Dedicated to: septemvir

Engr. Emman:
good day, here is the file of your grades. kindly see it thru typing your student number.

Agad akong napabangon ng wala sa oras. My hands are shaking holding my phone. I’m looking forward for this day. I overthink about it every day. Ngayon na dumating na ay natatakot na ‘kong buksan.

Kakagising ko lang at kumakalam na ang sikmura ko. So, I decided to leave it later.

Kumain muna ako, naligo at inayos ang sarili. Inayos ko pa muna ang higaan bago naisipang buksan ang data ulit.

Then my circle’s messages appear.

Nina:
bagsak ako

Shaine:
i didn’t make it

Only Freza said the other thing.

Freza:
nakapasa ako mazie!

And now, I don’t know what to feel. I don’t know yet mine. Nag-aalangan akong buksan ito.

But I need to. Kailangan kong malaman regardless of the result. Kailangan kong tanggapin kung ano man ito.

Then I opened it.

Madami akong nakikitang pula. Madaming bagsak. And only I can do is to hope that I’m not one of them.

Sana pasado ako.

Engr. Emman:
i made the passing rate 70% instead of 75. so, most of you passed.

That was Engr. Emman added. I’m taken a back. Ginawa na niyang 70% ang passing at ang dami paring bumagsak.

Is this really the worst stage? Is this really the beginning? Cause if yes, I’m not yet ready to face it.

And yet, havens heard me.

May araw pa ‘kong maghanda. May araw pa akong gawin ang dapat gawin.

I passed.

Yes, I passed. And I want to jump in delight. I want to cry in joy. I passed. I made it.

73 ang naging grade ko at dahil ginawa ni Engr. Emman na 70 ang passing rate ay nakapasa ako.

Isang tao lang naka-75 above at masasabi kong ang hirap talagang ipasa ng subject na ‘to.

I told my circle I made it and feel sorry for those who didn’t. We and Freza just motivating them and let them know that this is not the end of our engineering journey.

Me:
magiging engineer tayo guys

Freza:
claiming

Nina:
okay, this is just the beginning so manifesting.

Shaine:
mag-aaral na ‘ko gurls

We both gave ‘haha’ reaction for that message of Shaine. Alam kong hindi pa talaga nila tanggap, but I also know that they’re strong enough to handle the pain and disappointments.

They just need time.

And so, the followings days after the result. Walang paramdaman sa gc. Naipasa namin ang lahat ng subject ni Freza. Nina and Shaine on the other hand, only failed that one subject, at kailangan nilang balikan ‘yon next semester.

And...

...I thought, my engineering journey flows perfectly. I thought, it will still go beyond my plan. And I’m wrong.

“Hindi ako pupunta kung wala akong kasama. Hindi ko na kayang bumiyahe mag-isa.”

Alala ang mukha kong napatingin kay Mama. Papa is stressed about it.

“Kailangan mong pumunta, mga kapatid mo ‘yon,” salungat ni Papa.

“Pero Bohol ‘yon Edgar? Malayo.”

They’re talking about a family gathering, in my mother side. Sa Bohol gaganapin dahil taga-roon naman talaga sila Mama. And Mama don’t want to come. Not that she doesn’t want to see her family. She’s afraid to travel far and alone.

And the only solution to that problem is me.

Papa can’t come, hindi niya pwedeng iwan ang trabaho niya. And my siblings are still too young to travel. I’m the only one who’s capable of accompanying her.

Pero may on-the-job training ako.

Wala pang specific date kung kailan pero alam kung maaaring next week na ‘yon. Nakapag-pasa na ako ng requirements at hindi pwedeng hindi ako mag-ojt.

That’s still a part of my studies.

Anne:
sige na naman, once in a blue moon lang na mangyaring kompleto kami. ako na bahala sa pamasahe basta makapunta lang si ate

That was the chat of my Tita, bunsong kapatid nila Mama. Paulit-ulit ‘yong tumatakbo sa isip ko at kailangan ko ng magandang desisyon, na hindi ko pagsisisihan.

In the last hour. I decided to go to Bohol with my mother.

I am now seeing myself packing up my clothes and other things for that week vacation.

Sana lang ay makaabot pa ako sa OJT. Sana pagbigyan ako ng panahon.

Tomorrow comes and Papa drove us to the terminal. Magba-ba-barko lang kami. Hassle at nakakapagod pero mas nakakatipid keysa eroplano. Pera ko muna ang ginamit na dapat sana ay sa OJT. Babayaran naman daw pagdating doon.

Medyo matagal ang naging biyahe. It takes days bago pa kami makarating sa destinasyon. Upon arrival, Lola warmly welcomed us. I had met her before, during my junior high school years when I studied here, so I truly missed her presence.

Even though my cousins and I underwent some sort of torture working under her hands, especially in the arduous tasks in distant places, I prefer not to dwell on those memories.

The pain in my body and the moments of slipping during those times come back, but they also bring back funny memories to reminisce about.

Dito rin sa probinsya na ‘to ako unang naka-boyfriend. All my three exes are from there. And I don’t want to talk about them now.

After Lola and I hugged each other. I look around. Kami palang ang nandito. Sa pitong magkakapatid, si Mama palang ang nandito na nasa ibang probinsya.

I looked at my phone for updates sa OJT and I almost cussed for a sudden realization.

“Walang signal dito?”

Narinig ko ngayon ang mahinang pagtawa ng babaeng pinsan kong ka-edad lang ng pangatlong kapatid ko, si Gelli. Mga nasa 13 years old na ata siya.

Naalala ko tuloy noon, ang bata-bata pa nito. Tinuturuan ko pa ‘tong magbasa noon at nakaka-stress isiping ang bagal niyang matuto kaya suko sa kanya ang dalawang kapatid niyang mas close ko.

But as I looked at her now, mas dalaga pa siyang tignan keysa sa ‘kin.

“Wala talagang signal dito Ate, kailangan mo pang umakyat sa may burol para makapag-send ng text.”

For real?

I gave her a shocked looked. Biglang namo-mroblema kung paano na ako makakapag-update nito.

“Nandito na pala kayo Ate.”

Napukaw ang atensyon namin sa biglaang lumabas sa kusina. It’s Tita Kim, isa sa mga kapatid ni Mama. Chinita ang Tita kong ‘to at sa tanang buhay ko, ngayon ko lang siya nakita sa personal.

Niyakap niya ngayon sa Mama. Nang bumitaw na sila ay agad akong nagmano sa kanya at nakangiti itong napatingin sa ‘kin.

“Ito na ba si Mazie?” agarang tanong niya kay Mama.

“Yes, siya na nga ang matalinong pamangkin mo,” sagot ‘yon ni Lola.

I gulped with what Lola said. They still think that way. Academic achiever nga ako sa highschool. Pero simula ng nag-engineering ako. Nawala na lahat ‘yon. And how can I explain this to them?

I’m being praised but I felt pressured.

As the days pass, Mama’s siblings with their respective families gradually arrive. Some are even coming from Manila.

It’s interesting to note that Mama is the one who took a different path and ended up in Mindanao.

If I had to pick between my father’s and mother’s sides, I’d lean towards my mother’s side. I just feel more at ease around them. Mas maliit lang din ang pamilya nila keysa sa pamilya ni Papa. Mas marami kasi, mas maingay at mas magulo.

And that’s really happening to my father’s family.

Ang gulo-gulo, away dito away doon, siraan dito siraan doon, plastikan dito plastikan doon.

And I’m too tired of it.

May reunion nga kada taon, pero hindi naman kompleto, hindi nagsasama. Nakahiligan lang nila pero alam kong may hard feelings parin sila sa isa’t-isa.

But that’s the reality I can’t change. Siguro, hindi lang sa aming pamilya nangyayari ang ganito.

“Nasaan si Mazie?”

I’m just lying here at the top of double deck when I heard my favorite cousin’s voice.

Nakarating na sila.

I sneak a peeked at the sala to see his face. I’m too shy to show myself. Matagal na rin bago kami nagkita ulit.

“Natutulog ‘yon, huwag mong istorbohin.”

That was what her older sister, Laney, who’s almost my age, said.

She’s the reason why I was enrolled here for junior high school. She has a child now, which I really didn’t expect.

It feels like it was just yesterday when she warned me not to meet guys to avoid getting pregnant. Yet, now, maybe this is how ironic the world can be. Luckily, she has already graduated - specifically, with a degree in BS Hospitality Management, and it happened yesterday.

“Ba’t siya natutulog, hindi ba niya ako na miss?”

Mahina akong napatawa.

Jay Ceanera, hindi parin siya nagbabago. Ang kulit niya pa rin. And that’s what I like about him. Hindi lang dahil magka-edad kami kaya mas paborito ko siya pero dahil gusto ko ang vibes niya.

“Hindi, sino ka nga?”

I finally showed up. Rinig ko ngayon ang tawa ng mga Tita namin.

Nakita ko siyang napangisi at nakipag-fist bump sa ‘kin.

“Mas gumanda ka ngayon ah, mas lalong in love sa ‘yo si Jeremy n’yan.”
I immediately looked around after he said it. Taranta ako ngayong napaharap sa kanya at hinila siya sa balkonahe.

“Shut up. Walang nakakaalam. Bwesit ka. At mag move on ka na. May pamilya na ‘yong tao.”

Tumawa lang siya. He sat at the chair beside me. “Eh si guitar boy? Naka-move on ka na? At ‘yong pogi na nag-aaral sa private school.”

He’s now digging up the past. Sinipa ko siya ng mahina at pinandilatan ng mata.

“Bumalik ka lang ba rito para mang-asar?” I snorted.

“Babalik ka pa sa inyo?” He asked instead.

I paused, not sure of what to respond. But in seconds, I nod. “May ojt pa ‘ko, ikaw ba?”

He looked down. “Papaiwan ako rito. Akala ko bumalik ka na talaga rito for good.”

I smiled bitterly. “Well, sad for you. Mamimiss mo ulit ako for sure,” pang-aasar ko. “Pero pumogi ka ah, dami mo na sigurong chicks. chickboy mo pa naman.”

He just laughed and we stayed talking till the dinner comes. I enjoyed the remaining days with my cousins and little nephews, almost forgetting about my school responsibilities.

I quickly approached Tita Arlie, Mama’s younger sister and the Tita I’m closer to. She’s Jay, Laney, and Gelli’s mother. We both wanted to get a signal, so I invited her to climb the hill. She readily agreed.

It started raining, and the road was muddy. I couldn't help but laugh at her expression as we ascended. She kept uttering curses until we reached the top.

All I did was laugh, wondering who she was so eager to text, sacrificing her appearance and energy for this. I noticed she’s busy chatting now while I’m still searching for a signal.

“Tita, anong sim mo?”

“Smart.”

At doon naguho ang mundo ko. Applicable lang ata sa Smart ang network dito at TM ako!
Dahil walang magawa ay naki-echos nalang ako sa kasama, na dapat ay hindi ko ginawa. Kita kong lalaki lang ang ka-chat niya. Honey ang tawagan nila.

I’m invading privacy, and I don’t want to be involved in this potential issue.

Tita Arlie is technically married and has three kids. However, she’s separated from her husband, but it’s not official on paper.

Shit, I shouldn’t have witnessed this.