Tyler

Left, right, left, right, thump, thump, thump... the steady pace of my hands as they hit the sandbag and the familiar sting of the strikes brought my mind to the present. Sweat dripped into my eyes with a sting and I blinked to keep my focus. Jab, jab, knee. The creak of the chain mingled with the sounds of the gym; sneakers stomping the mats, the shout of a trainer as his warrior sparred, the clink of weights as they shifted on the bar. One, two, elbow. I kept going despite the lethargy starting to overtake my tired muscles.

"Hey Tyler! You want to spar with me after they're done in there? They have about 5 minutes left." Brent called out from the side lockers as he grabbed his gear. I stopped a moment and put my hands on my hips, huffing and puffing with exertion. Put my hand up until I could catch my breath to answer him.

"Naw man, my head isn't into it today. Maybe next time." I puffed.

"Alright, but don't skip leg day. Oh and Pete's looking for helpers at the junior event next Saturday, said I would ask you for him." He waved at me and turned to one of the other guys along the wall to search for a partner. I paced back and forth as my heart slowed and checked my pulse with the big clock on the wall.

Eat, sleep, work, school, beat myself up in the gym; that's all I'd been doing since. I felt like a zombie. I wasn't shocked or angry or sad. I just felt dead inside. I was going through the motions but my hamster felt dead at the wheel. Time had stopped. I had stopped. If asked what I had done the previous day, I couldn't tell you. It was as though my brain had numbed me to the world for as long as I didn't think about that.

I went into the shower area and swiftly yanked off my sweaty clothes, dropping them in a heap in front of my long term locker before grabbing a towel and heading into the steam filled shower. I let the hot jets soak my head and cleared my thoughts. Every time my eyes closed, I felt it.

Th-thump. The feel of his hand gripping my hair. Th-thump. His hot breath against my neck. Th-thump. The slide of his tongue against mine. I raked my hands furiously through my hair. Pumping the body wash into my hands I scrubbed it away; the thoughts, feelings, everything. I was clean but I still felt disturbingly dirty.

Dry, dress, pack my stuff, grab my keys, lock up and wave on my way out. Familiar routines made me feel better, stronger. I get my car out and drive to my complex. Easy, same drive every day, I can do this. Park, grab your stuff, go upstairs, throw your clothes into the laundry room on the way in and grab a beer from the fridge. No one else was back yet. The apartment was quiet. I wanted to pace but forced myself to just stand and look out the window onto the world. I cracked the can and drew a long sip of the cold beverage.

"You alright, Tyler?" I jerked, startled by the voice from the door that brought my head around. It was just Greg, one of the four of us who lived in the apartment. He looked worried. "I came right in after you, called you once but you looked like you were in a daze."

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just didn't hear you. Got a lot on my mind." I shrug and flop down on the oversized couch that takes up half of the living room. Four big guys required one big couch, or in this case as I was sprawled across half of it with my legs up, maybe three would fit.

"I take it you aren't working tonight?" He gestured to the can in my hand and I shook my head with a grin. "Damn, I am working the whole weekend again. Some golf tournament is coming in two nights in a row so we will be a full house. You really lucked out, I heard they called almost everyone in to work tables in the big room."

"I worked the last four weekends. They called me in last minute again when that Tina chick didn't show up, so Sarah gave me this weekend off." I yawned and put my hand behind my head. I had given her the ok when my schedule cleared two weeks ago because a professor came down with the flu and put off the deadline for our papers. The extra week meant I got extra hours and the paper done in plenty of time so I was free of both work and any major school work for the first time in months. Greg was opening and slamming cupboards in his enthusiasm to make himself dinner before he left and I closed my eyes to relax.