Part 4

- So... Promise me you'll call me. I have work for you.

My hands were sweaty. My eyes dived in Clark's. He was twenty-two, but I didn't care about that. We talked during all the concert, despite Frank and Addie's protestations. Clark was a very interesting guy, and, for him, my voice had something special.

It was a love at the first sight, now, I was sure about it.

Everything in him was perfect. His delicious voice, his beautiful face, his conversations, his way he had to move.

I loved everything about him.

Even if thought that broke my heart, I never felt anything like this before. Not even for Adrienne.

- I promise you, I answered. I'll call you when I'll find the time for...

He smiled. His smile... Oh, gosh, it was a perfect smile.

***

- You're serious, Adrienne ?! You cannot leave me like that !

- You fucker tell me that ?! she yelled. You ?! Billie, you kissed him in front of me ! You kissed this son of a... before my eyes !

She slapped me. Her cheeks were soaked by tears.

- I don't wanna see you again ! Get out of my life !

I started crying.

- Listen, Addie... I tried. I'm so sorry, it was an error, please, forgive me.

My voice was trembling. Breath became hard. I suddenly felt nauseous.

Panic attack.

I fell on my knees. My only wish, during this instant, was that Addie would help me. But she didn't even move.

- Bye, she only said. I hope I'll not see you during weeks. Go find reconfort in Clark's arms. He seems to be better than me for you.

She left the room, leaving me alone. My head hurt a lot.

I ran to the toilet, to throw up my lunch.

I was born with regular anxiety crisis. It could happen anytime, and anywhere. One of the crises that had the most impact on me happened when I was eleven. I was in my classroom, when I suddenly felt very bad. I screamed, cried, and no one could calm me down. My teacher's been forced to call my mom to brought me back to home.

When I came back to school the next morning, all the other pupils looked at me like if I was sick.

And they were right.

I was sick. Totally sick. And I still was to this day.

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