"Is there a problem?" Madame Leia asked.

"No, I'm just clumsy."

Nodding hesitantly, she announced, "I've finished."

Minutes later, we bustled into our waiting car. The chauffeur shut the door with a snap and maneuvered the wheel. Traffic slowed to a halt. All cars scrambled toward the curb, parked, and waited amongst the snow heaps until we passed.

Our car slowed to a stop at the entrance of the millinery. The door opened, and we poured out into the streets. Next to the millinery was Vernon's Shaved Ice. My stomach growled, but I knew better than to ask. We were on a power diet in an effort to skim the last half-inch off our waists. I bit my lip. What I really wanted to do was gorge myself on shaved ice until my brain froze.

Through the window to Vernon's shop, I saw a patron with long hair pulled low into a bun lounging in a corner booth. When he noticed me watching him, he tipped his ice at me in greeting. As I entered Mrs. Lafreau's shop, I wondered what Nathaniel had done with his package.

Mrs. Lafreau was less dramatic than Madame Leia. Her shop was stark with only the lines of hats decorating the simple abode, but the hats were very fine and the refreshments were always fresh. I selected my hot chocolate from the tray and took a sip. Mrs. Lafreau didn't have a one-way mirror like Madame Leia, so everyone saw me as I saw them.

When Nathaniel waved to me with his ice, I ignored him. I didn't need the watchful figures who reported to my father to see anything, so I stayed silent, my face clear of expression. From my peripheral vision, I saw him with two friends. He punctuated his statements with hand expressions, and he laughed with a deep-barrel shout of happiness. I envied how easily joy came to him. And here I was sitting, trying to find contentment.

His eyes lifted and caught mine. I twisted my head and started admiring the nearest hat on my right. After a few breaths, I returned my gaze, only to find him waiting for me. I stifled my urge to look away. He already knew I was staring. I mouthed 'hello' and paused, waiting for his reply.

That simple act seemed very risqué. Analiese would disapprove, but she wasn't watching me. She and my mother were occupied by Mrs. Lafreau's latest selection. I didn't know what my father would say, but he wasn't here, and I had already toed the line once. Surely sneaking out of the wall was worse than mouthing pleasantries to a stranger.

The streets were clear, and his two friends had disappeared out the door. So why not?

He smirked at me and shrugged. Drumming his fingers on the table, he shifted in his chair.

I was losing his interest. He was leaving. Frowning, I watched as he dunked his empty cup into the trash bin and strolled out the door.

He was walking past me. I watched as he ambled, hand in pocket, down Randolph Street. I stashed my hands under my lap to stop myself from tapping the window and signaling for him to come inside. I wanted to, but I would never. It was forbidden to enter an establishment while the Citizens Principias were inside. As he passed me, his eyes followed me to affirm that I would not succumb and call him over.

"We're leaving." Mother was at my side. I started at her sudden appearance. She scowled. "Well..." she said.

"Oh." I jumped from my seat and trailed her out the opened door. "Did you find anything?"

"If you'd joined us, then you would already know the answer." She puffed her cigarette. "Let's go, Analiese." she said.

As the car rolled away from the millinery, I observed the streets, searching for Nathaniel and his low bun. His hair was long and thick and black, though not as kinky as my own. His curls were loose spirals slicked back into a ponytail.

I didn't find him. He'd disappeared. I convinced my mother to let us walk outside, so that I could search for him. The temperature was cool and the wind was tempered.

"Walking is great exercise," I added.

Her eyes searched mine before she rapped the partition.

"Wes," she told the driver, "stop the car."

The soft wind lightly tousled my hair as we strolled along the even path. I barely noticed the other walkers as they raced from the shoveled walkway and into the wet snow until we passed. I didn't take in my mother's and Analiese's low conversation, or the light tread of Wes' footsteps as he trailed us. I scoured streets, seeking Nathaniel out. I didn't stop until I found him leaning against a drooping willow tree, biting an apple with a small package balanced on his head.

Throwing a quick glance at Mother and Analiese who were laughing and joking with each other, I skidded backward. Slowly, I widened the distance between myself and them. I would only be a minute, I promised myself. They'd never miss me. I caught Wes' questioning glance and shook my head. He'd report me to my father, but I didn't care. I had one week of freedom. The risks were well worth it. My heart beat fast as I snuck from my group. I felt otherworldly and adventurous, like someone who'd smoke a cigarette and laugh as the smoke billowed in the air.

Disappearing into the shallow woods, I emerged in front of Nathaniel. He rested on the trunk, his right shoulder bearing his weight and his back turned against the crowd. I lifted my hood up and dropped my chin down, tucking my body smaller and tighter, so I wouldn't be seen. He chomped on his apple with his eyes closed. He didn't notice me until I cleared my throat.

His eyes flew up, and he stumbled before he collected himself and bent into the standard bow. "Filia Principia..." He said uncertainly. "How may I assist you?"

I bit my lip before commanding, "You may rise."

He stood, quiet and unblinking. I waited him out, yet still he stayed silent.

Finally, I said, "You are Nathaniel, right? One of Cookie's errand boys?"

He nodded. "I just took the position last month."

"And you're friends with Olive, too."

He hesitated before agreeing cautiously. "Yes."

"So what are you doing now?" I gestured toward the brown package in his hand.

"Making an errand for Cookie." Of course, I told myself. That was his job. "Is there anything else you wish to know, Filia Principia?"

"Actually, there is," I told him, surprising Nathaniel and myself. Before I had a chance to think, I blurted out, "I've been wondering where you're from." When he raised his brows in question, I rushed to clarify. "You know, whether you were recruited from inside the city or..."

"Or what?" He took one step away from the tree and toward me.

"Or whether you snuck in from outside the wall." 

Some people found their escape that way. It was how Jack had landed a job with the art conservators. When the contract ended, so had Jack's time in my city, but there were others who stayed. I wondered if Nathaniel was one of them.

He took another step toward me. "What makes you think that?"

It wasn't anything concrete, just a feeling I'd picked up as he sat with his friends at Vernon's Shaved Ice. Something in the way he held himself felt foreign against my city's backdrop.

To him, I said, "I don't know. Am I right? Are you from the outside?"

He gave nothing away as he settled back against the tree trunk, taking the last bite of his apple before throwing the core down next to his boots. "Are you going to tell Cookie?"

At the sound of her name, I flinched. "No, I wouldn't do that."

He bent into the standard bow, reestablishing formality between us. "Thank you, Filia Principia. You have my gratitude." After I allowed him to rise, he gripped the package in his hand. "With your permission, I'll continue with my duties."

He looked at me with expectation, and I released him with a gesture, watching as he walked away.

Turning my back on him, I returned to my mother's side. She stood next to the bronze statue of my great-grandmother, with a slight look of distaste marring her face.

The statue of Marabella Navarie stood twenty feet tall. A heavy cloth masked her hair and draped over her shoulders. A long, loosely-fitting dress dropped to her feet. Her face was smooth and youthful with sharp features, jutting cheekbones, and a stubborn chin. She looked smart and capable, strict but humane, everything the Madame Principia was to be, everything my mother willfully defied.

Marabella wasn't soft and pretty and meek. History told me how harsh her judgements were, how she used her position to make herself the most powerful person in the world, greater than even her husband, my great-grandfather. She had been an outsider who'd married in, but she didn't let that determine her fate. She didn't carve underground tunnels to escape her responsibilities. She wouldn't have opposed her future fiancé or disobeyed her father by talking to boys she knew she shouldn't.

But I wasn't her, and she wasn't me, so I guess it didn't matter what she would or would not do.

I stealthily crept back to the fold, returning to my place amongst Mother and Analiese. Catching sight of me appearing from the opposite end of the statue, my mother asked, "Where did you go?"

"Nowhere special."

She snapped for Wes to bring the car and minutes later, we were on the road home.

I watched the city pass by like whirling photographs. It had been a year since I'd last visited the city. I could be married before another opportunity came by.

I whispered goodbye to the only home I'd known.