Dedicated to: donixta

Warning: R-18

I took a deep breathe. Clinching my shoulder bag tightly before entering the gym.

I came.

I step through the entrance, entering a crowded space filled mostly with students gathering. The pageant show hasn’t started yet. I check my phone and message Jane.

Me:
i’m already here, where can i find you?

She immediately replies, suggesting we meet at the back of the gym. I take a deep breath. That place... triggers memories of the kissing scene again. Did she plan it? To hurt me once more. It would be too rude of her if that’s the case.

As I arrive at the specified location, she’s already there. Without her makeup on but already wearing her jeans attire, I approach her, waiting for her to say a word.

"Mazie..."

She started.

I nod and let her feel I’m not in the mood to smile at her.

“I know you saw it.” She concluded.

“Saw what?” I questioned, pretending I don’t know what she’s referring to.

“The kissing thing.”

When she totally spilled it. My heart start aching again. Looks like my heart’s not immune for it.

I nod. Trying to hold my emotions.

“Yeah.” I smiled. “Sorry for that. I invade your privacy. I shouldn’t witness it.” I added.

She repeatedly shook her head. “That’s not what I am pointing Mazie. I know, you and Gray are something—"

“You don’t really know. We’re not something. We’re just...friends.” I interrupted.

The silence is occupying now. I sighed as a sign that I need to go. I’m about to look back when she uttered a word again.

“Gray is out of it. That kiss. It’s all my fault. I just wanted to make Ashton jealous. He’s also there in that night. And my plan goes perfectly. Gray’s really mad about it that he almost punches me. I’m very sorry for the both of you. Maybe I ruined something.”

Yes, you did.

And you might not.

If something is ruined. Our friendship, our bonds, my heart.

That was somewhat the start and it ends quickly. Na-in love ako at nasaktan agad.

I didn’t utter a word. I left her as tears slowly streamed down my cheeks. I briskly walked towards the restroom. Luckily, no one was inside. I wiped away my tears, holding back the urge to cry again. I came tonight not to cry; I came tonight to end something personally.

I don’t want to hide. I want to say what needs to be said.

I’m done retouching myself, and I can hear from here that the event is about to start. They’ll start with an intermission.

I quickly exit the restroom. The gym is oval-shaped. I’m now on the pathway making my way to the second entrance where I can see the stage. But before I could get there, a familiar voice echoed around the place.

The environment grew quiet as I continued talking.

“This is my very first time doing this. And if you ask, what made me do it? Then the question must be ‘who’.”

My heart is pounding violently. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I should stop walking or stop listening.
pay attention to the lines.

That message. Is it really connected to what is happening now? What lines should I need to pay attention to?

“I liked this girl for a quite long time. From the moment I saw her in that room singing and crying. She looks crazy; I can’t lie.”

I can barely breathe at this moment. Oh god, don’t let me assume something.

It’s me, right? That’s me!

“As I talk to her, not in a good way. I can’t stop smiling. Her annoyed voice feels like a melody to my ears. Our first interaction might suffocate her, but for me, it’s an unforgettable moment, a memorable day to remember. I heard her voice singing, I saw her vulnerable side, her true self, and I fell, and sadly...”

He paused.

And I find myself standing at the second entrance. No one seems to know it was me. No one’s paying attention to me except the coolest guy in front, sitting with his guitar, a stand mic leveled at his mouth while looking at me.

In the midst of the crowd, he’s looking at me!

That’s the time, I know. It is me. He also likes me! He liked me first before I could even like him.

“...she’s already in love with another guy.” He continued.

I cried.

He looked down, started strumming his guitar. My knees are trembling but I need to stay still. I need to witness this. I need to hear him sing. I need to pay attention to the lines delivering.

“You walked into the room. And now my heart has been stolen. You took me back in time to when I was unbroken.”

As he singed the first line, his eyes automatically directed on me. As if, he’s so sure that I’m still here standing witnessing an indirect confession.

I find myself captivated by his exclusive focus on me. The familiar tone of his voice sends butterflies through my stomach. His deep voice, distinctive style, and perfect face make me wonder how such a handsome man could be interested in me.

“Now you’re all I want. And I knew it from the very first moment. Cause a light came on when I heard that song. And I want you to sing it again.”

Those lines, is like my favorite coffee I wanted to drink every day. His voice, is like the pouring rain I wanted to hear every single day. Embracing, hugging, and comforting me.

“I swear that every word you sing. You wrote them for me. Like it was a private show. But I know you never saw me.”

I want to go near him. I want to hug him. I want to kiss him. I want him to know that he’s the only man I want. That I cry every night thinking the possibilities that we couldn’t be together. That my heart skip thinking that he might into someone surely not me. That my eyes keep tearing thinking we might not destine to each other.

“When the lights come on and I’m on my own. Will you be there to sing it again? Could I be the one you talk about in all your stories? Can I be him? I heard there was someone but I know he don’t deserve you. If you were mine, I’ll never let anyone hurt you. I wanna dry those tears, kiss those lips. It’s all that I’ve been thinking about. Cause a light came on when I heard that song. And I want you to sing it again.”

You can’t. You can’t be him.

You can go beyond him.

If only I met you as early as it should. I may not know the existence of Ashton. It may not start with him. The story might not be about him. It may be all about you and how lovely it was to meet someone like you.

The song ended.

And all the anger, doubts and hesitation ended too. As he moved down to the stage. My feet automatically moved. I saw myself walking through the backstage and saw him now face to face.

I saw him stiffed for a second. But after some realization, he quickly grabbed my hand leading me to a familiar place.

The room where we first met.

No one is around as they all gathered at the gym. We looked at each other. Chasing both our breathes from the adrenaline.

“You came.”

He started.

I smiled. He come closer to me. And the seconds I knew...he hugged me.

I hugged him back. We’re both teary not really know the reason behind it. Binawi niya ang pagkayakap at nakaharap na siya ngayon sa akin. He run his fingers through my hair. Wipe my tears by his hands...and kissed me.

I gulped with the sudden happenings. I don’t know, are we running out of time?

“This is not your first kiss, right? Gray, this is my first kiss.”

I don’t know why I bring the kissing thing right now. I just want to know his side. I want to know his point of view. I want to know if he like the kiss.

I’m not angry anymore. It’s more about curiosity. And I should handle the possibility.

Umiling siya.

I nod. It’s way better than lying.

“But you’re my first kiss, this is the second time I kiss you.” He mouthed.

And my lips parted. I can’t register the words he says. I’m his first kiss? How and when? I can’t remember a moment we kissed.

“When you’re asleep at the clinic. I’m sorry. I couldn’t help it.”

My heart is racing out of control. Didn’t know if I should be angry that he’s sneaking kiss at me or I should be happy cause that was the cutest thing he did.

First kiss namin ang isa’t-isa. This is really not a big deal but this is the prettiest thing I could share eternally.

Sa sobrang saya ng nararamdaman ko. I leveled his lips to mine and I kissed him passionately.

“I really love you, Gray. I won’t mind if we kissed every single day.” I whispered.

He kissed me back. A very gentle kiss. A very passionate kiss I could ever taste. What a memorable first kiss to have. I could cherish this forever.

He is the right thing; I can talk about.

“As you should.” He just responded.

I gently slapped him in the shoulder. He’s back again at being arrogant and that’s the thing I love about him.

He consistently made me the happiest girl in the world.

Since that day, he has consistently been present in our house.

We’ve already enrolled in our Second Year. We collaborate on our schoolwork, and he even help me in my studies. His visits to the house became a daily occurrence until the day arrived when he asked for my permission to court me, to which I promptly said yes. 

I truly desire his presence in my life.

No negative thoughts ever came up.

I’m finally happy.

We engage in activities typical of a couple, so after several months, following our completion of Second Year together, I officially said yes to him. I believe it’s the best decision I’ve ever made in my life.

As our first anniversary approached, I couldn’t help but reflect on the journey we’ve shared together. From the day he first stepped into my life to now, a year filled with laughter, challenges, and support. We’ve grown together, overcoming obstacles hand in hand, celebrating triumphs as a team. With each passing day, my love for him deepens, and I’m grateful for every moment we’ve shared.

And that’s the time, I finally decide to surrender my purity.

“Are you sure about this?”

I laughed with his hesitation. I just smiled. Touching his face and kiss him.

“I can’t believe we’ve came too far. I’m ready, Gray. Very ready. Sigurado na ako sa ‘yo. Happy Anniversary.”

The room was cloaked in shadows, the only illumination coming from the flickering candles scattered around the bed. Our breathing was heavy. Parehas kaming nakainom dalawa. This is my first-time drinking alcohol and I’m glad I do it with him.

“Happy Anniversary, emo.”

Kikiligin na sana ako kung hindi lang niya binanggit ang panirang nickname na ‘yon. I flinched and started to get off of him. He just laughed and pull me again in his arms.

Skin hot against skin. He traced his fingertips along the curves of my body, sending shivers of anticipation racing down my spine.

“Shit, Abo. You’re so good at philtering me.”

He smirked. “Ikaw ‘tong nang-gayuma sa ‘kin, Mazie. Hulog na hulog ako! Shit.”

I immediately slapped him. “Minumura mo ‘ko?”

He chuckled at my ear. Shuta, nakakakiliti huhu!

“I’m cursing myself and cursing it again para sa gagawin ko sa ‘yo ngayon.”

“Nakakatakot ah!” biro ko.

“Dapat ka ngang matakot.”

And he began to touch me. Each touch was electric, igniting a fire within me; threatened to consume my entirely. I press myself into him, hungry for more. Our lips met in a fevered kiss, tongues dancing in a rhythm. I moaned into his mouth, my hands roaming over his body, memorizing every inch of him.

“Y-you’re so good. Is this really your first time?”

I nodded smiling, still my eyes closed. Niraramdaman ang sarap ng halik niya sa katawan ko. His kiss traveled from my lips down to my neck and to my breast.

I can’t deny, ang sarap sa pakiramdam. Para akong dinadala sa ibang ibayo ng mundo.

With my first moaned.

He started to sucked my right nipple while massaging the left. I almost losing breath. I don’t know what’s the best reaction to do. Ang galing niyang lamunin ang buong pagkatao ko.

He gently put his finger into my mounds. And that’s the moaning continues.

“Gray...I never felt relish like this before. Shit, ang sarap! Ayoko na nakakahiyang umungol.”

Hindi ko na napigilang sabihin sa kanya ang iniisip ko.

He laughed and covered my mouth. “Behave my Mazie and let yourself enjoy.”

He continued what he’s doing until we’re both wetting. And then, finally, our bodies became one, a symphony of desire and ecstasy that echoed through the room. We moved together in perfect harmony. Time seemed to stand still as we reached the peak of pleasure, a sensation that left us both breathless.

As we lay tangled together after, the world outside faded away, leaving only the two of us, bound together by an unbreakable bond.

It’s a reality that one day you’ll encounter someone who offers their hand, gives their heart, and loves you eternally.

Now, having met Gray and fallen in love, I can attest that catching ashes is indeed possible.

Because I caught Gray.