even know what logical meant for twenty-five years.

"No pressure," I added with a smile.

"Right," he chuckled and straightened his sit as his eyes pierced on me. "Let's do it but only under one condition."

I widen my eyes upon hearing his response, as I wasn't expecting him to say yes to my other silly idea but ever since we were kids, he has always been on board with whatever goes on in my head—it could be a brilliant or silly plan, but he wouldn't judge me but rather join me on whatever I want in life.

"What condition?" I asked, my voice in a serious matter.

"Let's do this for a year," Donny responded as he grabbed my fork and took a slice of my cake. I immediately slapped his hand in a playful way, only for him to eat the cake and stick his tongue out.

"Just for a year, Cy," he continued as he drank my glass of water and all I could do was playfully roll my eyes at him. "Whether or not it becomes successful, we just have to stop after a year. I don't want to go on for another month or year if it didn't work out. I think a year is enough to know whether or not dating is for us at this age or ever really."

"Alright, just for a year," I nodded, extending my right hand to Donny, to which he raised his eyebrow, looking at me perplexedly. "It's for formality, Donny; just get along with it."

"Alright," Donny smiled and shook my hand. "It's settled then; we're only doing this for a year."

"Yep, for a year," I smiled. "I have someone in my mind already."

"You've been wanting to set me up with someone for so long, didn't you?" He raised his eyebrow, crossing his arm.

"Maybe," I chuckled.

"Oh, you're sneaky, Cy."

I only laugh at his comment and the day continues engulfed with our laughter and it made me feel a soft warm breeze where comfort embraces two souls beautifully drowning in the symphonies of peach and honey, remembering how even if we feel the future is rapidly approaching, it can still feel slower when you're sharing your time with the right person.

At least that's how I feel when I'm with Mabel and Donny.