Elijah Alkie Rivera

While I'm walking sa tabi ng road, I keep on pulling the collar ng shirt ko pataas. It's already six in the morning and afraid people might see the marks na ginawa ni mayor sa akin kanina.

I sighed deeply when I felt the pain hitting my body ulit. I'm not surprised. With all the bruises I got from mayor kanina, it was a miracle that I could still walk myself out. 

Sabi ni Ching na I don't have to work daw until all my bruises are gone. That means no bread and butter for me for God knows how long. Kahit nakakahiya, I kept Aya's money na lang na tinapon sa akin. I'll swallow the humiliation if it means I won't be sleeping with a growling stomach.

My lips curved into a small smile nang ma-reach ko na 'yong gate ng boarding house ko. I watched the lady at the house mamang police went into last time. She was carefully dancing the small bundle of joy sa arms niya. I can see the genuine smile on her face as she watched the baby in her arms. 

So swerte naman. I whispered in my head. 

She must be the woman mamang police was referring to na nililigawan niya. She looks so pretty and young. And it looks like na may baby na pala sila. Siguro nagka-conflict lang sila that's why nililigawan niya ulit 'yong girl. 

I pinched myself. 

I should stop caring about other people's lives. Sabi ng yaya ko bad daw 'yon. I went up to my room na lang para makapag-rest na din. I don't think I can hold up pa ng matagal. 

I removed all my clothes and threw all of them sa hamper. Naligo na ako kanina sa work but I feel like hindi pa siya enough. I still feel dirty. I can still feel everything. 

 I was walking to my bathroom nang matigil ako sa harap nang body mirror ko. I watched myself carefully. Every bruise I see brings back all the feelings I felt a while ago. It was so disgusting. 

My face. My mouth. My neck. My chest. My stomach. My hips. My legs. My knees. My feet. Everything about me disgusts me. 

"Guhkk!" My hands covered my mouth automatically. I feel like vomiting. 

I ran ng mabilis papunta bathroom at sumuka sa sink. I spewed every content I could get out sa stomach ko at nanghihinang napaupo sa floor. I laid my body on the cold floor and hugged myself tight. I shut my eyes tight and bit my lips. 

I'm scared. I feel so scared. 

I want to cry but I'm too pagod to do so. I want to pray but no one will hear me naman. I want to get away but I don't know where to run anymore. 

I have a lot to ask. I have a lot to pray for. I have a lot to plead. But I was always silenced by the place I'm currently in. 

I don't want to be weak but I don't know how long I can hold on. I feel so angry, so sad, so mad. I want to get mad at my parents for doing this to me. I want to get mad at ate Ching for betraying me. I want to get mad at people but I can only blame myself. 

It was all on me. It was always me. I'm always the problem.

I stayed there on the floor until I fell asleep. My head was hazy when I woke up and my stomach was grumbling like a madman. Pero wala akong lakas na kumilos. I had to crawl para lang marating ko ang bed ko. 

I slept on my bed for a long time. And I had wished it remained that way forever.

But I was brought to reality again when I opened my eyes. I groaned hard nang maramdaman ko ang pagkirot ng buong katawan ko. I feel so cold. Hindi naman naka-on ang electric fan dito sa room ko.  

I reached for the thermometer inside sa drawer ng bedside table ko at itinapat iyon sa forehead ko.  Napakamot na lang ako ng ulo nang ma-see kong 38.5° C ang nakatatak doon. 

I shut my eyes tight and contemplated. 

Should I rest ulit or should I just go back to sleep?

In the end, I decided na tumayo na lang at i-help ang sarili. Napahawak ako sa bedside table ko nang nag-wave 'yong surroundings ko. I gulped hard when I felt like something was coming out of my mouth na naman. 

I slowly made my way papunta bathroom ko at nag-try na maghanap ng medicine. There was no medicine at all sa place ko. I had to stop and hold on my table tightly para hindi ako bumagsak kasi nahihilo na talaga ako. 

Super far pa naman ng pharmacy dito. Pati iyong clinic super far din. Then I remembered Manang Fe, siya 'yong landlady ko.

But the problem is nasa downstairs 'yong room niya. And I'm not sure if I can make it down there na safe ako. I sighed again. Wala na akong ibang choice. 

I have to help myself. Wala namang ibang magt-take care sa akin ngayon. I have no doctor Mommy calls every time I'm sick. I have no yayas to tend on me. I have no one. 

Super kapit talaga ako sa railing while bumaba ako sa hagdanan. My lips were trembling and my eyesight was blurry. Cold sweat poured down my forehead continuously.  

"Tao po!" I knocked on Manang Fe's door thrice but there was nothing. 

I tried to peek sa inside ng house niya but it was dark. Maybe because it's still 4 sa morning? 

"Manang Fe? Manang Fe? Are you there po ba?" I coughed loudly after that. 

After I recovered, I continued to knock on her door. My knocks went slower and slower until my hands gave out. I used the knob as my support kasi nanghihina na rin 'yong legs ko. I leaned on the door para hindi ako matumba.

"Hey, kid. What's the matter with you?"

As I kept myself from closing my eyes, I heard a smooth voice near me. I tried to take a peek and smiled when I saw who it was. 

"Thank you..." I whispered before my body completely gave out. 

When I opened my eyes once again, I felt much lighter. The pain I felt has lessened dramatically and I feel more energetic now.  

Napakunot ang noo ko nang may ma-feel akong naka-attach na something sa hands ko. There was an IV line attached on my body. I looked at my clothes and saw na hindi na ito ang suot ko last time. 

It was a pink, Barbie shirt and it looked pretty expensive. I looked around to see where I was currently at. At first, I thought nasa hospital ako but the place looked like an expensive room. 

But it couldn't be mine. 

The space, the furniture, and the paint, it's totally different sa room ko. My room wasn't this big. Tapos I have no aircon din sa room ko. Wala ring masyadong things sa loob except nalang sa malaking cabinet, bedside table, couch at TV.

Bumukas ang door sa likuran ko kaya napatingin ako doon. My eyes widened when I saw the girl kahapon na may baby. 

"Ay, hala, gising ka na," she commented before pulling her head out from the door. "KUYA!!! GISING NA 'YONG INUWI MONG CUTE!"

I tilt my head in confusion. 

 Kuya? I thought mamang police were the ones who helped me. Did he ask his girl's family to take care of me? 

Oh no! I should not look like this. For sure I looked awful na. I don't know how long ako na bedridden. I should at least look presentable. 

I eyed the bathroom door before planting my feet on the marble floor. They must have some spare toothbrushes na na-hidedoon. I should try looking.

But before I could even make a single step, parang naging jelly ace ang legs ko. I prepared myself for the fall after losing my balance. 

I anticipated a hard fall yet it didn't come at all. A strong arm wrapped around my waist and held me close para hindi ako matumba. My body was pressed against someone's hard chest as I held his arm around my chest for support. 

"Are you okay?" The man behind me asked with a breathy voice.

"I...I'm fine." I stuttered and breathed. "Thank you."

He helped me back to the bed tapos kumuha siya ng chair mula sa study table at nag-sit sa harap ko. I looked at him in surprised. 

"Mamang police?" I asked, confused. 

 Tumikhim muna siya bago nagsalita, "How are you feeling now? Better?"

Tumango ako sa direksyon niya at saka pilit na ngumite. "Better po."

I wanted to ask him some questions too. But I feel like I'm prying too much na sa personal life niya. And it's not proper to do that to a stranger. 

I should know my place. 

He nodded before siya sumandal sa chair niya. His braso immediately snatched my attention when he crossed it in front sa chest niya. It looks so strong and muscular.  

He cleared his throat kaya muling nabalik ang attention ko sa kaniya. He looked at me intently kaya I avoided his stares ulit. But I'm not looking at his arms na ha!

Sa floor na lang ako tumingin. I bit my lips as I waited for him to talk.

"Yesterday," he began. "While I was changing your clothes I saw multiple bruises on your body. May nakita rin akong mga sugat."

I gulped hard and lowered my head even more. I can't look at him. Shame slowly engulfs my body. 

"I don't like liars so tell me the truth." A shiver ran up my spine when his voice lowered even more. "What happened?" 

I clenched my fist and forced myself to look at him straight in the eye. I gave him a small smile, hoping he wouldn't be too angry at me. "Nothing happened po. I was just doing my job." 

I fixed my shirt and stood up again. I was so glad nang hindi ako mahilo. 

"Um, thank you po for helping me. Can you ask someone to get this?" I pointed at the swero na naka-attach sa hands ko. "Uuwi na po sana ako. I'd also like to know how much po 'yong bill ko. I'll pay you back." 

He didn't replied and he's staring at me ulit. Nac-conscious na tuloy ako sa self ko. I don't look good. It's making me want to just run far away from him. 

"Um... mamang police?" I called in a small voice. 

Pinagtaasan niya ako ng kilay bago tumayo. I had to step back so I could give his body a bigger space because he's just gigantic.

He looked at me again from head to toe before placing the back of his hand sa forehead ko. 

And I don't know if it's because I'm sick or unwell but I can feel my cheeks grow hotter. 

"Stay here or else I'll send you to jail. Got me?" He asked commandingly. 

I stared at his face in shock at wala sa sariling napatango. I don't want to go to jail.  

A small smirk changed his look from being stoic. Now he looked handsomely arrogant. "Good. Now behave, kid." 

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EDITED: 3/22/2024