Fear sims.

It was the one part of this journey I knew I didn't want to experience. Having to live out my real fears and have to try and get through it was terrifying in itself. Also, because I knew the instructor would be watching my fear as well. I was warned about this prior to getting here, thankfully. However, getting to practice my fear sims before getting here wasn't exactly doable.

Factionless didn't have a ton of resources, but my father was able to secure the serum that was used in the fear sims so I could practice, but only once. This way, I at least had an idea of what to expect when this portion of training finally happened. The fear sim was brutal. I never wanted to relive it again, but I had no choice. At least I had some preparedness.

This was the part I was worried about the most. I could do as well I could in the physical aspect of training, but this was more mental, and I wasn't able to prepare in the way I would have liked. However, at least we got to practice all of our fear sims before the final. I learn fast, and I know I'm going to do everything I can do ensure that I get out of the sims quickly.

I needed to be careful.

I only knew what one of fears were. I had no idea how many others I have, and how many subconscious fears I had. I had to be careful to let nothing in my sims give away the real reason as to why I'm here. I just needed to remember, to be Dauntless. If I fight like Dauntless, I overcome my fears. The faster I am, the better off and safer everyone else is. I could do this, I was just dreading it, like everyone else.

We were all sitting outside of the door, waiting for our turn for the sim. I was still ranked second, and since they started from the bottom up, I was going to be one of the last ones to experience it. Initially, we were all up and talking, wondering how it was going to go. Until the door opened and the initiate came out, held up by Four. Two other initiates got up to help the initiate that was basically slumped over and took them to them to the infirmary. After that, it was all quiet.

One by one the waiting area was filled with less initiates, the door opening with each initiate looking drained. Some were screaming, some were crying, some just looked like they were in a daze.

Andrea's name was called, and Jake and I waited for her, nerves at an all-time high. When she came out, 30 minutes later, Four had her arm in his hand, guiding her out. Jake shot up out of his chair immediately to grab her.

"Are you okay?" He asked her, taking her into his arms.

Andrea had dried tears on her face when she looked up at him. "I, I think? I just need a minute I think."

Four sighed. "She'll be fine, just needs some air and some water. Once she's settled, come right back."

Four calls the next initiate back and Jake helps Andrea out of the room, bypassing me as he's completely focused on her. A half hour later, Jake is back and it's his turn for his sim. Twenty minutes later, Jake comes out and is scratching at his body.

"Are you alright?" I ask him.

Jake nods furiously, "Y-yeah, I'm fine. I just, I feel like something's on me. I'll see you later I wanna check on Andrea." He walks out quickly, still scratching.

The next few initiates go through their sim, and then it's my turn.

"Have a seat there," Four tells me.

I sit down in the chair and see wires sticking out of a machine and can see the serum gun.

"I'm gonna inject you with a serum that stimulates the part of your brain that processes fear. It'll induce a hallucination, and then transmitters in the serum will allow me to see the images in your mind."

I just nod in my head in understanding.

"Lay back." He pushes my shoulder back. I let out a deep breath, readying myself. "It's gonna be your worst fears that you're facing, Jo. Most people have 10 to 15 really bad ones, but everyone's different. You'll have to remain calm, slow your heartbeat, and deal with what's in front of you, that's the only way you'll get through it."

"I understand."

"Be brave."

He pushed their hair from my neck, his fingertips grazing my neck slightly. I look up at him for a moment before he injects me, and then I feel the pinch, and everything is dark.

My breathing is already shallow. I'm engulfed in darkness and I gather myself together. I feel around me, and I can feel wood on every side of me and above me.

I'm boxed in.

I want to panic, and I almost let myself, but I need to get out. I start slamming my fist above me, trying to use my strength to crack the wood open. I keep punching over and over again, and then it gives, there's a crack. I go harder, punching my way through the wood and the light starts streaming through. I use both my hands and my legs to push above me and break through.

I take a deep breath of air as I emerge.

And then I'm waking up in the room with Four.

"I've got you; I've got you." It's Four, and he has my wrists in his hand and his other is on my shoulder, keeping me steady.

I'm breathing heavily, still trying to catch my breath from being buried in a box.

"Jo look at me." I look up at Four, his eyes staring me down. "You're out, you're okay." I let out a shaky breath and nod my head. I close my eyes, and for a moment just let myself rest my head on Four's shoulder. His hand that was on my arm comes up and wraps around my shoulders, comforting me. We stay like that for a moment, until I pull myself together and bring my head back up. Four let's go of me and walks back over to the machine, clearing his throat.

"You did great for your first time."

"Really? How long was I in?"

"Ten minutes."

"No way," I say excitedly.

Four has a small smile. "You're a natural, you're gonna do great for the rest of the sims I'm sure of it."

His words make me smile. "Thanks, Four."

Four nods his head at me. "You're done, I'll see you again tomorrow."

I leave the sim room, tired, but optimistic. I decide I should go find my friends to see how they're doing. I make my way towards the dorms but then feel a presence next to me. I look over and no surprise, it's Eric.

"Eric" I say, bored.

"Initiate." He falls into step with me. "Have a fun fear sim?"

"Riveting."

"Was I in it?"

"You wish."

Eric laughs darkly and then he's grabbing my arm, hauling me off to a side hallway. "Do you always have to manhandle me?" I ask, exasperated.

Eric guides me further down the hall where it gets darker, and then pushes me against the wall and places his arm on the wall the side of my head.

"You're avoiding me, initiate."

He's right, I have been, sort of.

Eric likes the chase, that much I've gathered. And the more that I don't speak to him or acknowledge him, the more drawn in he's going to be. So, since I last saw him, whenever I've seen him, I've made it a point to not give him much attention, except for a few moments where I would make sure to lock eyes with him. Just giving him enough attention to keep him interested, but to still make it seem like I'm avoiding him altogether.

This was all a part of the bigger picture.

Although, I still wasn't sure what to even say to him since our last encounter was of me and him in the maintenance closet. So, maybe it wasn't that hard to avoid him after that.

"I've been busy, obviously."

"Ah, someone's getting brave."

I roll my eyes and look away from him. Eric grabs my chin, forcing me to look up at him. "Look at me when I talk to you."

On instinct, I grab his wrist and pull it away from my chin.

Sometimes, in my head, I know exactly what I'm going to do and how I would react to certain situations. But when I'm around Eric, it's like I never know what I'm going to do. He makes me feel off balance, and when I try to right myself back up, he's knocking me down again.

I try to make a break for it, ducking under his arm to get away, but that was a mistake. He grabs me around my waist and pulls me back, hauling me back like I weigh nothing.

"Get off of me!"

Eric pulls me back and puts me back on my feet, grabbing my shoulders and shoving me against the wall. "You go, when I say you go."

"You mother fu-" I'm cut off when his lips smash against mine.

Any fight that was left in me is gone. I know I should fight him off, but when he's kissing me, it feels too good to stop. My hands that were trying to push him away are now gripping his shirt, pulling him closer to me. His hands are on my waist, pulling me closer to his lower half. I feel his hands reach underneath me and then I'm hoisted up against the wall, legs off the ground and they're wrapped around his waist. Eric pulls away and starts kissing down my neck and I feel him smiling.

"I knew you wanted this."

"Shut up." I grab his face and bring his mouth back to mine, not wanting to stop the kisses yet. Before anything else could happen, I hear a group of people's voices getting closer. Eric must hear it too because we both pull away and look towards the direction of the noise.

Eric sets me back down on the ground and I begin to fix my clothes that make me look less disheveled. I look up at Eric, and the giant smirk on his face says it all.

"Ugh, don't start, Eric."

"I didn't say anything." His smirk getting wider.

"I'm leaving now," I tell him, walking away quickly.

"I'll be seeing you soon, initiate."