It was a shock to see my newly dyed raven locks in the light of day. The day before, Anuli had led me back to the small lake, subtly gesturing at the gun at her side to gain my compliance. She lathered the dye in my hair and then rinsed it with the warm water in the bucket.

Two shapes cast a shadow against the tent. Tossing my blanket away, I moved toward the tent entrance and rolled up the flap to find Anuli and Jioke huddled together. In his hands, Jioke held a long piece of string. It was white, and the ends were tied together in a knot. Hands twisting, he manipulated the string, making a spider, and then a tower. Anuli said something that made him laugh, but their smiles fell when they noticed me.

Anuli thrust a bottle of water at me as she rose to her feet. "This is your drinking water. You can use it to brush your teeth as well." She handed me a brush and toothpaste.

I waited for them to leave, but they made no move to head back to the camp. Turning around to gain a semblance of privacy, I brushed my teeth. When I finished, I gulped down half of the water and capped the bottle. Behind me, Anuli set out a plate of rice and stew. I walked over to them, and she handed me the spoon. I mixed the stew into the rice until the entire plate was red, trying to ignore their eyes as they stared at me. At first, I thought it was my hair that kept their attention before remembering that it was no longer silver, but black.

Jioke broke the silence.

"How does it feel to be named after a city?" Waiting until I finished chewing and swallowed, I said, "I wasn't named after my city. I was named after my grandmother. My grandfather was the one who named Celestia after her." I didn't even know why I was responding to them, my kidnappers. But I did respond, nonetheless. Maybe I felt starved for human interaction. Before I could berate myself for not finding anopportunity to flee, Jioke interrupted my thoughts.

"Now that you're with us," he said, "you should have an Igbo name."

"Is that what language you've been speaking? Igbo?" I stumbled over the pronunciation.

Anuli speared him a look, and he grimaced. I thought she'd grab him and leave, but she settled back down to her feet.

"I think Atulu is a good name," she said.

"What does it mean?"

"Silver-haired," Anuli explained. "I've never seen a girl my age with grey hair. It's not bad, just different. The black matures you."

"Anuli, Jioke, kedu ife i n'akwughali? Jee metopu ife Kambili si gi mee."

At the sound of Nathaniel's voice, the two began to disassemble the tent. Jioke grabbed my blanket and folded it into neat squares. When he finished, he started in on the tent cloth, while Anuli gathered the poles in her arms. When they finished, they scattered almost immediately.

"What did you tell them?" I asked.

"In a rough translation, I reminded them of their duties," he said. "I want to let you know that we'll be leaving in thirty minutes."

"Is that all you came to tell me?" I folded my arms, resisting the urge to tap my foot.

In his arms, he held three empty water gallons. One by one, he balanced them onto the ground.

"No," he told me. "That's not all. I've come to apologize. It's my fault that you're here, and I'm sorry for putting you in this situation."

"Is that it?"

He spread his arms wide. "What else do you want me to say?"

"Tell me that you'll take me back to Celestia! I don't want to be here. I never wanted to be here." I felt tears threatening to spill as panic set in.

"I can't do that, Celeste," he said softly. "You know I can't."

"Why?" My voice was shaky.

"You've seen too much. You know I can't do that."

He took a step forward, but I leapt back. I pulled my coat tighter around myself, trying to ward off the cold that filled me. I kept my eyes down, watching the small flower by my foot bend and twist in the wind instead of watching him because I couldn't stand to see the sight of his face.

"When can I go home?"

"I don't know."

A choked sob tore from my throat, and I lifted my hands to my face.

Nathaniel lifted his shoulders in a semblance of a shrug. "I'm so sor—"

"I'm so sick of hearing that word!" I pushed my hair from my face.

Rearing back, he asked me, "What do you want me to say, Celeste?"

We stood in silence for a full minute. My tears dried. I no longer felt like crying. The anger inside me burned too hot.

"What about Olive? Are you going to apologize to her, too?"

"You don't know anything about my relationship with Olive."

I first saw him with her across the hall from my mother's apartment, and then again in Cookie's kitchen. Now, I stared at his impassive eyes, wondering how it all could've been a lie.

"You betrayed her trust. Unless..." I paused. "Was she in on it, too?"

"No," he said, lowering his head. "She knew nothing about this."

"So you lied to her. Just as you did with me, just as you did to Dr. Mathers, Liam, and Tristan. The list goes on and on."

"You don't understand the situation here." He scoffed at me, acting as though I was unable to comprehend the complexities of his life. "I had no choice."

The rage I felt in my soul surged. "So it's not your fault? Is that what you're saying? Was it Kambili who forced you to search my room that night? I thought that Father had sent spies to watch me, but it was you, wasn't it?"

Nathaniel said nothing, which was answer enough.

"And she forced you to pin me down into the snow that night Cookie killed Roscoe?" It took a while to figure out who it was that had muffled my mouth to keep me from screaming out loud. The answer had come to me that night with Dr. Mathers, when the same hand covered my lower face. I recognized him, Nathaniel, but I never voiced my theory—until now.

"I was trying to protect you," he said as though I should be grateful. "If they'd seen you, they would have—"

"What, Nathaniel? What would've happened to me?"

"She might've killed you, too." His voice was quiet, but forceful.

"Cookie? Hurt me?" The scar on my forearm itched. "For all of your snooping, you didn't seem to learn much. Cookie would never hurt me." I folded my arms to keep myself from scratching my arm. "Never."

"You're a child, Celeste." It was a statement. He didn't sneer or scoff. "So oblivious to the world around you." Shaking his head, he bent to retrieve the water gallons from the floor, but I stopped him.

"What are talking about?"

"Do you really want to know?" When I nodded my head, he dropped the plastic bottles and straightened. "Cookie was—"

"Is," I emphasized. "We don't know that she's dead."

"Fine," he said. "She is a smuggler. Those people—Jack, Liam, Tristan—they don't play games. Officially, smuggling is outlawed in all of Verium. If they're caught, they're executed immediately. No trial. No questions."

"I know all of this. I'm not ignorant," I said to him, as much as myself.

"Then you know that these smugglers' lives are on the line. That makes them dangerous. Liam could've easily shot us both dead in the maze, and I've heard stories about your friend, Jack. He's ruthless."

"Not Cookie." I shook my head. "She's not like them."

He rubbed the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes. "No, she's worse."

"I don't believe you."

"She killed Roscoe in cold blood."

"She was defending herself. Roscoe had a knife." I remembered its sharp glint.

"Cookie provoked Roscoe into a public confrontation. For months, she'd disregarded Roscoe's rule, trying to usurp her. Roscoe had no choice but to act, which was exactly what Cookie wanted. When Roscoe drew out that blade, Cookie finally had the excuse she needed to be rid of Roscoe and control the smuggling ring in Celestia and its surrounding borders."

I shook my head at these lies. "Not Cookie," I said. "Never Cookie."

"It's always been Cookie." Advancing until he stood directly in front of me, he said, "She was too greedy, too ambitious, and she angered the wrong people. Why do you think she was running away the night before the ball? You heard her speaking to Brigit just before she was captured and taken back to the palace."

"Not Cookie," I whispered.

"There were rumors," he said, sidling closer to me. "We all knew."

I remembered voices. Anne's and the rest of the girls as they commentated on the rumor they didn't help create. Not Cookie. Never Cookie.

"You know, too. You just don't want to admit the truth. There are worse villains than me, Celeste."

I shook my head, trying to dispel the doubts he brought into my mind. "Why are you telling me this, to absolve yourself ?"

"You asked for this. Don't be angry because the truth is not what you wanted to hear."

*****

TRANSLATIONS: 

Anuli, Jioke, kedu ife i n'akwughali? Jee metopu ife Kambili si gi mee - Anuli, Jioke, what are you doing? Go and finish up what Kambili asked you to do.