"In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods;
they have not forgotten this."

― Terry Pratchett

14. Narcissus

It was her! It was actually her! But how?

Kat glanced over her shoulder and saw her usual striped tail, a bit bushy now, but otherwise normal. She was still a cat, then. It was the magic of the Mirror, nothing else.

Pushing down a pang of disappointment, she returned to her reflection, which showed her human self from the waist up, with a wilting flower garland around her neck. She raised her paw, and the reflection raised its hand. She wiggled her toes and the image its fingers. She touched her face, and it felt like a cat face, but the woman in the reflection touched a smooth, round cheek.

Then she noticed something. My ear is still gone. In the reflection her lips moved, but nothing came out.

The Mirror shows the truth, thought Galadriel.

Kat touched the ragged stump. On her human face, it looked worse. Red and scarred. Did this mean her ear was gone forever, even if she returned? She had had a vision at Caradhras where she was in a hospital bed. Had the person at the hospital lost her ear too, and if so, were all the doctors and nurses totally freaked out by it? And what would she do with all her sets of earrings?

"For Eru's sake, can someone cover her!" Legolas sounded exasperated.

Kat looked at him, a bit surprised by his outburst. Was it that big a deal to see the reflection of a topless woman? He stood with his back turned, and at his words most of the other males turned their backs too.

Pippin's and Boromir's gazes were still locked at the Mirror, however. The hobbit seemed curious and rather flushed, but Boromir was frowning suspiciously. She had seen that look before; the last time was in the eyes of the young man who shot her.

Oh well. What did she expect? This was a medieval Europe, of sorts. Of course they would be prejudiced against people with dark skin.

Galadriel removed her flimsy, white cloak and wrapped Kat in it. In the water image it looked like she had taken a shower and shrouded herself in a towel.

"Now it is time to look closer into the Mirror," said Galadriel.

As Kat bent forward, the water instantly became covered in a hazy mist. When the vapours cleared she saw a river under a blue sky, in a green, lush landscape. There was a cozy looking cottage by the river, complete with white smoke coming from its chimney.
A person sat nearby with their back turned, holding a fishing rod with slender fingers and dipping scrawny legs into the water. They wore a wide straw hat, under which long curls of white, wispy hair fluttered in the breeze. Kat could not determine whether it was a woman or a slim man.

Suddenly the peaceful scene changed and turned dark. A group of people wearing long, black cloaks came walking in a row, their faces covered with masks. They carried torches, and in the flickering light Kat saw a large, yellow eye painted on each mask.

What was this – the Illuminati?

She spotted a movement in the outskirts of the group, someone shorter than the others, around hobbit sized. They wore a dark hood, but it did not look like the person was one of the sect members, more like they were spying on them.

The sect gathered around a flat, altar-like stone and began to move around it, slowly at first, but gradually faster. By the rhythm of their walk, Kat got the impression they were chanting something, though the Mirror gave her no sound.

Suddenly all of them shrugged off their cloaks and unmasked their faces.

Kat gasped. Orcs! They were orcs!

But no... She squinted, trying to see better. Their fangs looked super fake, and surely orcs were not that bright green? Was this a fancy-dress party? Or some sort of orc fanclub?

She had no time to figure it out, because the image changed again, and Kat saw a city from above. Strangely, she did not feel afraid despite the height. All the houses were white, and the city was built in concentric semicircles climbing up a cliffside. On its highest part, a narrow tower stretched towards the sky, which was black and full of stars. A row of flickering lights showed the Illuminati sect walking through the deserted streets in a procession, wearing cloaks and masks again. There were guards at the entrance to the highest part, but instead of stopping the procession, they turned their backs. Had the Illuminati infiltrated this city somehow?

The image of the city faded and it was daylight again, but bleak, under a gray sky. A cat walked all alone on a rocky landscape, with its nose against the ground like it was tracking someone. It had an ear missing.

Ripples made the landscape wobble, and it turned into a green one with a river, like the one she had seen at first. Nobody was fishing here, instead two people were wrestling. They rolled around on the muddy riverbank, and when Kat glimpsed a bare, hairy foot she knew they were hobbits.

The scenes came faster now. A dark cave, where a finely dressed hobbit picked up a golden ring from the ground. And then a brown-haired hobbit staring into a black globe like hypnotized. Was it Pippin? Or maybe Frodo? The vision faded too fast for her to see.

She saw a hobbit fighting a spider, followed by a hobbit carrying another hobbit on his back. Then the earless cat returned, now in the arms of a rider. Kat did not recognize the rider, but he slightly resembled Aragorn and Boromir. The man set the cat down and left at a gallop.

Another change of scenes. The cat was climbing a mountain – no, a volcano, smoke poured out of it.

The volcano disappeared and was replaced with a familiar room. Its walls had a minty green hue, and there was a row of artificial plants on the windowsill. A woman sat on a floral sofa, with a forgotten cup of coffee on a table beside her, peacefully solving crosswords. It was Mamma! Mamma in her nursing home.

Then Kat found herself in another room, full of sleeping children of various ages. They had dark curls and pink cheeks, and were the prettiest kids she had ever seen. A bit like she imagined young elves would look like, now that she had met more of that race.

The door opened, revealing two masked persons holding something gleaming in their fake orc hands; swords. The Illuminati had come to murder the children!

Kat stared at the horrible sight in disbelief, wanting to scream and yell for help, but of course no sound came out.

A movement in an open window drew her gaze. A pale face had appeared, with two large eyes gleaming in the moonlight, and at some distance behind was a courtyard where a white tree covered in blossoms swayed gently. The circular city expanded below the tree.

When the face's owner climbed into the nursery, Kat vaguely recognized them; they looked like the fisherman from the river. They jumped onto the intruders, but before she could see if they managed to stop them, the Mirror clouded over. When it cleared only her woman's reflection remained.

Remember that what you see in the Mirror may not come to pass. Galadriel's warm, motherly voice calmed Kat from the unease she had felt during the cavalcade of confusing images.

They tried to kill the children. Who were they? And why did they dress up like orcs?

I cannot say. Some new evil perhaps – but this, only the future will tell. Galadriel indicated the woman in the water. I asked you before whether you want me to turn you back. What is your answer?

Kat glanced longingly at her reflection, and then met the elf lady's unwavering gaze. I can't. I have to go through with it. She felt her throat constrict.

A hint of a smile played on Galadriel's lips. Then it shall be so. Turning to the others, she spoke verbally: "The hour is growing late, and you must be weary. We shall talk more of your quest another day."

As the others started to file away, the elf lady reached out to empty the bowl.

Please, no! Leave it. Leave the water. I need... I need it. Kat gave her a desperate look.

The spell is spent. You will see no more visions.

I don't need visions. I just need... me. Please.

Galadriel nodded, and her eyes filled with sympathy. Keep the water as long as you wish. She turned and gracefully walked away, leaving both her Mirror and her cloak with Kat.

Kat returned her gaze to the bowl and the lump in her throat came back. What had she done? Had she given up this body forever now? Her cat eyes were dry, but in the water silent tears streaked down her woman's face.

"You are crying." Boromir's voice caught her by surprise. He and Nellas had apparently stayed behind when the others left.

I miss my body, not that you will be able to hear me. In the Mirror her mouth moved.

"Oh! It looks like you are talking." He said something to Nellas in Sindarin, and she replied in the same language.

"Nellas says you are," he confirmed. "Apparently she can hear you too, which is a relief. I wanted Legolas to translate but he seemed in a hurry. I must ask you some things."

What do you want to know?

"Why are you dark skinned? You look like a Haradrim."

I don't know. Why are your eyes gray? Why are your hands big? We are just born different. I wish people wouldn't make such a big deal of it.

"Sorry if I offended you." He was meeting her gaze. Her gaze, in the water. Somehow that was a bit comforting.

I'm not offended. I was brought up in a country where – at that time – most were fair skinned. I'm used to being stared at.

"Am I staring? I did not mean to."

No, it's fine. I understand you're curious.

"That is not the reason. I wanted to memorize your looks, to have a correct mental image of you later."

Oh. Thank you. Honestly, that means a lot.

"I must say, holding you in my lap from now on will feel strange." He chuckled, and Kat's reflection smiled. Then he bent closer to the Mirror "Oh! Such white teeth you have. And all straight too."

Thank you. Kat contemplated explaining about dentistry and toothpaste but it felt too complicated to convey via Nellas.

"Actually, as interesting as all this is, that's not why I wanted to speak with you." His face turned serious again. "What did Galadriel show you when she looked into your eyes before, up in the tree?"

She talked to me, offering to turn me back to a human. I'm starting to think it was some sort of test... Anyway, I declined. I think I'm supposed to be a cat for this quest.

"Thank you for telling me. It felt... It was strange what she did, and I wanted to know what the others saw. But Frodo wouldn't tell!" He clenched his fist. "He annoys me so much right now!"

What did she say to you, then?

"Me? Uh... She did not actually say anything, it was more... images." He looked uncomfortable.

Did you share them with Frodo?

He was silent for a few moments, and then relaxed his hand. "Nay, not entirely. I get your point." After another short silence, he added: "I agree with you, that the elf lady was testing us. She offered us things we desired. Sam and Merry said they felt like they could choose to return – that she would send them home if they wanted. But I don't think she has that power. It was a trial whether our intentions are true, nothing else."

So, what did she offer you?

He broke eye-contact in the Mirror. "Does it matter?"

I don't know. Maybe. You seem bothered by it, and it's always good to talk with someone about stuff that bothers you.

"What did you see in the Mirror?" Boromir smoothly changed the subject. Kat did not press him; perhaps he needed more time to think things through. Instead she began to recount her visions as best she could, but had only gotten to the part where she tried (in vain) to explain what the Illuminati was, when Aragorn returned.

"There you are! I did not notice you stayed behind. Anything the matter?"

I didn't want to leave my real self.

"I stayed to ask what Kat saw in the Mirror. Nellas is helping me translate, but right now it has become rather confusing. It seems she saw a secret group controlling the world."

"What? Tell me everything from the beginning, please." Aragorn had joined them by the Mirror, and he too looked at Kat's reflection when speaking. How good it felt to be finally treated like a real person!

I never said it actually was the Illuminati. They just reminded me of them. Kat again explained what she had seen.

"The eye... Very interesting," said Aragorn. "Why would they dress up as orcs, but wearing masks with an eye? Whose eye could it be?

It looked almost like a cat's eye, Kat supplied.

"The city she saw must have been Minas Tirith," said Boromir. "It fits with the circle shape and the tower, and of course the tree. But it was in flower, which means that either this happened a long time ago – and clearly it did not – or has not happened yet."

Aragorn nodded.

"But whose children was it?" Boromir continued. "Since the tree was outside, they lived in the seventh circle, and that would make them the family of the steward – my family."

"Or of the future king's?" Aragorn suggested.

Boromir stiffened. "Or his, aye."

Do you think the person by the river was the one I'm supposed to save? If they like fishing, they could be climbing vessels at night too, I suppose.

"That sounds likely, aye." Aragorn nodded. "From what you describe, I think it was one of the hobbits, but far in the future since their hair had turned white. That he climbs the king's vessel must mean he's a friend of the king, and maybe you really did see the king's children then, which is why the hobbit tried to save them. It makes sense."

"I am getting a headache from all this," muttered Boromir. "I need to sleep." The king talk seemed to bother him for some reason.

"Aye, we should get some rest. Maybe it will all make more sense in the morning." Aragorn turned to Kat. "Coming?"

I will sleep here. She could not leave the Mirror yet.

When she was alone, Kat resumed gazing at her reflection. Now that she could not have it, she thought her body was beautiful – as much as she could see of it over Galadriel's cloak. Such delicate fingers, with those smooth nails! And how cute collar bones were, come to think of it. The black mole on her shoulder was pretty as well – heck, even the tiny scar from when she fell down the kindergarten swing looked good.

Why had she treated her body so nonchalantly before? She had taken it for granted, and even disliked parts of it. If she could ever have it back, she must remember to love it. To appreciate what she had been given.

ʕ( ͡* _ ͡*)

"Morning, Kat! Did you sleep up there? It seems very uncomfortable!" Pippin's cheerful voice woke Kat from a pleasant dream where she had been a human. She had been discussing artificial plants with Mamma, who apparently was cured of her dementia.

"We brought you breakfast. The elves cook lovely food!" said Sam happily.

Merry spread a blanket on the ground and Sam took out food from a hamper. It did smell great, and Kat's stomach growled expectantly. But where were the others? She wished she had Nellas there to help her ask.

After their meal, the hobbits remained in the Mirror garden, just talking and relaxing, and generally having a good time. The weather was very pleasant, like a spring morning, and the sun shone down upon them from a clear sky. It was as if the seasons outside did not affect Lothlórien.

The food and the peaceful atmosphere brightened Kat's mood a little, but she was still reluctant to leave her only connection with her real self.

After a couple of hours the hobbits claimed it was time for a second breakfast and left in search of more food. They returned with another hamper, plus most of the Fellowship and Nellas.

Where are Legolas and Gimli? Kat asked Nellas, grateful for the presence of at least one elf who could help her speak.

Nellas did not know who Gimli was, and not where Legolas had gone. When she passed the question on to the others, neither of them knew either.

"I think they were going on a walk," said Aragorn. "They left early this morning."

"Legolas has acted rather strange since yesterday," said Frodo.

"Perhaps it was something Galadriel showed him in the tree?" Boromir frowned.

But Kat suspected it was something else. She remembered his shock when he saw her in the Mirror, and his refusal to look at her even after Galadriel covered her body. Was he so horrified by her looks? The thought hurt more than she cared to admit.

She had known Legolas did not think of her that way, of course, but somehow she had nurtured a tiny hope that he would like her better as a woman. That with time, he might... But it was stupid to daydream, stupid to think of the what-ifs. Kat was a cat, and she would remain such for an undetermined time, perhaps forever. Legolas was a handsome elf, who had stated very clearly he was not interested in a relationship – with anyone.

Sighing mentally, Kat turned her attention back to her reflection.

After the meal, the others wanted to explore Caras Galadhon, and again, Kat chose to stay. She was alone all day. A few times elves came with food; first a female with black hair, then a male. Neither of them tried to speak with her, for which she was grateful. She was not in the mood for talking.

In the evening Kat heard music nearby, a choir of several harmonious parts with both male and female voices. It sounded sad, and exquisitely beautiful. In the chorus a word was often repeated: "Mithrandir, Mithrandir."

When a third elf brought Kat a small basket with a pillow – presumably to sleep in – she asked him what it was.

A lament for Mithrandir – or Gandalf, as men called him. The elf sounded deeply sad.

The song continued well into the night, and despite her worries it soon lulled Kat into sleep.

ʕ(ಠ _ ಠ)

A few days continued like the first one. Most of the time Kat was alone; the Fellowship seemed to have forgotten about her, and she could not really blame them. Who wanted to spend time with a cat obsessing over a bowl of water? They had each other and did not need her.

In a way, Kat enjoyed the peaceful days spent this way. The food was great, and after the stressful and tiresome journey she had so far, not doing anything at all was relaxing, cathartic even. She had finally time to think, and to come to terms with things.

After her visions in the Mirror, Kat knew a little more of her task. She would be alone in the future, she had seen that, and she would remain a cat. It did not frighten her so much anymore. She had passed Galadriel's test and remained true to her mission – which meant she was stronger than she had thought.

Mr Pretty Voice had sent her here, and she now knew he had known what he was doing. If he thought she was the right person – or cat – for this quest, then she was.

When Kat had finally accepted this, it gave her a new peace within, and also strength – a determination to follow through and succeed at all cost.

She would save this fisherman hobbit, whoever he was, and consequently those little kids might survive. Failure was not an option.

A/N:

Note: In the conversations beside the Mirror, I've simplified things by only writing Kat's thoughts and the words of the speaker. Assume that Nellas is translating everything, and also conveying what the speaker says in case there are words Kat doesn't understand yet. :)

About the chapter title: In Greek mythology, Narcissus was a beautiful young man who fell in love with his own reflection. :)

Image Credits:

Detail from "Narcissus" by J W Waterhouse.