"It's so strange autumn is so beautiful, yet everything is dying."

Once my brother was born my whoile life changed. I mean that makes pretty much sense but I wouldn't have thought it would be so fast. The day he and my mother returned home we didn't eat. My parents were to busy and so I got to bed three hours earlier than i would usually did. Nobody noticed. I don't wanna sound ungrateful, my parents just had their second child, but I was completely forgotten. For the next year it would stay the same. My father even forgot my birthday and so I had to rememeber them that i was seven and not nine, and that I was still in elemantary school. I feel so rude when i say this, but my parents nearly stopped l9oving me the night he was born. It's not his fault. And not theirs either. It's mine. Mine for being selfish and thinking they would still care about me the same way they did before. It was my fault because i behaved stupidly, like a child, just because i didn't like the feeling of being rejected. I met friends and went into the library, I did everything I wanted to do because nobody cared. Because I didn't care. Because there wasn't a point of existing anymore, now that I wasn't important anymore. I probably overreacted anyways, but for me, not feeling loved was harder for me than anything else. I was seven or eight when I wanted to die. I didn't really wanted to die but I didn't wanted to live either. I felt everything so fucking deep, I thought about a normal sentence for weeks because i thought people would hate me. I could see in what mood you are on the way you breathed and I felt horrible when I saw people being in pain or when people told me what was going on in them. It was a curse and a blessing at the same time, but in the first place, it was a burden. That burden made that time my third chronicle. The one that told me to change.