*Mature Content*

My fears so far had been more superficial. Snakes, being buried alive. I was starting to get anxious as to what was going to come next. Four said everyone had 10 to 15 really bad ones, and so far, my fears, although they were real fears, weren't as deep as I knew what was going to come eventually. I just didn't know what I was afraid of subconsciously. But I was about to find out.

"Be brave, Jo." Four tells me as I drift off.

Everything around me is dark. I'm not buried, everything is open. Then, a single light comes on.

Dad.

He's tied to a chair, his mouth covered as he screams for help. His face is bloodied and bruised, and I feel the terror rip through me.

"Oh my God, dad!" I start to make a run for him, until a figure is in front of him, blocking my path to him.

"You think you can save him?"

Jeanine.

"You bitch! Let him go!"

"You think after everything you've done, it's going to be enough to save him? To save everyone?" A guard appears besides me suddenly, but I waste no time. I grab his gun and I point it at Jeanine, and I shoot.

I jump out of my chair, fully out of the sim.

"Easy, easy Jo, it's alright."

I press myself against the wall and rest my hands on my knees, breathing heavily. Four is looking at me, concern in his eyes.

I take a deep breath. "It wasn't real," I tell myself quietly.

But the problem is, it could very easily become real.

"I'm okay," I tell him.

Four nods his head and goes over to the machine, reviewing whatever it is he has to.

"What did she mean?"

"What?"

"Jeanine. What did she mean about what you've done, and about saving everyone?"

Shit, I almost forgot that he had front row seat to everything that just happened in my head.

"Well," I had to think quickly. "This is Dauntless, and I'm supposed to be able to protect everyone. So, maybe she meant that, no matter how hard I train, it might not be enough."

Four mulls my response over for a moment, before nodding his head in agreement slowly.

"You know that's not true, right? You've been soaring through initiation; you've proven yourself over and over again."

I give him a small smile.

"I appreciate you saying that." I straighten myself up and take a deep breath. "What was my time?"

"Eight minutes and forty-five seconds."

"Good. Um, okay, I'm gonna head out, thanks Four."

I walk out and go straight to one of the Dauntless bars. I think after that sim I've earned a drink. I sit at the bar, ordering a shot and drink, and quickly down my shot.

I'm rattled.

The sim was a genuine fear that could happen. If Jeanine ever found out about why I was here and the secrets of Abnegation, she could very well kill the people in Abnegation, including my father. And I know this. I know that could be a reality, but sometimes, when I'm here, and I'm with my new friends, I almost let myself pretend that I'm really here just to be a part of Dauntless. But really, I'm basically a spy. Here to find out whatever I can about Dauntless, their relationship with Erudite, and help provide information to either delay a war or help to fight against it.

The weight on my shoulders was feeling heavy today. I finish my first drink and order another shot and drink. I throw the shot back right away. Drinking isn't going to help with my fear sims, but it is going to let me relax. And after everything I've been having to deal with, I think I'm entitled to have a night where I try not to think about everything that I've been sent here to do.

My mind starts to wander, and I think about other possible fear sims that might come up. There's one thing, one thing I don't ever want anyone being able to know about, especially Four. If that were to come up, how could I possibly explain it to him? I never let myself think about it, but now, I might just be forced to relive it, and I'm not sure how I could get through that.

"Someone had a bad sim today."

Do I have a tracker in me somewhere that Eric just knows where to always find me?

"Not now, Eric." I take a gulp of my drink.

Eric sits down beside me, signaling to the bartender and orders himself a drink.

"It only gets worse from here," he tells me.

"Yeah, I've noticed."

"What was it?"

"What?"

Eric looks down at me, taking a sip of his drink.

"What was your fear?"

I scoff. "Why would I tell you?"

Eric shrugs. "Because I wanna know."

"Well, you don't get to know, because I'm not telling you."

"Must've been real bad to bring you down here."

"I just wanted a drink."

"Really? A drink, alone?"

"Yes, emphasis on alone," I narrow my eyes at him.

Eric only smirks in response.

I finish my second drink and signal for the bartender, and I'm poured another.

"How many of those have you had?"

"Not enough." I tell him, taking a sip from my new drink.

"She's done after this one," he tells the bartender.

My jaw drops. "Are you kidding me? You don't get to decide when I'm done drinking."

"Yes, I do. You're an initiate, I'm a leader. If I say you don't get to have anymore, then that's what happens."

I look at the bartender in disbelief. He's holding his hands up in surrender, signaling that he really doesn't have a choice either.

"Unbelievable."

"Oh please," Eric scoffs. "You don't drink, anymore of those you're gonna fall on your ass on your way out."

"Yeah well, if I fall on my ass then that's on me."

Maybe he was right, because now that've had some drinks in me, I'm feeling a little bold.

"Do you get off on telling me what I can and cannot do?"

Eric stares down at me. "Excuse me?"

"You're always trying to tell me what I can and cannot do. I don't see you treating anyone else like this, and yet, here you are," I slap my hand on the bar. "Again, making my choices for me."

Eric bends his head down towards me, eyes on mine. "I tell you what to do, because I can," he spits out.

"Fuck you."

I get up from the bar and make my way to leave, slightly stumbling.

"I don't think so initiate." Before I realize what he's doing, I feel myself being lifted up and thrown over his shoulder.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!"

"Shut up, initiate."

"You shut up you overgrown gorilla asshole!" I start slapping his back and kicking my feet to loosen his grip, but he only tightens his arms around me and wraps his arms around my legs to get me to stop from kicking him.

"Fight all you want, I'll put you down when we get there."

"I'm not going anywhere with you, so put me down now!"

"Not a chance."

I groan in frustration. Eric is moving fast through the compound, and I'm still trying to maneuver my way out of his grip but he's like steel and he doesn't budge an inch. Eventually we get to a corridor where there's a series of doors and he stops in front of one, unlocking it. Once inside he drops me down and I fall to the floor.

"Seriously?" I exclaim.

"You wanted me to let go of you, so I did."

I stand up and take in my surroundings. There's a couch and table in the center of the room, and behind it is a desk with paperwork strewn over it. A kitchen to my left, and another door that's opened but I assume leads to a bedroom.

It's his apartment. Eric brought my back to his apartment.

"Why did you bring me here?"

Eric shrugs, going into his kitchen and opening the fridge. "Because I wanted to." He tosses me a bottle of water. "Drink up you're gonna need it."

I catch the bottle and open it, taking a sip.

"More," he tells me.

I huff but chug more water, emptying the bottle.

"Happy?"

I throw the empty bottle in the trash.

"Ecstatic," he says sarcastically.

I cross my arms and glare at him. "So, what now? You gonna lecture me on how drinking is bad for my health?"

Eric raises an eyebrow. "Nope. Just making sure you don't make a fool of yourself." He leans against the kitchen counter, watching me with that infuriatingly calm expression.

"Why do you even care?" I snap, unable to hold back my frustration.

"Maybe I don't," he replies with a shrug. "Or maybe I just don't want to deal with you tomorrow when you're hungover and useless."

I roll my eyes and sink onto the couch, my head spinning slightly. "You're such an asshole."

Eric smirks and moves closer, standing in front of me. "And yet, here you are."

I scowl at him, but my annoyance is quickly overshadowed by the closeness of his presence. There's a tension in the air, something unspoken that makes my heart race. I look up at him, meeting his intense gaze.

"Why do you always have to be such a jerk?" I whisper, more to myself than to him.

"Maybe because you make it so easy," he replies softly, his tone unexpectedly gentle. His hand comes up and pushes a stray hair behind my ear, and I let out a small gasp at the unexpected, almost sweet gesture.

For a moment, neither of us speaks. The air between us is charged, and I can feel my pulse quicken. Eric's eyes are locked on mine, and I can't look away. Before I know it, he's leaning down, his face inches from mine. My breath catches in my throat as his lips brush against mine, softly. I respond instinctively, my hands reaching up to grasp his shoulders as I deepen the kiss. It's intense and electrifying, every nerve in my body coming alive. Eric's hands slide around my waist, pulling me closer as the kiss grows more urgent.

His hands begin to roam, caressing my back, sliding down to my hips. I shiver under his touch, my own hands exploring the hard muscles of his arms and chest. Our kisses grow hungrier, more desperate, as if we're both trying to lose ourselves in the moment. I tug at his shirt, pulling him closer, feeling the heat of his body against mine.

Eric's lips trail down to my neck, and I gasp as he finds a sensitive spot, nibbling and kissing with just the right amount of pressure. My hands move to his hair, fingers tangling in the strands as I pull him back up to meet my lips again. We break apart for a moment, both of us breathing heavily. Eric's forehead rests against mine, and for a moment, the world feels still. But the fire between us hasn't died down. He leans in again, capturing my lips with his, and this time the kiss is slower, more deliberate, but just as intense.

I arch against him, feeling the hard lines of his body pressing into mine. His hands slide under my shirt, skimming the skin of my waist, and I can't help but moan softly into his mouth. The sound seems to spur him on, and he pushes me gently back onto the couch, his body half-covering mine. I pull him closer and feel his hand reach under my leggings.

I don't bother to stop him, wanting this just as badly as he does. I feel his fingers rubbing against my heat and I immediately moan against him, not being to stop it. His fingers rub against my most sensitive part and I grip onto his shoulders, hard. Not used to this feeling I pull away from his lips and gasp, already feeling like I can catch my breath. Eric's fingers stop as I pull away from him.

"Don't stop," I plead softly.

I open my eyes and find him staring down at me. His lips swollen and his pupils are dilated so much I can barely see the color in them. The intensity of his stare is almost too much, but before I can dwell on anything else he smashes his lips against mine again and continues to move his fingers against me.

I'm holding onto him tightly, barely able to contain my body movements. His middle finger dips into my entrance and I almost lose myself entirely to the feeling I'm having. Eric pulls away from my lips and starts sucking and biting my neck, and I don't even register that I'm a moaning mess. His finger moves in and out of me and I can't believe how good this feels.

Or how good it feels that he's on top of me.

Doing this to me.

Wanting me.

My hands move under his shirt and my fingernails are digging into his back. Eric lets out a low groan as I scratch his back with my nails as he adds another finger. He's moving faster, and harder and I'm panting so hard I almost feel lightheaded.

My body feels tight, and I can feel my legs going taut and almost shaky. I'm feeling everything all at once and it's almost too much.

"Oh my god, oh my god, Eric."

"Cum for me baby."

His words, low and deep make my body spasm and I yell out. Grasping onto him tightly, like if I let go of him it will all stop, the pure euphoric feeling of my orgasm is full force and I ride it out against his hand, my hips bucking on their own accord. I feel Eric pressing soft kisses against my neck as I start to come down from the feeling. His hand slips out from my leggings and I'm starting to come back to reality, and the reality of what has happened. Eric beings his head up and stares down at me.

"Stay the night."

I freeze at the implication of what staying the night could mean.

Eric must notice because he lets out a sigh and says, "I don't want you walking back when you've had a little bit to drink. You take the bed; I'll be out here."

I hesitate, but then nod my head. Eric maneuvers himself off of me, straightening out his shirt. "Bedrooms right there," he points his head in the direction.

I don't know what to say. So, I just nod my head again and go to the bedroom, closing the door behind me. His room is simple, with a large bed and dresser for his clothes and nightstand. I get myself comfortable, almost moving robotically, and get into his bed. His bed feels like a cloud compared to the bed I've been forced to sleep on these past few weeks. Before I let my mind wander too much, exhaustion swallows me up and I fall asleep.