"Should I do it? Is it okay to do it now?"

I whisper to myself as I drop my aching body on the bed. After getting a spoonful of scolding about not delivering the food and even dropping it on the way, I came to my room. The day was extremely busy, so busy that I didn't get a chance to think about what rosa has told me this morning. And the top of all, since this morning all I heard from others is that are you and jungkook dating?

How I wish for it to be true, but it is not. Because I can see it from his eyes, he will never let me close to him. After all, I will make him weaker because I am weak. I suddenly lose all the power in my body whenever i see him. It takes all of my energy to not to drop everything and sprint towards him to scoop him into my arms and never let him leave me again. I takes all of my energy to not tell him how much I love him and how much I want him to love me back. I takes all of me. All of me to not say those three magical words that i want to tell him.

That's how I am. I am weak. I get hurt easily. I am not brave enough to hear the words I don't want to hear. I don't care about what others say to me, but I will care when I hear the same words from him. I don't give a fuck when other people watch me with their judgmental eyes, but I will die when he will do it to me, when he will suddenly starting to have doubts about me and when he will misunderstands me. When he will think low of me without any specific reason, I will never bear it. And I don't even want to think of it, it makes me sick.

Sometimes I get scared of myself. Sometimes I think what if it is not love what I know is it? What if I like him just because he saved me? Made me think that I am not worthless.

He gave emotions to my numb and dull body, but how did he do that? For a person who never knew these emotions even exixts, how can he make me feel all these emotions at once that I had never felt before? Can I call this love? And if this is love, does it have an end? Any limits, or any destiny?

If I could stop, I would stop loving him a long time ago. But it's uncontrolable, I can't do anything when it comes to love him so, I love him. Love him more and more with every passing day because it's the only thing I can do.

To be honest,

I didn't want to depend on him like that and be a burden for him and even for myself. But I couldn't stop my love for him, I couldn't stop sleeping peacefully after thinking about him every night, wanting to feel him right beside me and hold me in his arms securely. I couldn't stop, when I knew he was the only way to make me want to live more. I couldn't stop loving him when I knew I will be happiest when I will hear my name from his honey sweet voice. I couldn't stop loving him, this love is just growing everyday without any warning.

I don't know how to tell him I love him. I want to tell him, but I don't know how? There aren't so many words that can describe my feeling for him, infact there are none. I can't use words to tell him, words like love are too weak for the way I feel for him. I think no one feel this way, maybe insane people do. Maybe love made them insane?

There were times when I thought of forgetting him and moving on, but I even couldn't do that. He is the only thing in this entire universe that makes me happy. He makes me feel at home, he makes me feel loved. He makes me feel worthy and lively.

So today, I am going to tell him. I don't know how but I want to get that out from me. My whole body is trembling at the thought of it but I don't want to give up. I have waited long enough, and now I will not waste anytime. I don't want to forget him and move on like every lover wants to do before confessing their love, how can they do that? Is their love that weak that they don't even fight for it? If I love him, I will not give up this easily.

If this is about loving him, then I can be stronger than him. He isn't going to win over me in this. Even if he rejects and pushes me away, I will not back

_

After thinking about all night, here I am now, right infront of his door at 12 am. I don't know how I am going to do this. Should I say it just normally, like how I greet him every morning or say him goodnight. It will be easy this way right? Or should I prepare a pickup line for him? But I don't want to be so cheesy. I can't make myself a fool infront of him.

But even if I mess up, what will he do?
Is he really that dangerous as he looks?
Or maybe he is not..
Maybe if I tell him today what I feel for him, he will smile at me and accept me..wait a minute..is that even possible?
What am I thinking? Am I going insane again!?
He is the most dangerous person out there, why would he love a person like me?
Weak..
Broken..
Lame..
Worthless. I am pathetic. I am nothing. Even if I tell him, nothing will change. He will push me away and walk past me like nothing happened and again..everything will be same as it is now. Me working 12 hours, and stalking him for the other 12.

There can be thousands of predictions I could make about his reaction, but for now, I am going to take them aside and face the consequences of my worthless confession. I can't live like this. I have to take a step forward or I will be stuck with my fears forever.

You can do it byul..

I gather all the courage and reach the knob of the door of his room and with a light knock I enter when he allowed.

First of all, I never thought he will be in his room at this time as he is usually in his gym at his hour, working on his body even if he don't need honestly and second he will be shirtless, standing in front of the mirror, showing the reflection of his heavenly body to me.

His perfectly ripped muscles are fully soaked in steamy hot water and heavenly drops are dripping from every line of his well defined abs. The light coming from the bulb, hanging above our heads, reflecting perfectly on every twinkling drop on his sculptured body making it shine and alluring. Making it impossible to resist his body.

When I realize that I was literally gawking at him all the time and staring at almost every inch of his devilish body, I instantly avert my gaze straight towards the celling, I feel him raise his black deep doe eyes with a smirk dancing on his teasing lips.

I was so embarrassed.. so much that if I found a hole, I would crawl into it and would never took my head out of it. I continue to stare at the ceiling and I swear the celling never appeals this intriguing to me untill now. I stare at it for five minutes straight maybe?

"What do you want byul?" You

When I didn't look back at him or any other corner of the room for a good five minutes, he suddenly speaks. His voice raspy and crispy, making me weak from my knees and blank from my brain.

"Huh? M-me? N-nothing!" I say and look back at him immediately, avoiding to look at his petfectly toned abs, but my eyes has lost their control. God, how can my body be so repulsive in this time? It's like I lost complete control over my senses whenever I'm with him.

"I c-came to tell you something" I shakily say and look at him. His dark mesmerising eyes staring right into my eyes. His eyes never waver like he is not nervous like he knows why I am here and I don't need to tell him further. His piercing and now darken eyes gaze directly into my eyes and it feels so exposed in front of him.

"Hmm..what is it?" He says casually as he slowly steps closer to me. I didn't dare to utter any other word except looking at him, I didn't realize at first, but when my eyes land on his bobablle cute nose, then his red rose plump lips, veiny neck and then alluring body, that's when I realize how close he is to me. Our bodies barely touching to each other and the top of all, his addicting smell.. his smell filling my nostrils making me to enter in my daze zone, more like danger zone.

"Close your mouth byul, you're nearly drooling" he rolls his eyes and goes back to his bed, you just ruined my moment.

Now, his back is facing me, leather sack full of snakes. Yeah, his muscular back could be define like that.  These words perfectly fit for his sharp knives like well-toned back. As I was gloating in the beauty of his back when, unfortunately, he decides to cover it up, lifting up his shirt and wearing it. My bad.

"So what's that you wanted to tell?" He asks as he dried his soft fluffy hair with towel.

'I..um..I-I.." I find myself completely lost at this point. All that staring got me trapped in his spell and all the words and sentences slide away from my fucking mind and I lost my confidence. A sudden desire suddenly hit me to stare at him for the longest time. I wanted to look at his features, his thin, soft baby lips. His cute bunny nose and dark doe shiny eyes. For others, they are void of any emotions but for me..they are warm, calming and shiny. They are home.

"What is it byul?"
He asks with seriousness laced in his tone.

"Huh-uh?"  I utter incoherent words as I stare at him completely lost.

"I asked what is it?" He repeats his question, somewhat annoyed by my stillness and lack of answer.

I could see concern peeking through this eyes, but that maybe my delusion. Or maybe he is just concern about his sleep after all i came in a wrong time. I am surprised he didn't kill me for disturbing him at this hour.

"Either tell me or just get out." He says bluntly and i look up at him. My emotions get the best of me and a lone tear roll down my eyes without me knowing. I was afraid..afraid that I will get rejected. Although I had prepared myself for this but still I can't bear this. Before all of this, thinking about rejection wasn't a big deal as I thought I could handle it..but now that i am standing here..right in front of him. I feel how my heart ache and my soul is starting to shrink as i think about him pushing me away or shutting me up.

"Byul, what's your problem?" He asks as he looks at me confusingly. "Did you hurt your toe again?" He asks and I shake my head immediately as I turn my body towards the door to go back in my room.

No..

He is sweet with ne now, but he will reject me

I can't stand being rejected by him.

I will die.. everything will come to an end. I-I should just die. Why i am so weak? I can't even confess my feelings.

"Stay still in your fucking place byul" i hear him from my back and suddenly I get goosebumps all over my body from his authorized tone. He sounded so threatening, he has never talked to me in this tone. And I didn't like it a bit.

"Right now, you will tell me why are you here" I hear foot steps coming towards me, followed by his scent, which grow more and more as he comes closer to me. I close my eyes, not ready to see his face. If his tone is that scaring then I don't want to see his face.

Suddenly he grabs me from my arm and pins me against the wall. His eyes piercing into my eyes as he holds me painfully close to him.

I look at him and seeing his angered eyes on me, I close my eyes again, there's no other way round than to confess. It will either be a yes or a no. And the thought of coming the sound of no from his mouth shakes me from head to toe. His grip on me gets stronger as I  tremble in his arms and tears trickle down from my eyes. One follows by other and I let my body fall onto him and he stiffens. I didn't expect this, he could easily shove me away but he didn't. Instead, I feel him wrapping his arms around me and his arms just stay there.

"What is it? Can you tell me now?" He asks as he waits patiently now, his voice is softer than before.

"I..." I whisper, trying so hard to utter something but it feels like my words are hanging by a rock in my throat and it is so hard to say something. My voice is so low that i can barely hear it. But he heard it and break the hug to stare into my now puffy eyes.

"You what?" He asks softly, so soft that i could melt right away in his eyes and lost my self in the warmth.

"I love you, jungkook"

_

I am d-dyingg😫
It feels like I have confess instead of her. LoL
I even feels butterflies in my stomach,

Well it's a long ass chapter. I didn't spend 2 hours for nothing.😪