✎Nathan

"Nathan, this is really good. Really, really good." My boss, James, smiled looking at my screen over my shoulder. I've been working at this marketing company for the past year now. Hearing praise from my boss means the world since I'm still considered the new guy.

As a graphic designer, securing a steady job like this is such a blessing. I want to maintain it as long as I can.

"Thanks so much." I smiled, shifting in my chair. I could live without his excessive closeness though. Boss man loves to get close. He drops his hand on my shoulder and gives it a squeeze. I swallow hard trying to keep back my obvious uncomfortable feelings.

"Yeah, good job." He whispered as he walked away.

Jeez. What was that?

I took out my phone and began scrolling on Instagram. My lunch break is coming up shortly and I knew exactly where I wanted to go and who I wanted to see.

Searching up her account, I quickly looked at the notification lighting up at the fact that she uploaded a new story.

I opened it up and smiled. She was at a café here in town. It was a boomerang of her outside sitting on a patio, and spooning some tiramisu in her mouth. She's so cute.

"Oh no, no, no." Before I could stop him, Marcus - my co-worker (and kind of my best friend, I guess), snatched my phone out of my hand.

"Stop! I was looking at something!" I snapped, trying to reach out to grab at my phone again.

"Oh trust me, I know. It's your daily ritual, remember. Stock Sarah. Call Sarah. See Sarah, Cry and repeat." He muttered, folding his arms across his chest. "I'm not letting you torture yourself AGAIN." He groaned.

I ran my hand over my face. "Dude, give me back my phone. You don't get it."

"What don't I get? You obsess over a girl that's been stringing you along for four years."

Dammit. He's got me beat there.

The truth is, I should hate her. After she cheated on me on prom night, I was heart broken. Not only by her but by my supposedly "best friend". I gritted my teeth just thinking about that night.

Yeah, that sucked. But the truth is, I didn't hate her. That was on him. He knew how much it meant to me. He shouldn't have crossed that line. He should've been my friend. Her? She was just sucked into the whole...Caleb of it all. It's him. Of course, she was seduced. I couldn't completely blame her.

During the months that we had dated in high school, she turned into one of my best friends. She made me laugh and was always there for me. She was kind and made me feel handsome, smart and wanted. It's a hard feeling to shake.

Caleb almost took that from me but in truth, we have stayed in contact since. All throughout college, she came to visit me at my campus. She felt awful for what happened and we spent loads of time together.

She was pretty private about her dating life and I didn't want to ask. All I knew was that we often saw each other and she was the only person I hooked up with. She was my first.

I love being her friend and I wouldn't give her up for the world. It's hard to explain, okay?

"It's honestly none of your business."

"It is when you're crying to me over your tenth beer at O'Rileys." Marcus rolled his eyes.

"Noted. I won't confide in you anymore. You done?"

"I just want to look out for you." Marcus shifted. I couldn't help but feel a huge pang in my chest at the familiar words. It's not the first time a "friend" has tried to look out for me. Fuck, Caleb.

Marcus, obviously defeated by the look on my face sighs and returns my phone back to me. I take a quick look at the time. Perfect, I still have time to dip out and see Sarah and come back.

"Thanks, but I'll be okay." I mutter punching her number in my phone as I step past him. He rolls his eyes but let's me go.

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"Come on, you've got to try it." She giggles, shoving the spoonful of tiramisu in my mouth. I laugh as she glides the spoon over my lips. I open up and accept the sweet treat.

I roll my eyes. "It's delicious." I mumble over a full mouth.

She threw her head back and laughed, clapping her hands together. "HA! I told you." She mini danced and I couldn't help but shake my head and laugh. Dipping my finger in the whipped cream along the dishes edge, I quickly blotted her nose. She gasped and attempted to lick it off her nose.

"You're ridiculous." I laughed shaking my head. She's always been so silly. I can't get enough of it - it's contagious.

I wiped my hands off with my napkin and looked back up at her. She was watching me but something was straining on her face. I wonder what that expression was for.

"Everything okay?" I ask, leaning on the table. We're sitting outside of that small café she had taken a snap of. It's such a sunny day outside, one of my favorites.

She looks to the side and watches a few people passing by, obviously thinking some thoughts over.

"Why don't you ever date anyone, Nathan?" She randomly blurts. Shocked by this random question, I just shrug my shoulders.

"I don't know. I don't feel the need to, I guess." I mutter.

She looks back at me. "You're 24 and you have never really been on a real date? That's a little strange, no?"

"Wow, okay. That's a little bit offside. I date you, don't I?" I try and laugh it off. She's not having it. If anything, there's pain on her face now.

She leans on the table now, closer to me. Locking eyes with me, she lets out a breath. "I'm serious, Nathan. You should be out, dating people. Finding what you like. Getting your heart broken - breaking hearts." She smiles softly.

I look her over. "Where is this coming from?" I breathe.

She shakes her head. Her blonde hair dropped in front of her face. "I've just been thinking a lot lately and I just care so much about you. I think I've been selfish and keeping you all to myself."

"I don't mind." I wink. She gives me a sympathetic smile before reaching out and grabbing my hand. I don't like this - I don't like this at all.

"I think we should end this. Whatever this is."

I'm shocked. I don't even know what to say!

"What?? Why??" I finally manage.

"This isn't healthy. For you or for me. I know I need more...and I feel like you do too."

"I can give you more." I whisper looking down at our joined hands. She gives me a squeeze, prompting me to look back up at her. Her eyes look glossy and I'm sure mine does, as well.

"You deserve better than this, Nathan. Trust me."

Once again, Calebs words sting me right in the chest. It's been years and he still haunts me. I feel nothing but anger now and she doesn't deserve that.

"I have to go." I mutter shifting in my seat.

"What? No, Nathan-" She stammers.

My blood is boiling. I can't believe this. This whole time she was just stringing me along, and I was accepting it. I feel like a fool.

"Bye, Sarah." I shake my head and walk away from the table. I can't believe I just left like that but...I just can't be here. Not now, not like this.

Fuck Caleb and his words that still follow me around like a shadow. He's always been my damn shadow.

Authors Note:

Ever had someone just stay inside your mind no matter what you do? Is that love or lust?

...anyways! What's your favourite type of ice cream flavour? Mine is cookie dough.

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